movingbackwards Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Well, it has been about 9-10 months since we broke it off. I went from a very dark place to truly seeing the light. I have gotten over my ex and have improved my life leaps and bounds. I have met a few girls in the passed 5 months or so that mainly, we just sleep together and go out and have fun. Well, last night my ex came into town. She lives out of state so she comes home every so often. I'm not sure if you guys remember but a little background on us is she dumped me after 5 years through texts...and ran off with another guy the next day and I begged and pleaded for months before just letting it go. I went through periods of being completely ignored, having him flaunted in my face not very long after the breakup, and rude texts from her out of nowhere. Once I hit the 6 month mark I was completely fine. It was the wrong relationship for me anyways and I knew it. So anyways, ex comes into town and goes to one of the local bars we frequent. I'm hanging out with her and her friends because I honestly don't have a problem with it anymore. Apparently her and the guy she left me for broke up a thousand times and are separated once again. His friend sees us down there talking and decides to let him know. He shows up and talks to her so naturally I jet and I have really no care in the world about it. I had a girl that I had kind of been seeing across the street at another bar anyways. This girl came home with me and she passed out in my bed. My ex calls me and texts me at 5am after leaving a bar with her friends. I guess her and her ex had got in another argument and he left. So my ex is texting me and asking me to come over with her friends. I tell her that I'm going to bed and I would go grab lunch with her tomorrow if she wanted to catch up. She was drunk and was so persistent. She kept telling me she was on her way and I kept telling her I was going to bed and that it wasn't a good idea. She proceeded by telling me she was almost to my house. This is when I finally dropped the bomb. I was intoxicated too so my judgment wasn't good here. I should have totally NOT let her come anywhere near my house...but instead I told her there was a girl passed out in my bed after she told me she was almost here. She showed up and kept telling me over and over that she didn't care about it and was poking fun at me. We went outside to smoke and she just kept talking about her ex and our old relationship and eventually started crying about it. We had a good talk but it was mainly centered around how I wasn't committed enough to marry her , etc, etc. She came inside and her friends were sleeping, so I made her a bed on the couch. One of her friends woke up and tried to "find the bathroom" by blatantly opening my bedroom door. I think this is when it hit my ex that there WAS a girl in my bed and she was sleeping where she used to lay. It hit her hard and she left with her friends. I'm not really right in the head about it today. Even though I completely got over my ex I hate that she's hurting over this. She left me in the dust many months ago feeling like absolute death...literally. Why do I still care how she feels? I should not have a care in the world but I'm lost on this one. We texted about it this morning and she insisted all of this was my fault even though I told her many times not to come. I keep wanting to apologize but something is holding me back. Feedback? Sorry so long. Thanks for reading.
ThatGirl213 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Do not apologize. What is even your fault? The fact that you weren't lonely and free to accept her nonsense with both hands when she walks right back. What douchebag of a female to be blaming you when you clearly told her there was another girl in your bed and she still decided to come. She is just angry that you don't want her again and you are happy and she is living a pathetic life arguing and breaking up with this great guy she ran away with "who wants to marry her" My suggestion is go NC. Don't even text her. Like you said she will continue to send you rude messages out of nowhere. I suspect those rude messages she use to send you before was probably when she had a fight with her bf and she was just frustrated and want to take it on you. Knowing well you were hurting and she could hurt you more. If you do text her, let her know you really don't give a **** about her even if you do. Bitches like this need that. Using people when they want. 2
ThatGirl213 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 And this good talk about how you wouldn't marry her etc is her blaming her cheating on you. Don't even believe that BS. She should have had this talk with you before she cheated and broke up with you over text. If you continue talking to her, she will continue to make a mockery of you as a person blaming you for her mistakes.
Author movingbackwards Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Well lately we've been okay as far as our relationship as friends. I've been great and she's been pretty miserable in the whole scheme of things. She does however tend to text me things all the time about who I'm dating or "hoes" or whatever. It's getting old. She ignores me when she has her bf but when they break up she always comes back around to hangout. I don't think she wants anything from us anymore...I think she gets we're not right for each other but she has a terrible fear of being alone forever. Thank you guys for the responses. I just thought it was interesting..what if that girl wasn't there? Was she planning on sleeping with me? She's not really like that...but texting me at 5am insinuates she may have wanted to sleep with me. After she got angry about the girl in my room she said "I'm not just going to come to your house and sleep on your couch..." So...seems like pretty clear motives .
