hotpotato Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Why is it that the only tradition some women want to keep are the ones they benefit from? We have had a few decades now of women rejecting tradition but now since they are being asked to sometimes risk rejection and ask men out or pay for their own meal they all of a sudden want to throw feminism out the window? Not every woman is a feminist. I have never in my life seen or heard of what you getting at. Beautiful women have all the options in the world. If a beautiful woman for whatever reason finds herself in that situation , she needs to learn how to approach. Not true, at all. Why should a beautiful woman risk being with a man kinda likes her or wants to bang her really fast? lol Well I agree on that one, so many people who are not fit to be parents have babies. But that's the whole biological thing again... if you are extremely attracted to a person, then it means your genes want to get together and make an offspring. Women have to be pickier because one offspring takes nearly a year, whereas a man can make so many more offspring within the same period of time thus he isn't required to be as selective. And again this is a generalization. SO many women don't have kids because they can't find the right man. How many attractive and successful women you know who get knocked up? Not many. Most 'knock ups' are just the average females that men actually approach and are not intimidated or fearful. (In other words, the average women get laid far more than the beautiful, successful ones, thus their chances of getting pregnant obviously increase.) So back to square one. Successful and beautiful females are often single and babyless because men, for whatever reason, don't approach. Those that get "knocked up" are the ones who are approachable or that men do not fear to approach, a.k.a not extremely successful and attractive women. Which is kinda contradictory if you think about it. Shouldn't the most successful and beautiful women be the most desirable? I guess not since men rarely approach them and would rather go the easy route with the girl next door (or whatever that expression is lol). A lot of men do not even want beautiful women, just reads some threads on ls. Physical beauty isn't always what men value most in women. A woman need only be average to attract a man, so I agree. I can agree with the OP in that I want a man to approach me. I'm not into that "New Age" stuff either. I want a man who is a MAN and will go after what he wants. I've had very old and very unattractive men approach me, and I dont get the shyness that some guys have. I have mostly done OLD so far because it's easier for men to approach. 2
SpringBaby Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Do guys know that you are single? As I said in your intimidation thread, it's very possible that men think that you're too good to be true (pretty, friendly, single) so they don't bother. When you talk to men you need to let it slip that you are interested in meeting new guys, but do so in a way that isn't desperate or just looking for sex. This is exactly why I ask guys for their opinion, I get this a lot but people think you're exaggerating if you say it. Especially when you're not in an environment like a nightclub or something. I had one guy start to approach me and his friend said out loud "Uh uh, don't do it, that's not you, don't make a fool of yourself." And he didn't approach, that was mean, but he was right though . 1
SpringBaby Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Well, if you really want to become un-bored and have more success, you could actually start asking men out. Asking them out doesn't mean you're slutty or only interested in sex. Sheesh. It never fails to amaze me how women insist that men do all the work in relationships and then blame them if things go sideways. Technically this is not the relationship stage, this is just the meeting stage. Real women like gentlemen. Online you have to initiate sometimes but I like alpha men who know how to get things done.
SpringBaby Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Men are conditioned these days to leave women alone in public and the only men that usually cold approach are jerks that just don't care. Ohhhhhh, I didn't get this memo. Now you tell me:). 1
SpringBaby Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 See this is the problem. Feminism was fighting for equality, so that women didn't have to be passive anymore and be at the mercy of men's own agenda and...oh wait. Nevermind I was enjoying your pic, then I read your post...ugh. I was wondering when the feminism thing would come up. I hate when men apply that ideal to relationships or assume that every woman subscribes to the idea of pants-wearing... sounds "tool-ish."
