dustystar Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Hello LS'ers, I know that some of you have read the few break up threads I posted up last year... but this time I'm serious. I was forced to break up with my xMM this past Thursday because I was so exhausted of the breadcrumbs. Not even breadcrumbs. It felt like breadcrumbs of breadcrumbs. No one knows about my situation except for my best friend and another friend who I don't speak or see too often. What made me come to this point was when my older sister was saying how she and her boyfriend do not have enough time together. When I heard this, it hit me. She and her boyfriend see each other in the open, at least for a couple of hours daily. The last time I have seen my xMM was on Monday, where we spent 30 stolen minutes together, had one brief kiss, and I was left alone. Each time he leaves, it sends another slice of pain to my heart. We have opposite work schedules, and every waking moment, if we weren't together, would be spent skyping. Our alone time decreased as our relationship went on. He used to make the initiative to see me frequently; lately, I feel like the roles have been reversing. I don't want a relationship based mostly on Skype. The last few times I've broken up with him, I doubt that I truly believed that our break up would last. This time, it's different. I know that I cannot bear to continue committing emotional and spiritual suicide while accepting what little he gives me. I had my original timeline set for two years. Now it's a little past 2.5 years... I've been clinging to him for far too long. I refuse to hang on for any longer. In the beginning of our relationship, he was desperate for us to stay together. Now, as the years have passed, he doesn't seem to have that same despair. Even if he did, it wouldn't matter... he doesn't love or care enough about me to pick me. He had initially future faked, promising me something would happen in two years... when I would bring up the subject during the last few months, he eventually became defensive and would refuse to talk about it and asks why do I keep bringing up the same things. Since our break up, he said that he's so sorry that he hurt me and that he will always love me... what does it mean to love if all one does is unknowingly destroy their beloved? I understand that I am deeply at fault. I want to blame him. But I know that I made the mistake of falling in love with him when I should have been guarding my heart. For my first relationship (I'm in my mid-late 20's now), I sure picked 'em good... all I want is the pain to subside and to become a fleeting, far away memory. Thanks for reading. 2
Els Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 We all make mistakes. Fortunately, now that you have dumped him (and rightfully so), you can look for a guy whom you can truly be with, not someone who is with another. 1
BetrayedH Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Sadly, your story seems to mirror so many others. From what I've seen, the average OW seems to make it about 2-4 years before they have just had it with the future-faking and breadcrumbs. Even that 'staying for the sake of my poor kids' line gets old and worn. I truly pity the ones that somehow break thru this time frame and find themselves in the same position 6-7 years+. Good luck making it a clean break. Have you considered telling his wife? She doesn't deserve to have years of her life wasted either, you know? She's really the one getting the ultimate future-fake, especially if he just replaces you with a newer model OW that isn't 2 1/2 years into being fed up. 3
jellybean89 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I went back and read your history. Seems as if each post you start is because you are "done". What makes this time any different? When you discovered his phone bills and saw that he does speak to his wife daily, you said that was it...you finally were angry and ready to end it. (You had believed his lies that he rarely speaks to his wife) That was months ago. What is changing this time to make the "break up" stick? Don't you realize that hanging onto a MM is a dead end road? You want marriage and a family.....you won't get that with this MM. You have already wasted 2.5 years of your life -- he isn't leaving. How much more of your life are you going to spend clinging to someone's husband?
cif Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I didn't read your previous posts but this is enough to conclude that you need total NC. Tell his wife then move on. You're wasting the best years of your life.
Author dustystar Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 I feel like this is the true end of us. Why? I don't even have strength left in me to start our relationship up again. Just a few months ago, I felt desperate to keep him in my life, no matter what the cost, no matter how much I subjugated myself to looking like a fool. This past January, he was extremely angry with me, and ignored me for the first time of our existence for two days. (He apologized afterwards and blamed himself for whatever it was that we argued about). During those two days, I thought that I had lost him forever. I had no option but to learn how to start letting go. I felt like I had two choices: go insane from the rejection, or to somehow, millimeter by millimeter, detach from him. Now, for the first time in 2.5 years, I feel like I can live without him... how I feel right now may have nothing to do with what happened in January, but I think that's what may have given me a kick in the pants. I remember feeling sheer panic whenever I would even imagine the thought of us not being together. I don't have those thoughts anymore. Don't get me wrong; I still think of him almost every waking moment, but I finally get it: we will never be together. No matter how painful, I'm accepting my reality. I hope that I can maintain this mindset! As for telling his wife, I have read countless threads on whether or not one should tell her... the thought has crossed my mind many times; I do not know what to do. She does deserve to know the truth... the thought of her being in pain and angry haunts me. Too bad I didn't stop our relationship before it progressed to that obvious outcome, right. I appreciate everyone's questions and input. Thank you!
Popsicle Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 I'm sorry you're going through this paid. You did the right thing though.
lynn1954 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Hi, Dusty: I have sympathy and support for you. Stay with your plan to end it permanently, use full NC, and don't look back. Sometimes it takes more than one attempt to end the A. Sometimes an OW can decide to end it and accomplish the break-up the first time she tries. Other times it takes multiple times to successfully end it. Make up your mind that this time really is the "done" time. Good luck!
gettingstronger Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Best of luck- Do something for you this time around so that you can be really and truly done- and if you are not in counseling-think about going-it really does help when you have someone to talk to that also holds you accountable to yourself and your well being-
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