stevie123 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Hey Guys, I'm heart broken (again). About a year ago I met this amazing wonderful girl. She was the sun the sky for me. She's 32 and I'm 38. I had a marriage breakdown (divorced with 3 kids), and was getting over that and moving on, then met this girl. All along the way she's brought out the absolute best in me, and I in her. She's been amazing about everything - even met my kids and has become a part of their lives. They adore her and love her to bits. The past year has been amazing. We've travelled so much, had so many good times together with just us, as well as with our friends. So much fun we've never stopped laughing together, and she's become my best friend and we're so healthy in every department. Except when it comes to my ex, and having to deal with her. Obviously, because I have children, I have to keep in contact. My old marriage broke down because my wife had an affair and left me for another man. Long story short - but we recently decided to buy a home together. This was a stressful thing to do because of finances, and moving etc etc... as it always is when buying a house. Anyway, we'd had some arguments and were quite stroppy with one-another but nothing crazy. But yeah, over the past couple of weeks wasn't the most fun. Anyway, on Friday last week she went out for drinks and came home pretty drunk. I had been drinking too. We were talking about her night and had a stupid fight. It ended up being huge and we both said stupid nasty things to one-another. It wasn't good, but all couple's I'm sure have these fights somewhere along the way. She left and stayed with her sister. Meanwhile I had the kids over for the weekend. She wouldn't contact me at all, and even her sister asked me to leave her alone. I couldn't believe it. Only weeks earlier we were so excited about starting a new life, getting engaged, even talked about having babies. In the background I knew she was worried about other things, like she'd recently left her job because she was unhappy and hasn't found a new one yet. I am financially stable so it's not an issue although I do know she enjoys her independence. So last night I get a massive email from her explaining she can't be with me anymore. She said she'd been asking to know more about how I felt about my ex and the kids through counceling sessions because I do sometimes feel a little down about the kids - just birthdays and times like that when I can't see them and they are with my ex. She said that she thought she could handle being with the kids, and dealing with my ex, but is too immature and can't. Then offered to meet with me today for a coffee, to which I said yes. We met, and I listened to her, and sympathised. I offered so many ways to make this work because what we have is too amazing and special to let go. I offered counceling for me, and for us and if she wanted to see someone and wanted me to go occasionally to hear what she has to say then I would come. I also said we shouldn't rush on selling the house (she wants to do this ASAP), and should could just move to her sisters for a while and I'd give her space and let her have some space, and when she's ready maybe we could start to date again, and take things very slowly and see how we go - whether it be tomorrow, next week, in a couple of months or whatever - I said I'd wait if she wanted me to. She was crying and crying and so sad, but said she knows she won't change her mind and I should respect that. I said I would, but I'm crushed. I'm so broken, and I can't eat or sleep. I'm a mess. She's gone back to the house to collect more things, and will contact a real estate agent to get the house back onto the market. I'm absolutely beside myself. I've let her into my life, and the kids adore her. I love her more than anything. Is there any way back from this? I don't mind if we sell the house and go back to just dating for a while, while she sorts her feelings out and how to deal with my past. I do love her. I really do. I'm planning on just leaving her alone and letting her go for a while. I won't ignore her because she'd never text me drunk or ask me silly things late at night or wonder what I'm up to. I think she's pretty cold like that. But would just letting her go be the way to let her think and miss me and maybe come back? I know that it is good for me to get on with my life, but I really do love her and she loves me. I want to make it work. I honestly do. Any thoughts would be so appreciated
flightplan Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Man, that sucks. Sorry your having to go through this. I don't mean to be indelicate about this but are you sure she hasn't become emotionally invested in any one else? I know how the whole blended family thing can freak some people out and maybe that's freaking her out, but those are workable issue's. Usually when they're so adamant about not changing their mind, they've been thinking about it a long time, which means, she's processed it and ready to move on. It's a crap sandwich, no doubt about it, but it sounds like she's truly freaking over the blended family or she's checked out emotionally with another man and can envision other options that are more appealing to her. Whatever the case, hang tough...
