collegeguy_24 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 It really is to be honest. I am 28 year old, I am tall, skinny, wear glasses, and I'm a geek/nerd. I like science fiction, DOctor Who, and stuff like that. I am smart, working on my Masters degree right now. Yet most women, even my own age, don't want to date guys like me. In my area, Bozeman Montana, we have a big outdoor like culture. SUre, I like hiking and floating the river in the summer, or even just relaxing in the grass on a warm day. But most women just seem to be either super into outdoors, and if they aren't, they still prefer the cowboy wannabe types around here who flock to the town, pretend they are actual cowboys, and treat women like ****. Even the few women who are like me, geeky/nerdy, won't date guys like me, they prefer jerks. I found a near perfect woman, and she won't date me because she told me she doesn't do relationships ever, downgraded me to FWB, then told me she found a guy she really likes, and just downgraded me to friend. I have tried online dating, and its getting me no where. I can't walk up to a random woman in public, I just can't. So online dating is my hope. I still get no where. I don't really know what else to do at this point. I want to know if I am only guy who has this issue, or if I am not alone in this?
Copelandsanity Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Really, I'm surprised. Perhaps you should move to a big city like NYC or SF because your type - tall, skinny, glasses, geeky, I assume Caucasian - is pretty popular there dating-wise. They took over and gentrified an entire NYC neighborhood - Williamsburg.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Really, I'm surprised. Perhaps you should move to a big city like NYC or SF because your type - tall, skinny, glasses, geeky, I assume Caucasian - is pretty popular there dating-wise. They took over and gentrified an entire NYC neighborhood - Williamsburg. Yes I am Caucasian. I want to move, but I can't afford it now. My family and friends are here, and while I would like to move and explore, right now my funds can't afford it.
Stay Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) Yes I am Caucasian. I want to move, but I can't afford it now. My family and friends are here, and while I would like to move and explore, right now my funds can't afford it. Even if you move you're not simply going to just attract girls and have them flocking to you. You just need to carry yourself confidently, work on that and you're golden. You know why a lot of girls find those "jerks" attractive and like to date them? Because most of them are very confident and that's a highly attractive trait. Learn how to just approach girls and you'll show high confidence with that first interaction. If you rather not do that then find a science fiction or doctor who club or meeting and go to those for fun. You never know, you might meet someone there and those girls also want guys like you. Edited March 10, 2014 by Stay
Author collegeguy_24 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Thing is, I am confident and comfortable in who I am. I just can't approach girls randomly in public and start a conversation, I don't know how to break the ice well. I tried a few times before in my life, never worked well, but I did. Most women just blow you off here.
Stay Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) Thing is, I am confident and comfortable in who I am. I just can't approach girls randomly in public and start a conversation, I don't know how to break the ice well. I tried a few times before in my life, never worked well, but I did. Most women just blow you off here. If you believe you're as confident as you say just learn how to break the ice, something as simple as, "I thought you were cute and I would've regretted it if I didn't get to talk to you." Straight to the point and you just talk from there. Approaching girls is always going to be difficult for everyone but you just gotta do it and if you are as confident as you say there should be no reason for her to not be impressed by your approach. I myself am not the most talkative guy but when I approach I make sure I do it without looking nervous or anything, I just do it without thinking pretty much, the more you think about talking to that girl the more reasons you're going to give yourself not to talk to her. And people can't even tell I'm nervous even though deep down I really am. It's really all in how you carry yourself, you might think you're confident but sometimes how you approach or talk to others say otherwise. Edited March 10, 2014 by Stay
emva07 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 what about like dating apps? takes a lot of pressure off the initial talking. I say this because the shy nerdy type is my type and I've gone on a couple dates with ones I met on apps and they have said thank God for technology because if it were in real life they would've never gone up to me because they're shy and at least with the app they know I like them back.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 what about like dating apps? takes a lot of pressure off the initial talking. I say this because the shy nerdy type is my type and I've gone on a couple dates with ones I met on apps and they have said thank God for technology because if it were in real life they would've never gone up to me because they're shy and at least with the app they know I like them back. What kind of dating apps do you and those guys use? Think I should give them a shot?
hasaquestion Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 What kind of dating apps do you and those guys use? Think I should give them a shot? Tinder is pretty fun. But its really a supplement to meeting people in real life. Not a replacement. The guy above is right. No substitute for being forward and confident about it.
emva07 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Tinder, ha! Yeah, why not, you have a 50/50 chance of things going better than they are now. Just keep an open mind, not every match will talk to you and most certainly you are not on there to meet the love of your life. But it can serve as a confidence booster and practice to talk to women.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Tinder is pretty fun. But its really a supplement to meeting people in real life. Not a replacement. The guy above is right. No substitute for being forward and confident about it. So for example, I am out grocery shopping, I see an attractive woman, I should just walk up and say, "HI, I just wanted to let you know I think your beautiful, and I thought I would tell you before I lost my nerve." Something like that?
hasaquestion Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 So for example, I am out grocery shopping, I see an attractive woman, I should just walk up and say, "HI, I just wanted to let you know I think your beautiful, and I thought I would tell you before I lost my nerve." Something like that? Just make eye contact with her, then walk over and drop a good wisecrack about something/introduce yourself. It won't work all the time obviously, but its better than 99% of the things guys do (or don't do) to meet girls.
