ThisisIt606 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Let me start by saying, I've done the long term/committed relationship but right now I'm not looking for anything too serious. I used to work with this guy and he has recently been messaging me on this online dating website and fb chat and asked for my number. All messages were pretty short/ asking me to hang out. I was busy the first time but we hung out the following 2 times with his friends at a bar and then we all went out for a late night meal. Both times i went back to his place and hooked up, the first time no sex the second time sex. I am aware/understand this is friends with benefits. The first time when I said I didn't want to have sex/ wanted to go out he was like "oh you're one of those girls who wants to go out first...." So judging from that it seems like he purely wants a hookup. My main motive here is I don't want him to "forget" about me because I want to have sex with him again. What's my best move now ... do I text the night of wanting to hook up/ ask what he's doing tonight? Do I send him flirty texts during the week to "plant the seed"? Or do I just wait for him to contact? All of his contacts so far have been the "what are you doing tonight?" and we go out with his friends/ then back to his place. I just don't want to be this lame booty call for him. I want to play/ request hook ups too
Assasda Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 You know what you want to do. So do it. "plant the seed"
Author ThisisIt606 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 what are some text suggestions I can say to "plant the seed?"
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 So you want to be just FWB's but it bothers you that he's the one that so far decides when the hook ups happen? I say text him around 6 pm the day you want to hook up. Keep it simple and dirty. 1
Emilia Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 The first time when I said I didn't want to have sex/ wanted to go out he was like "oh you're one of those girls who wants to go out first...." So judging from that it seems like he purely wants a hookup. My main motive here is I don't want him to "forget" about me because I want to have sex with him again. What's my best move now ... do I text the night of wanting to hook up/ ask what he's doing tonight? Do I send him flirty texts during the week to "plant the seed"? Or do I just wait for him to contact? All of his contacts so far have been the "what are you doing tonight?" and we go out with his friends/ then back to his place. I just don't want to be this lame booty call for him. I want to play/ request hook ups too He doesn't give a crap about you, why pursue him? It's not like he will grow to like you. Even if you are looking for just an FWB, I would pick someone nicer. 2
melell Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 So you want to be just FWB's but it bothers you that he's the one that so far decides when the hook ups happen? I say text him around 6 pm the day you want to hook up. Keep it simple and dirty. Agree with this. There is room for things to go wrong/get awkward/burn out if you text on other days and try to build up to it. Keep it spontaneous, and only on the night you are interested, I think that is much more mysterious/sexy.
David87 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Well so far he's using you and calling you whenever he wants. Next time call/text him when you want to hook up. There has to be a balance here.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Or do I just wait for him to contact? All of his contacts so far have been the "what are you doing tonight?" and we go out with his friends/ then back to his place. I just don't want to be this lame booty call for him. I want to play/ request hook ups too This, exactly this. I know your dilemma all too well. You want an FWB situation, and NOT a f*kbuddy setup which is completely understandable. My suggestion for you would be to make that clear early on...but nicely. So, "plant the seed" for sure, flirt with him and subtly make it known that you're not looking for anything serious BUT, you're not interested in something as casual as a random 3AM booty call when HE can't find anyone better either. As "Hello is it me" said: I say text him around 6 pm the day you want to hook up. And I wholeheartedly agree. Why? Because it's in the evening, but still early enough in the day that it doesn't have the "booty call" connotation. Mine situation started out rather coyly. There were weeks and even months of "We should hang out tonight ;)" - texts sent around 5-7PM, but as time progressed and I got more comfortable with him (and him with me) the approach was altered to reflect that. Even now we still do the "subtle" thing (as in the "What are you doing tonight?" texts -- since by now we both know what that means) but then there are the occasional "Hey, I'm leaving this work thing at 9, wanna f*k?" sort of texts. However that was well after many months of hooking up and I made it CLEAR I wasn't the girl you hit up after last call on Saturday night (and he made it clear he wasn't the guy I could text in the middle of the night when other plans fell through). Now, it's established that unless one or both of us has had a long day behind us or ahead and are pressed for time, there will likely a little drinking, some conversation and maybe a movie or two in in between, before, during or after the sex.
mangetout Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Send a few suggestive text messages and see if he bites to it. If he ignores you then tell him you are too busy when he messages you for a hook up. Its got to work both ways even if its just sex.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Agree with Emilia. I dropped one FWB because he cared so little, he kept texting and reading FB when we spent time together. I mean, yeah, FWB is cool just show some respect buddy The next FWB was way better and sweet. When we were together, I had his undivided attention. I felt a lot more comfortable with that arrangement. Eventually things ran their course and I wanted to meet guys that want a relationship. We are still friends though (just minus the benefits part). No stress, no drama. My point is FWB should be easy and flowing. Not something that you are going to post threads and worry about.
StanMusial Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 He is probably working you into the rotation, so you should try to accommodate his scheduling concerns.
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