It's been three months since she dumped me, why am I still crying?

[somedude81]

She was my first girlfriend and we were only together for six months but I don't feel like I've healed at all since she dumped me back in December. I've basically cried every other day if not every day since then.

 

There are just so many triggers that make me think of her. For example I can't even take a shower without thinking about her (we frequently showered together) and if I focus too much on the thought I get a really bad headache. Or whenever I go to my local Ross or Marshals I immediately remember the times we went there looking for stuff for my apartment. If I'm just relaxing trying to calm down for a nap, memories of her and things we did together keep popping up in my head and I can't push them out. I can just close my eyes and easily picture her in my mind clear as if I just saw her yesterday.

 

I'm sick of the constant emotional pain and lack of energy. I am not taking the breakup well. Nobody in my family wants to hear me talk about her and I feel completely alone. All that does is make me want to turn to her.

 

Right now it feels that it would have been kinder of her to just shoot me.

Edited March 8, 2014 by somedude81

[Candy_Pants]

You're still crying because you're not over her. Obvious, right?

 

It's going to take time and effort on your part. Some people, after a break up, throw themselves into school, the gym, volunteer work, their pets, job, they get a PASSION.

 

What are you passionate about? Besides large breasts.

 

What do you think your energy could be better funneled towards??

[Musing]

She was my first girlfriend and we were only together for six months but I don't feel like I've healed at all since she dumped me back in December. I've basically cried every other day if not every day since then.

 

There are just so many triggers that make me think of her. For example I can't even take a shower without thinking about her (we frequently showered together) and if I focus too much on the thought I get a really bad headache. Or whenever I go to my local Ross or Marshals I immediately remember the times we went there looking for stuff for my apartment. If I'm just relaxing trying to calm down for a nap, memories of her and things we did together keep popping up in my head and I can't push them out. I can just close my eyes and easily picture her in my mind clear as if I just saw her yesterday.

 

I'm sick of the constant emotional pain and lack of energy. I am not taking the breakup well. Nobody in my family wants to hear me talk about her and I feel completely alone. All that does is make me want to turn to her.

 

Right now it feels that it would have been kinder of her to just shoot me.

 

Bolded pretty much sums it up.

You're most likely not use to this. I mean - no breakup is a good one by any means, but usually the first hits the hardest because you have nothing else to really compare it to.

When I go through breakups I always revert to past experiences. Even the first time I was broken up with, I remembered that I had others before him and you just sort of accept it as part of the process.

Does not make it easier per se, but gives you perspective.

 

Other than that, it's only been 3 months. Give yourself some time somedude! You'll be okay but obviously you cared for her so it's going to affect you that she is gone. You just need to replace old memories with new ones. Maybe change up your routine a little for the time being if you can.

 

We all heal at our own pace and use our own techniques. It's how we learn and grow.

[somedude81]

You're still crying because you're not over her. Obvious, right?

Yeah that's the obvious answer. But then that begs the question of why I'm not over her yet. I've been single for half the time we were together, should that be long enough to move on?

 

It's going to take time and effort on your part. Some people, after a break up, throw themselves into school, the gym, volunteer work, their pets, job, they get a PASSION.

 

What are you passionate about? Besides large breasts.

 

What do you think your energy could be better funneled towards??

Ha ha, a boobie joke. 5'2, around 110lbs and a 32 D. When sleeping she wanted me to put my around around her and grab one of her breasts while spooning. Sometimes I catch myself putting my arm around and grabbing a pillow in a similar manner, then I get freaked out and stop it.

 

I don't have any passions. Frankly it feels like that after she left I don't remember what things used to make me happy. Video games which used to be my primary time killer aren't fun anymore. I'm too tired to go to the gym.

 

A few hours ago I went to a big native American event at my college by myself, and I kept wishing that she was there with me. If she didn't dump me, I know we would have gone together.

 

What can I put my energy towards?

 

I know I should put more of my energy into school and especially my math class, but I hate it so much. Math isn't something I can do when I'm already in a sour mood.

[somedude81]

Bolded pretty much sums it up.

You're most likely not use to this. I mean - no breakup is a good one by any means, but usually the first hits the hardest because you have nothing else to really compare it to.

