Survivor12 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 While I appreciate the feed back on this site one thing I don't appreciate is the assumptions of my character. I haven't dated men in about 6 years made a mistake on my part people make mistakes, it obviously opened a window I didn't want open so he also made a mistake he was very friendly up till then and I made it VERY clear how upset it made me and yes he was very apologetic and promises not to any longer unless I come right out and say it, while people think that I should just throw him away instantly I talked to the guy for about a week for 4 hours a day up until the incident last night, I don't believe in writing off people so very quickly because of miscommunication, granted yeah maybe he does just want to get into my pants but I want to find out what type of man he is and I can't do that by making judgment's so fast based on a "sexy" Def not being a sucker as there would be nothing this man could say or do to make me get sexual without me feeling I could trust him first and that would take well over a few week's. If he gives up on me quickly then I know my answer And I have plenty of time to waste. You seem to be overlooking the fact that when he made the date, he was under the impression that he would be getting laid. So now, suddenly, he's a choir boy. And if you truly believe that "there is nothing YOU can say or do" to guarantee that he won't try--or force you--to have sex with him, you're way too naive to be online dating. Rule of thumb: The good ones don't ask for nude pics even before the first meeting.
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I've made it very clear im not ignoring it, but I also know this site is full of angered hurt people who are willing to give up at the first sign of a red flag, I am not ignoring it at all but rather still wanting to see for myself. And there is no harm in that. Until the 2nd page it was made very clear that I was at fault for opening the window now it's leaning towards he's at fault for taking it? "he ended up..." So I assume you did the same as me and looked into it further. Good luck with the date and update us. When I started dating after my divorce I did the same mistakes as you're doing. Since I have understood one thing if it crawls like a snake and whistles like a snake, then it IS a snake. I know I cannot transfer into you my last 3 years of online dating and my 100+ dates....but I hope you will remember 1 or 2 things people have said on here.
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 You seem to be overlooking the fact that when he made the date, he was under the impression that he would be getting laid. So now, suddenly, he's a choir boy. And if you truly believe that "there is nothing YOU can say or do" to guarantee that he won't try--or force you--to have sex with him, you're way too naive to be online dating. Rule of thumb: The good ones don't ask for nude pics even before the first meeting. Yes I truly believe there is nothing he can say or do to make me have sex with him if he forces me that would be rape so what are you implying? When he made the date no there was no take of sex for weeks, until I made my comment please read post fully before comment.
babycakees Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 "he ended up..." So I assume you did the same as me and looked into it further. A nice, respectable guy will not ask for nudes before meeting a girl. Period. I'm trying to help you out as someone who has been down that road. I did not send that guy nudes ever. But obviously I am no longer seeing him, so you can fill in the blanks. I would not go out with this guy. 1
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Good luck with the date and update us. When I started dating after my divorce I did the same mistakes as you're doing. Since I have understood one thing if it crawls like a snake and whistles like a snake, then it IS a snake. I know I cannot transfer into you my last 3 years of online dating and my 100+ dates....but I hope you will remember 1 or 2 things people have said on here. Refeshing, yes I came out of a 5 year relationship and 1 year of being single my past boyfriends I met through just mutual friend's and before that a 2 year and another 5 year I have been taken pretty much taken the last 12 years of my life this would be my first time stepping into the actual date scene so mistakes on my part are to be expected this guy also got out of a long term marriage.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I've made it very clear im not ignoring it, but I also know this site is full of angered hurt people who are willing to give up at the first sign of a red flag, I am not ignoring it at all but rather still wanting to see for myself. And there is no harm in that. Until the 2nd page it was made very clear that I was at fault for opening the window now it's leaning towards he's at fault for taking it? "he ended up..." So I assume you did the same as me and looked into it further. These are not angry, hurt people. These are people who have been there, done that. You said yourself that you haven't dated in 6 years. People are just giving you the obvious signs that this guy is not what you are hoping for. I met the love of my life online, but I also dated a lot of losers before I found him, so I'll try to give you some tips. Never try to gage the level of a man's interest by how much money he is willing to spend on you on the first date. He may just have that kind of money to blow and is just trying to impress you enough to get you in bed. First meets should always be something simple - coffee or drinks, so that you get an opportunity to see if this is someone worth sitting through a 2 hour dinner for, and if not, you have an easy out. With coffee or drink dates, if it's going well, you can always extend the date by moving on to dinner or something else. If a man is pushing for nude pics or keeps bringing up sex before you even meet, then you know where his head is at. This kind of man will not hesitate to push you for sex early on, and he will most likely disappear once the deed is done. Read the MANY, MANY threads here where women spent weeks chatting with a guy for hours at a time, had a couple dates, sex, and then he disappeared. You are trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt when he's given clear red flags. But it's okay. Go on the date, have fun, just don't be surprised when he hits you with the sex approach again. 4
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 A nice, respectable guy will not ask for nudes before meeting a girl. Period. I'm trying to help you out as someone who has been down that road. I did not send that guy nudes ever. But obviously I am no longer seeing him, so you can fill in the blanks. I would not go out with this guy. Aware of that from posts tho I also opened that window who knows And I didn't send nude to this guy ither and won't be, I don't know what you people wanna hear? I hate the guy I should never ever date him screw him.
babycakees Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 We just want you to be aware that this guy originally had certain intentions. He took it there. I wouldn't blame yourself for his actions though. They aren't excusable. Maybe he will be a complete gentleman, but I wouldn't bet the farm on it.
