tryingmybest Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Okay so first a brief background to the situation. I'm a guy from London and nearly two years ago i met a women from Spain where i worked. I started out with the intention of only being friends, she did too as she was here for only the summer. But quickly it became apparent that we had both developed strong feelings for each other. Before we could exercise these emotions she went back to Barcelona. We have been in contact ever since and we still have plans of being together. The problem in this is one of us has to make the sacrifice of moving, either she comes to London or i go to Barcelona. We have visited each other a few times and its been amazing, but the goodbyes are getting harder, and the distances becoming expensive and problematic for the both of us. I have thought of the prospect of moving to Spain but there economy is in such a bad position that i find it would almost be impossible to have a life there. I can speak Spanish to a moderate level but the thing is she lives in the outskirts of Barcelona which is spoken in there first language Catalan which is totally different. Okay so being currently in a good job, and being in a city that i love i just cant see myself living there. Okay so she is currently going to university and once she finished her studies she has said that she would move to London. Here is the problem she still has over 1 year left of uni. I'm 20 years old she 22 we are young and i feel that maybe im waiting for something that isn't realistic or chasing a "dream". I feel bad because she gets very sad and feels like she is wasting time i try to reassure her that i only want to be with her. I don't want her to feel like this so should i say forget me and move on and live your life or should i say you have my time and wait over a year for us to be finally together. I'm running out of ideas, I just want her to be happy, and at the minute we are both sad, fed up and frustrated. Thanks for reading
d0nnivain Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 If she is in university, nothing is going to happen until she graduates. She can't do much without her degree. In this instance if she is willing to come to London when she graduates, I say wait for her. Lots of couples struggle with long distance while they finish their studies. It's only a year. Clearly she has considered her economic prospects & is willing to make the decision to come to you. Other than your desire for instant gratification -- you want her with you now -- I don't see the problem. Learn some patience. Make some money. Keep dating her. Perhaps brush up on your Catalan but relax. You don't need to be in such a hurry. If you genuinely think she's the one, this period of strife should only serve to strengthen your relationship. Finally when she does graduate, do not go straight from an LDR to living together. Give yourselves some time to date more conventionally while you are both in the same city. 4
nugget_718 Posted March 13, 2014 Posted March 13, 2014 Okay so first a brief background to the situation. I'm a guy from London and nearly two years ago i met a women from Spain where i worked. I started out with the intention of only being friends, she did too as she was here for only the summer. But quickly it became apparent that we had both developed strong feelings for each other. Before we could exercise these emotions she went back to Barcelona. We have been in contact ever since and we still have plans of being together. The problem in this is one of us has to make the sacrifice of moving, either she comes to London or i go to Barcelona. We have visited each other a few times and its been amazing, but the goodbyes are getting harder, and the distances becoming expensive and problematic for the both of us. I have thought of the prospect of moving to Spain but there economy is in such a bad position that i find it would almost be impossible to have a life there. I can speak Spanish to a moderate level but the thing is she lives in the outskirts of Barcelona which is spoken in there first language Catalan which is totally different. Okay so being currently in a good job, and being in a city that i love i just cant see myself living there. Okay so she is currently going to university and once she finished her studies she has said that she would move to London. Here is the problem she still has over 1 year left of uni. I'm 20 years old she 22 we are young and i feel that maybe im waiting for something that isn't realistic or chasing a "dream". I feel bad because she gets very sad and feels like she is wasting time i try to reassure her that i only want to be with her. I don't want her to feel like this so should i say forget me and move on and live your life or should i say you have my time and wait over a year for us to be finally together. I'm running out of ideas, I just want her to be happy, and at the minute we are both sad, fed up and frustrated. Thanks for reading I agree with Donnivain, she needs to finish her studies first. Moving to a different country is hard enough and on top of that no degree to get you started will be a big struggle when one is looking for a job. Being in an LDR is tough as it is not easy to be there for your love one when one of you is going through something but it is doable when both are committed. If you read up stories on this forum, you will see that some couples only see each other once or twice a year but are going strong. If there is one thing that my LDR relationship had taught me is that how to be more patient. You're still young and there is no need to make hasty decisions.
justwhoiam Posted March 14, 2014 Posted March 14, 2014 (edited) one of us has to make the sacrifice of moving ... i just cant see myself living there ... she would move to London. Here is the problem she still has over 1 year left of uni ... i feel that maybe im waiting for something that isn't realistic or chasing a "dream" ... I feel bad because she gets very sad and feels like she is wasting time i try to reassure her that i only want to be with her It's not about reassuring her. It's about being sure of what YOU want. Read what you wrote and you'll understand where her insecurities come from. YOU. should i say forget me and move on and live your life or should i say you have my time and wait over a year for us to be finally together. I'm running out of ideas, I just want her to be happy, and at the minute we are both sad, fed up and frustrated You need to decide based on what YOU want. If you can get over her quite easily, then I say: let her go. If it's real love and you'd go through a lot of pain, I say: what gives? Regarding feeling sad, fed up & frustrated: don't think you're the only one feeling like that. UK-Spain is not as a big deal as 9+ hour flights. Put things in perspective please. There have been couples getting married after being for a few years USA-Australia or Canada-Australia. Everything is possible, but it takes two. And two strong persons who know what they are doing and put their best efforts into the relationship. And don't give up along the way. Edited March 14, 2014 by justwhoiam 1
Trufita Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I agree with what the other users said, first of all make sure you really want to be with her, and you are willing to work to make a LDR work. Apart from that, my boyfriend lives in London, and I live in Spain, I wish I lived in Barcelona so the time on the plane would be a lot shorter (and tickets a lot cheaper!). We've been together for a year and 4 months, so I tell you it's completely possible to survive a year of LDR. Good luck!
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