When I go through breakups I always revert to past experiences. Even the first time I was broken up with, I remembered that I had others before him and you just sort of accept it as part of the process.

Does not make it easier per se, but gives you perspective.

 

Other than that, it's only been 3 months. Give yourself some time somedude! You'll be okay but obviously you cared for her so it's going to affect you that she is gone.

Yeah I think it being my first breakup is why it hurts so much. I think it's also because I've been single for so long and wanted a girlfriend more than anything, then I finally got my wish. I just can't explain how special she was to me. With her, there were just so many things I've never experienced before. Emotions so deep. I was extremely attached to her, more so than I realized.

 

I seriously hope my next breakup won't be anywhere nears painful as this.

 

So even if I was only with her for six months, being single for three months still isn't enough time to heal?

You just need to replace old memories with new ones. Maybe change up your routine a little for the time being if you can.

 

We all heal at our own pace and use our own techniques. It's how we learn and grow.

Does the bold mean get a new girlfriend?

 

That's the only way I can think of to replace the old memories. She was my first is so many different things that I almost can't think of anything without her in the memory.

 

For example she was the first girl to ever cook me dinner, the first to go with me to a museum, the first to go kayaking on the lake with, the first to take shower with and so much more. Almost any memory I have of something I did, I did with her.

 

Most likely I need to do those things with other girls so she won't dominate my thoughts and experiences.

[Itspointless]

But then that begs the question of why I'm not over her yet. I've been single for half the time we were together, should that be long enough to move on?

Isn't that obvious? You learned to be alone, just as I have. Nevertheless on a psychological level we humans long to a companion. Humans are not made to be alone. Therefore even as you can be alone and happy it isn't quite the same. It speaks volumes in every post you write how your longing hasn't met by far. It is more about the desire to be with someone than per se to be with her. Although that is hard to imagine, just as I idealize my ex.

 

And I do not want to depress you, but the breakup I am experiencing now hurts just as much as my first one. The only difference is that I know that eventually it will get better. The hurt is exactly the same.

[Musing]

Yeah I think it being my first breakup is why it hurts so much. I think it's also because I've been single for so long and wanted a girlfriend more than anything, then I finally got my wish. I just can't explain how special she was to me. With her, there were just so many things I've never experienced before. Emotions so deep. I was extremely attached to her, more so than I realized.

 

I seriously hope my next breakup won't be anywhere nears painful as this.

 

So even if I was only with her for six months, being single for three months still isn't enough time to heal?

.

 

Your next breakup (assuming you have a "next breakup") won't be as painful so long as you don't put so much stock into getting a new girlfriend or place so much emphasis on who you date next.

That's why many people tell you not to rely on someone else for happiness - because if they leave, they take your happiness with them. That's no fair to you or to them.

 

Does the bold mean get a new girlfriend?

 

That's the only way I can think of to replace the old memories. She was my first is so many different things that I almost can't think of anything without her in the memory.

 

For example she was the first girl to ever cook me dinner, the first to go with me to a museum, the first to go kayaking on the lake with, the first to take shower with and so much more. Almost any memory I have of something I did, I did with her.

 

Most likely I need to do those things with other girls so she won't dominate my thoughts and experiences

 

I mean just make new memories in general, with anyone. Friends, family, classmates etc. Instead of taking showers, take baths. Instead of kayaking on the lake go swimming or fishing. Go to the museum with a friend. All of those things you did with her either avoid them and change your routine, or experience them with someone new. Face them head on.

 

I went to school with my ex and we are in the same major. Every day I not only run the risk of running into him in person but I also go to the same building we use to walk together in. Our memories are everywhere. It hurt for a little while but being there with friends instead made all the difference.

 

Now, what was once painful only slightly aches. And I'm sure that will go away soon enough just like it will for you.

 

You don't necessarily need another girl to do those things with, find others to experience things with and just create new memories in general.

[Simon Phoenix]

A couple reasons:

 

1) It takes time. Recovery is not linear and there's no set formula as to how long it should take to recover. It takes as long as it takes.

 

2) Although it's been three months, you spent quite a bit of those three months trying to plot your way back and appeal to her. It's only been a short time since you've let go of trying that, so the full mourning effects were delayed. Everytime you break NC, you set the recovery clock back to zero. So you aren't three months removed, you are however long it's been since you last had contact with her removed.

