Storm_Chaser Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 This is long, so please bear with me and thank you in advance: Relationship background: I'm 28 and had only ever dated women, but then met a man (49) who I was (strangely enough) attracted to in October of last year. He pursued me and we dated a few weeks into November. He left for a trip to visit his mother in a different state and then decided, while he was there, that we needed to take a break. He came back in December and apologized to me for his behavior and told me he wanted to try again and that he was going to contact me over our winter break. I told him that would be great. Winter break comes and goes and no word from him, except that he's with his mother. And then I ran into him with another woman at a local restaurant. He didn't speak to me or even acknowledge me. Later on, he tells me the reason he acted that way is because he thought I was under the wrong impression and he didn't know what I had told the guy friend who I was with. (I think he thought either my friend or I might cause a scene.) Okay, long story short: He eventually told me he had lied to me, that he had been seeing this woman since we "took a break" and things didn't work out. He thought she was the "love of his life," but it was now over. He realized he was in love with me and felt that he had a fresh start with me and we started dating again at the beginning of January. I had practically moved in by mid/late January. Even longer story short: February 17th I realize he's lying to me about this OW. We break up and I tell him I'm going to contact her and let her know about me. He tells me to go for it--his exact words. So, I did. She doesn't respond and then, three days later, he takes her on the trip that I had taken time off for and made the hotel reservation for, de-friends me on facebook and posts all of their business all over facebook...publicly. I'm, of course, humiliated. A number of our mutual friends knew I was supposed to be on this trip and a number of them contact me to see if I knew what he had done and to see how I was holding up. He comes back from the trip, blames me for "trying to get everyone involved," when he's the one who posted all of this ****...anyway, he says he's never going to talk to me again. But, like a moron, I'm in love with this ******* and I want him back at least on a temporary basis. I feel like maybe he was telling me the truth about loving me and wanting to be with me, but I just threw her back into his life by contacting her... So, the current situation: I only fully disclosed the whole story to five of my close friends, none of whom were his friends, but one of them decided to tell a friend of his, who is nice but temperamental guy, who then proceeded to tell my ex that he was robbing the cradle and threatened his life if he ever messed with me again...in front of witnesses...at my ex's place of employment. My ex is a coward on many levels, but also smart, so did nothing, but I highly doubt he will come around me again after that. I know people are going to judge the hell out of me--I certainly would--but I want him back. I'm not saying for anything long-term, as he's entirely untrustworthy, but I really...REALLY...miss him and the sex. But, at this point he thinks I'm crazy, that I've gotten everyone and their brother involved in our business and probably that I had something to do with that death threat, which I honestly had NOTHING to do with (I didn't even find out about it until 3 days later). Some current information: I initially emailed, called and generally harassed the **** out of my ex for the first week of our breaking up. I have, however, been no contact for 12 days now. I miss him. I want some good sex. I don't give a **** if he's with this other woman or not, as I don't want him long-term. Honestly, I never did. I just didn't want to be lied to and mislead. This time, I know what's what and that he's a lying, manipulative, emotionally-abusive sack of ****. BUT the sex was so good... What do I do? Do I have ANY chance at this point? (Thank you for reading this long-winded post!)
chados Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 so im guessing youre a woman. not that it matters really. theres no doubt that the only reason you want this man is because he left you. you have no feeling towards him and you are jealous. he is your first man and maybe it made it worse that the first man left you. maybe you want a man instead of a woman? why not date someone in your own age and try to build something instead? the first time he dated a woman while you were on a break and said he loved you was nothing else then using you for comfort because this other one left him. right here you should have said no.