Imajerk17 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) Well, I cold-approach all the time, or used to (I'm seeing someone right now). And I'm not a jerk. Thing is though, that I do it for myself. As in, I see the girl and I am really physically attracted to her so I want to take the chance and meet her. As much as I get the biological imperative of women to take the more passive approach in dating (see my last post on here), there is something about the women's posts on this thread that kind of gets me. YOU are responsible for your own happiness. Sorry Hopeful, but men don't owe you an approach or a date or whatever just because you feel you're deserving of one. Just as you act in your own best interest, so do men. If you're not getting what you want it is on you to change that. The way I see it OP, you can (if you haven't already) --focus on the way you look when you are out --smile at men so they see you're friendly --go on Match --put yourself in environments where there are more men --go on Match --accept that you might be single for a while (or maybe you'll get lucky) if you aren't going to do the above and be ok with it. Edited March 26, 2014 by Imajerk17 1
Legatus Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) And, frankly, I prefer it that way. I don't look at every attractive woman I see and immediately approach them. In fact, I look to see if she is looking at me before I decide if I want to approach. At least give me some signal that she wants to be approached. If I don't see it, I don't bother. When I look for a potential partner, I am not looking for the completely submissive woman that wants a man to completely dominate her in every way. We got enough of those guys out there so if you are looking for one, I am sure you can find them. They stick out like a sore thumb. I am looking for a woman that is willing to go 50/50 with me. She is willing to work, pursue a career if she likes, have her own interests, and is willing to spend time with me whenever that happens. It helps if she has self-respect and not let the guys she doesn't want excite and control her. I am looking for a woman that have no issues going after what SHE wants. If she has the desire and chase to go after a top-end career, then what is the difference to her doing the same to go after the men she wants? Even if she doesn't want to directly ask out the men she desires, sending out clear-cut signals of interest would do wonders instead. I totally agree with you. Men can still take the initiative but where's the harm in an indication that woman wants to be approached. To be fair even a smile and eye contact would make most men think "wow she smiled, I'm gonna talk to her". Tell me if I'm wrong. If we all did that - small indication of interest - there wouldn't be so much rejection. Besides you can't tell me (female participants of this thread) that you don't "watch yourself" around men you don't like to not give them a false impression of interest by mistake. Because you know all we need is small (okay I admit sometimes we think too much but then we approach, we hear "no" and that's all right, at least we had a reason to come over) hint and we would come over, ask you out et cetera.. Some men think they own the world, yes they may have balls like melons, they may think that every woman wants them and they may think that one tiny smile means she would go with him to his place the moment he asks. There's plenty of guys like that out there.. Women keep telling me about the above all the time, but in my opinion it doesn't hurt to make quarter-of-a-move first. It doesn't mean a man doesn't have an initiative, but at least he knows there's some interest, of any kind. I always do that, if I see someone who may interest me - I smile and wait for a response. If all I get is sad look - no point coming over, it would be a waste of time and I have no interest in playing games like "oh I'm gonna pretend I don't like you to see if you come over".. Apologies for hijacking the thread ladies and gents! Edited March 26, 2014 by Legatus
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 What are traditional female gender roles these days? Serious question. Cook. Clean. Bear children. Laundry. Generally all things around the house, meanwhile the man takes care of things outside (mowing the lawn, certain architectural/construction things etc). I would cook the food he brings home (to me thats equality, one person gets, the other cooks it). I would make sure dinner is on the table when he comes home from work (unless of course I'm still at work, in which case I can only do it when I get home). Boosting his ego of course, talking him up (making him feel like the man). And of course all the other things you're supposed to do in a relationship (support, mutual affection etc). We are living in the age of equality and, at the least, I respect it for what it is. This is where the misconception lies. Equality doesn't mean you do half of all responsibilities. It means you split all responsibilities in half. As in, instead of both paying for your portion of the bill, the man will pay while you return the favour by cooking him dinner one night, for example. Imagine a woman invites you over for dinner and then says "kk, now you cook your portion". Hey, if men can complain women don't pay the bill because she doesn't believe in "equality" then I don't have to cook for a man because he should be able to cook for himself, right?