[somedude81]

Isn't that obvious? You learned to be alone, just as I have. Nevertheless on a psychological level we humans long to a companion. Humans are not made to be alone. Therefore even as you can be alone and happy it isn't quite the same. It speaks volumes in every post you write how your longing hasn't met by far.

 

Wow, that's a very interesting observation. Since I got my first girlfriend at 31, I got used to being alone. While I hated being single and felt that something was off, I didn't actually know what I was missing so it was easier to cope. I could easily entertain myself and pass the time alone.

 

Now that I had a girlfriend and got to experience all the perks, I can see how much it sucks to be single. I've been single and by myself for the vast majority of my life but it just feels really different this time. Life feels wrong now.

It is more about the desire to be with someone than per se to be with her.

I wonder if that is the case. Would I be fine if I had a girl to replace her? Then that would mean that I just need a woman and then I'd be fine. I need to test that theory.

 

Although that is hard to imagine, just as I idealize my ex.

I'm also guilty of idealizing my ex. The problem is I don't know how I'm supposed not to. While I know she wasn't perfect, the faults she did have were very minor and nothing I would breakup with her over. Her pluses far outweighed any cons. Also since she was my first and only GF, I can't really compare her to anything and see that she was actually lacking. She seemed to be a bit passive in bed but I had no other point of reference and how could I complain when we were actually having sex and she was almost always ready to go? It's almost like saying my only complaint about my car is that it doesn't steer by itself.

 

And I do not want to depress you, but the breakup I am experiencing now hurts just as much as my first one. The only difference is that I know that eventually it will get better. The hurt is exactly the same.

Oh, that sucks. I was hoping that one would get used to the pain. Maybe it doesn't take as long to heal the second time around?

[pickflicker]

I would hazard a guess that even though the break up was 3 months ago, NC had not been implemented for that long.

 

But there are other reasons, and other solutions to your grief, all which have been discussed in depth in your other threads.

 

And you need to be throwing yourself into your maths unit.

Edited March 9, 2014 by pickflicker

[Itspointless]

Now that I had a girlfriend and got to experience all the perks, I can see how much it sucks to be single. I've been single and by myself for the vast majority of my life but it just feels really different this time. Life feels wrong now.

Being alone (for a long time) is psychologically very different then being together. When together you are acknowledged on a very basic level. For example to be touched - not per se in a sexual way - is a very basis need we have, just as knowing that there is someone special who cares about you. Now it can be that it feels wrong now because you still have much grieving to do. On the other hand you are now clearly faced with the fact that when alone you have to learn to satisfy some basic needs for yourself. Can be that subconsciencely you denied them for a long time. Of course others are also right that it is important to learn to be happy with yourself. In the first place not by denying those needs - as people sometimes do - but by acknowledging them, especially as the taste of all those needs being met is still fresh on your mind. In the second place by learning what you unknowingly got in your relation or took, but can learn to consciencely manage yourself.

I wonder if that is the case. Would I be fine if I had a girl to replace her? Then that would mean that I just need a woman and then I'd be fine. I need to test that theory.

Perhaps I said it somewhat to simple. When we like someone there is much more in play than only our needs. So in addition to the previous point I made just being together is not a recipe for feeling whole. You have to search that for the main part in yourself.

I'm also guilty of idealizing my ex. The problem is I don't know how I'm supposed not to.

Well, you can try by constantly remembering yourself of the fact that she just is a human while in a relation. And learning to know yourself better, so you are better able to give yourself, but not give yourself away.

Oh, that sucks. I was hoping that one would get used to the pain. Maybe it doesn't take as long to heal the second time around?

That could be. Like some people said, it also depends on how psychologically secure, conscience of yourself and how happy with yourself you are. It also helps knowing what you can expect in a process like this. In my observation it also differs per person. And when I speak for myself, I am also always faced with old grief of loosing my mother when i was young. Heartbreak triggers that with me. And before people ask, no I am not trying to find a new mother in a relationship

[somedude81]

A couple reasons:

 

1) It takes time. Recovery is not linear and there's no set formula as to how long it should take to recover. It takes as long as it takes.

