Gingerspice03 Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Okay here's my issue. My B/f and I have been living together for over a year now, between my going to school and him going on deployment(were both active duty military). All in all were pretty happy I think and we communicate pretty well. I like to think were both a little to open sometimes for our own good. He's really good to me and he's also very innocent as in he doesn't realize a lot of things. Recently his older sister moved into the area, now she's married and has a kid. I had been talking to her on the phone for quite sometime and we got along great but I was warned by his former roomates that she would be problems. I didn't want him to feel like I was trying to upset family so I never took it seriously or said anything about it. Well now that she's here it's become a little strange. First thing is he works near her house so he goes over and has lunch with her 3 or 4 days a week. She calls in the middle of our dinner to ask what he wants for lunch the next day? At Christmas everyone came to our house(my boyfriends first place), the younger sister, brother, mom, dad. The older sister didn't come over to spend time with them hardly at all. When she first moved here she was by herself, her husband was away so I helped her get moved in, and all week she kept whining about missing her "bubba", is just me or is this just a little childish for a 29yr old? She calls at 10 in the evening to ask us to borrow a can of biscuits, when she's 30 minutes away from us and 2 minutes from a grocery store? The younger sister told me she felt she had to "compete" with me? What on this earth? I just don't get it. She tries so hard to be my friend but I really feel a lot of times like she's plotting something. I actuall talked my boyfriend into going to lunch with me on a work day this week and she wants to go, I was kinda heartbroke when he told me but I didn't want him to know. We talked about this a little while back and I'm not sure if he took me seriously or not. I at least thought he'd get the hint. I want us to be family but I really feel like I'm always going to be second to her, or at least that I'm sharing him with her. I really don't have time for this kind of petty crap, I don't understand why she wouldn't want to just be happy for her brother? So, do I go to lunch?
curiousnycgirl Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Well I don't think you've given us enough information to help you make that decision. Did you convince him to have lunch with you because you don't feel as though you two spend enough time alone? That may be where you were heading with your first sentence, but you don't really say so. If that indeed is your issue - why not express that to your boyfriend? Tell him you would like one on one time, and if his sister is coming to lunch, you need to schedule additional time for just the two of you. I don't see any reason not to join them for lunch, but you do need to tell him what you need/are looking for - and hopefully you will get it. As far as calling at night to "borrow" things - that is simply not acceptable, unless she wants to come over to get it. I have to assume your boyfriend will understand that, if you explain it rationally. Good luck to you!!!
Hund1976 Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 Is her husband still away? Maybe she is really lonely and is using her brother for support.
blinkless Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 I love that type of deal. I think you can go to llunch and control the situation, its easier to say yes than it is to say no. Just remember keep it light , I have had to deal with females I can't stand, involved with my brother, don't give them anything, information, rewards like agreeing with them( oh do you think so.) works. basically pretend you are lunching with the CIA or your bosses wife. No real personal interaction, just idle chit chat, there are a few subjects you can make a bold statement with, any thing your addiment about, cuz this isn't weakness, this is wisdom. Example: Childbirth, I m every opinionated on the subject and I won't change that for anyone. But if you let her unravel her potential plan, it will cause her brother grief, so this is an easily justified attitude, My brothers girlfriend is psycho, and seeing her is like fun cuz I love to taunt her in a very hard to detect manner to see if she is as gamey as I think she is. But then if Im talking to brother, by my comments, he knows he is the reason I try to toy with her. Some one I think needs to remind her not everyone believes all the stories, and is, paying attention. Personally he must have it bad for her cuz it is way weird. On the other hand its comical, my brother isnt going to make man of the year, sometimes I say with brothers llike him, who needs enimies. Some how I always forgive him even if only partially, which is the point, I still will side with him,out of the blood obligation or the real intense desire I have to not give her any validity Sometimes I feel " You can't pick your relatives"
Author Gingerspice03 Posted January 26, 2005 Author Posted January 26, 2005 I appreciate you guys it's nice to get opinions from someone that is not involved in the situation. I dont' exactly feel like we dont' get enough time together but I do feel it's like were never alone anymore since his sister has been here and his brother moved in with us. We actually had a good lunch and sis was not there. He forgot to call her so he says. And no her husband isn't gone, he's been back for sometime. Apparently her husband has been complaining about their realtionship for years and she tells him he's jealous of family? As for toying with her I'm not really good at that stuff, like I said a little too honest. I have come to realize when she and I talk I can't say much of anything to her or it gets misinterpreted and comes back causing problems. So I've really had to exclude from perosnal information and we used to actually talk a lot. I'm hoping for the best and I think if things don't get better he's going to have to be the one to say something about all of it to her. Personally I work, go to school, stand duty and have a household to run and just don't have time for childish stuff. But I do hope she can get over him having his own life. thanks for the help guys.
e.c. Posted January 29, 2005 Posted January 29, 2005 Hi, I have a problem with my boyfriend's sister as well, so I understand how you feel. In my case, his siter is living with him, and that's why we cannot move in together. She cannot afford to pay her bills and live on her own, so he's pretty much paying everything. I cannot talk to him about it because whatever I say he seems to not hear. How can I make him throw his sis out? I have a brother and I sure would appreciate if he helped me out, but I would never try to make him pay my bills. If my brother has a girlfriend, he always puts her first, and then goes family. I am not able to explain to my boyfriend that he's not gonna live with his sister all his life... oh well, maybe this is what he wants...
Recommended Posts