Wife cheated,what do I do?

[drifter777]

LOLABLUE17, no I'm just a man who loves his wife who made a promise when we were married. I'm still angry and hurt about what happened, but as most of you have said, time will heal.

All regular posters here at LS know I can't let this go without commenting.

 

No, time will not - does not - heal. It's what you do with that time that can help you heal and IC is a great start. I couldn't go forward with a woman with the past your wife has but you are not me. Stick with your counselor and be "selfish" enough to do what's best for you and your emotional health.

[Deago]

Chi town and Drifter I understand what you are saying. But shouldn't I get my head straight first in IC? I'm still filled with anger. I don't want to position myself in a way that will just create more difficulties between my wife and me. I still love her and she has been a good mother and wife. In all aspects of our life together for 10 years it has been normal. She has never given any indication that I couldn't trust her. I never had a clue about her past. If when I first met her I had found out about her past I probably would have been excited to be dating a model. But it would not have evolved into a loving long term thing. After 10 years with her and getting to know her as a mother of my children and a wife, I'm going to give her some slack until I found out that possibly this life has been a lie. With counselling I hope it will bring us both together to face the past as well as the future. Honestly I don't have a clue how all of this will affect me in a month or two or three. It might be just to much. What would your reactions be if you found all this out about your wife. Would you stay, leave, what? Or give IC a chance to work?

Chi town your facts are almost correct, it did happen. She was having sex with him when I called, but she said she would talk to me later and hung up. She called me later in the day and said yes. I'm still trying to deal with it. I don't want to sweep any thing under the rug. I just want to make sure it's done the right way so my family can stay intact if possible.

You don't turn your back on someone if their sick physically or mentally. I don't know what was going through my wife's head at the time, I can speculate. Maybe she was scared of our relationship and was being self destructive, I don't know. But what I've learned about her past it is possible.

Thank you for your thoughts. Keep them coming, I need all the help about this that you are willing to give.

I FIND THE HISTORIES THAT ARE TOLD TO BE MOST HELPFULL. They help me cope. Learning how others have dealt with stressful situations gives me guidance.

Edited March 12, 2014 by Deago

[BeholdtheMan]

instead of ditching the manipulator you went ahead and proposed.

 

Bad move OP...very bad move

 

Get out of this mess while you still can

[miguelcervantes]

Deago,

 

• Your wife was not in love with you when she accepted your proposal (in fact, she was in bed with a handsome man making fun of you).
  
• Your wife is still not in love with you but settled for you.
  
• She has a sordid past.
  
• She has some mental issues.
  
• You still love her.
  

 

These are the facts that you have stated. Even if you want to help her with her illness, I don't think that this is why you should stay married. You have no idea what she might have been doing your entire marriage (the mental illness didn't go away).

 

You need to think carefully how you are prepared to spend the rest of your (one and only) life which is a long time!

 

Good luck.

[Deago]

In all of the discussions no one has mentioned my children, who are 8 (g) and 10(b). They have been insulated from all of this, as they should be. How do I or we proceed to make sure they are safe?

[BHsigh]

Deago,

 

• Your wife was not in love with you when she accepted your proposal (in fact, she was in bed with a handsome man making fun of you).
  
• Your wife is still not in love with you but settled for you.
  
• She has a sordid past.
  
• She has some mental issues.
  
• You still love her.
  

These are the facts that you have stated. Even if you want to help her with her illness, I don't think that this is why you should stay married. You have no idea what she might have been doing your entire marriage (the mental illness didn't go away).

 

You need to think carefully how you are prepared to spend the rest of your (one and only) life which is a long time!

 

Good luck.

 

The bolded parts are killers; I wouldn't even know how to get past these. The fact that she was in bed with another man when she accepted your proposal, while making fun of you, ouch. It's even worse that apparently they didn’t stop.

 

I don't even know what to say OP. If it was me, I would consider the whole marriage a lie, just based on the first point, plus the fact that she kept the memoribilia for this long.

 

As for your kids, they are by far better off with happy parents that are apart, than they would be with unhappy parents together.