ThatGirl213 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 (edited) I guess she expected privileges and she was intoxicated, so there is a good chance she wanted to sleep with you considering that she fought with her boyfriend. Seems she still wants to keep you around just in case nothing works out. She probably just wanted to see if she still had a chance with you on that. People who are scared to be alone will do anything to not be alone. Furthermore fighting with your bf and going to your ex's house with friends or without friends, whether you and the ex are in good terms or not clearly shows that there were other motives. Why didn't she just go to one of the friend's house? or go to her own? Edited March 9, 2014 by ThatGirl213
Survivor12 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Well lately we've been okay as far as our relationship as friends. I've been great and she's been pretty miserable in the whole scheme of things. She does however tend to text me things all the time about who I'm dating or "hoes" or whatever. It's getting old. She ignores me when she has her bf but when they break up she always comes back around to hangout. I don't think she wants anything from us anymore...I think she gets we're not right for each other but she has a terrible fear of being alone forever. Thank you guys for the responses. I just thought it was interesting..what if that girl wasn't there? Was she planning on sleeping with me? She's not really like that...but texting me at 5am insinuates she may have wanted to sleep with me. After she got angry about the girl in my room she said "I'm not just going to come to your house and sleep on your couch..." So...seems like pretty clear motives . Sounds like a delightful friendship! But I have to ask--what exactly has she done to enrich your life other than feed your ego? You say that you are over her. If so, why are you still so interested in whether or not she's with her bf? Why did you run off when he showed up? (Did her other friends take off?) Your question about what would have happened if there wasn't a girl in your bed is twisted....the real question is what would have happened if you hadn't gotten jealous when her bf arrived and ran off to pick up another girl to make yourself feel better? C'mon! You were thrilled about her discovering her there. If you told her not to come over, you didn't have to let her in--and you certainly didn't need to go outside with her to talk. Do you not understand how disrespectful that was to the girl you brought home? Do yourself a favor and knock off the "friendship" nonsense. You aren't her friend. If her bf hadn't come in, you would have ended up with her in your bed, but instead you chose to pretend that you are "over her" and convince yourself it didnt matter. You only want to be "friends" to stay in the game. Be honest with yourself. Then, if you really WANT to be over her, stop trying to convince yourself that you are friends and let it go. 2
Author movingbackwards Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 Sounds like a delightful friendship! But I have to ask--what exactly has she done to enrich your life other than feed your ego? You say that you are over her. If so, why are you still so interested in whether or not she's with her bf? Why did you run off when he showed up? (Did her other friends take off?) Your question about what would have happened if there wasn't a girl in your bed is twisted....the real question is what would have happened if you hadn't gotten jealous when her bf arrived and ran off to pick up another girl to make yourself feel better? C'mon! You were thrilled about her discovering her there. If you told her not to come over, you didn't have to let her in--and you certainly didn't need to go outside with her to talk. Do you not understand how disrespectful that was to the girl you brought home? Do yourself a favor and knock off the "friendship" nonsense. You aren't her friend. If her bf hadn't come in, you would have ended up with her in your bed, but instead you chose to pretend that you are "over her" and convince yourself it didnt matter. You only want to be "friends" to stay in the game. Be honest with yourself. Then, if you really WANT to be over her, stop trying to convince yourself that you are friends and let it go. I'll adress each of your issues here because you seem to have a very faulty perception of my ordeal. I'm interested in whether not she is with her boyfriend because he is abusive both psychically and emotionally. Although it is none of my business, I still care for her as a human as we were together for 5 years. I left the bar because I'm not into creating drama. If it is going to cause turmoil me being there, I would rather remove myself from the situation. Fair enough. The girl I have been seeing is not someone I "ran off" to see. We've been speaking for several months and are dating. I don't speak with my ex often anymore so this was not done "in her face" per se, as I went to another bar to meet with her. It was coincidental she showed up as my exes boyfriend arrived and I thought it was best to go have fun and not worry about dramatic situations. Fair enough. I did NOT have to let her in. You're correct. I told her multiple times not to come to my home and she insisted. It was 5am, I had been drinking...she literally barged in with her friends. She used to live there so she had no problem making herself at home. I should have told her I was in bed but she arrived very quickly and I had been drinking so my judgment was skewed. I am most definitely her friend. It took me 6 months to realize that but I carry no residual feelings towards her. I was honestly amazed at myself, as I had dinner with her the next night, and I felt nothing but like I was speaking with an old friend. It was fantastic. Now before you go judging a situation, you should take your obviously jaded opinion elsewhere. Your perceived misogynistic view of me is far from correct, and I have no desire to fuel my ego from any part of this situation.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Nothing good can come from drudging up this past. Unless you need some adrenaline rush and want further drama like that night you posted. Since it seems you still have feelings for this girl that will online hurt you again and again I say go to no contact and make her a distant memory. I don't see what there is too gain by maintaining any contact with her at all. 2
Author movingbackwards Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 Nothing good can come from drudging up this past. Unless you need some adrenaline rush and want further drama like that night you posted. Since it seems you still have feelings for this girl that will online hurt you again and again I say go to no contact and make her a distant memory. I don't see what there is too gain by maintaining any contact with her at all. I am much better now. It was literally for the day after, I was in a haze. I had drank quite a bit that night and I was very confused on how I felt about it. I do agree though. It's unfortunate because we do share a great friendship connection that I'm okay with handling. She may not be in that boat anymore.
