don't_break_even Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Hello LS members, so my question is a simple one. My ex of 2 years dumped me 4 months ago, went NC on me 2 months ago, than reappeared out of the blue last weekend to text me everyday and call me about every other day the past week. He told me he never lost feelings for me, still cared, missed me, and thought we still have a chance to get back together but have to take things slowly day by day. Now at the same time he has 2 online dating sites he yesterday added new pictures to, and I know for a fact he is messaging other girls. ( I know his passwords) When I confronted him on it he said he hopes I'm not taking it seriously that he was on those sites, he is just talking to people and making friends. My question is why is he even bothering talking to me everyday if he is on these sites, it seems if he was interested in making us work down the road, and meant everything he said he wouldn't need to be putting himself out there like that. So, what reasons do you guys think he reinitiated, and has been keeping up contact with me the past week?
Allumere Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 What was the reason for breakup? Not in his head but a) he has been doing OLD and not having any luck so is looking to you to fill the void until he hits the jackpot b) bored and lonely and he knows you are still there or c) met some great women while dating but he realizes they aren't you. I would say if he is really interested in dating again you need to ask what has changes/been fixed etc. since the breakup? You also need to tell him that if he is serious then dating means you only. And lastly are you interested in dating him? Can you handle if it doesn't work again...in other words can you manage your expectations? 1
Author don't_break_even Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 (edited) We broke up because the last 6 months of our relationship I was dealing with stress of money and from my job and for some reason I ended up taking a lot of my frustrations out on him. I gave him hell and I regret it every day because he did nothing to deserve any of it. He warned me many times that if I didn't snap out of it he would leave and gave me many chances, sat me down crying and begging me to change but I didn't and we split. I was shocked he even contacted me again in the first place. Yes, I would love nothing more than another shot to show him I can treat him like the man he deserves to be treated like, however I feel he may be over the relationship.. at least for the time being. He may feel to keep me around to see if I changed so he has a back up plan should nothing better come along, but I know he has already gotten other girls numbers online since we started talking again. That I'm not ok with. Edited March 9, 2014 by don't_break_even
Allumere Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Well that relationship is in fact DEAD. You have to view it as new. - You have to stop snooping. Seriously, you have no right accessing his accounts. You aren't together, he owes you nothing, and you are already in a position of distrust. - Have your circumstances changed? How do you now manage the stress? You have to be different/better then before if you feel you were in fact placing burden on him and not treating him well. -Well again, there is no clear intent on either side at this point so getting the numbers doesn't bother me as much....if you are at the point where you have spent some time together (casual) and agree to give it ago then the number go away 1
Author don't_break_even Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Yes, I know for a fact that the snooping is not helping me as it just hurts me every time I log on and see him messaging another girl. As for the stress, Yes I ended up getting a really amazing job I applied for way back when we were together, and wouldn't you know it as soon as we break up I get a call saying I'm hired. I have been doing really well with the job to the point I been able to pay all the bills now by myself without having him around to split everything. And, finally no we had not made any clear plans to met up yet and talk thing over. It was more of a we'll meet in a week, and take things day by day for now. None of it really matters anymore, since we had been talking this past week he has been messaging me all day from early in the morning. After him getting his phone numbers last night I figure he is busy talking with the new girls as I have not heard a peep from him all day, and I sure am not going to message him. I want to see if I even hear from him again now that he has new girls to talk to. I kind of figure he was only in contact with me because he didn't have anyone else to talk to for the past week. Now that he does, I'm out like the trash.
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