 

2) Although it's been three months, you spent quite a bit of those three months trying to plot your way back and appeal to her. It's only been a short time since you've let go of trying that, so the full mourning effects were delayed. Everytime you break NC, you set the recovery clock back to zero. So you aren't three months removed, you are however long it's been since you last had contact with her removed.

The full mourning effects were delayed? I feel that I've been mourning since the day she dumped me.

 

The last time we had a text conversation was January 3rd. From then on she ignored or simply didn't get any communication from me, up until February 17th when she told me that she had blocked my number and primary email. Does that one communication count as resetting the clock simply because it said that she was alive? It's also the first time she ever told me to leave her alone. That was three weeks ago.

 

Does the healing process only start when you admit to yourself that you never want to contact them again? That you never want to hear from them again?

 

The only reason I haven't tried to contact her in three weeks is because I know she doesn't want me to. Every time I get a text or an email part of me hopes it's her. It will probably be that way until I can replace her.

[pickflicker]

The full mourning effects were delayed? I feel that I've been mourning since the day she dumped me.

 

The last time we had a text conversation was January 3rd. From then on she ignored or simply didn't get any communication from me, up until February 17th when she told me that she had blocked my number and primary email. Does that one communication count as resetting the clock simply because it said that she was alive? It's also the first time she ever told me to leave her alone. That was three weeks ago.

 

Does the healing process only start when you admit to yourself that you never want to contact them again? That you never want to hear from them again?

 

The only reason I haven't tried to contact her in three weeks is because I know she doesn't want me to. Every time I get a text or an email part of me hopes it's her. It will probably be that way until I can replace her.

 

Yes, every time you break NC, you reset the clock.

[somedude81]

Your next breakup (assuming you have a "next breakup") won't be as painful so long as you don't put so much stock into getting a new girlfriend or place so much emphasis on who you date next.

 

Being realistic, I'm pretty sure I will have a next breakup. I can't pretend that I will never get dumped again.

 

So then I'm pretty sure that the next time I get dumped will be about as painful as this one. I know that I will put a lot of stock into getting a new GF and will probably develop deep feelings for the next girl. That seems almost unavoidable.

 

 

That's why many people tell you not to rely on someone else for happiness - because if they leave, they take your happiness with them. That's no fair to you

Ah, now I understand.

 

One of my online friends asked me what my ex or my relationship meant to me, what she represented. And I told her that my ex and being with her was, happiness.

 

Being with my ex and spending time with her literally was happiness. And of course when she left, she took my happiness with her.

 

That means that as long as somebody doesn't leave me, it's OK to rely on them for my happiness. Of course there is no way to guarantee that somebody will never leave, so it's essentially a bad investment.

 

I mean just make new memories in general, with anyone. Friends, family, classmates etc. Instead of taking showers, take baths. Instead of kayaking on the lake go swimming or fishing. Go to the museum with a friend. All of those things you did with her either avoid them and change your routine, or experience them with someone new. Face them head on.

Eh those things aren't as interesting as doing them by myself or with friends.

 

One thing that greatly annoyed me was that soon after my ex dumped me, my mom wanted to spend more time with me and I actually ended up going to two of the restaurants that I have only went to with my ex and that really bugged me. It was almost as if I was replacing my GF with my mother. I did not like that.

 

 

 

 

I went to school with my ex and we are in the same major. Every day I not only run the risk of running into him in person but I also go to the same building we use to walk together in. Our memories are everywhere. It hurt for a little while but being there with friends instead made all the difference.

 

Now, what was once painful only slightly aches. And I'm sure that will go away soon enough just like it will for you.

 

You don't necessarily need another girl to do those things with, find others to experience things with and just create new memories in general.

Yeah that sounds like it will really suck. So in your case being there with friends did make it easier.

 

Though the hard part is the routine stuff that I do by myself. I'm not about to start taking baths instead of showers because that's just impractical. I have a routine of putting on chapstick right before bed because my lips feel dry when I'm sleeping if I don't, and every time I do it, I remember putting it on, then kissing her, and she said "Thanks for the chapstick." I hear that every single time I put on chapstick before bed.

 

There are just many other things that I would only share with a woman, and it seems that I need to do them with another woman to overwrite those memories.

[Candy_Pants]

You're just not getting it.

 

What are YOU, ALONE, going to do to busy yourself so you're not wallowing in self pity?