Assasda Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Ehhh...Its OK to feel bad, You also should forget about it and just keep on living your life. Feel bad, dont apologize, move on, thats basically it dude, nothing more
Larry56 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 I think you feel sorry for this girl because...you are genuinely a nice guy. But...you know she's wrong for you, she is jealous that you're happy but...the worst thing you could do is try and communicate with this lady anything other it's over. Let her *improve* herself by living in the real world, she rebounded hard and that is not living in the *real world* when you've got someone to catch you when you fall. You had to go through all that loneliness for 6 months and now you want to help this person, not gonna happen. People gotta understand you can't escape the pain. It's not possible.
HappyLove Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 I respectfully say, you're full of it. You LOVE that your ex is back in your life I mean who wouldn't especially after the horrible way she treated you?! But even after all your suffering and progress you've learned nothing because here you are allowing the drama to unfold. You two have no children together there's absolutely no need for you to communicate with her or her friends. She cheated on you and threw you away like trash with a TEXT after 5 years dating and now she's your buddy old pal? Where's your SELF RESPECT? Don't let someone so toxic back in your life. She's so far back in your life she's sleeping on your couch. Stop lying to yourself. Get her out of your life. She causes nothing but pain.
Author movingbackwards Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 I respectfully say, you're full of it. You LOVE that your ex is back in your life I mean who wouldn't especially after the horrible way she treated you?! But even after all your suffering and progress you've learned nothing because here you are allowing the drama to unfold. You two have no children together there's absolutely no need for you to communicate with her or her friends. She cheated on you and threw you away like trash with a TEXT after 5 years dating and now she's your buddy old pal? Where's your SELF RESPECT? Don't let someone so toxic back in your life. She's so far back in your life she's sleeping on your couch. Stop lying to yourself. Get her out of your life. She causes nothing but pain. Wrong. I'm confused as to how people think that every situation is somehow comparable to their own...or why some people believe this is all black and white? Yes, it has been 8 months, I share no feelings for her other than being a friend. I can handle being her friend because I'm an adult. I don't pout in corners and fold my arms together like a child and hold a grudge. I move on. I realize people make mistakes. Would I let it happen again? Absolutely not.
PegNosePete Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 Wow, why do you even talk to her after all that? I would not give someone the time of day after they did that to me. It doesn't mean I'm not over the relationship or still hurting or haven't moved on - it just means I don't want to associate with that kind of person. Why do you...? Why on earth do you want to be friends with someone who treated, and continues to treat you, like dirt...? 1
HappyLove Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) Wrong. I'm confused as to how people think that every situation is somehow comparable to their own...or why some people believe this is all black and white? Yes, it has been 8 months, I share no feelings for her other than being a friend. I can handle being her friend because I'm an adult. I don't pout in corners and fold my arms together like a child and hold a grudge. I move on. I realize people make mistakes. Would I let it happen again? Absolutely not. It's not about holding a grudge. It's about setting boundaries and not allowing someone who treated you so badly to just come back and infiltrate your life. It's self respect. I could see your point if SHE wasn't still bringing all this drama but sounds like she's still a jerk. Did she even apologize for what she did to you? She has a hold on you and even if you don't know it, she knows it. You're gonna do what you want anyway but the red flags are EVERYWHERE that this will not end well. Edited March 11, 2014 by HappyLove
Michael91 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 It is obvious that you are hoping to get back together. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been talking to her and certainly you would not have allowed her inside your house. Instead, when she knocked, you would have stepped outside and closed the door before talking to her for a few minutes and then going back inside after insisting that she leave. 1
Author movingbackwards Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 It's not about holding a grudge. It's about setting boundaries and not allowing someone who treated you so badly to just come back and infiltrate your life. It's self respect. I could see your point if SHE wasn't still bringing all this drama but sounds like she's still a jerk. Did she even apologize for what she did to you? She has a hold on you and even if you don't know it, she knows it. You're gonna do what you want anyway but the red flags are EVERYWHERE that this will not end well. She has cried and apologized many, many times. She has most definitely treated me awful and is still giving me **** over sleeping with this girl. Maybe I'm just being delusional.
