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I talked to him on a dating website anonymously... now I am devastated

okanni

By okanni
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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okanni New Member

okanni

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Bit of background... I dated a guy I thought he was the one my true love. We had fights and tension we broke up after a year. It was really intense and profound. We were old school friends...

 

I then joined a dating website about 3 months after the BU. I was looking to "get into the scene again" see what was going on.

 

Anyway I look to see who my matches were and a guy showed up. Just a background pic no real photo. I got to chatting and he was telling me how he isnt on here to date just make friends. He found someone he really likes and they are best friends, went jet skiing together, he thinks she is the one. They have been dating a month. He has told her he loves her. I saw how sweet that was. Anyway he send me a picture and it is my EX!! I even saw my ex last month (yes I know stupid) and we slept together. Then within a few short weeks he has found someone new that he is in love with.

 

I am in shock...I kept chatting cause the photo he sent was one of me and him but he cut me out of it. I am shaking.. its only been a little while. I worry about him everyday and he is off jet skiing with a new woman. I know I shouldnt care but it hurts to find out this way.

 

I did the NC and everything and then this happens. He used to tell me how amazing I was and that I was the one. Now he has just found another "one".

 

I feel like ****.

Edited by okanni
energystar New Member

energystar

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Oh my goodness, that must have been very hard to see. Its hard to see them moving on and finding whatever it is that makes them happy.

 

If you want to forget him, which is probably wise, stop talking to him and remove or block his profile on the dating site. Find another guy to talk to on there! I'm sure there's lots of them. Chin up! It will get better with time.

WYSWYG Established Member

WYSWYG

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That's tough.....I also wonder how he'd feel about it.

 

However you two BU, you're still attached but it seems he's def moved on. It's never easy - longing for them but knowing they already found someone new.

 

It think it's time to let him go - mourn the loss and accept the pain. All of us here, suffers/suffered the same misery and know exactly how you feel. But just remember - time heals and that you too, will find someone new.

 

Leave that dating site. Go NC again and curb your curiosity on his status - no matter what! Otherwise, you'll find things that will just hurt you more. Trust me, it will hurt.

 

On a side note: 3 years ago. Me and my ex found ourselves browsing on each others profile in the same website. She had a boyfriend at that time. It's a strange world out there...

 

Take care and be gentle w/ yourself, Okanni

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Why did you do that to yourself ?

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newmoon Established Member

newmoon

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well, it doesn't sound like he's in love with this new girl. if he's willing to chat you up and still be on the site looking for female 'friends' while he's in a new relationship then he's still playing around. but regardless of what he's doing don't contact him further; just block the profile. these things do happen. I received a match one day and it was my best friends ex bf from just a few weeks prior. it's a small world, but be glad he's out of your life, he's still playing around.

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hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

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OUCH

 

but..supposedly so in love, found the one and he's on a dating site for friends?

 

Giiiirl, you aren't missing half of what you think you're missing with this guy.

 

Is it possible he knows it's you?

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BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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This story sounds so shady. He actually has a dating profile on a website, but it's not a real photo of himself. WTF? It's like a picture of the mountains or something? How in the world did you end up, with all the people on the website, talking to him? Maybe you just have really bad luck.

 

Obviously, he's not that great of a catch if he's on a dating website to "make friends," which I don't buy for one minute, yet he is seeing someone else. Be glad you got rid of him.

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Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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If you really love someone, you don't usually continue chatting on dating sites. Unless they're polygamists?

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KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

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If you really love someone, you don't usually continue chatting on dating sites. Unless they're polygamists?

 

This.

 

It sounds like, first of all, this girl is a rebound, and second, he's a jerk.

David87 Established Member

David87

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Just courious, who's the dumper?

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okanni New Member

okanni

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Thanks all,

 

Well the dating website did "matching" you ask a series of questions and the more you get correct with the other person the higher the match is. Then it sends you an email saying "hey look a new match go say hi" So I did and this is what happened. Bad luck indeed...

 

He dumped me. And I also was thinking of leaving the relationship because he told me he wanted to be with me yet i found him kissing someone else.

 

I just don't understand how he can move on so fast? He is incapable of being alone. I know he is a jerk it just hurts to see this. His profile pic was just a silhouette of a guy at the beach. Nothing distinguishing at first.

 

I deleted my profile, blocked him. I then went and burnt everything he ever gave me and gave the rest away or trashed it. I want to send him the ashes but I won't. Thats stupid... right. He just referred to his "ex" (me) as someone who caused pain and drama, no mention that he loved me or anything.

 

Even though he goes around sending a picture of me and him when chatting on this dating site! And he wouldn't of known it was me as my profile pic wasn't really up there (set to private) until I feel comfy and wnat people to see it.

 

He is "in love" with the concept of love. He loves the chase thats all it is. But god dammit it burns to see this... Just feeling sad and sorry for myself.

 

Going to hit the gym and pretend the punching bag is his face.

KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

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You didn't mention the cheating part before.

 

He didn't move on that fast. He was already gone..a long long time ago. No, don't send him the ashes..that would be stalkerish and creepy. Good for you for burning everything though..that takes courage!

 

Again..he's a jerk. You're VERY VERY young and you'll meet lots of other 'ones' before you settle down.

  • Like 2
Sandy99 Established Member

Sandy99

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This guy sounds awful. In a short conversation he mentioned to you that he just found "the one," he has a recent ex and he's on a dating site. There are so many red flags there...Who would date him? Only somebody who likes a lot of craziness in their life. I'd stay away from him from now on and be thankful you got a person like that out of your life. What an idiot.

Edited by Sandy99
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okanni New Member

okanni

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So I am having an incredibly hard time at the moment.

I am unable to move on fully and my ex has. I feel so used. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong. In the past he cheated on me. He doesn’t see it as cheating and never will because he was “forced” into it. It just happened.