[BHsigh]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Sorry, but ther is more to this.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]A few weeks after my wife told me about her screwing that guy I found my wife’s pre marriage diaries in a box in the basement, we had a water leak and I was cleaning up. I don’t think she even know she still had them. She and I got rid of all that old stuff years ago; at least I thought we did? It was under her parent’s possessions we got after they passed away. This box was probly mixed with her parents stuff at [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I read her diary. I found out that she was sleeping with her previous boyfriend when we started to date. She had told me they had broken up, but they were sleeping together the first 2 or 3 months after I started seeing her.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]There were more details about that weekend with that good looking guy that she never told me, maybe to spare me more emotional grief. Her dates name and phone number was there and she said he was gorgeous and; a women’s fantasy fulfilled in every way possible. She described his body in detail and there were a few Polaroid type pictures (17) of him and her in bed (graphic) naked. Her entries described their activities over the weekend, sexual and non-sexual. HE EVEN LEFT ENTRIES in her diary about his time with her. He described in graphic detail the physical activates he did to and with her and what she did with him. I’ve been married to her for just over ten years and we haven’t done some of those things; and she only knew him for a day or two. He wrote that I must be an “…hole.” He wrote that he heard me ask her to marry me and laughed, then had an orgasm at that second; I said earlier they were in the act. He closed his paragraph with, “I’ve left you well lubricated for your boyfriend and if you need a refill just call me. You have my name and number.” These words I will never forget. Since we were married months later and my wife became pregnant 2 to 3 weeks after that my twisted imagination began to think maybe my son might be his, he isn’t. I know how long sperm can live, but reading the details of their weekend together did a job on my mind, I threw up after I read her diary. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I didn’t know it at the time but he worked in the neighborhood we lived in. I would run into him occasionally and he would say high and ask me how my girlfriend was doing, and smile. He had met us walking to a store one day. I didn’t know who he was at the time; I just thought he was a friendly person from the neighborhood. A few months later I was married and around that time he said he heard about the marriage and wished me well. He also made a few joking remarks about my wife’s “charms” and implied she must be draining me to exhaustion with a certain action. It was a little graphic; I just assumed he was joking around like guys do. But finding out years later about her time with him, I now understand how he knew her.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]The fact that I have a face and body to go with what happened that weekend doesn’t help me recover or stay mentally ok. EVERYWHERE I LOOK I SEE THEM MESHED TOGETHER AS ONE. I touch apart of her body, he’s touching that part, I kiss her, and he’s kissing her. I can’t stop the pictures. At times it is as if I’m him touching her, it’s that strong a felling, a loathing hatred.[/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

 

She became pregnant 2 to 3 weeks after? Over the term of a pregnancy, 2 to 3 weeks in hardly noticable and will not raise any flags on the estimated conception date. I know that he will always be your son, no matter what, but I would recommend a DNA test just based on the fact that your wife had sex with another man just 2 to 3 weeks before she found out that she was pregnant. And it also sounds like it was unprotected sex on top of all of that, otherwise he wouldn't have asked her to call him if she needed a refill.

 

This is for your sons protection in the case of a medical emergency or genetic diseases, you never know.

[road]

Deago,

 

• Your wife was not in love with you when she accepted your proposal (in fact, she was in bed with a handsome man making fun of you).
  
• Your wife is still not in love with you but settled for you.
  
• She has a sordid past.
  
• She has some mental issues.
  
• You still love her.
  

 

These are the facts that you have stated. Even if you want to help her with her illness, I don't think that this is why you should stay married. You have no idea what she might have been doing your entire marriage (the mental illness didn't go away).

 

You need to think carefully how you are prepared to spend the rest of your (one and only) life which is a long time!

 

Good luck.

 

In all of the discussions no one has mentioned my children, who are 8 (g) and 10(b). They have been insulated from all of this, as they should be. How do I or we proceed to make sure they are safe?

 

 

 

 

 

We see what she did before she married OP. Though you chose to ignore she has been faithful since and that there are kids.

 

 

To divorce on what happened before the marriage without considering since then is to make a rash decision.

[road]

She became pregnant 2 to 3 weeks after? Over the term of a pregnancy, 2 to 3 weeks in hardly noticable and will not raise any flags on the estimated conception date. I know that he will always be your son, no matter what, but I would recommend a DNA test just based on the fact that your wife had sex with another man just 2 to 3 weeks before she found out that she was pregnant. And it also sounds like it was unprotected sex on top of all of that, otherwise he wouldn't have asked her to call him if she needed a refill.

 

This is for your sons protection in the case of a medical emergency or genetic diseases, you never know.