ThatGirl213 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 She has cried and apologized many, many times. She has most definitely treated me awful and is still giving me **** over sleeping with this girl. Maybe I'm just being delusional. If she was really that apologetic about her actions, she won't be giving you **** about sleeping with another girl. She should just let you move on and be happy. But instead she is lingering around and trying to not let you move on. She is not apologetic. She is just sad because she made a terrible mistake and she has lost you and is now trying to find a way to crawl back in. You seem like a nice guy. And she using the "talk" card to get you to get closer to her again. As much as you may say whatever you want about her, from a third person's view outside of your relationship, from what you told us, she doesn't seem to be having an good intentions about your mental well being or she would never try to blame you for anything I don't get the part where she calls other girls 'hoe'. She definitely has no right to do that considering what she did to you. 1
HappyLove Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 She has cried and apologized many, many times. She has most definitely treated me awful and is still giving me **** over sleeping with this girl. Maybe I'm just being delusional. That's why we're here to snap you outta it buddy!
HappyLove Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 If she was behaving like a mature adult about the whole thing and acting like just a friend it would be different. She clearly has alterior motives. She makes you feel bad, guilty, invites herself to your house, calls your friends ho's, her boyfriend just happens to show up where you are... She's just not trustworthy and still getting her kicks after what she did to you. 1
Author movingbackwards Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 It is obvious that you are hoping to get back together. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been talking to her and certainly you would not have allowed her inside your house. Instead, when she knocked, you would have stepped outside and closed the door before talking to her for a few minutes and then going back inside after insisting that she leave. This being an anonymous forum I would have zero reason to lie about my intentions. I wouldn't even think about being with her again. I hate her family, her attitude, and her life-views... It would never happen. I just didn't want to lose her as a friend, but I get where everyone is coming from. She treated me like **** and still does. That's her attitude. That's just how she is. I do agree she just wants to intrude on me dating this girl and try to get me to feel guilty and change my mind about dating her. Shame. I liked it better when she was dating this guy...haha... 1
HappyLove Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 This being an anonymous forum I would have zero reason to lie about my intentions. I wouldn't even think about being with her again. I hate her family, her attitude, and her life-views... It would never happen. I just didn't want to lose her as a friend, but I get where everyone is coming from. She treated me like **** and still does. That's her attitude. That's just how she is. I do agree she just wants to intrude on me dating this girl and try to get me to feel guilty and change my mind about dating her. Shame. I liked it better when she was dating this guy...haha... Welp, seems like you're fine with everything then. Nothing to see here folks...keep it moving. Just curious why do you like being her friend? What makes her such a great friend?
Author movingbackwards Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 Welp, seems like you're fine with everything then. Nothing to see here folks...keep it moving. Just curious why do you like being her friend? What makes her such a great friend? Well, I would say since I shared a large part of my adult life with her (19-24), we shared many great experiences together. I enjoy talking to her and she makes me laugh. Mainly probably boils down to comfort. So far, the texts I have gotten today from her are that I'm a liar, gross, and disappointing. And then she told me to "enjoy"...she's definitely not showing any characteristics of being a good friend...I guess it's time to just let her go out of my life completely.
ThatGirl213 Posted March 11, 2014 Posted March 11, 2014 (edited) Well, I would say since I shared a large part of my adult life with her (19-24), we shared many great experiences together. I enjoy talking to her and she makes me laugh. Mainly probably boils down to comfort. So far, the texts I have gotten today from her are that I'm a liar, gross, and disappointing. And then she told me to "enjoy"...she's definitely not showing any characteristics of being a good friend...I guess it's time to just let her go out of my life completely. I understand where you are coming from about the comfort. Especially when it was our first serious LTR, we tend to want to be in touch with the person even if we don't feel the love or attraction anymore. But I hope with the texts you received today, you understand what we have been trying to tell you here on LS. You know you deserve better than being called a liar when you have clearly not lied to her and what is so gross and disappointing about you? You should be the one texting her these things, not the other way round. I really hope you stay NC with this girl. Chances are when she sees that you do not give **** about her anymore and start ignoring her, she will come up with another tactic to get your sympathy or make you want to talk to her again. A girl like this deserves no sympathy. Edited March 11, 2014 by ThatGirl213 1
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