Do women want to be the more attractive one in a pairing?

[Biscous]

Hmm...I have a friend that was attracted to me and things got a bit hot and heavy, but she said she didn't want to pursue it because she said that I'm 'too' good looking and that's intimidating.

 

She was attractive herself.

[hotpotato]

No, because in most couplings people are on part with each other as far as looks. Some couples even look like brother and sister.

 

Read the posts throughout ls. Many men see dating beautiful women as a hassle. Maybe some women have similar feelings about hot men.

 

What you described is how a lot of men treat me - as an ego boost.

 

I see hot men with less hot women. I see hot women with less hot men. Most pairings I see man and woman are about the same.

 

Sometimes people value things other than looks.

[kodakgirl]

I think this idea is very weird, and I'm very surprised to see some women actually saying yes. It seems so insecure. I'd never rule out a man just because he is better-looking than me. I'd be thrilled!! If he is also arrogant, vain, non-committal, full of himself, a player, or any of that crap, then no, of course I don't want him. But I don't feel amazing looks make those traits inevitable. Men are individuals! If he is the kind of person I want and he really likes me, I'd LOVE for him to be that good-looking. My value as a partner comes from so much more than looks.

Edited March 11, 2014 by kodakgirl
fixed wording

[Tayken]

I have a friend whos a pretty good looking guy whos is pretty great shape. He says its regular for him to meet or date women who seem really insecure around him, or say and do really weird things

 

So he says "dude, to be honest, I just think women like feeling like they are the most attractive person in the relationship. These chicks always seem on edge with me, like Im gonna get taken by the next pretty girl I see. Or they dont have enough confidence in themselves or their body when Im with them"

 

He also mentioned a couple of chick friends who said hes "too fit" and that a lot of girls find a slightly more regular look sexier. (mind you hes got an athletic underwear model type body). Its almost like they are trying to knock the guy down a peg even though he doesnt put himself on any kind of pedestal.

 

My homeboy is super modest tho...and even I sometimes get the vibe when we are out, that some chicks who talk to him wanna act like they can get him, and then bail once theyve proved they got his interest. For example, flirting with and complimenting my friend...maybe even kissing and dancing later, but then wanting to play very hard to get after the fact =/

 

Thoughts?

 

Ehehehehehe....what is this, the 80s, "homeboy" ...seriously????

 

Sometimes people value things other than looks.

 

Yeah...like height, size of wood etc

[MissBee]

I think most people may want to feel on par with their partner...not super more attractive than they are neither way less attractive.

 

I did have one friend who admitted to preferring men she felt were unattractive and/or had less going on than she did as they'd feel so grateful to be with here and would thus worship her...it didn't quite work as one of these guys cheated on her anyway

 

I haven't dated anyone I felt was a lot more attractive than me, except I did date one guy who was "known" and he was attractive, but the "known" element is what really upped things, and it was a very different type of feeling and situation in terms of attention from women. It can play into any insecurities or jealousies a bit more if your SO is someone others throw themselves at.

[Revolver]

I think most people are too insecure to ever date someone significantly more attractive than them.

[peruano99]

In my experience, when you are more physically attractive than the guy, he treats you better, more like a catch. I have no problem landing gorgeous men, men who objectively are better-looking than I am. But in those relationships, the guys didn't appreciate me as much or treat me as well overall, probably because they saw me as more replaceable. There's a reason you often see an average guy with a good-looking woman, but rarely see the inverse.

 

 

That's not the case for all the good looking men. The problem is that these "good looking" men might think of the woman as nothing more than a pretty girl he can call, etc and won't put up with her problems. I am not that good looking, but I am not afraid to approach a woman who is gorgeous because after all aren't we all human at the end? We all have feelings, emotions, and are able to communicate. I also like to treat a woman with respect and I would expect her to treat me with respect as well.

 

 

Now let me ask something to you as well:

 

When I didn't weight lift and I was just a nerd, no women took attention to me.

 

 

1 year later, I became muscular and was still a nerd, and women started to approach me.

 

What does this mean? My personality remained the same, only my looks changed.

 

When I say I am a nerd, I mean I like to study, get good grades at uni, and be responsible.