 

 

 

I agree. Too close to call. You need a paternity test. He will always be your son and you his dad whatever the test shows.

 

 

Though the test will give you more truth. And eliminate being nagged time to time for the rest of your life wondering.

 

 

Having truth will stop you seeking it. This is why the truth sets you free. With the knowledge you then can stop wondering and leave what happened in the past.

[Radu]

She and I disagree about our relationship at that time. She says we also weren’t living together, that I slept over some evenings and I had my own apartment. Yes I did, but I was hardly ever there, my brother was living in my apartment with his girlfriend all most all of the time. I believe this has been one of our serious issues, that we see things differently.

How do I deal with this? The aniversary of the day I proposed is in a few months, how do I face that day? How do we celebrate that date now?

 

What do you think will happen next time she believes that her relationship might end ?

[Radu]

Chi town: Please explain how this is sweeping it under the rug. I’m going to IC to deal with my issues. Then I will be in a better position to help my wife. My going to IC may even encourage her to go. How am I now ready to help her? I understand and know much more about her than I did before, but this info doesn’t prepare me to help her emotionally. I’m not arguing with you I just want more info about dealing with my issues and my wife’s.

 

What your issues ?

 

She is the one with a massive history of poor boundaries, who settled, who cheated repeatedly during your relationship, who refuses to acknowledge that she did wrong when there was a hint of trouble in your relationship ...

What do you think will happen in the future during other crysis ?

And if that's not bad enough, someone you call a BF [best friend ?] admitted to also lying to you for 10yrs straight.

In the end you are nothing more than an accessory, something that adds some equilibrium to her life.

[Deago]

If your assessment of me is correct, I am definitely a candidate for a psychiatrists couch and IC is what I need. Thank you for agreeing that I need help. I can't help her right now. My BF thought he was doing the right thing in keeping the info from me. He believed at the time that my wife's past should stay in the past; that's what my wife wanted. If his judgment was wrong, it was wrong, but he did it with good intentions.

Edited March 12, 2014 by Deago

[drifter777]

In all of the discussions no one has mentioned my children, who are 8 (g) and 10(b). They have been insulated from all of this, as they should be. How do I or we proceed to make sure they are safe?

I've mentioned that you can be a great father without living with their mother so don't make this your reason to stay.

 

You talked about getting your head straight in IC and I couldn't agree with you more. I advised that in my post right above that one and urged you to get into IC and take whatever time you need to work on this issue.

 

For me, there would be no way I could stay married to her. The horrible things she did back then would crush my spirit and I could find no peace until I walked away from her. This case is very extreme in the amount of disgusting behavior she happily participated in as well as her true history. You say she has been a model wife since you married and I cannot believe that to be true. Someone with her past and the amount and type of acting out she did scream "BROKEN" to me. Without psychological therapy she can't get better and you cannot fix her with love or concern. Your situation has a very poor prognosis because the damage you know about is almost certainly the tip of an ugly iceberg.

[Deago]

Last night my wife called my BF and wanted to talk with him. He told her that if it had to do with me, she should talk to me, not him. He told her that I was in bad shape since January, when she dumped that information about her screwing that Adonis guy the day I proposed to her. He told her that she needed to be there for me like he was there for her years ago. That, the knowledge of that incident with Adonis having been dumped into my lap was more than I could deal with. Also, that her reluctance to discuss anything with me wasn’t right and she needed to think about her families future, and at least talk to me. She told him she didn’t want to do that. He told her that’s her call. After she hung up he called me to tell me what had just happened.

This morning, after the kids went to school my wife told me she wanted to have a serious talk with me. She said she loves me and she was sorry for what happened that weekend. She said she really thought we were finished, and she was distraught about it; that she loved me but saw no future with me. When she met that Adonis guy he made her feel wanted. When he asked for her phone number she felt special. She repeated a number of times that she really had no intention of sleeping with him; all she did was think of me. That it just happened. She told me that there were no excuses she could give. She said that all she remembers was after dinner that he was holding her and telling her what a great women she was, how beautiful and intelligent she was and that any man would be lucky to be with her. The next thing she said she remembered was that her cloths were off and he was making her feel good. Since she believed we were done, she went all the way with him. She said there was a charm about him that put her at ease and she just went with what ever happened.