Author Storm_Chaser Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 I am a woman, chados, and I am slightly jaded at his leaving me and would like to "win" him back, yes. However, honestly, I don't even care at this point if he were to marry her. I know he is using her for money and I know he's not capable of loving anyone except himself (and maybe his immediate family). So, though I do love him and would ideally have liked to have been with him long term, that's obviously never going to happen now as I would NEVER trust him. Rightly so, I think. Plus, I don't have much respect for a person who would do this to any other human being, let alone me. All that said: I do eventually want to build a relationship with someone else--male or female. However, right now, I just really want to have sex...with him. Though he made me a part of his family initially, I now would not even want to see them. I don't want to hear him tell me he loves me--cause that's bull*****, as you don't do this to someone you vaguely like, let alone "love." I just want to see him on the side until I find someone else. Any suggestions for how to do that? Do I stick with the "no contact" and then when/if he comes around, I will make my intentions clear? I'm afraid if I call him or message him this stuff, he'll think I'm either (1) lying and trying to get him in trouble with his current gf, (2) bat***** crazy (which I guess I am a little, to even be considering this) or (3) will use my message against me by showing it/playing it to all of our mutual friends and saying, "See? B!tch is crazy." So, suggestions? Stick with "no contact" and give him the "I forgive you, come hither" eyes when I have the chance? A mutual friend told me that the current gf is so paranoid that she won't leave his side, so I'm guessing it may take awhile for me to get my opportunity, but I can be patient...
AlphaC Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I am a woman, chados, and I am slightly jaded at his leaving me and would like to "win" him back, yes. However, honestly, I don't even care at this point if he were to marry her. I know he is using her for money and I know he's not capable of loving anyone except himself (and maybe his immediate family). So, though I do love him and would ideally have liked to have been with him long term, that's obviously never going to happen now as I would NEVER trust him. Rightly so, I think. Plus, I don't have much respect for a person who would do this to any other human being, let alone me. All that said: I do eventually want to build a relationship with someone else--male or female. However, right now, I just really want to have sex...with him. Though he made me a part of his family initially, I now would not even want to see them. I don't want to hear him tell me he loves me--cause that's bull*****, as you don't do this to someone you vaguely like, let alone "love." I just want to see him on the side until I find someone else. Any suggestions for how to do that? Do I stick with the "no contact" and then when/if he comes around, I will make my intentions clear? I'm afraid if I call him or message him this stuff, he'll think I'm either (1) lying and trying to get him in trouble with his current gf, (2) bat***** crazy (which I guess I am a little, to even be considering this) or (3) will use my message against me by showing it/playing it to all of our mutual friends and saying, "See? B!tch is crazy." So, suggestions? Stick with "no contact" and give him the "I forgive you, come hither" eyes when I have the chance? A mutual friend told me that the current gf is so paranoid that she won't leave his side, so I'm guessing it may take awhile for me to get my opportunity, but I can be patient... I don't know who this cat is, but he is definitely a ladies man. For a second I thought you were my ex, just saying!!! LOL
Author Storm_Chaser Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 I don't know who this cat is, but he is definitely a ladies man. For a second I thought you were my ex, just saying!!! LOL You sure I'm not? And yes, he definitely is.
chados Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I mean the guy has made clear to you his done. Not only once but twice according to me. The first woman he started dating should have made you turn around. And now you're getting all crazy and wants to destroy his relationship. Just let the guy go. The only time I think he will come back is if they break up and he decides to do the same thing with you as he did to other people when they left him. He's 49 too, just let the guy live his life, and find someone that actually appreciate sleeping with you. Because it doesn't sound that it's him anymore
Author Storm_Chaser Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 I mean the guy has made clear to you his done. Not only once but twice according to me. The first woman he started dating should have made you turn around. And now you're getting all crazy and wants to destroy his relationship. Just let the guy go. The only time I think he will come back is if they break up and he decides to do the same thing with you as he did to other people when they left him. He's 49 too, just let the guy live his life, and find someone that actually appreciate sleeping with you. Because it doesn't sound that it's him anymore The first woman he started dating is the same woman he's dating now. He's known her for 20 years. I don't want to destroy his relationship--I'm sure he'll do that on his own. And I think he appreciated sleeping with me, just not enough to leave her and her money, which is at least 75% of the reason why he's with her. But you're right, maybe I should just let him go.
gothicrose Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 If you don't want to get him back in a relationship sense but you just want to use him for sex until you meet someone else, then why not skip straight to the meeting someone else part?
Recommended Posts