Do women want to be the more attractive one in a pairing?

March 10, 2014

I have a friend whos a pretty good looking guy whos is pretty great shape. He says its regular for him to meet or date women who seem really insecure around him, or say and do really weird things

So he says "dude, to be honest, I just think women like feeling like they are the most attractive person in the relationship. These chicks always seem on edge with me, like Im gonna get taken by the next pretty girl I see. Or they dont have enough confidence in themselves or their body when Im with them"

He also mentioned a couple of chick friends who said hes "too fit" and that a lot of girls find a slightly more regular look sexier. (mind you hes got an athletic underwear model type body). Its almost like they are trying to knock the guy down a peg even though he doesnt put himself on any kind of pedestal.

My homeboy is super modest tho...and even I sometimes get the vibe when we are out, that some chicks who talk to him wanna act like they can get him, and then bail once theyve proved they got his interest. For example, flirting with and complimenting my friend...maybe even kissing and dancing later, but then wanting to play very hard to get after the fact =/

Thoughts?

March 10, 2014

Ehh... Seems like your friend is just normal.

Thoughts on what?

March 10, 2014

Ehh... Seems like your friend is just normal.
Thoughts on what?

Thoughts on the topic. I asked a question in the title, and expanded upon it in the OP.

March 10, 2014

In my experience, when you are more physically attractive than the guy, he treats you better, more like a catch. I have no problem landing gorgeous men, men who objectively are better-looking than I am. But in those relationships, the guys didn't appreciate me as much or treat me as well overall, probably because they saw me as more replaceable. There's a reason you often see an average guy with a good-looking woman, but rarely see the inverse.

March 10, 2014

In my experience, when you are more physically attractive than the guy, he treats you better, more like a catch. I have no problem landing gorgeous men, men who objectively are better-looking than I am. But in those relationships, the guys didn't appreciate me as much or treat me as well overall, probably because they saw me as more replaceable. There's a reason you often see an average guy with a good-looking woman, but rarely see the inverse.

Really? I see really good looking men with women I consider average just as much as I see the reverse.

Regarding your personal relationships though, I cant discount them. All I know is that personally, if I clicked really well with a woman, theres more than looks that contributes to her being a catch or not. Sexy women arent rare, so I wouldnt place a really hot girl on a pedestal and treat her more nicely in a relationship based on that alone. Id treat a girl extra well if I was sure she was someone Id want to be with for a while, so personally and character influence that the most.

In my personal experience, the couple times Ive dated women who treated me as though I was more attractive than them tought me a couple things. First, I did enjoy the ego boost in having someone be so much physically drawn to me and praising my body. Second, I hated when that behavior would end up turning into insecurity about their own looks and body. It was almost as if they didnt believe me when I told them how sexy I found them to be.

March 10, 2014

Personally, I think the question is just vain. and is different for both sexes.

Women want to look more pretty because men are visual creatures.

A guy may not be not so put together, because women, in general like different Attributes ie. Sense of Humor, Money, Style in general

March 10, 2014

Personally, I think the question is just vain. and is different for both sexes.

Women want to look more pretty because men are visual creatures.
A guy may not be not so put together, because women, in general like different Attributes ie. Sense of Humor, Money, Style in general

I dunno, people always say how visual men are and how women like other things, but my experiences have shown women to be just as visual. I see how they respond to my friend, and I see how much better women respond to me after I picked up weightlifting in the gym.

March 10, 2014

What is physically attractive to me in a man is not necessarily what is considered mainstream. I want a man who meets my personal tastes, but who does not have widespread appeal, and who feels lucky to have me. Maybe I'm insecure, but a bird in the hand is better than being a single mother somebody at 40 because I gained 10 pounds and he could do better.

March 10, 2014

Yes, in my experience the hottest guys give fewer compliments, do fewer nice things, are less generous in bed. They do tend to spend more money - but money comes more easily to hot people, so that doesn't mean much. These are generalities. I've seen some exceptions here and there.

I no longer avoid men for being too hot, but I am careful to screen them for these negative qualities. I went on a couple of dates with a very handsome fella recently, and he seemed into me and made it clear. But he wasn't a match for reasons unrelated to looks.

March 10, 2014

Kaylan, it is all about how women treat him.

Personally, I refuse to treat another person better simply because they have good genes. They don't deserve any different treatment.

I am self conscious and don't like people to stare at me all the time, but I am not different with the "hotties" than I am with any other person......

I find it works well for me. Even if I can see that I am "not as hot" as a guy, there is no reason why they can't find be attractive.

I am not all that secure with my looks. I am lazy these days and don't look my best, but I try to tell myself: " there is no reason why this good looking guy shouldn't be into me".

I mean, these women need to know of the delicate balance of attraction' spark, clicking and the it factor.....HARD to find but EASY to spot when you run into it.

I wish they knew that when it comes to finding true love, it is not that much about looks, although we all have our baseline standards......