The reason she told me about it at all was because of the New Year’s party. We were at her company’s party celebration that night and she ran into Dr. Adonis. His wife works for the company that handles the advertising for her company. When he saw her he approached her and started talking small talk with her. After a few minutes of talk he asked her if she was still sleeping around and that he was available to continue where he left off. She told him to screw and found me, and hung to me all night. A couple of days later he called her at her work and asked if she wanted to go out with him the next day for a good time; her husband wouldn’t have to know. She asked him how he got her number; he said from the computer system, she blew him off. After that call she figured she had better tell me before I found out from someone else.

All of this was making me sick, and I was still pissed that she slept with him in the first place. I asked her about the pictures and diary. She said those things were disgusting and she should have destroyed them then. At that time, she said, she didn’t like what he was doing with the camera or his writing in her diary; she said she felt like a slut. She said she told him to stop taking pictures and writing in her diary, but he joked about it and just continued doing what he wanted. She said she tried to stop him, but he was bigger than her and he kept doing it and teasing. She said that at one point he threated to tie her to the bed and call his buddies, he didn’t. During all of this she said all she did was think of me and what she was doing to screw everything up. Then came the phone call, she said she didn’t want to answer it or talk to anybody, but he gave her the phone and seemed to enjoy his power trip. After he left she wrote in her diary as a catharsis, to vent. She knew I was coming home that night, so she took a shower and douched so she could get rid of any traces of him on her. She was going to trash that stuff the next day. She had put it in a small box and then a trash bag so I wouldn’t find it. With the upcoming wedding it just never got put in the trash and sat in the crawlspace. When we were moving her positions to her parents’ house to make room for my stuff it got put in her parent’s basement.

I’ve said writing helps me; I guess my wife and I have that in common. I told her I knew all about her past and I love her. She cried and said if we need to go to MC she would. She said she was afraid if I found out about her I’d leave that’s why she was hesitant to go.

Today I’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I’m glad I know the story, but the fact she did it still hurts.

[thummper]

God bless you, my friend. She sounds like she truly loves you and is terribly remorseful for the way things went. I really hope you two will be able to deal with this in a constructive way. It sounds like she feels like she is yours and is terrified of you walking out on her. All the best!!!!!!!

[AjisenHi]

Hi,

 

Sorry if I may have come across harsh before but as facts have come to light, it seems you and your wife have a wonderful opportunity here.

 

MC is a safe place to work through both your pasts ( who doesn't have one?) and move positively into the future. Good for both of you!

 

If I might suggest, your wife is remorseful for something that has happened 10 years ago and she values you and your marriage so much that she has been living in fear for the whole time that you would leave her. Now that she knows you are there for her, past and all, How much greater must her feelings for you be? And the relief for her must be immense!

 

Perhaps sometime in the future, a romantic proposal and renewal of vows can take place to bury that ugly memory once and for all.

 

Wishing you and your wife all the best!

[miguelcervantes]

This "Dr. Adonis" POS seems to be a huge ****bag too ! You really need to take him down - tell his wife. Get copies of any of those communications with your wife and send them to his wife. Destroy his world as much as you can - normally I would say focus on your wife only but he seems particularly vile and disrespectful AND is still pursuing your wife !

 

You need him to get a dose of retribution. What kind of doctor is he ? Destroy his income too if you can.

[Deago]

Miguelcervantes, I could not do that, put his wife through the horror of knowing. Right now I have other issues to deal with, since I found out this information I have been physically sick.

We just had another talk. She had called my BF to tell him she took his advice and talked to me. She asked how I knew about her other life. He said he told. She said she was glad it was all out. Then my BF told her that it wasn’t everything and she will need to fill in the rest. She was crying and hugging me and telling me how much she loved me. I didn’t quite know what to expect. I told her I love her and I’m here for her.

She said this goes back to when she was in Puerto Rico and she was with Paco (not real name). She told me about the drugs and how he would abuse her physically and mentally. That she posed as a nude model for adult magazines and film. But this I didn’t know and it was the reason she eventually called my BF who had been her boyfriend for help. She realized at a lucid moment, which she sad there weren’t many, she had sunk to the lowest point in her life and was drowning in drugs and physical abuse, and needed help; she felt as if she were dying. Paco kept her supplied with drugs. His business was supplying entertainment for visiting tourists. She said one party she was at was for a fraternity from a collage in Georgia, she thinks. There was a room filled with these young guys and she was the party; their party. She said she was their tramp, slut, etc., to be used anyway they wanted. She said they were animals in a feeding frenzy and urinated on her at the end of the party. She said the drugs she was on sort of made her numb to the experience. She said that after one party she had to go to the hospital to have burns and cuts on her body taken care of. This wasn’t the only party she attended.

