Its hard to date when your a geeky/nerdy guy.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I have actually tried working out, for a year I spent hours in the gym, everyday with my brother. He gained muscle, but I didn't gain a single pound. I eventually went to the doctor, and well, I am physically unable to gain weight. Fat or muscle, my body just won't allow it, so I am always skinny.

 

This statement confuses me. Were you diagnosed with a thyroid condition? As a former personal trainer who currently holds a couple degrees (biology and R.N.), I know a bit of how the body works and there is no such thing as a hard gainer that can't gain! All you need is more calories, calories, calories (of a high nutritional type hopefully)! You will grow! You just failed to meet the intake needed for such!

[GoreSP]

I have actually tried working out, for a year I spent hours in the gym, everyday with my brother. He gained muscle, but I didn't gain a single pound. I eventually went to the doctor, and well, I am physically unable to gain weight. Fat or muscle, my body just won't allow it, so I am always skinny.

 

I also don't really want to wait till I am in my mid 30s. Because the way you make it sound, it seems the women will be tired of being used, tired of sex, and just settle for me after they feel all used up. So I won't get what I want, which is love, respect, and sex, but they just settle. I do not want to be someones fallback, I have enough self respect to say no to being a fall back.

 

Woah! 33 y/o woman here and I'm nothing like that. I enjoy sex a lot more and am a lot less stuck up than I used to be in my 20s.

I am now seeking more quality partners and refuse to settle for less. I am also so over with the bad boys phase.

 

Try dating an older women? There are more cougars than you'd think

[Teraskas]

Woah! 33 y/o woman here and I'm nothing like that. I enjoy sex a lot more and am a lot less stuck up than I used to be in my 20s.

I am now seeking more quality partners and refuse to settle for less. I am also so over with the bad boys phase.

 

Try dating an older women? There are more cougars than you'd think

 

Imo, it's ironic.

I sometimes go after older women because they seem to be the only ones with common sense to have outgrown the "bad boys" phase.

Yet, despite my attempts to even talk to older women in the hope of progressing towards something, I constantly get shot down with the argument that "I'm too young".

Little do they know that I already have faced a significant amount of adversity in my life, am not like most guys, etc.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this kept happening to the OP at the age of 28. :/

[GoreSP]

Imo, it's ironic.

I sometimes go after older women because they seem to be the only ones with common sense to have outgrown the "bad boys" phase.

Yet, despite my attempts to even talk to older women in the hope of progressing towards something, I constantly get shot down with the argument that "I'm too young".

Little do they know that I already have faced a significant amount of adversity in my life, am not like most guys, etc.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if this kept happening to the OP at the age of 28. :/

 

That's funny - most of the men I'm attracted to turn out to be 27/28.

[gaius]

I'm nerdy enough to know the starship in star trek named after the place you live was captained by Kelsey Grammer. But I don't have the same issues. I would lose the glasses out in public and make sure you don't let your nerdiness define you.

 

If you approach a woman at the grocery store talk about the bananas or something she can relate to, not how beautiful you think she looks. You're giving her that message already just by talking to her about bananas. And it's creepy to be told that by a perfect stranger.

[ctxinfl]

I'm a geek. I work in IT. I play table top wargames. I play pencil and paper role-playing games. I read history and science in my spare time. Yet I also dress well, can carry on a conversation, and keep myself in good shape. All of that stuff isn't mutually exclusive. You can be a geek and also be very attractive.

 

Also, there is no such thing as not being able to put on muscle. It is more difficult for some people, though it can be still be done. Google the term "hard gainer."

[Shepp]

If you approach a woman at the grocery store talk about the bananas or something she can relate to, not how beautiful you think she looks. You're giving her that message already just by talking to her about bananas. And it's creepy to be told that by a perfect stranger.

 

Yes!!!

 

"I think your beautiful" = weirdo/potential axe murderer

"hey, you like green bananas too - I though it was just me" = friendly guy who shares your taste fruit / potentially dateable

[Iguanna]

Thing is, I am confident and comfortable in who I am. I just can't approach girls randomly in public and start a conversation, I don't know how to break the ice well.

 

I tried a few times before in my life, never worked well, but I did. Most women just blow you off here.

 

Your problem is very common my friend. I totally understand you. The solution I could give you is to try and meet people (both men and women) through the activities and things you like. If you are a gamer, you can meet people there. You like nerdy movies and series, you can subscribe in forums or comment on blogs regarding these things. You can then meet these people from these forums. You can find more hobbies that you may like and meet people there too. Meeting people and creating a circle is good cause you learn how to act towards people and maybe you will meet a girl like this from someone you know. I don't think men approach women in parks or bars that easily, or if they do this only leads to ONS. People meet each other through other people, through parties or gatherings they attend etc. Stop worrying about not being able to approach a woman in public and start creating a social circle. (sorry my english, today especially, is awful )

Edited March 11, 2014 by Iguanna

[Do_The_Herp]

OP, I would take some of these posts with a lb. or two of salt. That Mike dude on the second page(?) doesn't even know what you look like but he's talking to you like you're quasi moto because you describe yourself as "geeky"..

