Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I met this man over coffee about 2 weeks ago. He's good looking, very smart, impressive career, fit, and as a bonus he's 8 years younger than I. That evening we met, the first thing he told me was that when he got in the parking lot a few minutes earlier some man called him up from his car and said he needed some help. Instead of going to the guy to see what kind of help he needed he hurried in the other direction!!! Right there, with this story, he killed every bit of masculinity I saw in him. This was early evening, in a starbuck parking lot, in suburbia land!! No ones life was in peril. The poor guy probably just needed his battery boosted. So him and I had our coffee. Since then he's been heavily pursuing me for a second date. I finally said yes for this next Wednesday so I need to get over this by then lol. Am I superficial? To all the ladies here would that have turned you off as well?
mammasita Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I would be a bit turned off, but would definitely give him the benefit of the doubt. If I were him, I probably would have left that tidbit out, but look at it this way....maybe he was thinking he was being safe....Is he from a big city? Or he could have been making sure he was on time for your meeting. Tons of reasons..... 1
Copelandsanity Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Did you ask him why he ran off? At least where I am (NYC), that's not a peculiar reaction and I doubt any woman would hold that against me. It depends on the situation, but you cannot trust any random stranger who needs help. It's gotten me in bad predicaments - one of them dangerous - so I'm selective with being a Good Samaritan. Espeically with a younger male...chances are that I'll blow him off, but like I said, I read the situation. 2
HappyLove Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I don't think it's a matter of being superficial. I think it was just a turnoff. This is one of those things he should have kept to himself. Did he say why he didn't help? Afraid to mess up his suit or something? I mean nowadays with people you just never know about people who act like they need help. But I see where you'd be turned off. I don't think it's a deal breaker you'll be over it soon enough.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Yes, that would have turned me off as well. But I don't think I'd write him off for it. My ex was very generous and helpful with any stranger in a predicament, and I respected that - but he grew more mean and critical toward me as time went on. So the heroic, helpful temperament does not automatically make a man a good romantic partner. And I imagine the inverse is also true.
Chubbi Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 He can improve. He can change. Perhaps he told you the story because he felt guilty?
Author Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 In few words I think he explained why... I am from South suburbia which means majority population is white, I am white. He's from the North side of our city where majority of black people reside, he's a black man. After this story he said something like: this black man isn't dying in white suburbia tonight. 1
HappyLove Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 In few words I think he explained why... I am from South suburbia which means majority population is white, I am white. He's from the North side of our city where majority of black people reside, he's a black man. After this story he said something like: this black man isn't dying in white suburbia tonight. Haha, so he felt threatened and uncomfortable in your neighborhood. Don't think it's a deal breaker. 2
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Did he say why he hurried in the other direction? This would be a turn off for me, not on the masculinity side, but on the humanity side. I find it a very noble and attractive thing when men go out of there way to assist others in need. I think it speaks a lot for their character. Now if it was in a dark alley or shady part of town, I might understand his turning away. But in the parking lot of a Starbucks? Eh...
Tayla Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Truly not enough information to make a positve response. The "jump to the conclusions" is what is causing this dilema in the first place, she is assuming something that may or may not be true of the gent. therefore she has already judged his character. My immediate perception of a man telling me that story would have been " Ohh he sounds like a cautionary gent, wise choice for him." Perhaps he could have at least called a toweing service or offered to make a call on behalf of the stranger...otherwise he did nothing inappropraite.
MidwestUSA Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 In few words I think he explained why... I am from South suburbia which means majority population is white, I am white. He's from the North side of our city where majority of black people reside, he's a black man. After this story he said something like: this black man isn't dying in white suburbia tonight. Well, if I'd have let the first incident slide, his reasoning here would have brought the coffin back with a hammer and a box of nails.
Author Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Well, if I'd have let the first incident slide, his reasoning here would have brought the coffin back with a hammer and a box of nails. haha, couldn't help laughing at that one! 1
GoreSP Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 It would be a turn off. I don't think it would be a dealbreaker though.
Author Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 No it's not a deal breaker, I did accept a date for Wednesday. I am working hard at deprogramming my thinking here. When I date a man though I want no confusion over who's the male and who's the female lol.
Tayken Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Listen....where was the mommy's boy going with that story anyway? Someone your age or slightly younger won't have divulge such a silly story It's not going to work, ignore his a$$ and move on. Oh, am a man by the way...a REAL man in Ontario I met this man over coffee about 2 weeks ago. He's good looking, very smart, impressive career, fit, and as a bonus he's 8 years younger than I. That evening we met, the first thing he told me was that when he got in the parking lot a few minutes earlier some man called him up from his car and said he needed some help. Instead of going to the guy to see what kind of help he needed he hurried in the other direction!!! Right there, with this story, he killed every bit of masculinity I saw in him. This was early evening, in a starbuck parking lot, in suburbia land!! No ones life was in peril. The poor guy probably just needed his battery boosted. So him and I had our coffee. Since then he's been heavily pursuing me for a second date. I finally said yes for this next Wednesday so I need to get over this by then lol. Am I superficial? To all the ladies here would that have turned you off as well?
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