When the pieces of the puzzle fit together, between your friend and a girl, she would be silly to discount the fact that he is into her simply because he is "too good looking"

March 10, 2014

I dunno, people always say how visual men are and how women like other things, but my experiences have shown women to be just as visual. I see how they respond to my friend, and I see how much better women respond to me after I picked up weightlifting in the gym.

Yeah, I don't buy that women don't care about looks - it's just that women generally care more about having a reliable, supportive partner than a sexy, unreliable one, as a reproductive stable strategy.

I never before felt the wild, primal attraction to a man as I did to my very fine recent ex. He was also crazy smart, hardworking, and other things I find very appealing - but his good looks definitely cast a particular spell on me. When he was good to me, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. But too often, he was lazy and unappreciative, in a way that men who don't get tons of attention from women rarely behave. I couldn't tolerate that.

March 10, 2014

He's suffering from the same issues anyone who is 'different' suffers from.

There was another thread not long ago from a guy who claimed to be very good looking who was complaining about people picking on him for no reason.

It comes with the territory. He'll have to learn how to fly below the radar a little and avoid mean people if he wants a break from that. Because he attracts attention naturally, it won't be easy.

March 10, 2014

Yes, in my experience the hottest guys give fewer compliments, do fewer nice things, are less generous in bed. They do tend to spend more money - but money comes more easily to hot people, so that doesn't mean much. These are generalities. I've seen some exceptions here and there.

I no longer avoid men for being too hot, but I am careful to screen them for these negative qualities. I went on a couple of dates with a very handsome fella recently, and he seemed into me and made it clear. But he wasn't a match for reasons unrelated to looks.

That's my experience too. Obviously, I like men that look good - but the trade off is not worth it. I need a man to adore me to feel happy. I tend to feel happier when I am the better looking one.

March 10, 2014

To answer your question. I dunno. I think we women are culturally programmed to believe that all men are driven by their hormones. If a guy was orders of magnitude more attractive than me, I'd have my doubts he was interested in a relationship with me... but I'd put him through the same paces I put any guy through. Could be your guy is just used to getting what he wants without much effort *shrug* so he gets annoyed when a woman doesn't just jump for him.

I haven't found a man's looks to have any bearing on his character or ability to love. It's pretty much human nature, though, to take for granted those things that come easy to you. Takes a lot of self-awareness to avoid it.

Less attractive men have different issues. They are more likely to let MY looks/abilities go to his head and think he's on some kind of dating good luck streak that he needs to parlay in other ways. They are just as likely to get GIGS as the hot(er) ones, if they have poor character.

The trick to avoiding either type is to seek men who are grateful and self aware, with good character. In my world, they all jump through the same hoops and I don't let their looks or lack of them affect my judgment that way.

March 10, 2014

That's my experience too. Obviously, I like men that look good - but the trade off is not worth it. I need a man to adore me to feel happy. I tend to feel happier when I am the better looking one.

How about only worrying about how they treat you, instead of purposefully going for someone you consider less good looking than you? I cant help but think this insecurity you and Ruby mention could turn into a self fulfilling prophecy.

Or maybe date someone on the same looks level?

March 10, 2014

Well I'll speak for myself in this case, it was definitely something I experienced younger and being in good shape, I wouldn't say facially I was the hottest guy but I was fairly good looking and my body was pretty hard to beat, I had a good build and spent most of my childhood and teens swimming in the pool and ocean then lifting weights in the gym playing sports...so naturally, it would always get me a lot of attention that for me was a bit uncomfortable and surprising, I wasn't the center of attention kind of a guy, I was pretty shy.

But other guys would be like "Psshhhh whatever" or ask the famous question "How did you get like that?" and women would be all giddy and excited over it like it was something special, but dating someone who was not in equal shape became a bit discouraging for them and they would feel worse about their own bodies and level of attractiveness, they felt a bit intimidated.

I never really cared too much about a woman's body and was never the type to critique and pick-apart every little detail, it was really women who taught me how to pick out and notice every little detail in women because they would always comment, critique or compare themselves.

But I met women like that, who paid so much attention to my own body as they did their own, they would comment or point out my abs and how I didn't have any fat and make the remark in this bitter type of tone, my muscular not so fat legs or butt...for example if they didn't have one or they carried their weight differently, they might say they wish they had skinny legs or a butt. And then you get the "Well, why would you want to be with someone like me? I'm so fat, you could have a hot girl", which for me was confusing, If I wanted to date someone else or be interested in them then I would do that, why would you say something like that to me? especially when for me it doesn't even matter. It kind of turned me off and was offensive, and I started to realize begrudgingly that my body, height, and looks seemed very relevant and maybe more important to them than me and how I felt, because that was over-ruled by the superficial qualities, it made me think to myself..."Why would I be with her if that's how she feels and sees this relationship?" I never felt entitled, hell I never even looked the way I did by choice necessarily, I just did the things I found fun and interested me, like playing sports and pushing my body.