I burnt, deleted and removed all messages and past love emails from my life but the emotional impact is still there.

 

I have also done something stupid… I created an email address to talk to him with, as this other person. He is telling me about how he took his GF to a day spa and I remember I took him to one and paid for it all.

 

He wanted me to send back an item of his. I feel horrible, I don’t know why I am torturing myself. I know ill compare myself to her and wonder why im not better.

 

Why was he on a dating site at all when he has a gf I don’t know.

I just need advice and someone to tell me to stop this behaviour. I know its wrong emailing him as someone else and him telling me about his escapades with his new gf. Like I didn’t exsist. I feel so sad. He is so happy and carefree. How could be be like this when im in so much pain and torment.

Smthn_Like_Olivia Established Member

Smthn_Like_Olivia

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Did you ever think that maybe he KNOWS its you and is doing this just to phuk with you? I'm with the others and don't know why any guy who is supposedly "in love" would be on a dating site talking to other women about his "wonderful" relationship. Just doesn't make sense.

  • Like 2
KaliLove Established Member

KaliLove

Posted
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So I am having an incredibly hard time at the moment.

I am unable to move on fully and my ex has. I feel so used. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong. In the past he cheated on me. He doesn’t see it as cheating and never will because he was “forced” into it. It just happened.

I burnt, deleted and removed all messages and past love emails from my life but the emotional impact is still there.

 

I have also done something stupid… I created an email address to talk to him with, as this other person. He is telling me about how he took his GF to a day spa and I remember I took him to one and paid for it all.

 

He wanted me to send back an item of his. I feel horrible, I don’t know why I am torturing myself. I know ill compare myself to her and wonder why im not better.

 

Why was he on a dating site at all when he has a gf I don’t know.

I just need advice and someone to tell me to stop this behaviour. I know its wrong emailing him as someone else and him telling me about his escapades with his new gf. Like I didn’t exsist. I feel so sad. He is so happy and carefree. How could be be like this when im in so much pain and torment.

 

Point blank, he's on a dating website while he has a girlfriend because he is DISGUSTING! This is NOT the man for you.

 

RUN!

  • Like 2
BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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Did you ever think that maybe he KNOWS its you and is doing this just to phuk with you? I'm with the others and don't know why any guy who is supposedly "in love" would be on a dating site talking to other women about his "wonderful" relationship. Just doesn't make sense.

 

I agree. This story is just too much of a coincidence. It seems more plausible that he knows it's her. Either way, he's clearly not worth her time, and it's awful either way (if he knows it's her or not).

  • Like 1
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okanni New Member

okanni

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Maybe he did know it was me...

 

He sent me this on an email. I sent this as an anonymous girl he was chatting to online. I have now deleted that email account forever.

 

I can move on now... he just moved on so fast.

 

He didnt care about me at all.

 

It was with Danielle the girl I'm in love with n have told you about, yeah... I'm really starting to think she is the one. So I've really got to know and make sure you know that most likely the only thing that will happen between us is just good friends at most. I'm sure you're thinking or know the same or similar. But yeah, I don't want to feel weird about emailing you.

 

You are studying what?? You never told me! And yes you are quite hot so I assume that you would get interest. Beware of the the players but good luck with true love ;)

 

Maybe you should stick with annon beach pic aNd just pick the guys that you choose. All the decent ones will reply.

 

I liked your profile.

 

Not sure about plans for the weekend but I'll tell you when I do!

 

I start my new job soon and it is in the city I'm also moving in to the city with Danielle in 3-4 weeks

 

Looking forward to hearing from you

BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

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Maybe he did know it was me...

 

He sent me this on an email. I sent this as an anonymous girl he was chatting to online. I have now deleted that email account forever.

 

I can move on now... he just moved on so fast.

 

He didnt care about me at all.

 

It was with Danielle the girl I'm in love with n have told you about, yeah... I'm really starting to think she is the one. So I've really got to know and make sure you know that most likely the only thing that will happen between us is just good friends at most. I'm sure you're thinking or know the same or similar. But yeah, I don't want to feel weird about emailing you.

 

You are studying what?? You never told me! And yes you are quite hot so I assume that you would get interest. Beware of the the players but good luck with true love ;)

 

Maybe you should stick with annon beach pic aNd just pick the guys that you choose. All the decent ones will reply.

 

I liked your profile.

 

Not sure about plans for the weekend but I'll tell you when I do!

 

I start my new job soon and it is in the city I'm also moving in to the city with Danielle in 3-4 weeks

 

Looking forward to hearing from you

 

Well, I'm glad I'm not Danielle, so I don't have to worry about my boyfriend trolling on a dating site, making friends with other women. I still say something is off about this entire things. So is your profile pic on the dating site not of you? Otherwise, he would know it's you right?

  • Like 1
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okanni New Member

okanni

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I had no picture of me up at all. Even the information in my profile was generic and not about me specifically at all. I put a pic of another girl so he didn't know it was me.

 

I don't know why he would talk email anyway. I feel hes on a rebound. Moving in with her within a month of knowing her.

 

Either way I feel used and discarded.

 

I guess it just hurt to find out this way. And the girl he is with now has alot to deal with in the future with my ex. Emotional issues and anger... still can't help feeling down that he has moved on.

 

His profile is still on the dating website so yes I do feel for his new gf. He did this to me as well. Hopefully she wises up and dumps him before he cheats on her too.

Edited by okanni
WhiteTan Member

WhiteTan

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My ex boyfriend moved in with his new fling literally two months after we broke up while I was still in love with him. They were even "engaged."

 

He eventually admitted it was a rebound but it doesn't matter because I deserve somebody who's gonna treat me right and be loyal. So do you.

 

Danielle's problem now, not yours. :)

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