I’ve cleaned up how she described these “F…ing parties.” I was crying with her as she told me the details. If you have ever been to sights on the internet that show women being physically abused, used in demining ways by multiple individuals, sadism/masochism slavery sights, that might be my wife. Paco had her taking care of multiple men at once. I’m sure you get the picture.

My BF saved her life by his intervention. She went to a rehap hospital and received therapy and counseling for a number of years. She was seeing a doctor while I was dating her and I didn’t know it. She told me that over the last 10 years she has occasionally seen a therapist so there would be no regression, I thought it was a regular doctor visit. Knowing all this has crushed me. I don’t know if I can deal with all of this. I spoke with my BF about all of this info which he knew about of course. He told me he loved (don’t mean romantic) my wife, and was there for her, but he couldn’t be her boyfriend. He couldn’t deal with her past, he had asked me if that made him a bad person. I don’t know if I can, there is only so much you can handle?

[Chi townD]

Well, the thing is, for the last ten years; as far as you know, she has been a devoted wife to you. Her past is her past. I told you that I thought that you were rug sweeping. Well, I can confidentially call your wife a rug sweeper. She tried to hide her past in a diary in the crawlspace. Now, her past is at the forefront and you're seeing that it's affecting her. She's getting physically sick. Believe it or not, this is a breakthrough for you.

 

 

I do strongly suggest that you both go into marriage counseling. But, I think it's important for her to do individual counseling for herself and not to see a therapist on the side periodically to try to hide her past from you. Things are out in the open and perhaps she can get more consistent treatment for her past trauma's.

[aliveagain]

The issue is not really her past because you didn't know her when she was this other person. The issue is the deceit, huge information was kept from you by her and your BF, information that might have changed your relationship with her. You don't know who your married to, which version of her will show up the next time your out of town and she's out with friends. What are the chances that some of these videos will show up on the internet when one of your children Google their parents? Every child eventually searches out their family on the net, is this a possibility?

 

Can you handle this information regarding who she really is even though shes been a great mother and wife for the last 10 years? You need to get yourself into IC before you make any final decision, don't do this without professional help. People mature, people change but you were still deceived, are you able to overcome the depth of deception? You now have children in the mix, it's not just about the two of you anymore.

[Deago]

I don't know how strong I am. Who is or was this woman I'm married to. How could she have sunk so low? I'm trying to be a supportive husband. But after what I have learned about her it's horrible. I just keep thinking of everything she has done. I see the pictures in my mind as well as the internet. I have gone to some of these sights to try and figure what makes a women do the **** crap she did. The abuse of their bodies and mind, I really never gave it any thought. I'm torn emotionally. She has been a great wife for 10 years but she's a tramp, a slut! My BF and she may have been right to hide this info from me all these years. I keep thinking I married a tramp, whore, slut; she's the mother of my children. What if the find out now or in a few years when they are teenagers. How are they going to cope? What if a friend or someone from their school finds out and posts that info on the internet. Or what if the find copies of her past work and put that on the internet for the world to see? I'm not strong, I'm falling apart. This is no longer a question about infidelity. Am I even at the right site for what I'm going through? I need to stop writing for now!

[Chi townD]

Are you on the right site? Depends on what you're looking for. Right now, you are on a roller coaster ride. It's called the roller coaster of emotions and they are all over the place. Lot's of ups and downs. Therefore, do not make any rash decisions while your emotions are all over the place.

 

 

Regardless if you stay with her or not. The one constant thing that's going to keep the two of you together is that you have to co-parent with her. So, you're going to be in each others lives for the next ten plus years like it or not.

 

 

So, calm down and take a deep breath. Get into counseling and get yourself taken care of.

[sidney2718]

If your assessment of me is correct, I am definitely a candidate for a psychiatrists couch and IC is what I need. Thank you for agreeing that I need help. I can't help her right now. My BF thought he was doing the right thing in keeping the info from me. He believed at the time that my wife's past should stay in the past; that's what my wife wanted. If his judgment was wrong, it was wrong, but he did it with good intentions.

