MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 I've been with this girl for a little over 5 years. Our relationship has always been rocky with fights happening more then normally. On several occasions she tried to break up with me multiple times with a majority of the time me begging her to stay. Recently (a month ago) though she said she wanted to take a break from me and get some time to think about us. She said she wanted to see if she was better off without me or not (this was a few days before valentine) She mentioned about taking a break before but I always tried to avoid a break because I was afraid of losing her. This time however I decided to just give in and say ok take as much time as you need. The next day she sent me a message saying "I really miss you but I need this, Thank you for understanding" I didn't respond. A few hours later she messaged me again saying that she wanted to talk to me. So we talked and she said it was stupid of her to do the break thing and that she wanted me to be her valentine. I was surprised how fast she wanted to get back together again but this isn't the point. Any who the past month has been less rocky the fights were a lot less probably only 2 or 3 and were minor. But i noticed a change in her attitude she seems to be trying a lot more to not upset me, and to say nice things to cheer me up but it also feels like she's just reading of a script (i don't know how else to put it, sorry if it isn't making any sense). The intimacy is a little strange I'm not sure how to describe it, sex is more frequent but i feel like she's not 100% there, like she's not enjoying it as much as she use to in the past. Maybe I'm just paranoid (I am quite paranoid unfortunately always thinking she's up to something but never once did she lie to me in our relationship, at least nothing big, or maybe i'm just not use to this I don't know) I would like just get opinions on this.
Author MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I would hate to think she is hiding something, but i do have to keep that a possibility. I should have added that when she wanted me back that she is still unsure of how things are.
Author MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 That's the thing, she never lied to me about anything big. The only thing she lies about is if I ask her if she's ok. But how would I verify? I don't think i could sneak and check her phone
sunoco Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 You werent doing your usual chasing and she panicked...maybe is thinking she doesnt want to loose you, therefore acting, bettering and complying with things you guys were previously fighting about? Maybe shes thinking "wow i pushed as far as can and he wants out so i need to prevent from happening so"? As for the distant intimacy, HUGE RED FLAG, unless shes taking some meds that alter mood..I personally was distant when I knew it was done and tried to force myself to basically "fall in love again" or when I had someone else and just couldn't bring myself to break up
Author MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 So the huge Red flag could imply that she might be with someone else?
Author MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I would like to but i tried so many countless times trying to talk it out. She's not much for talking though. Her usual response to our conversations is "I don't know" that's what i get from her most of the time.
sunoco Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 I would like to but i tried so many countless times trying to talk it out. She's not much for talking though. Her usual response to our conversations is "I don't know" that's what i get from her most of the time. Tell her you need to talk. Tell her, she has been distant and "...blahblahblah...", and tell her you are afraid if she doesnt hash it out with you soon, right now-soon, you will eventually stop caring about her will all the worries in your head and ultimately end the relationship. Give her a choice and yourself an answer though, but letting her know that its all up to her RIGHT NOW on how she wants this to turn out in the future. If she says, IDK..then she doesnt care about the future of you two
Author MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) I'll try, right now isn't going to be the best time since I'll be going to disneyland with her and her family. I rather not ruin the time, ill wait till after to talk about things. The thing like i said I get very paranoid and I always end up being wrong. So maybe I'm over reacting, she was even honest the last time there was intimacy. After she mentioned she wasn't in the mood but she tried anyways for me. The only thing i felt her being distant in was the intimacy. Edited March 10, 2014 by MrGuy
sunoco Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 I'll try, right now isn't going to be the best time since I'll be going to disneyland with her and her family. I rather not ruin the time, ill wait till after to talk about things. The thing like i said I get very paranoid and I always end up being wrong. So maybe I'm over reacting, she was even honest the last time there was intimacy. After she mentioned she wasn't in the mood but she tried anyways for me. It's best to ambush - bring things up out of the blue, when things are good - because you will get answers, honest ones instead of angry ones. Things don't get held back, and convo gets further and actually resolved. Good luck!
melell Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Regardless of what she may or may not be hiding, or her reasons for acting differently- it sounds like her fickleness is (and has been) making you anxious/uncomfortable. If I was with someone who was hot and cold, uncertain, and had sweeping changes in behavior, I would be feeling incredibly insecure. I don't blame you at all for feeling this way. If it continues, it will for sure lead to some form of resentment- which will lead to more fights. And it has potential to really cripple your sense of self. As humans I personally think that feeling comfortable is reliant on feeling some sort of security, and both of those things are crucial to being happy. The behavior needs to change if you don't want to be stuck wondering what is going on, and honestly you should be in a relationship where you don't have to be distressed about these things..
Author MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 there's always the possibility that she isn't hiding anything either. I would like to think that is the case and that she's just trying to make this work. I was not the best boyfriend when it first started but i fixed what was wrong. If anything she was also distant a few months ago but she wasn't nice, now she is. Like i said the only thing i felt distant in was the intimacy. But yes it does make me uncomfortable at times
SunnySide0418 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 No, don't start snooping. Obviously you're feeling like something is wrong. Why not sit her down and discuss your feelings and reservations? I completely disagree. Start snooping. Your gut is telling you something and you need to look out for yourself. If you feel something is off it most likely is. Her being wishy washy to me says she is thinking if others might me a better fit. SNOOP.
Author MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 I don't think i can bring myself to snoop. It wouldn't be right, bottom line is she just hasn't been the same with intimacy as she use to be, it's been 4 months since she was herself intimacy wise in between that she didn't even want to have sex at all saying she was never in the mood because of all the fighting. She's been nice to me (not that she hasn't before) but i noticed she's trying harder. If i could get more opinions I appreciate it.
Author MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Exactly it'll be never ending I'll always want to keep snooping. I want to trust her, but I also want to stop feeling like this. I keep questioning myself what's really going on, and I'm getting tired of it.
babycakees Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Do NOT snoop. My ex did that to me 3.5 years into our relationship. It was a nightmare! I wasn't even doing anything wrong, either. He would log into my facebook, check my phone, email, get on my computer while I was at work. Constantly looking for me doing something wrong...all because he told me he didn't think I was the one, then changed his mind. I guess he assumed because he slapped with in the face with the info that he didn't think I was the one that I was out looking for someone else. I lived with him and it was the worst thing ever!
Author MrGuy Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Do NOT snoop. My ex did that to me 3.5 years into our relationship. It was a nightmare! I wasn't even doing anything wrong, either. He would log into my facebook, check my phone, email, get on my computer while I was at work. Constantly looking for me doing something wrong...all because he told me he didn't think I was the one, then changed his mind. I guess he assumed because he slapped with in the face with the info that he didn't think I was the one that I was out looking for someone else. I lived with him and it was the worst thing ever! Sorry to ask but I'm just wondering, did you happen to act like my girlfriend? You know kept distance etc. or tried to be nice to him to gain his trust? Sorry to ask but i am curious
Recommended Posts