Woggle Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I have always cooked for myself. I don't mean to brag but I do a damn good job at it too. Women for the past few decades have fought against those roles and with good reason but don't then turn around and try to box men in to narrow gender roles.
ltjg45 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 This is where the misconception lies. Equality doesn't mean you do half of all responsibilities. It means you split all responsibilities in half. As in, instead of both paying for your portion of the bill, the man will pay while you return the favour by cooking him dinner one night, for example. Imagine a woman invites you over for dinner and then says "kk, now you cook your portion". Hey, if men can complain women don't pay the bill because she doesn't believe in "equality" then I don't have to cook for a man because he should be able to cook for himself, right? I never said that. What I mean by "equality" is that both genders is equally responsible for their chosen fate now. There's nothing that is stopping either gender from getting what they want, provided that success in that area is even possible for them. If a woman wants a career, she can go get one that she wants. If a woman wants a man, she can go after the men she desires. It is no difference with the men. For example, me. I have yet to get a date with a woman and I am already 27. When it comes to dating, I am, by all accounts, a complete and utter failure. If I wanted to change that around, then I would have to be more proactive and ask out even more women than I normally do. Of course, I won't because I hasn't become the kind of man that women that I want would be looking for but you should get the idea. It is no difference with you, OP. The social norm of women not approaching, or at the least showing strong signals of interest, is long gone now. There is women here who has approached men and was successful as a result of it. If you truly desire to change this luck of yours, then something needs to be changed. It's up to you as to what you are willing to change to improve the odds of getting what you want.
somedude81 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Though, I don't cold approach, I'm big on doing warm approaches. Any girl who is friendly to me that I know a little bit, will either get asked out, or I'll try to find out more about her, and if she has a BF. Also, since I actually expressed interest in two girls today, I would say it's unlikely that women aren't getting approached or guys aren't expressing any interest in them. Lots of girls have boyfriends too
IMJUSTONE Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I read that as many as one third of men don't have the knowledge or confidence to approach a woman. It's not like we're born knowing how. I've still never done it, but I'm working up to it. Maybe more women should do the approaching. Just sayin'
Teraskas Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Also, since I actually expressed interest in two girls today, I would say it's unlikely that women aren't getting approached or guys aren't expressing any interest in them. Lots of girls have boyfriends too I think that in all honesty, this is my biggest issue. From experience it seems like EVERY girl on the planet I talk to has a boyfriend. Even some random chick who seemed to be the only one close to my age, I chatted up at the gym yesterday was a prime example of that. I'm calling it now, I'm cursed lol. xD 1
topaMAXX Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I think that in all honesty, this is my biggest issue. From experience it seems like EVERY girl on the planet I talk to has a boyfriend. Even some random chick who seemed to be the only one close to my age, I chatted up at the gym yesterday was a prime example of that. I'm calling it now, I'm cursed lol. xD You're not cursed. Most women either do have boyfriends, are hooking up with someone, or are so picky with who they date that no one could really live up to their expectations. Be careful of women that they have it difficult in dating. Major red flag. 2
thecrucible Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Be careful of women that they have it difficult in dating. Major red flag. I guess I'm a red flag then I don't exactly enjoy it either. I don't have difficulty meeting people, just hard to get 'that feeling' with people I like. 1
organizedchaos Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I think that in all honesty, this is my biggest issue. From experience it seems like EVERY girl on the planet I talk to has a boyfriend. Even some random chick who seemed to be the only one close to my age, I chatted up at the gym yesterday was a prime example of that. I'm calling it now, I'm cursed lol. xD A lot of women use the excuse of having a boyfriend as a polite way of turning you down. It's easier for them rather than saying they're not interested. 1
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 A lot of women use the excuse of having a boyfriend as a polite way of turning you down. It's easier for them rather than saying they're not interested. There is a difference between a woman saying she has a boyfriend as a way to turn you down vs. her mentioning a boyfriend in conversation.
thecrucible Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 A lot of women use the excuse of having a boyfriend as a polite way of turning you down. It's easier for them rather than saying they're not interested. Yeah saying that or "I'm not ready for a relationship" is the only way sometimes because otherwise the guy persists and tries to change your mind. And it can be difficult because you want to say no gently and not make the person feel bad. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 New question: Do men think beautiful women are arrogant? Not by any display of behaviour, but do they assume she must be just because she's so beautiful and probably knows it? And if you do think she is arrogant, is that why you don't approach? Cuz you assume arrogance means b*tchy and rude?