 

 

I also understand NOW that no matter how much I train, I will always have the big guy body type, but at least I'll try to be healthier and accept myself for who I am.

 

Being 6'0 and 200 lbs, and looking Native American no matter how much inches in waist I lose. At first I wanted to change my looks, but now I just accept myself and how I look. Maybe that's how I changed from one year ago.

Edited March 12, 2014 by peruano99

[kiss_andmakeup]

In my younger and more insecure years, I admit that I tended to gravitate toward men who were a few notches "below" (completely subjective, of course) me in terms of attractiveness. At the time I favoured their personalities, kindness, and safety and came to be physically attracted to them regardless of how other people perceived their outward appearance (my friends would occasionally make snide "you could do better" remarks). I have no regrets about dating these men as they treated me well for the most part and I learned and matured a lot thanks to knowing them.

 

When I started dating my fiancé, whom I considered to be more physically attractive than me (although pretty much everyone else tells me that I am crazy and we are equals), I was very insecure. It didn't help that he had other traditionally "attractive" traits, such as a successful career, a good education, and even something as silly as height. While these were things I never sought after (in fact one could argue I sought the opposite), I knew that other women did. And that can be a strange feeling, knowing that the guy you're with could have his pick of other women.

 

But the longer we've been together, the more I've realized that we really are equals. And the fact that I don't love him for those shallow aspects that other women are so drawn to is what has forged the bond we have now. The more we spend time together, the more I realize that neither of us would want anyone else for good reason. He could leave me for someone prettier, and I could leave him for someone hotter or richer. Sure, it's possible. But that's life. Trust is an important part of a relationship, and I choose to trust that my partner is not constantly wondering if he should "upgrade," because I know the thought has never crossed my mind in regards to him.

 

My ex, who most would argue was significantly less attractive than me, ended up cheating on me with a woman who was also significantly less attractive. He even then blamed said cheating on the fact that he was insecure that I was going to leave him to find someone better, and that he had sought to cheat as an ego-boost. You can argue the flimsy psychology behind that statement 'til the cows come home, but my point is that nothing is black and white. Every relationship has risks regardless of how well (or poorly) matched the partners are on the surface. But it's taken me a long time to learn that, and I'll admit that I'm a lucky one whose chips just happened to finally fall in the right place, so I understand all of the varying viewpoints on this issue.

[peruano99]

One of my contact who works with a lot of women and talked to them about this subject gave his thoughts about this.

 

 

I have had this conversation with a lot of women. I work with a lot of women. Seems like once or twice a year this comes up. It is funny to see because thats spot on how these girls react. And they get so MAD when it gets pointed out to them, or when they hear the logic behind the reasons we as men know it isn't a good idea.

 

Women will always need men to do things for them. They just will. That will never change unless we as humans evolve down a path towards some unknown "new species" or something.

 

Women will keep tons of guys around as friends because there's always the OFF CHANCE that the guy/s will do something for them eventually. Benefit them in some way. Anything. It could be one of SO many things. It doesn't even matter really what the thing is as long as the thing has value. One day the guy will do something, say something, share something, provide a service of some sort, protect her, advise her, accompany her somewhere, validate her, prop her up, make her look cool to some other guy, make her look cool to some other GIRL even.....

 

But it boils down to some specific benefit. Every time. 9 times out of 10 though it's mainly just for validation. Validation of her ability to snag a man. You being there, being her friend satisfies that need. There is comfort in that for her. On an evolutionary, animal level. Ask a girl who has male friends what each one provides. If she's honest she'll be able to list a few services and benefits. But the girls that CAN'T list specific reasons are too embarrassed to say validation. And they will be mad if you suggest that's what it may be. Even though the whole world knows its true, she won't ever outright say it.

 

Now reverse the subjects. Men don't really NEED women for anything outside of sex. Dead srs. I don't need her to protect me, validate me, do things for me, say nice things to me, accompany me somewhere, make me look cool to other guys or other girls. If you are an attractive girl and you are my "friend", I will pound your brains out the moment you give the hint it would be o.k. And if you are ugly I am most likely not going to keep you as a friend.

 

Now here is where the girls I work with like to try and get tricky but I lol at them and then lay more logic on them. They like to say "but jackslap, there are a TON of ugly girls here that you are friends with etc." And that is when I launch into my "friendly =/= friends" speech. That usually gets them to concede and try and change the subject.