Stay Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 So for example, I am out grocery shopping, I see an attractive woman, I should just walk up and say, "HI, I just wanted to let you know I think your beautiful, and I thought I would tell you before I lost my nerve." Something like that? Well there's a time and place for everything, a grocery store might not be a particular place for that. At least I wouldn't say that with someone in the grocery store. Personally I've never talked to anyone at the grocery store before like that but if I were to I'll have a casual conversation first, be funny and eventually just tell them, "I enjoyed talking to you and I'm quite curious about you, lets continue over some drinks sometimes?" Practice makes perfect so the more you approach the better you'll get, you're going to have a lot of embarrassing moments and that's ok, as long as you know what you did wrong and fix it. If it was in the streets and a girl is walking I'll stop her and just tell her, "Hi, I thought you were cute and had to meet you." 1
hasaquestion Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 So for example, I am out grocery shopping, I see an attractive woman, I should just walk up and say, "HI, I just wanted to let you know I think your beautiful, and I thought I would tell you before I lost my nerve." Something like that? Again what's the worst that can happen, you get slapped? I've never been slapped by a girl in public before, and trust me I've said some things that were very slap worthy.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I suppose I can give it a shot. I just don't really go out unless its to the grocery store. The other day I was driving with a friend, when out of no where he spotted a hot girl, rolled down the window and shouted, "You are working that outfit beautiful, hope you have a nice day."
Chubbi Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 It really is to be honest. I am 28 year old, I am tall, skinny, wear glasses, and I'm a geek/nerd. I like science fiction, DOctor Who, and stuff like that. I am smart, working on my Masters degree right now. Great. I know quite a few women looking for your type (i'm a girl, I would know). Do you message women on online dating? Make sure you message them. Do not give up. I think people say for men it's one response for every ten women they message. It may take you about three weeks to get the ball rolling. Also, sometimes it's the women who are jerks.
Keenly Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 You are completely right OP. Its extremely difficult to date as a nerdy guy. But don't worry. While we may be considered boring now, ladies in their late twenties / early thirties will be begging for guys like us.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Great. I know quite a few women looking for your type (i'm a girl, I would know). Do you message women on online dating? Make sure you message them. Do not give up. I think people say for men it's one response for every ten women they message. It may take you about three weeks to get the ball rolling. Also, sometimes it's the women who are jerks. I message women all the time on online dating. In fact I did it to so many I basically ran out of women in my area. No one is interested. I met two women, and well she is a whole story for later. But essentially, I was downgraded to FWB, then just plain friend. The other gave me her number, we texted for a day, then nothing. No word, no response period. It was like I just didn't exist. No other woman seems interested. I read their profiles, and then I comment on what I read so they know I actually bothered to read. Still nothing. Sometime they will check out my profile, but then they don't respond.
Author collegeguy_24 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 You are completely right OP. Its extremely difficult to date as a nerdy guy. But don't worry. While we may be considered boring now, ladies in their late twenties / early thirties will be begging for guys like us. Here's the thing, even the ladies in their late 20s and early 30s are ignoring me. Thats why I feel so frustrated.
Keenly Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Great. I know quite a few women looking for your type (i'm a girl, I would know). Do you message women on online dating? Make sure you message them. Do not give up. I think people say for men it's one response for every ten women they message. It may take you about three weeks to get the ball rolling. Also, sometimes it's the women who are jerks. OLD ? Thats your advice? I've been in OLD for a year and a half. Nerdy guys are not good commodities .
hasaquestion Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 OLD ? Thats your advice? I've been in OLD for a year and a half. Nerdy guys are not good commodities . Nerdy is like everything else, you just have to sell it right. Intelligence is a big plus. Having fancy academic credentials (OP in grad school) is a big plus. Having coveted skills and a good job are big pluses. Being intellectually curious is defintely something you can spin as a positive. Its just a matter of taking those good things, highlighting them, and sweeping the rest of it (comic book conventions or whatever) under the rug in favor of things that are more interesting.
Stay Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 I message women all the time on online dating. In fact I did it to so many I basically ran out of women in my area. No one is interested. I met two women, and well she is a whole story for later. But essentially, I was downgraded to FWB, then just plain friend. The other gave me her number, we texted for a day, then nothing. No word, no response period. It was like I just didn't exist. No other woman seems interested. I read their profiles, and then I comment on what I read so they know I actually bothered to read. Still nothing. Sometime they will check out my profile, but then they don't respond. What do you message? So many people are boring and say, "Hey" That's stupid and boring, similar to real life.. You don't walk up to a girl and just say, "Hey" she'll just say "Hey" back. That's boring. Nobody wants boring, you could be geeky and nerdy and exciting and fun also, just don't be boring. Smart is attractive but you can't just be smart and nerdy, you still need the other attractive traits girls go crazy over that the "jerks" have. You don't have to be a jerk to get women but I see so many guys thinking they'll get anywhere because they're nice and just don't take action.
Keenly Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Nerdy is like everything else, you just have to sell it right. Intelligence is a big plus. Having fancy academic credentials (OP in grad school) is a big plus. Having coveted skills and a good job are big pluses. Being intellectually curious is defintely something you can spin as a positive. Its just a matter of taking those good things, highlighting them, and sweeping the rest of it (comic book conventions or whatever) under the rug in favor of things that are more interesting. Yeah, I hear hiding who you truly are inside is always a good way to start a relationship.
hasaquestion Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Yeah, I hear hiding who you truly are inside is always a good way to start a relationship. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I'm just suggesting ways someone who wants to change up their image can go about doing that.
Copelandsanity Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 How do you spend your free time? I think that you should aim to live a fuller, more interesting life. Being into science fiction is cool and all, but there's more to life than that. I can't imagine you spend all of your free time watching Doctor Who and reading science fiction. When I'm not working at my job or my side venture, I'm running, cycling, swimming, weight training, playing tennis and basketball, taking dance classes. These hobbies might not be your cup of tea, but my point is that they help provide me opportunities to meet others who are into them too. That's how you should be strategizing. Also since you're still in school, you have access to social opportunities (fellow peers, organizations, clubs, alumni) there.
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