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 New question: Do men think beautiful women are arrogant? Not by any display of behaviour, but do they assume she must be just because she's so beautiful and probably knows it? And if you do think she is arrogant, is that why you don't approach? Cuz you assume arrogance means b*tchy and rude? When you say approach, what situations are you talking about?
Itspointless Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 We are living in the age of equality and, at the least, I respect it for what it is. This is where the misconception lies. Equality doesn't mean you do half of all responsibilities. It means you split all responsibilities in half. As in, instead of both paying for your portion of the bill, the man will pay while you return the favour by cooking him dinner one night, for example. Imagine a woman invites you over for dinner and then says "kk, now you cook your portion". Hey, if men can complain women don't pay the bill because she doesn't believe in "equality" then I don't have to cook for a man because he should be able to cook for himself, right? Ehm no, equality has nothing to do with responsibilities. Equality has to do with being equal in worth. A garbageman is equal in worth as a human as a lawyer, their responsibilities may be different. For both goes that if they are not doing their job we will be in a mess. In my country some woman find it an offence if you want to pay their part when taking them out, while others expect it.
topaMAXX Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 New question: Do men think beautiful women are arrogant? Not by any display of behaviour, but do they assume she must be just because she's so beautiful and probably knows it? And if you do think she is arrogant, is that why you don't approach? Cuz you assume arrogance means b*tchy and rude? No. Here's a good example. I saw a very attractive girl at the gym today. I was waiting for her to finish a machine. She seemed to mistakenly believe that I was checking her out. She was wearing makeup so I'm assuming that she wanted to meet guys. I didn't approach. Why? Because I frequent the gym often (4-5 times per week). If I start approaching girls there, I will no longer be focused on what's actually important (getting into shape). In my experience, approaching a girl at a spot that you frequent usually takes a lot of time and effort. Then, if she shoots me down, it'll be awkward running into her at a place that I frequent constantly (and can't go anywhere else because I paid for a 15 month membership). Also, to be completely frank, I'm an emotional guy. I've made thousands of approaches. Day time rejections STILL bother me (and probably always will). Seeing this girl around constantly if she rejects me will bother me....and it will ruin my gym experience. Even if the approach IS successful, it's too much time and effort (as I've found out from other successful approaches). So there you have it: my completely honest, no BS reason of why I did not approach that girl at the gym.
ltjg45 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 New question: Do men think beautiful women are arrogant? Not by any display of behaviour, but do they assume she must be just because she's so beautiful and probably knows it? And if you do think she is arrogant, is that why you don't approach? Cuz you assume arrogance means b*tchy and rude? I have met a good number of beautiful women to have a good amount of arrogance and that was a major turn off and kept me away from even trying but that was because they have shown that trait and not because I assume they was. As to your second paragraph, it does help in deciding if I want to approach or not. Most beautiful women is aware that beauty has a lot of value in this world and it will attract all kinds of guys to consider approaching them. With options galore, some women gets an ego boost too big that it is almost impossible to get with them unless the male in question can meet her expectations. Considering where I stand, yeah, that would be one huge reason why I wouldn't approach. Now if she is friendly, it would make it easier for me to approach but if she isn't, more often than not, I wouldn't approach her if she is overall beautiful.
Teraskas Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 A lot of women use the excuse of having a boyfriend as a polite way of turning you down. It's easier for them rather than saying they're not interested. Sure, I might agree with a few women saying this, but every single one I talk to ? That's staggering belief a bit. For instance, I checked those whom I could find through Facebook. 8 out of 10 had boyfriends, 1 had just been dumped, and the last one didn't have it listed. Oh well. :/
Weezy1973 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Sure, I might agree with a few women saying this, but every single one I talk to ? That's staggering belief a bit. For instance, I checked those whom I could find through Facebook. 8 out of 10 had boyfriends, 1 had just been dumped, and the last one didn't have it listed. Oh well. :/ In my country (Canada) 80% of adults are in relationships so the 8 out of 10 figure seems pretty accurate. I don't know how it breaks down demographically though so it's possible the numbers are lower for younger adults. Every guy I know has spent way more time in relationships since their late teens than being single though, so anecdotally that number feels pretty accurate. 20% is still a lot of single ladies though (all the single ladies in fact).
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