BassWalker Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Three weeks ago, I took my mother out to dinner we had a beautiful waitress. Afterwards, I went back and talked with her got her number. First off she is better looking than most of the girls that I flirt with. We had some nice dates, never short on talk or romance. I wasn't looking to get involved in another relationship so soon but she seemed anxious to get back into another relationship and soon to find out why. We had this long talk about are histories and I find that she was married to a guy she had dated for a year. They were married for three months and they got a divorce in January. She said that they are still friends but doesn't really say why they ended the marriage just says it didn't work out. Is is bad idea to get involved with someone been divorced so soon? She only 23, but my instincts are telling me to be ever so cautious, seems red flag territory.
MidwestUSA Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Not necessarily a bad idea. Her entire relationship, including marriage, was fifteen months. It could have just been a big, big mistake. Try to take note of whether she has learned from the experience, and take things slowly. Good luck! 1
Gaeta Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 We had this long talk about are histories and I find that she was married to a guy she had dated for a year. They were married for three months and they got a divorce in January. She said that they are still friends but doesn't really say why they ended the marriage just says it didn't work out. Is is bad idea to get involved with someone been divorced so soon? She only 23, but my instincts are telling me to be ever so cautious, seems red flag territory. Stupid stuff we do when we're young. Like someone said she's been with him a total of 15 months, not like she's coming out of a 15 yer marriage. I have a sister in law that got married at 23 just to nag her mother. She has been married to my brother for 22 years now, have 3 kids, and live a full happy life. Better do our stupid stuff when we're young and have a life time ahead of us to make it right.
WrinkledForehead Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 23 years old, dated a guy for less than a year, got married and divorced within three months?? EJECT. EJECT. EJECT. Huge red flag. Divorce doesn't just happen at the three month mark. To get a divorce three months into a marriage means they started having problems right from the start. Waitress at 23 years old isn't a real job either. What's the doctor's prescription? Prescription: - Have fun with this one. Do not try to wife her up. Get as much sex as you can then say adios. A job is a job, and not necessarily the definition of a person. If my sweetie had judged me because I'm a server at 29 and left it at that, he wouldn't have discovered that I'm a server supporting a family of two on her own who rocks a 4.0 GPA while pursuing her undergrad and until I can get a research position while I work on my PhD. I'm defensive about this point because I find it useless to dismiss people based on occupation alone. As far as OP, I recommend finding out why she got the divorce. I'd reign in feelings until you can scope her out a bit more and find if her reasons make sense to you. 3
Author BassWalker Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 Although this advice is varied, this is the best collected advice I have received from this site. I plan to take it the relationship slow, see what happens, be prepared for anything mentality.
Michael91 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Have fun with this one. That's not bad advice. Maybe she is good wife material but likely she is not. Therefore, have fun get lots of sex but take your time about forming a lasting relationship. Then, after 3 months or less, if it is not working out you can move on with good memories. If, however, things have gone well and she seems like a keeper then you can start considering her as possible wife material.
PegNosePete Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 I got divorced after 9 months because my ex had an affair. So am I only useful for having fun but not a serious relationship? Am I not "good husband material" because of this? What advice do you think this woman would have got if she made a post on here, saying she's been married 3 months, no children, and just found her husband is having an affair? (Hint: EJECT EJECT EJECT) Incredibly judgmental of people to make sweeping generalizations, that someone who gets divorced so soon is not a good person and only fit for a hump and dump. She may have done absolutely nothing wrong and be a lovely person. 1
waiting4u Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 23 is not real mature, generally, and that could have been what happened with the marriage. Nevertheless, you're going to be a rebound. You might want to go for it and have some fun or whatever, but keep in mind that it probably won't last. Real divorce (I was married for 9 years) takes a good 2 years to get past - even longer sometimes. This sounds like an odd marriage situation though.
Michael91 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 I got divorced after 9 months because my ex had an affair. So am I only useful for having fun but not a serious relationship? Guys are seldom useful for having fun. Am I not "good husband material" because of this? That you are not good husband material doesn't necessarily follow. However, being divorced, let alone after only 9 months, means the odds of you being good husband material is lower. Therefore, you are less desirable. Perhaps not a lot but certainly less. Whether or not she cheated is of little relevance and indicates that your judgment is below par. My advise to a woman would be it is okay to date you but to be extra careful, quick to bale out if things don't go well, and take is slow for 3 months with no sex. Then make a judgment. In other words, you would need to prove yourself more than a single guy.
Tayken Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 How old are you then? If she is 23 and was married for a year and now divorced and is already dating...I'll not get involved. You can find yourself paying the price for whatever that other person did or might not have done. "They" say it takes at least 2yrs after a breakup to be ready to date again. No girl/guy should be getting married at 23, there is so much to still be doing with your life at that stage Three weeks ago, I took my mother out to dinner we had a beautiful waitress. Afterwards, I went back and talked with her got her number. First off she is better looking than most of the girls that I flirt with. We had some nice dates, never short on talk or romance. I wasn't looking to get involved in another relationship so soon but she seemed anxious to get back into another relationship and soon to find out why. We had this long talk about are histories and I find that she was married to a guy she had dated for a year. They were married for three months and they got a divorce in January. She said that they are still friends but doesn't really say why they ended the marriage just says it didn't work out. Is is bad idea to get involved with someone been divorced so soon? She only 23, but my instincts are telling me to be ever so cautious, seems red flag territory.
Gaeta Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 No one needs 2 years to get over a 3 month marriage. Even if I add the dating months + 3 months marriage that's a big 15 months. Rule of thumb is someone will need about 25% of the length of the relationship to get back on their feet. Go on a couple of dates and see what's she's all about. It's just dating it's not a marriage !! The few people I know that got divorced this quickly was because they discovered something huge like he's a criminal, he's cheating, or he was physically violent with her. 1
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