Cakers Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 6 months ago my husband had a woman and her husband, who he worked with, transfer to another state. He has remained in touch with both of them but mostly it is the woman. He and her text each other about 4 or 5 days a week. Maybe 2 or 3 days of those are just one text each just to say hello. He also talks to her once a week for about an hour each time. I recently went through his texts and seen that he has told her that he loves and misses her while she has done the same. They call each other "Bro" and "Sis" constantly in the texts. I don't really read anything else that would make me believe something is going on. He has told me that on the day she left he loved her like a sister and she loved him as a brother. But I can't get past all the "I love you"s he has told this woman. It really hurt me when I read them. I confronted him about it and he told me that he just wanted to remain close friends with her and thinks of her as a sister. Am I just too sensitive to this issue or is my husband doing something he shouldn't be doing?
Betrayed&Stayed Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) I won't say that he is cheating, but I will say that is how most affairs start. Your husband needs to tighten up his boundaries. Get the book "Not Just Friends" Edited March 11, 2014 by Betrayed&Stayed 6
tom670 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 I won't say that he is cheating, but I will say that is how most affairs start. Your husband needs to tighten up his boundaries. Get the book "Not Just Friends" Tough one. Do I think he's cheating, not yet. Better question what does her husband think about this. I would contact him just my 2 cents. 1
Realist3 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Doesn't sound like cheating to me... yet. If there were something there you would be seeing a bunch more communication. 1
underwater2010 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 6 months ago my husband had a woman and her husband, who he worked with, transfer to another state. He has remained in touch with both of them but mostly it is the woman. He and her text each other about 4 or 5 days a week. Maybe 2 or 3 days of those are just one text each just to say hello. He also talks to her once a week for about an hour each time. I recently went through his texts and seen that he has told her that he loves and misses her while she has done the same. They call each other "Bro" and "Sis" constantly in the texts. I don't really read anything else that would make me believe something is going on. He has told me that on the day she left he loved her like a sister and she loved him as a brother. But I can't get past all the "I love you"s he has told this woman. It really hurt me when I read them. I confronted him about it and he told me that he just wanted to remain close friends with her and thinks of her as a sister. Am I just too sensitive to this issue or is my husband doing something he shouldn't be doing? Doesn't sound quite like an affair....yet. But if he values your marriage, he will stop contact because it is making you uncomfortable. Just my two cents. 4
verity123 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 i have been having a six year affair in which he has told me to my face ILU never by text. Our texts would not have given much away.
d0nnivain Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 You have to tell him what you found. Then you have to talk. Under the circumstances, I would want all contact to stop. If it doesn't you have to make a decision about whether you will put up with this garbage or walk out. 2
lolablue17 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Those texts between them are excellent for you!! I will tell you why... the real danger comes from the things you don't see and not aware of. Don't be afraid with what's above the ground. I think if there was something going on between them, they would be trying to keep low profile with the amount and nature of the texts. also they live far away, and the fact that you confronted him will keep them from meeting he and her without you in some place some day in the future. so you got some control here. And last - you should be glad your husband has a female friend like her. that's how he fulfill some needs he has (maybe every man has a need to talk to a female friend), without that being a real risk for you.
nais Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Not yet but it can happen. Your argument will be regarding what's considered appropriate between two married individuals not married to one another. My mother once stated in my presence she would consider sleeping or marrying someone else husband- she gave me a look and told me I had better not say a word. They were friendly- it can happen
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 It is cheating, emotionally. Whether he is aware of it or not, saying I love you and deeply caring for another woman (close friend as he says) just opens the door to more feelings being fed. That kind of 'friendship' or emotional affair is really damaging to a marriage. He is putting more thought and energy into her, her feelings, giving her head space too and not focusing on you. Ask him how he'd feel if you texted with another man so many times a week, said I love you and bonded with him, listened to him, helped him and adored him as a close friend. I'm sure he would not be pleased! Married people can have opposite sex friends, it's just there has to be boundaries and lines set up. Your H has allowed himself to get too close to this woman and it really doesn't matter that she is married or single, it does damage.. It has already and he's defensive and protecting that friendship dearly. 2
thinkingofhim Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 It sounds like he's ready to cheat with her as soon as he gets the chance. Don't buy into this just friends malarky. Does your husband constantly text and call his male friends and pepper them with pet names and "I love yous"? Yeah, didn't think so. If they're just friends, they should have boundaries at least as strong as the boundaries between same-sex friends. And "I love yous" to other women that are not relatives are inappropriate. Always. If he's not cheating with her yet, he will be soon unless you put a stop to it. You can count on it. 1
UnHappyMess Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 It sounds to me like they were cheating but now that she moved they are still keeping in contact... ILU's don't get thrown around jokingly... Occam's Razor in action.
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