I didn't say anything at the time to women other than maybe the typical reassuring words, I didn't really know how to react to that question or statement...I would just get that little stink face sometimes, the insecure look they make when they're a little uncomfortable with something and they pause like you can see that it's something that is making them feel bad in the moment.

But there's good news! I'm 33 now and I don't have that problem! I don't have the kind of body I did in my teens to early 20's, but in a way yeah, judging from the past, it is kind of a good thing in a way, it's one less to worry about..although I plan on getting back, I don't know if I have the dedication anymore since I would be doing it for getting back into shape rather than just having fun. I was never really the kind of person that was happy for getting attention for something very superficial, always rubbed me the wrong way rather than made me feel better about myself like it does for a lot of people, the attention is kind of...cheap.

March 10, 2014

First, I did enjoy the ego boost in having someone be so much physically drawn to me and praising my body. Second, I hated when that behavior would end up turning into insecurity about their own looks and body. It was almost as if they didnt believe me when I told them how sexy I found them to be.

I always praise the bodies of the men I've been in relationships with, and I've NEVER been with a guy with a gym body because I don't find that look attractive at all. You don't have to have a six pack and muscular arms for me to find something about you ridiculously sexy, whether it's something really small and unusual like the hair pattern you get on the trail down from a guy's bellybutton to his boxers, or a gorgeous stomach (which could be as much about the fact that I love how soft it feels to grab as that it's hard and muscular... give me the first most days!) or a really gorgeous neck etc. etc.

I can see the insecurity thing, though. I am quite physically attractive and have what is objectively a good body for a woman (I'm really slim, defined waist, 34DDs and long legs etc.) but I have my flaws like everyone and I'd probably be a little more self conscious about the things I DON'T like (really faded stretch marks from years ago, thighs that are a little wobblier than firm) if my guy was flawless. As it is, I tend to end up with average looking guys physically (with faces I find stunning) who think that my body is stunning. I think that's probably because the pool I tend to fish in (musicians mostly) isn't overrun with gym bunnies, and even if it were, I just don't find it attractive.

March 10, 2014

And then you get the "Well, why would you want to be with someone like me? I'm so fat, you could have a hot girl", which for me was confusing, If I wanted to date someone else or be interested in them then I would do that, why would you say something like that to me? especially when for me it doesn't even matter.

Yea, I think the biggest thing a lot of people can learn is not to project their insecurities onto other people. Easier said than done.

March 10, 2014

Most couples are evenly matched but when I seee a mismatch it's a chunky woman with a skinny guy. I see this a lot where I live. The women here on LS make it seem like women will date down befoe men will or rationalize that even though the guy is skinny the couples overall "market value" is the same. I don't want to date out of my league or a woman to feel like she's dating down with me but if the chunky girls are with skinny guys who am I supposed to date?

March 10, 2014

Women are harder on each other about appearances than men are with each other. Probably one reason women usually look better than their mate.

I guess the whole "metro" fad changed that somewhat but I still don't think many women want a guy that puts on her makeup and hogs the mirror.

March 10, 2014

When questions like this arise I always wonder if it's anything to do with the fact that women have many more tools at their disposal to look great. The average guy can take care of his skin and get a decent haircut, work out and stay in shape but that's about it usually. Women have so much more capacity to turn themselves from a 4 to a 7. Just look at the photographs of what celebrities look like without makeup versus their red carpet look for evidence.

So it's not hard for a couple that are evenly matched in their natural states to suddenly look off kilter when the woman is wearing full, properly applied makeup, has highlights and a blowdry, stylish clothing, breast implants, liposuction, a fake tan... men can do some of those things but not as many as ladies. Extra disparity if the guy has let himself go and doesn't bother with the decent haircut, isn't fortunate enough to have a full head of hair, lets himself get fat. Just some thoughts.

March 10, 2014

My bf is about my equal look wise. I happened to be SUPER attracted to him from day one though.

Where as my ex was about my equal, yet he thought he was better than me.

You can always "tell" when a guy thinks he can do better.

March 10, 2014

But there's good news! I'm 33 now and I don't have that problem! I don't have the kind of body I did in my teens to early 20's, but in a way yeah, judging from the past, it is kind of a good thing in a way, it's one less to worry about..although I plan on getting back, I don't know if I have the dedication anymore since I would be doing it for getting back into shape rather than just having fun. I was never really the kind of person that was happy for getting attention for something very superficial, always rubbed me the wrong way rather than made me feel better about myself like it does for a lot of people, the attention is kind of...cheap.

You would rather women appreciated you for your cynicism

March 10, 2014

I would rather not date someone much better looking than myself. I have found that I'm not attracted to very good looking men, which I think serves a purpose. There have been studies that found relationships are stronger when the woman is better looking.

It's rare to see a very good looking man with a not so good looking woman, so I don't think it's usually that much of an issue.

March 10, 2014

In reading this thread, the women's responses in this one make the LEAST amount of sense to me.

Edited March 10, 2014 by jba10582

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