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 These are not angry, hurt people. These are people who have been there, done that. You said yourself that you haven't dated in 6 years. People are just giving you the obvious signs that this guy is not what you are hoping for. I met the love of my life online, but I also dated a lot of losers before I found him, so I'll try to give you some tips. Never try to gage the level of a man's interest by how much money he is willing to spend on you on the first date. He may just have that kind of money to blow and is just trying to impress you enough to get you in bed. First meets should always be something simple - coffee or drinks, so that you get an opportunity to see if this is someone worth sitting through a 2 hour dinner for, and if not, you have an easy out. With coffee or drink dates, if it's going well, you can always extend the date by moving on to dinner or something else. If a man is pushing for nude pics or keeps bringing up sex before you even meet, then you know where his head is at. This kind of man will not hesitate to push you for sex early on, and he will most likely disappear once the deed is done. Read the MANY, MANY threads here where women spent weeks chatting with a guy for hours at a time, had a couple dates, sex, and then he disappeared. You are trying to give this guy the benefit of the doubt when he's given clear red flags. But it's okay. Go on the date, have fun, just don't be surprised when he hits you with the sex approach again. I don't know how many times I have to say on this post how aware I am of his intentions but here... I am well aware his intentions may only be of sex and I won't be in for a surprise when it turns out to be just that. Yes many of the people on these forums are hurt and will run off at any sign of he's not the dream man and I take that into consideration when they go into rant frenzies and end up looking more upset than I am about it. If people were to scroll back I think ive made it very clear how aware I am almost about 10 times now yet people are still trying to tell me I need to be aware. Read guys
babycakees Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Well, I'm not sure why you asked for people's opinions and then when we gave them you got upset? I thought that was the point in a forum discussion? 1
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 (edited) Well, I'm not sure why you asked for people's opinions and then when we gave them you got upset? I thought that was the point in a forum discussion? Because it's at a point now where it's getting repetitive and their and my opinions have been clearly stated. Next step is to actual go on the date and give feedback And im not upset at all just slightly annoyed it's like "Yes I understand what he may be after" and get "You should be more aware" when clearly I have said it many times. A lot of people on forums make duplicates of what's already been said because they don't actually read the continued conversations Edited March 9, 2014 by Omei
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 A lot of people on forums make duplicates of what's already been said because they don't actually read the continued conversations No, it's just because we all think the same. If a dozen people take time to answer your question and all have the same opinion I think it's worth considering they might be right. 2
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 No, it's just because we all think the same. If a dozen people take time to answer your question and all have the same opinion I think it's worth considering they might be right. And I am considering that, something that I have also already clearly stated and typed out within this post but a lot of people here just actually want me to say... "Thank you I am canceling that date" Sorry. People also need to just accept my choice to still go.
Chubbi Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 As a woman, you can never mention the words 'sex, sexy' or anything to do with it to about 50% of the population of men. Men want sex a lot, a lot, a lot; they can't get it as easy as women can. Half of men would just have taken it as a compliment; the other half (the more selfish, game players, less thoughtful, egomaniacs) will take it as a come-on Also, the movies and the media suggest to men that women will have sex with them at the drop of a hat if they do certain things, or women say certain words. They forget it's a movie or porn, and they have an actual, breathing woman beside them.
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 I just wanna go on the record before I even made this post in reply to his advances I text' him "Don't do that or I am going to think all you care about is sex" If you read my original it took him a near hour to reply to that when his reply's were very quick so I thought he was gonna give up, he didn't. I have given the very same advice I am being given but I have said id still like to see for myself. And that's just how it is.
babycakees Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Good luck on your date then and let us know how it goes with an update!