 

You don't "write over" previous memories. Unless you've got the mental facilities of a goldfish. With time you just mature and realize people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. And often a combination.

You should focus on yourself. Not finding another girlfriend to bandage up your ego. Doesn't work like that. In fact, men who are still pining over exs are generally very unattractive and easy to spot for us lady folk.

 

So, once again, what are you going to do? What are you going to try from the various suggestions people have given you on this very thread??

[KungFuJoe]

It will probably be that way until I can replace her.

 

Replace her?

 

You don't "replace" a person.

 

Your problem is that you're trying to find a gf to fill a hole that's inside of you. This hole is basically all the failures, desires, wishes, wants, hopes that you've built up your entire life.

 

But the fact is...unless you fix YOURSELF, you're going to run into the same thing with the next gf...and the next...and the next.

 

A woman doesn't want to be with a man who needs her to make him complete. A woman wants to be with a man who is already complete and compliments her. You have to compliment each other. Otherwise, you become a user...until you suck them dry and then they bail, unable to bear the weight of you on them any longer.

 

Graduate...get a good job...start building a career. Get in shape, better yourself. You need to be able to feel good about yourself. For yourself. By yourself.

 

No one else can do it for you.

[somedude81]

You're just not getting it.

 

What are YOU, ALONE, going to do to busy yourself so you're not wallowing in self pity?

 

You don't "write over" previous memories. Unless you've got the mental facilities of a goldfish. With time you just mature and realize people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. And often a combination.

You should focus on yourself. Not finding another girlfriend to bandage up your ego. Doesn't work like that. In fact, men who are still pining over exs are generally very unattractive and easy to spot for us lady folk.

 

So, once again, what are you going to do? What are you going to try from the various suggestions people have given you on this very thread??

 

 

 

Why shouldn't I be able to write over old memories, or at least lessen their impact? I really doubt that when I've settled into things with a new girl I'd keep having the same triggers about my ex. I know I won't forget my ex nor would I want to, but I'm tired of having an emotional response to the memories.

 

I will have to be careful and not talk about my ex beyond the necessary that she did exist and how we broke up if a new girl wants to know.

[Candy_Pants]

Take it from a woman who has had relationships most of her life. You do NOT write over things. Important people remain important, important events remain important. Time lessens the pain, or impact, but I still get "triggers" from my first real relationship. And that was over 7 years ago!!!!!!

 

And the rest of my post?? You need to get out of your head and INTO ACTION. Not sexual action. Bettering yourself.

 

Unless you do that nothing will get better.

[CrystalCastles]

Somedude, you need to stop wallowing in self-pity. Have a little self-respect.

 

You're not living life for the sole purpose of getting into a relationship. Stop treating relationships as some kind of life goal. You're living life for yourself, not for anyone else. Yeah, it would be nice to be involved with someone, but you're not. So what. That doesn't mean that no relationship = unhappiness.

 

You're in control of your own happiness. No one can provide that for you. You need to go out and find some hobbies if you don't have any, and I'm not talking about video games for hours each day. Join a hiking group, read fantasy novels, try new recipes. Do something with your life. No one is going to live your life for you.

 

I'm 21. Never been in a relationship, and on top of that, I've been played with, lied to, used for validation by a whole plethora of a**hats. Do you think I sit every day crying in my room about how unhappy and miserable I am because no guy will love me? Nope. I go out there and I do my thing, and if at some point in life, I meet someone, then great! If not, I still have fun things I can do and I'm not going to sink into depression and make pity-parties because I don't have a boyfriend. I think there are worse things that can happen to a person than being dumped. You have a roof over your head, you're healthy, you have so many opportunities in front of you. You need to spend time working on yourself because clearly from your posts, this girl was filling some hole in you, and now that she's gone, the hole is back. You need to fill it yourself. And while you're doing that, another girl will come along, see that you're perfectly happy, and want to share that happiness with you. The only person who can make you perfectly happy is yourself.

 

Just hang in there. Go out, do your thing, and in time there will be other women. This girl seems very monumental right now, but 10 years down the road, when you're happily involved with someone else, you'll look back at this and laugh that you made such a big deal out of it.

[BC1980]

The full mourning effects were delayed? I feel that I've been mourning since the day she dumped me.

