ginny turk Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 I am falling in love with one of my very good friends. We have been friends for a long time, and about 6 months ago I confessed my feelings to him. He is wonderful and took to my confession pretty well, we talked about what might happen...if we were willing to risk our friendship, etc. Then we ended up sleeping together. Things were fine afterwards, but we both realized that it wasn't such a good idea right now. He had just got out of a serious relationship and a couple other things to consider. One of which I dated his brother a couple years prior for a couple months. Yikes, I know...sounds like Jerry Springer, but it really does suck that I met the wrong brother first. Anyways for the last couple of months we have been in this weird place. I don't know what is going on and even though he and I are really good friends...I am trying just to be cool and go with the flow. But I am really confused. I don't want to put pressure on him, but I am beginning to think that this relationship is not going to go any further. It is like he is my platonic boyfriend. Dating without the sex. So we clearly like each other. I can tell when I am with him, he is anxious to see me, talk to me and hang out with me. We will go out together...most people would call it a date, but he wouldn't. At the end of the evening he wants to come home with me and cuddle. That's it, no sex, no making out...just wants to spoon me. We have had sex on occasion, but that usually comes with booze. Anyways then he'll go home...call me to make plans again and then we'll cuddle some more. See there might be alot of factors of why we aren't together. I'm not his type, his brother, or singlehood. I guess I won't know until I ask him, but I think I am probably getting the answers already from him and choosing not to listen. The thing is that I do really feel like he digs me. What is up? To all those boys out there....have you ever been in this situation? Would dating your brother years ago for a little stint really stop you from having a relationship with me? Please give me what you got....thanks.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 It sounds like he is keeping you at a comfortable emotional distance. Close enough to enjoy the benefits of security and closeness but just far enough so that he doesn't have to worry about the entanglement of an actual fully realized sexual relationship with you. The fact that he can only have sex with you under the influence suggests that he has his guard up otherwise. It could be that in his mind, a sexual relationship with you represents something different to him than it does you. You won't know until you ask, though. Its the most confusing thing: to have someone so close and intimate in one way but not another - how the hell are you supposed to feel when someone does that? You know they care for you on one level, but are left hanging on another level. I totally understand. Been there. The solution? Let him know what you want and expect out of this relationship, and then see what he does with that ball in his court. Be sure though, that you are really ready to make that step before taking it because it may not go like you want. When you go for what you want, you put yourself at risk of losing what you already have - particularly when it comes to "confused" men. If he is distancing himself, then you'll likely get the "I'm confused and don't know what I want" talk. But, if you want the relationship to break out of this inertia you'll need to take a chance and address your concerns directly with him.
Author ginny turk Posted January 25, 2005 Author Posted January 25, 2005 Hello LucreziaBorgia, Thanks for taking the time to reply to me. I appreciate your words and agree with you. I will talk to him, but like you said I have to be ready to risk pushing him away. That is why I have not had the "conversation" with him yet. Any other advice or suggestions would be great. When you have been with the confused, what stance have you taken? Thanks again.
Recommended Posts