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 (edited) My post is as titled, "Dating isnt going well" Clearly I already knew. And at end "Rant over" again clearly I knew. Thank you yes I will give update I do think he will be gentlemen that first offered, and if not....I shall move on. Original post was about how the many many men are all the same in this topic, not a question Edited March 9, 2014 by Omei
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Am I the only guy around who doesn't care about sex (assuming it just happens when it feels natural in some reasonable time frame)? Some of the sh*t that other members of my genders do is absolutely astonishing to me. Why would you want to make somebody feel like a piece of meat? Do you wanna go on a date? lol
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 You just gotta be a good judge of character. Good guys don't ask for nude pictures, don't ask for sex, don't really think about sex until it just happens naturally A good guy will make you feel like the most important person in the world Thanks I didn't know lol
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 My post is as titled, "Dating isnt going well" Clearly I already knew. And at end "Rant over" again clearly I knew. Thank you yes I will give update I do think he will be gentlemen that first offered, and if not....I shall move on. Original post was about how the many many men are all the same in this topic, not a question What's the point then? To post a thread to rant about unfavorable behaviors that turn you off if your choice is to date them and hope for the best anyways? I think this will be a good experience for you. Get your feet wet. 1
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 You just gotta be a good judge of character. Good guys don't ask for nude pictures, don't ask for sex, don't really think about sex until it just happens naturally A good guy will make you feel like the most important person in the world And don't call a guy sexy. If you said that to me that early, I would think you're possibly a skank. Call him handsome or cute or something I agree, and even if a woman makes a faux-pas with a good guy he's not gonna start asking nude pictures just because there was a crack in the door, he is going to remain a good guy and act like a gentleman. 4
Survivor12 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Yes I truly believe there is nothing he can say or do to make me have sex with him if he forces me that would be rape so what are you implying? When he made the date no there was no take of sex for weeks, until I made my comment please read post fully before comment. I'm not implying anything. I'm warning you straight up that you need to be careful. According to published reports, 57% of rapes occur on a date.* A little DHB into your drink and you don't get to say no. All I'm saying is that a guy who made a date with the belief that he was getting some easy sex for the cost of an expensive dinner may not be content with not getting what he paid for, and you need to be cognizant of that possibility. Personally, I wouldn't go out with a guy who was crass enough to ask for nude pics before he even met me, but that's just me. If that doesn't bother you, fine...go out with him. Just stop being so stubborn and naive about protecting yourself and BE AWARE! *http://rwu.edu/campus-life/health-counseling/counseling-center/sexual-assault/rape-myths-and-fac 1
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 What's the point then? To post a thread to rant about unfavorable behaviors that turn you off if your choice is to date them and hope for the best anyways? I think this will be a good experience for you. Get your feet wet. I also think it will be a good experience it's why I am going.... I have already dated many guys that only wanted sex and have trashed them. People make rant posts on here all the time this entire forum is about expressing your feelings. And thinking someone is a skank for saying sexy is just dumb, What if I said I think your choice of words to call women makes you a jerk? See what I did there?
Author Omei Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 I'm not implying anything. I'm warning you straight up that you need to be careful. According to published reports, 57% of rapes occur on a date.* A little DHB into your drink and you don't get to say no. All I'm saying is that a guy who made a date with the belief that he was getting some easy sex for the cost of an expensive dinner may not be content with not getting what he paid for, and you need to be cognizant of that possibility. Personally, I wouldn't go out with a guy who was crass enough to ask for nude pics before he even met me, but that's just me. If that doesn't bother you, fine...go out with him. Just stop being so stubborn and naive about protecting yourself and BE AWARE! *Rape Myths and Facts | Roger Williams University Sorry Survivor12 I am gonna use this post as what ive been talking about as someone who hasn't read any of my reply's again telling me to be aware again telling me that I am being naive when even so clearly in my main post that was a rant, not a question. Now I am being told I am stubborn because? because I am not canceling the date? I don't think I would wanna date most of you on here seem like arm twisters unwilling to accept that even tho it happened I am still willing to go but because of that I am just simply unaware. No matter how many posts are made of people saying the obvious that is already obvious I am still going to go, Because I want to look into it further. When I reply to post's on here I make note a keen note to take the OP's replies into consideration of what they are already aware of and that im not just throwing the same feedback over and over without reading the replys.
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 And thinking someone is a skank for saying sexy is just dumb, What if I said I think your choice of words to call women makes you a jerk? See what I did there? We are not calling you a shank, we are telling you, all of us, do NOT call a guy sexy before having a personal relationship with him. It sends the wrong message to them! Geezzz listen woman! There is even a man here telling you to NOT do it! When I'm online I get a lot of messages from men *hey sexy* and the like, I never answer those! If a man calls me sexy in the middle of a conversation I drop him !! And all those that allows themselves to call me *sweety* and the like before meeting me. And even though I reject right off the bat those men I STILL deal with a a lot of crap. Eliminating men with early sex language is only skimming the surface. Here my online dating rule: Maybe it will serve you in the future. I expect men to address me online with the SAME respect they would in real life. If I am waiting in line to pay at the grocery store I highly doubt a man would make a first contact with *hey sexy*, it's completely improper in life, so it's completely improper online as well. If you don't have personal rules you won't survive online. 3
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