 

That's a bit ignorant and some of the woe is me posts by the young guys on this board really doesn't help, it's like taking common sense sky-is-blue sort of **** that you could've probably already figured out by the time you were 12 and putting an unrealistically pessimistic spin on it.

 

It's never going to do anyone good to see life in such black and white terms when the reality is that things are not quite that easy to figure out. It's all about perception. I've met few geeks/athletes who were actually cartoon stereotypes.

 

If you feel that being "geeky" isn't doing you any favors, realize that you're just a human being.. Try to think of some things that you've never done, and do them. Grow, and your "comfort zone" will grow slowly but surely with you. Seriously.

[AnyaNova]

It really is to be honest. I am 28 year old, I am tall, skinny, wear glasses, and I'm a geek/nerd. I like science fiction, DOctor Who, and stuff like that. I am smart, working on my Masters degree right now.

 

Yet most women, even my own age, don't want to date guys like me. In my area, Bozeman Montana, we have a big outdoor like culture. SUre, I like hiking and floating the river in the summer, or even just relaxing in the grass on a warm day.

 

But most women just seem to be either super into outdoors, and if they aren't, they still prefer the cowboy wannabe types around here who flock to the town, pretend they are actual cowboys, and treat women like ****.

 

Even the few women who are like me, geeky/nerdy, won't date guys like me, they prefer jerks.

 

I found a near perfect woman, and she won't date me because she told me she doesn't do relationships ever, downgraded me to FWB, then told me she found a guy she really likes, and just downgraded me to friend.

 

I have tried online dating, and its getting me no where. I can't walk up to a random woman in public, I just can't. So online dating is my hope.

 

I still get no where. I don't really know what else to do at this point.

 

I want to know if I am only guy who has this issue, or if I am not alone in this?

 

Are you kidding?????? Out of all of the guys I have ever fallen for truly, do you want to know how many of them weren't geeky nerdy types???

 

Only one. And I'm pretty sure I had a big severe major case of the bridge effect helping me along in that one!

 

Some of us women love geeky types. Just saying.

[GoreSP]

he's an ex. a girl once told me nerds are hot. hot for platonic friends because she had never dated a nerd. her dates were as far from nerd as you can get.

 

Yeah well maybe the nerds don't want to date her?

[GravityMan]

How do you spend your free time?

 

I think that you should aim to live a fuller, more interesting life. Being into science fiction is cool and all, but there's more to life than that. I can't imagine you spend all of your free time watching Doctor Who and reading science fiction. When I'm not working at my job or my side venture, I'm running, cycling, swimming, weight training, playing tennis and basketball, taking dance classes. These hobbies might not be your cup of tea, but my point is that they help provide me opportunities to meet others who are into them too. That's how you should be strategizing. Also since you're still in school, you have access to social opportunities (fellow peers, organizations, clubs, alumni) there.

 

Good advice. OP should try and grow his social network. One of the most common ways both men and women meet potential dates is thru mutual friends or acquaintances.

 

I agree with you but I wouldn't necessarily say kill all opportunities and be alone. You can't just be alone and hope someone will walk into your life. You gotta put yourself out there also so although you're somewhat right I'd have to disagree with completely isolating yourself. Still date and have fun but don't depend on it is the main point.

 

True. To add to that...if a young person spends too much time alone, he may become too accustomed to that lifestyle. If/when he finds someone special there may be difficulty adjusting to spending lots of time together. I think striking a decent balance between "alone time" and social life is better.

 

Errrrrr... No, that would really not get the response you are hoping for.

 

Do you go out and talk to folks much at all? Surely you'd see how odd this line sounds if you did?

 

Yeah, that line immediately had me wondering how developed his social skills in general are. Maybe he lived a sheltered childhood? In any case, he really should spend more time interacting with all kinds of people in general via common interest activities or whatever. Women, men, kids, elderly.

 

I'm a geek. I work in IT. I play table top wargames. I play pencil and paper role-playing games. I read history and science in my spare time. Yet I also dress well, can carry on a conversation, and keep myself in good shape. All of that stuff isn't mutually exclusive. You can be a geek and also be very attractive.

 

Also, there is no such thing as not being able to put on muscle. It is more difficult for some people, though it can be still be done. Google the term "hard gainer."

 

Yep. I'm one of the managers in our IT dept. Just about everyone in the department can converse well with many different kinds of people, have senses of humor, are decent dressers, and have some non-geeky interests such as camping, martial arts, teaching students at night class, politics, etc. They have their geeky/nerdy interests too (such as coding, obviously). They are varied individuals that like experiencing new things. They are all pretty well-liked around the company. And nearly all of them have girlfriends or wives, many of them quite attractive and accomplished themselves.

 

If a nerdy or geeky guy is having trouble attracting women, it probably isn't because he's a nerd or geek. Far more likely it's confidence issues, severe social awkwardness or simply not getting out there and interacting with people.

[Disillusioned]

It really is to be honest. I am 28 year old, I am tall, skinny, wear glasses, and I'm a geek/nerd. I like science fiction, DOctor Who, and stuff like that. I am smart, working on my Masters degree right now.