Author stevie123 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Thanks Flightplan. I don't think she is seeing someone else I just don't. I've been there before with my ex-wife and I know the signs. She was only telling her friends last week how happy she was and couldn't wait to marry me. It seems like it's been something simmering underneath for a long time and just getting worse till we had a fight which is what brought it all up. I wish I could get it into her head how much I'm committed to fixing these things, and making her feel more secure in our relationship about all of that stuff. She's a VERY stubborn girl and I know she won't easily change her mind unfortunately
OzHeartache Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Hey Stevie I was seeing a girl for over a year (not my most recent ex), I have a child from a previous marriage, she said at the beginning that she was fine with it After about a year I got the "I think we should have some space".......... Dragged it out for about 3 months until I forced her to make a decision, she said "I want to have kids but I don't want to have them with someone that already has them"..... My point being until they are actually living in it, they really don't know how it is so they can decide its not for them, It sucks and its not your fault but its unfortunately reality for a lot of people incidentally, I also didn't think she was seeing anyone else although a few months later I found out she was with someone pretty soon after we broke up..... someone from her work..... (no idea because I haven't spoken to the biatch since I got the email explaining why) not saying that your wrong, just keep your eyes open that it is a possibility..... our situations seem very similar that's all Keep your chin up mate
Author stevie123 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Thanks OzHeartache. Yeah maybe there's other options for her, but I don't know if she's gone down that path yet. She seems really quite upset. She said today that although she loves my kids, it sounds awful but wished they didn't exist... it hurt a lot to hear. I just think she has so many issues about it all. I really wanted to go talk to someone about it with her. She doesn't want to take that option
OzHeartache Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 She said today that although she loves my kids, it sounds awful but wished they didn't exist... yep, its tough mate but at the same time, You want someone to take you for who you are....... and that's "a man with Kids".... its a package deal I've seen 2 others (both never married or kids and 38-40yrs old) since this girl I mentioned, 6 weeks and 4 months and both dumped me for the reasons of "Your awesome but i'm just not feeling it"............. Can't help but wonder if the split life (them/kids) has something to do or could be they just have unrealistic expectations/commitment issues as both relationships were similar to yours, great fun and hardly any fighting In the end my Boy will always come first...... We just gotta keep going, there are many girls out there that this wouldn't be an issue for.......... we just gotta pick ourselves up., dust off and keep going and searching
Author stevie123 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I'm not so sure if it's the kids so much as my ex having to contact me about them all the time. She absolutely HATES my ex and when her name comes up she goes into crazy rants about her. Has a lot of paranoia about her trying to ruin our life or something... seriously she's really affected by her. I just think with some counselling it could be better. I can't drag her there she needs to come for herself. She's so good with the kids, and they love her. It seems such a WASTE. I just wonder if time maybe she'll think of the good things and miss me and find her way back to work things out, or if she's really never going to look back. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance from somewhere, but I know that's probably not what I'm going to hear. Nobody knows except for her. Maybe someone has some experience or stories when things can get better??
Author stevie123 Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Ok, so she just spoke to my mum... sad that she doesn't want to give me false hope, but maybe down the track maybe we could revisit things once I've finalised everything with my ex wife, but she is too unhappy with the situation for now. But she broke down many times crying and sobbing and expressed how much she loves me, but can't cope with my situation. This really, really sucks. My heart is breaking, her heart is breaking... why does it have to be so hard.
Author stevie123 Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 Whoa... so 4 days after our fight. I thought she'd be starting to think straight. Nope, I get a call from the lawyer to say she's contacted them about selling the house already?? WTF! She's just moving SO QUICKLY.. I was going to call her parents to see if they could give me some kind of insight on how to handle her right now. It's as if she's having a psychotic episode of some sort??
tlegend Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Whoa... so 4 days after our fight. I thought she'd be starting to think straight. Nope, I get a call from the lawyer to say she's contacted them about selling the house already?? WTF! She's just moving SO QUICKLY.. I was going to call her parents to see if they could give me some kind of insight on how to handle her right now. It's as if she's having a psychotic episode of some sort?? I think she's just trying to speed the breakup along.....
Author stevie123 Posted March 17, 2014 Author Posted March 17, 2014 Ok, so I just heard from her. I haven't spoken a word to her in over 5 days. It was just a nice friendly text asking me to meet for coffee. I'm sure it's about how to go about selling the house. I'm petrified. I want to see her so badly, but if I turn up and she's all blasé and nonchalant I'm going to feel so bad. She's run into a couple of my friends over the weekend (even today), and had the same attitude about everything. I wonder if I should ask what she wants to talk about, or just say yes and go see what she's got to say for herself?
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