verschoor Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 This past week I just broke up with my gf of just over 1yr. Im trying to cope but as days go by, Im finding it really difficult. We had a pretty good relationship, never really argued or anything. Over the past year I became really attached to her and her family, as I went along to most if not all her family gatherings and dinners. I would say we saw each other 5-6 days a week and sometimes it would be a streak of maybe 2 weeks seeing eachother. Over the past 2 months or so though I noticed things declined with us, until it got to the point where we wouldn't see eachother for a day or so, and then when I would call her or vise versa we would onyl talk for 2 mins and then say I'll talk to you tomorrow. I could tell for some time things were dying down with everything. Even going to her house we would just sit there and watch tv, not talk much if at all really. The other main factor why I made my decision was because she's 25 and looking to start a family. Im 23 and although I do want kids and to get married, I don't want to have kids or think about marrige until Im atleast 26 or so. I guess I really had to be fair to her as well as me. I saw her a day after I broke up and we talked abit more about things and how it was the right decision. Its hurts though, tons and tons. Yesterday I was a wreak, and it really sunk in when I talked to her on the phone last night. Before she hung up, she said "I'll talk to you later". It was really hard to hear those words as I was always use to "I'll see you tomorrow" or "I'll talk to you tomorrow." Now I think when will I talk to her next, or when will I see her next? All those nights after work when I would drive to her place and hang out or she would come down, what am I going to do now? Im alone.... Its not like I can just drive up there anymore, I can't call her whenever I want to talk to her. She's going to move on and I have to aswell, but Im not sure I can. Its like theres this massive black hole in me. I know if Im still alone in a yr Im going to always think back on this. All the what if's even though I know in reallity it never could have worked out as neither of us would have been happy. All I can think about were the good times and where we went. I dunno if I will ever be able to go back to those places, or so it seems. It's really starting to hurt.... and the black hole inside me only seems to get bigger.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Congratulations on being mature and strong enough to realize that you're not right for each other. You don't realize that a lot of people are too scared to admit that and go into unhappy marriages and all sorts of things. All I can offer you is that in time, you'll develop new habits. You'll get closer to friends or family, and find new ways to fill your time. It will get easier. Until then, its just going to suck. I'm sorry, but we're here to listen. -llama
tanbark813 Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Bro, I know exactly what you're going through. It's only been one week. It's probably going to get a little worse, and you're going to feel like you're coming apart, but if you hang in there and keep yourself busy it *WILL* get better. Believe me. Right now you don't see how it possibly could, but you're actually physically going through a brain chemistry withdrawal right now. There's a very good reason why it hurts so bad. Let it run its course and you'll feel better in time.
ddindc Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Right now you don't see how it possibly could, but you're actually physically going through a brain chemistry withdrawal right now. There's a very good reason why it hurts so bad. I never thought of it in those terms. Physical withdrawl - interesting.
tanbark813 Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Look up oxytocin on google and read about it. Interesting stuff.
Bubbles Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 ddindc, I found that the worst part about breaking up with someone is not only your heart is broken, but you have to change your "daily schedule" THAT is the worst part. All of a sudden you are wondering where do I go? What should I do? Who can I talk to? I'm not trying to make you feel worse I hope I am simply pointing out things that we ALL feel when there is a break-up. The best thing you can do for yourself is spend some quality time with your family and very best friends take comfort in their company allow them to share what you are feeling and also allow them to help you feel better. Burry your head in your work or your studies. If you can manage to "re-focus" back in on yourself and the things that make you who you are you will probably get past the painful pinching part of this. It has only been a week. It all gets better with time and lots and lots of posts here at LoveShack...... bubbles
Isabella82 Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 I totally agree with Bubbles. It is a change in schedule, and that what was so hard for me. We were kind of in a long distance relationship, but I would see him every weekend and he would come up twice during the weekdays. At first I was so lonely on the weekends, I was so depressed. I even had to change my job, because I worked over by his house....on weekends. So I got a new job closer to where I live. At first I had no one to talk to, I got so lonely. I would talk to him at least 20 times a day. After about 9 months I am getting used to not having someone to talk to all the time. You get used to it. All the places we used to go together, I don't want to do that right now. I know I am not ready for that yet, but I am hoping that in time I will be. All these feelings I think are pretty normal, and some people move on faster then others. I am finding at least for myself that I can not emotionally attach myself to anyone anymore. That scares me a little bit, but maybe that is normal too.
Bubbles Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 Isabella82, You know I gotta tell ya......even after being single for over 2 years......I am still scarred to death! I guess that says that I don't trust myself to make the right choice so that means more work on me! Take your time.....I know it does get lonely but I would rather be lonely and all alone rather than be lonely while in the wrong relationship....make sence? bubbles
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