NotCamelot Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Well, it's been 22 months now since D-day. I intentionally spend very little time visiting LS as it seemed to prolong the hurt (that may or may not be true). But things are really great. We are in love like teenagers. (Those that don't know my story here...search my username) It has not been easy. There were many days when I wondered if I would ever stop hurting. Many times I wondered if the struggle was worth all the hurt it continued to bring. But the answer, for us, was yes. After twice having to reschedule, on March 24th we are finally having our wedding vow renewal ceremony. I am thrilled about this. The woman I truly love, and I, are going to stand before God and vow, once again to be each other's everything. I mean it, and I know she does as well. The point of this post, and I will be brief, is that if you both want and choose to R, it can be done. The best advice I can give you is to take one day at a time.........old cliche, yes, but true. Try as hard as you can to create new memories to replace the ones that were destroyed. And, most importantly, forgive weakness in a fellow human being. As someone once told me, "there is a reason you married her". That goes both ways. If you choose to R, do it for the right reason and WORK AT IT. Love is easy, marriage is work.....no way around that. I sincerely wish you all the best whether you are reconciling, separating, or divorcing. You can do it. Concentrate on and love each other as if tomorrow will never come. I will not be checking in here much anymore. I don't feel the need. This is not goodbye, instead, it's goodbye for now. I will check in occasionally to see if there is anyone in search of advise that I may be able to give.....trying to repay for all that LS has done for me. There are those of you who were a tremendous help to me when I did not think I could go any futher. Your help and encouragement meant more than you know. Your words brought some amount of calm in the worst storm I can every imagine going through. And, to those of you who helped, I will never forget it. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! 10
Sub Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Congratulations, and best of luck to you both. Good to hear from people in similar situations. 1
drifter777 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 ... The point of this post, and I will be brief, is that if you both want and choose to R, it can be done. The best advice I can give you is to take one day at a time.........old cliche, yes, but true. Yes, you are proof that it can be done in the short term and, possibly, you will feel the same in 20 years. The advice you give regarding how it worked for you is very sound and is a recipe for any couple serious about reconciliation. But don't discount the fact that some people cannot successfully reconcile no matter how bad they want and how hard they work. All people are different, and in the end the betrayal can just be too deep and living with it can be too painful. To me, as long as the BS is able to heal and find peace the final disposition of the marriage is immaterial. 1
underwater2010 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Well, it's been 22 months now since D-day. I intentionally spend very little time visiting LS as it seemed to prolong the hurt (that may or may not be true). But things are really great. We are in love like teenagers. (Those that don't know my story here...search my username) It has not been easy. There were many days when I wondered if I would ever stop hurting. Many times I wondered if the struggle was worth all the hurt it continued to bring. But the answer, for us, was yes. After twice having to reschedule, on March 24th we are finally having our wedding vow renewal ceremony. I am thrilled about this. The woman I truly love, and I, are going to stand before God and vow, once again to be each other's everything. I mean it, and I know she does as well. The point of this post, and I will be brief, is that if you both want and choose to R, it can be done. The best advice I can give you is to take one day at a time.........old cliche, yes, but true. Try as hard as you can to create new memories to replace the ones that were destroyed. And, most importantly, forgive weakness in a fellow human being. As someone once told me, "there is a reason you married her". That goes both ways. If you choose to R, do it for the right reason and WORK AT IT. Love is easy, marriage is work.....no way around that. I sincerely wish you all the best whether you are reconciling, separating, or divorcing. You can do it. Concentrate on and love each other as if tomorrow will never come. I will not be checking in here much anymore. I don't feel the need. This is not goodbye, instead, it's goodbye for now. I will check in occasionally to see if there is anyone in search of advise that I may be able to give.....trying to repay for all that LS has done for me. There are those of you who were a tremendous help to me when I did not think I could go any futher. Your help and encouragement meant more than you know. Your words brought some amount of calm in the worst storm I can every imagine going through. And, to those of you who helped, I will never forget it. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! So happy for you!!!!! Check back in once in awhile. The positive posts help a lot of BSs and WSs here. Lots of luck and see you on the flip side!!!! 2
gettingstronger Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 So nice to hear, especially from a man. We see and hear far too much from and to men not to reconcile, how it's not manly. To me it's manly to love and forgive and to grow. Kudos to you! 1
Hope Shimmers Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 This is a beautiful post. I am so happy for you!!!
jnel921 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 That's great to hear. We ar 17 months since DDay and our 10 year wedding anniversary is on the same weekend as your renewal ceremony. Things are definetly better between us but I don't feel ready to renew. I think before all of this I would have planned a renewal ceremony and would have made a big deal. Not that it isn't. It's just still a little broken. I have not told him I love you since DDay. I don't feel 100 percent about it yet. We have conversations that are easier and I can get through without crying. He feels horrible and says how sorry he is that he took something away from this M. He recently told me that he would never think to do anything like that again and looking back he still doesn't understand why he did. He said I didn't deserve that or his good friend whom he hurt by sleeping with his GF. I think for me...which I explained to my H is that I am still quite surprised that he can hurt the people he loved the way he did. I basically told him, how can you just do that. His response was that he didn't know. He let his emotion and desires get the best of him. I told him I personally couldn't do it. It is like jumping into a fire. You have to know that in the end you will get burned, so why do it. It is a work in progress right now between my H and I. But I know we are getting there. We enjoy each other more and look forward to the future. Good luck to you. 2
gettingstronger Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Yes Jnel- thats a huge stumbling block-what they are capable of-when I think of the deceit and all that goes with it, it turns my stomach-how did he get to be such a person capable of such things- he throws up at therapy when it comes up so I know it shocks him as well- Keep on keeping on and take care-
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