 

There's a huge difference between being polite, courteous, professional, and simply a nice human being vs. being a "friend" which is someone who has a more CARING demeanor toward you, asks about your life, your family, your feelings, goes places with you, shares meals with you, becomes open to you emotionally.

 

The ladies like to play this game of saying they can be friends with guys because:

 

A: They don't want to look slutty by keeping a bunch of men on the hook all the time so they say they're just "friends"

B: It's embarrassing to admit they need that much validation.

C: They need things multiple men provide, not just one guy so they need multiple males on the hook all the time to get the things they need.

 

IS THIS THE CASE 100% OF THE TIME?????!!!!!

 

No. There is a small cross section of women out there who seem to have transcended this whole thing. They are the confident women who don't need your validation, the women who can provide for their own basic needs and won't keep a group of men on the hook to do favors for them when necessary. These are the women to search for. Even though it seems unnatural to you because you're used to providing a service for them providing sex, it really works better this way. If you can snag THIS type of girl you will know shes with you for YOU, because she enjoys you, not your services.

 

And I'm noticing that this is a much more frequent trait in women as they age. They figure this out along the way. The young ones are clueless and will repeat the dreaded friend zone cycle for a while till then grow up. Another very important point to consider is the fact that the more attractive a female is, the more validation she needs. A lot of men can't wrap their minds around this fact but it's true. It's because she's so used to getting all that attention from every guy she ever meets, the moment it doesn't come when she thinks it should it messes up her mind. Even the smallest most insignificant little things she will become extremely sensitive to. This is the cause of many male/female problems and also the reason why a lot of men agree that white knights are ***ing things up for everyone. Because now even girls that aren't really THAT attractive are getting an overabundance of validation and attention through social media. This is leading them toward the same levels of insecurity that the hottest of the girls have. And it is downright funny to think about.

 

I'ts a nasty twisted world we live in bro's. Gotta do the best we can out there. Can't believe I typed all that........

Edited March 12, 2014 by peruano99

[Biscous]

I used to because of my insecurity,i would date short guys i wasnt that attracted to because i knew there was no threat of women fawning over them like they do tall guys so i knew theyd be faithful becasue of lack of options what i didnt know was how insecure and awful these little *******s were and how they treid to prove thesmlves all the time.

 

First time i dated a tall good looking man he was secure in his masculinity because of his height and was just so calm and peceful and im so glad i chose him and im never going back to short angry dudes.

 

You seriously need to work on your spelling before criticizing others.

[peruano99]

No, because in most couplings people are on part with each other as far as looks. Some couples even look like brother and sister.

 

Read the posts throughout ls. Many men see dating beautiful women as a hassle. Maybe some women have similar feelings about hot men.

 

What you described is how a lot of men treat me - as an ego boost.

 

I see hot men with less hot women. I see hot women with less hot men. Most pairings I see man and woman are about the same.

 

Sometimes people value things other than looks.

 

Do you consider yourself attractive? I mean I am sure you are, but just curious.

[Tayken]

You seriously need to work on your spelling before criticizing others.

 

 

ahahahaha...not just that, perhaps a new username too

[tbf]

Relationships aren't superficial competitions. Either it's working or it's not. For the former, remain. The latter, exit.

[ascendotum]

HopelessRomantic76 I used to because of my insecurity,i would date short guys i wasnt that attracted to because i knew there was no threat of women fawning over them like they do tall guys so i knew theyd be faithful becasue of lack of options what i didnt know was how insecure and awful these little *******s were and how they treid to prove thesmlves all the time.

First time i dated a tall good looking man he was secure in his masculinity because of his height and was just so calm and peceful and im so glad i

chose him and im never going back to short angry dudes.

Ssssh! You're not supposed to admit to stuff like this on LS.

It is somewhat of a self perpetuating outcome/rationale.

[topaMAXX]

Ssssh! You're not supposed to admit to stuff like this on LS.

It is somewhat of a self perpetuating outcome/rationale.

 

Nah, that chick is BSing. She's just repeating things that she's seen on the interwebz.

 

Plus, she's 38 and types and sounds like she's 18. Not the most reliable storyteller.