Joey1881 Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 In late October I found out that my girlfriend of over a year cheated on me with a guy from work. Id like you to keep in mind that we are both college students, so maybe the immaturity is an issue. Anyways, it was just a kiss with the guy but of course that means automatic breakup for me. We broke up right the moment that I found out, or we were technically 'seeing other people'. But we still continued talking and were engaging in sexual acts from time to time. All the while I didn't even know but she was still talking to this guy from work. When about a month ago I found out that they were still talking and doing things with each other. Thats when I told her that I wanted to end all contact with her, when she replied 'ok, then thats your decision'. And around that same time period is also when she wanted to stop engaging in sexual acts with me. Now within this last month she still insists on calling me or sending me text msg's saying she wants to hang out. Most of the times I didn't answer but sometimes, like an idiot I give in and we'll end up going to the mall or she'll even sleep over (we didnt do anything sexual). I tell her all the time that I dont want to hang out with her, and I dont want her in my life anymore but she never gives up on me, she calls my house line now which has no caller ID, but I can never find the will power to just hang up on her. I ask her why she keeps insisting on hanging out with me and she replies 'cuz were best friends,' yet it I cant do it because it bothers me to see her with that guy and I know she cant do it because I 'hooked up' with someone else and she somehow found out about it and I heard she started to cry right away. My question is why do you think she still keeps talking to me? Is it because shes keeping me on the side in case her new relationship doesnt work, which in my opinion dont think it will ever work. Mainly because he 'supposedly' dumped his girlfriend of six years that attends another college and plus he graduates a year from now when we still have two and a half more years to graduate. As a matter of fact, I was very under the weather the past few days and she came over and slept here on Sunday night to 'take care of me,' we ended up hanging out all day and got along really well but we did nothing sexual. But then I start remembering how things were and I tell her just to leave me alone because I know the next day she'll end up sleeping over the other guys house. I just want to know what I should do and what does she want from me?
Merin Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Ugh.. Well Joey.. it seems what she wants from you is to still be there for her.. to hang out with her.. AND to be okay with her seeing someone else.. FWB maybe? Honestly.. the only person who can put a stop to this is you.. IF this kind of relationship with her isn't okay for you, then you need to tell her you're not down for it (seems that you've done that) but the hard part is SHOWING her you mean it.. This means.. not talking to her on the phone, not hanging out with her, and for real.. not sleeping with her. You're not going to have much success moving on and getting over things when you never have the space, time and distance from her to do so... Good Luck
blinkless Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 What does she get from you when she is around you? I think if you don't want to be friends with her and you don't really care about her, lose her. If you do care, realize a kiss isn't exactly like cheating. I kiss some of my friends hi when i see them and bye, meaning nothing romantically. She sounds like she isn't trying to hurt you by coming over, and maybe she is attempting to wear you down on the subject that you just get to set the rules and others must follow with out agreement or attempting compromise or discussion. Or maybe its a classic case of "just making sure I can still have you when I want." It's just an ego boost, with a slice of manipulation on the side. I think you should sit down and talk to her. The girl sounds reasonable. Communication is key to all relationships, since you are young, it's a good time to practice mastering the skills. Good luck, I get the feeling either way, no one is going die.
alexis Posted January 29, 2005 Posted January 29, 2005 Originally posted by blinkless . If you do care, realize a kiss isn't exactly like cheating. i dont quite understand what you mean by this a kiss on the cheek or what??? i want to clarify before i say something !
alexis Posted January 29, 2005 Posted January 29, 2005 i think with the comment " if thats your decision " means that she doesnt care she has no connection to you emotionally, if she was hurt and regretted it she would have said im so sorry, yada yada (girl talk) but i believe kissing and touching, although its not sex, is cheating !! now a days maybe thats to old fashioned ???!!! you will only get hurt by her if you continue, leave your feelings at the door, which is hard find you a girl who is faithful and empathetic, they are out there just dont settle for her because you like her, i dont know how old you are but you i think are young, you WILL find another, you just feel heart broken and it hurts but love is vicous, and complicated, but when you really feel it its overwhelming and you will never feel the way you do now.
Truth Hammer Posted January 29, 2005 Posted January 29, 2005 Drop the bitch like a hot potato. Don't see her, don't touch her, don't **** her. You don't know what she's doing.
Pocky Posted January 30, 2005 Posted January 30, 2005 Anyways, it was just a kiss with the guy but of course that means automatic breakup for me. We broke up right the moment that I found out, or we were technically 'seeing other people'. Okay - so she kissed someone and you broke up with her. That's your choice. Personally, I wouldn't end a relationship because my boyfriend kissed someone else (in fact my boyfriend did kiss someone at a club while we were dating). But we still continued talking and were engaging in sexual acts from time to time. All the while I didn't even know but she was still talking to this guy from work. When about a month ago I found out that they were still talking and doing things with each other. Thats when I told her that I wanted to end all contact with her, when she replied 'ok, then thats your decision'. I'm a little confused as to why you seem pissed that she's still talking to the guy. You did break up with her. You did state in your previous comment that you both were "seeing other people". The only concern you should have regarding this is if she's having sex with someone else while she's having sex with you, which she should have informed you of. However, you have no right to be pissed that she's talking to this other guy still - you dumped her. And kept screwing her on the side so the way I see you, you were using her for the same thing she was using you. And around that same time period is also when she wanted to stop engaging in sexual acts with me. Okay - does this mean that she stopped having sex with you because she started having sex with him? And if so, this would piss you off, why exactly? Now within this last month she still insists on calling me or sending me text msg's saying she wants to hang out. Most of the times I didn't answer but sometimes, like an idiot I give in and we'll end up going to the mall or she'll even sleep over (we didnt do anything sexual). You obviously still derive pleasure from her company or you wouldn't spend time with her. I tell her all the time that I dont want to hang out with her, and I dont want her in my life anymore but she never gives up on me, she calls my house line now which has no caller ID, but I can never find the will power to just hang up on her. I ask her why she keeps insisting on hanging out with me and she replies 'cuz were best friends,' yet it I cant do it because it bothers me to see her with that guy and I know she cant do it because I 'hooked up' with someone else and she somehow found out about it and I heard she started to cry right away. My question is why do you think she still keeps talking to me? You sure you two aren't in high school? What's with all the drama? She kisses a guy, you get pissed and dump her, you both keep screwing each other on the side, you get pissed because she's still seeing him, but you go and screw someone else and she gets upset and starts crying. You claim you don't want to see her anymore, but can't seem to "not" see her and she doesn't want to stop seeing you because she feels you're best friends. Am I the only one that thinks you're both immature and acting retarded? Is it because shes keeping me on the side in case her new relationship doesnt work, which in my opinion dont think it will ever work. Mainly because he 'supposedly' dumped his girlfriend of six years that attends another college and plus he graduates a year from now when we still have two and a half more years to graduate. Maybe. Why are you keeping her on the side? Would you still be screwing her if she let you? As a matter of fact, I was very under the weather the past few days and she came over and slept here on Sunday night to 'take care of me,' we ended up hanging out all day and got along really well but we did nothing sexual. But then I start remembering how things were and I tell her just to leave me alone because I know the next day she'll end up sleeping over the other guys house. I just want to know what I should do and what does she want from me? You know, you can refuse to allow her into your house. You know, you can refuse to spend time with her. You're so obsessed over what she did with this guy when you dumped her that you're not even considering the fact that while she was getting her groove on with him, you were getting your groove on with someone else. Neither one of you make any sense. Stop acting like you're a victim. If you want her out of your life then keep her out of your life. You're not helpless...
Recommended Posts