 

Yet most women, even my own age, don't want to date guys like me. In my area, Bozeman Montana, we have a big outdoor like culture. SUre, I like hiking and floating the river in the summer, or even just relaxing in the grass on a warm day.

 

But most women just seem to be either super into outdoors, and if they aren't, they still prefer the cowboy wannabe types around here who flock to the town, pretend they are actual cowboys, and treat women like ****.

 

Even the few women who are like me, geeky/nerdy, won't date guys like me, they prefer jerks.

 

I found a near perfect woman, and she won't date me because she told me she doesn't do relationships ever, downgraded me to FWB, then told me she found a guy she really likes, and just downgraded me to friend.

 

I have tried online dating, and its getting me no where. I can't walk up to a random woman in public, I just can't. So online dating is my hope.

 

I still get no where. I don't really know what else to do at this point.

 

I want to know if I am only guy who has this issue, or if I am not alone in this?

 

I'll be serious with you... when you're around women, keep the geek-speak to yourself.

 

My best male friend, who is highly technical and is studying to get his DVM, doesn't look anything like the stereotypical nerd from Revenge of the Nerds, but when he starts spouting his technical geek-speak, it's a turn-off to those around him, including me.

 

My main complaint about nerdy/geeky types is that they have the bad habit of getting technical at inappropriate times, and they don't realize when they're doing it. I'm a bit of a tech nut myself, but I at least know it's tough enough being a giant who unintentionally intimidates a lot of women without turning them off with a bunch of tech talk.

[Els]

 

If a nerdy or geeky guy is having trouble attracting women, it probably isn't because he's a nerd or geek. Far more likely it's confidence issues, severe social awkwardness or simply not getting out there and interacting with people.

 

This. Seriously, my guy and I both assembled our desktops from scratch and played video games (or the new term: "e-sports" ) competitively in college. Neither of us are exactly social butterflies, but the line the OP put out is just an entirely different level...

 

Geekiness does not need to correlate with being completely clueless socially. Time to work on that bit, OP.

[collegeguy_24]

Are you kidding?????? Out of all of the guys I have ever fallen for truly, do you want to know how many of them weren't geeky nerdy types???

 

Only one. And I'm pretty sure I had a big severe major case of the bridge effect helping me along in that one!

 

Some of us women love geeky types. Just saying.

 

Well I would love to meet them

[collegeguy_24]

Woah! 33 y/o woman here and I'm nothing like that. I enjoy sex a lot more and am a lot less stuck up than I used to be in my 20s.

I am now seeking more quality partners and refuse to settle for less. I am also so over with the bad boys phase.

 

Try dating an older women? There are more cougars than you'd think

 

Believe or not, I've tried that to. Around here, they are either still in the bad boy phase, or they say I'm to young. I'm 28, not that young.

[collegeguy_24]

Good advice. OP should try and grow his social network. One of the most common ways both men and women meet potential dates is thru mutual friends or acquaintances./

 

I am thinking of asking my female roommates boyfriend, they often go out to things and are always inviting me along, maybe its time I said yes.

 

 

 

 

True. To add to that...if a young person spends too much time alone, he may become too accustomed to that lifestyle. If/when he finds someone special there may be difficulty adjusting to spending lots of time together. I think striking a decent balance between "alone time" and social life is better.

 

I have grown used to being alone, and to be honest, it rather sucks.

 

 

 

Yeah, that line immediately had me wondering how developed his social skills in general are. Maybe he lived a sheltered childhood? In any case, he really should spend more time interacting with all kinds of people in general via common interest activities or whatever. Women, men, kids, elderly.

 

To give some background, because of my families lifestyle of always traveling growing up, I was homeschooled until college, then I was thrown in with no idea how to interact with people. Thats why all my exes initiated with me, because I had no idea how to initiate, and still don't.

 

 

 

Yep. I'm one of the managers in our IT dept. Just about everyone in the department can converse well with many different kinds of people, have senses of humor, are decent dressers, and have some non-geeky interests such as camping, martial arts, teaching students at night class, politics, etc. They have their geeky/nerdy interests too (such as coding, obviously). They are varied individuals that like experiencing new things. They are all pretty well-liked around the company. And nearly all of them have girlfriends or wives, many of them quite attractive and accomplished themselves.

 

If a nerdy or geeky guy is having trouble attracting women, it probably isn't because he's a nerd or geek. Far more likely it's confidence issues, severe social awkwardness or simply not getting out there and interacting with people.

 

I have to say severe social awkwardness holds me back, a lot.

[Targetlock]

You have my sympathies, I'm also a geeky/nerdy guy who is a bit socially awkward and i do have trouble meeting people. just make sure you get out enough and do plenty of social events, best of luck.

[collegeguy_24]

I am trying to make an effort, but around here its pretty hard. I want to date a beautiful woman, not just physically hot, which like most men I want, but beautiful in terms of personality, intelligence, character, all the important things that make up a human being. I want something that is deeper then skin deep.