 

And perhaps your BF knew that you tended to obsess over things and never let them go?

[sidney2718]

I don't know how strong I am. Who is or was this woman I'm married to. How could she have sunk so low? I'm trying to be a supportive husband. But after what I have learned about her it's horrible. I just keep thinking of everything she has done. I see the pictures in my mind as well as the internet. I have gone to some of these sights to try and figure what makes a women do the **** crap she did. The abuse of their bodies and mind, I really never gave it any thought. I'm torn emotionally. She has been a great wife for 10 years but she's a tramp, a slut! My BF and she may have been right to hide this info from me all these years. I keep thinking I married a tramp, whore, slut; she's the mother of my children. What if the find out now or in a few years when they are teenagers. How are they going to cope? What if a friend or someone from their school finds out and posts that info on the internet. Or what if the find copies of her past work and put that on the internet for the world to see? I'm not strong, I'm falling apart. This is no longer a question about infidelity. Am I even at the right site for what I'm going through? I need to stop writing for now!

 

YOU NEED HELP. Get some as soon as possible. You are not behaving in a normal way. You are misreading information and misinterpreting things.

 

I'll only go over the outlines: you were NOT in a formal relationship with your present wife when you proposed. You were not even in an informal relationship. Folks keep forgetting that and you have forgotten that too. Your present wife owed you nothing. You called her with the intention of asking her to marry you. She did not expect your call -- it was out of the blue. You can't blame her for what she was doing at the moment you called. But you do. That is unfair of you. Would you have been happier if she's said "Thank you for the offer, but at the moment I'm having my brains ****ed out by Adonis so I'd best turn you down."

 

Next item: Her choice of husband. She did not have to accept you. And I'd bet that it isn't even true that you were a second or third choice. You probably represented the kind of life she'd always dreamed of having and had, until now.

 

Next item: Her early life. If the tables were turned and you were a wife of ten years finding out that before you married your husband had had sex with every cute girl he met. And had been in orgies with lots of women. And was known as a real good-time guy. Would you be this upset? Would other posters here be telling you to divorce him now? The answer is no. Women are supposed to be pure and sexless until we honor them with our marriage proposal at which point they are supposed to become sex fiends who rip our clothes off at every opportunity.

 

Next item: Name calling. Calling you wife a tramp and a slut is not helping. It isn't even true. She's never tramped or slutted while married to you. The rest doesn't count. Or do you think that our early behavior ought to be branded on our foreheads for everyone to see?

 

Last item: Again, get help. You need a sense of proportion here. Your wife has never, in the past 10 years given you any hint of a problem. She's been with you all that time and has loved it. And she's been a good mother to your children. And you can't get over what she did back then? Do you think you'll ever find another woman as good to you as she has been?

[drifter777]

I don't know how strong I am. Who is or was this woman I'm married to. How could she have sunk so low? I'm trying to be a supportive husband. But after what I have learned about her it's horrible. I just keep thinking of everything she has done. I see the pictures in my mind as well as the internet. I have gone to some of these sights to try and figure what makes a women do the **** crap she did. The abuse of their bodies and mind, I really never gave it any thought. I'm torn emotionally. She has been a great wife for 10 years but she's a tramp, a slut! My BF and she may have been right to hide this info from me all these years. I keep thinking I married a tramp, whore, slut; she's the mother of my children. What if the find out now or in a few years when they are teenagers. How are they going to cope? What if a friend or someone from their school finds out and posts that info on the internet. Or what if the find copies of her past work and put that on the internet for the world to see? I'm not strong, I'm falling apart. This is no longer a question about infidelity. Am I even at the right site for what I'm going through? I need to stop writing for now!

You have just listed plenty of reasons for ending your marriage to this woman. You are never going to accept her because of what she did because her "victim" story may be true to a point, but she made decisions early in your relationship to cheat and, worst of all, to make fun of you while in bed with another man. The things she wrote in her "diary" from that day are so cruel, so disgusting that I don't see ANY man being able to forgive her. As I said before, I don't think that someone as broken as your wife could be faithful for the past 10 years but that's for you to ponder. Just know that you will never accept this and if you don't divorce her you will regret it every day for the rest of your life.