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I don't want to make contact but is it rude not to send birthday wishes to him

chir

By chir
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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chir Member

chir

Posted
Posted

Hi all, was wondering should I send birthday wishes to the ex during no contacts.

I still love him but is taking time to heal.

 

Also I would think he should contact me when he wants to or when he is ready.

Contact me as in he wants me..If he didn't I never had him in the first place.

 

However, the birthday thingy is sticky.. i know he is someone who will damn

it as rude of I didnt even send birthday wishes.

Yet, I am afraid of hurting if I were to break NC by sending him a birthday wishes...

I know for sure I will be dissapointed if he reply coldly

 

 

Appreciate if you peeps can advise me

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chir Member

chir

Posted
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I thought i sound silly asking this ...but still I need to get this off my mind...sign...

 

Will it ever be a case that he is waiting for some signs from me ..to show that I care

in this case this birthday... n it I didn't send him any wishes..i really blow away

any chances...because after all i dumped him only to regret almost immediately after he agreed painfully. . Accordingly to him.. He agreed because he is so hurt by me..

I turned his life upside down ..so this time he don't allow me back anymore.

 

 

Still i wonder should I show i care even the circumstances leading to him

not wanting me back because i hurted him.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

It's not rude to fail to send birthday greetings to an EX. That person is not longer part of your life. Thousands of people you don't know are celebrating a birthday today. Is it rude for you to not send greetings to them too? Of course not.

 

NC is designed to help you heel. By reaching out -- with the false motive of kindness because you are really seeking a reconciliation -- all you will do is set your own recovery back.

 

If he dumped you he is absolutely not waiting for you to show you care.

jphcbpa Established Member

jphcbpa

Posted
Posted

if it helps you...write a card or letter out and then bury it/burn it.

 

another idea is to say a prayer for them on their bday...keep it filled with well wishes and thankfulness for the lessons learned.

 

fact is..they they wanted you to be a part of that day, they would not have dumped you. they chose this. give it to them.

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singme2sleep Established Member

singme2sleep

Posted
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If he dumped you, do NOT reach out to him at all for a happy birthday acknowledgement. Take it from someone who did and regretted it. Leave him alone. They know what they've given up!

singme2sleep Established Member

singme2sleep

Posted
Posted
if it helps you...write a card or letter out and then bury it/burn it.

 

fact is... If they wanted you to be a part of that day, they would not have dumped you. they chose this. give it to them.

 

Good idea with burning the card. And I agree completely, like I said in my other post, they know what they're giving up.

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

OP, are you the dumper?

 

If so, do not tell him happy birthday unless you want to reconcile. It's very damaging and gives false hope to the dumpee.

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chir Member

chir

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Is kind of confusing ...i guess he dumped me eventually.

 

I am the one who initiated the break up only to regret it when he agree.

When I asked for a 2nd chance he said he was too hurt and no way for us to be together anymore.

 

So I guess I'm being dumped

guest572 Established Member

guest572

Posted
Posted

No its not rude. Its only a birthday, dont sweat it

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chir Member

chir

Posted
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Thanks for all the replies. . I think above all.. The most important fact is

we are out of each other life.

 

Still healing ...some days are good some days are bad..

some days i want you .. some days i didn't. ..

But constantly ...The memories kept coming back.

David87 Established Member

David87

Posted
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Well feelings come and go, it's like a rollercoaster ride. You are the dumpee so that means you don't reach out.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Bottom line: He's married, chosen to stay married and decided that it was in his best interest to let you go.

 

"Rude" plays no factor in this situation.

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chir Member

chir

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Hi Zahara,

finally I hear from you. Know you wil always have sound advise

for me.

 

He is not the married man. He was the guy ( the chap who is 5yrs younger)h

whom I met when I finally plucked the courage to leave the married man. I would still say the married man was and still is the love of my life at least til now. The difference is

i don't need or want him in my life anymore.

 

For this guy I guessed he was the rebound relationship. He did helped me

to get over the mm faster than I would have alone. I guessed is a shortcut method though I did really like this guy. And now he is gone is almost like payback time.

 

At the end of the day, there is no shortcut. I still need to heal by myself be my own

support system.

 

Sometimes I wonder why it seems much more difficult to get over this rebound relationship more.. maybe because is payback time. I didn't heal properly back then so now is

still painful..

 

yet i do miss him alot ..even though I don't love him..

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