 

The last time we had a text conversation was January 3rd. From then on she ignored or simply didn't get any communication from me, up until February 17th when she told me that she had blocked my number and primary email. Does that one communication count as resetting the clock simply because it said that she was alive? It's also the first time she ever told me to leave her alone. That was three weeks ago.

 

Does the healing process only start when you admit to yourself that you never want to contact them again? That you never want to hear from them again?

 

The only reason I haven't tried to contact her in three weeks is because I know she doesn't want me to. Every time I get a text or an email part of me hopes it's her. It will probably be that way until I can replace her.

 

I don't think you really start the healing process until you admit that it's over. My ex and I were still in contact for 4 months post breakup, and I was still hoping it would work out for that amount of time. It's really more about your actions, thoughts, and hopes than hers. Even is she contacted you in February, it really only matters how you handle the contact. How you see it and how realistic you are about what it means.

 

I'm not saying you won't have lingering hopes that it had worked out, but NC is an important piece to the puzzle of forcing you to accept reality. NC is a long road. One week, you feel great and are moving on. The next week, you feel like sh*t and are nostalgic about the relationship. A few weeks ago, I had a dream about my ex. I had been doing fantastic, but this dream came out of the blue. It really upset me, but I had to take a step back and process it. I can't control what I dream, but I can control how much value I give it over my life.

 

I know people say it all the time, but you have to keep plugging away at NC. Don't look to someone else to fill the void you now have either. That is a recipe for disaster. You can be NC for 5 years, but it's what you do for those 5 years that really matters. Are you actively doing things to create a new life? Are you seeing the relationship in perspective? Are you plotting ways to get her back? Are you being unrealistic or are you being realistic? It all depends on you and how you use your NC time.

Edited March 10, 2014 by BC1980

[somedude81]

Being alone (for a long time) is psychologically very different then being together. When together you are acknowledged on a very basic level. For example to be touched - not per se in a sexual way - is a very basis need we have,

You make some very good points.

 

I really do miss touching. Physical contact with her brought me a lot of comfort, so when ever we were together, I was almost ways touching her. Holding hands as we walked, her legs over my lap as we watched TV, spooning as we slept. She was the only girl I've ever done those things with and that's probably what I miss most about the relationship.

 

I remember one of our early dates were we went to a salsa club and while we did dance, we actually spent a lot of time sitting down and holding hands. That just felt so good.

 

 

 

just as knowing that there is someone special who cares about you. Now it can be that it feels wrong now because you still have much grieving to do. On the other hand you are now clearly faced with the fact that when alone you have to learn to satisfy some basic needs for yourself. Can be that subconsciencely you denied them for a long time. Of course others are also right that it is important to learn to be happy with yourself. In the first place not by denying those needs - as people sometimes do - but by acknowledging them, especially as the taste of all those needs being met is still fresh on your mind. In the second place by learning what you unknowingly got in your relation or took, but can learn to consciencely manage yourself.

It also felt really good knowing that somebody actually cares about me. She was concerned about my schooling, my intersts, what made me happy and so on. I felt like I mattered to her. Again it was the first time I ever felt that from somebody.

 

Now that I know I have those needs, it's much harder to repress them. She filled a hole I didn't really know was there.

 

 

 

Perhaps I said it somewhat to simple. When we like someone there is much more in play than only our needs. So in addition to the previous point I made just being together is not a recipe for feeling whole. You have to search that for the main part in yourself.

I think it was the fact that I did like her and that was combined with me greatly liking female company that made it so enjoyable to be around her, and that I feel like something is missing now.

 

Ever since I got home today I'm having an odd feeling going through female withdrawals. Today was my dance class where I danced and talked to a few girls that I like and I had a really good time. And in my business class I had a nice conversation with a new girl that I'm just starting to get to know. On that basis today was a good day. But when I got home I felt a general need to spend more time with girls though the feeling was not directed at my ex. I wonder if that is at least some sign that I'm moving on from her.

 

I really wish I could go on a few dates with some of the girls I'm interested in.

 

Well, you can try by constantly remembering yourself of the fact that she just is a human while in a relation. And learning to know yourself better, so you are better able to give yourself, but not give yourself away.

Yeah I know she is just human, but being with her was so great and I've never experienced anything on that level before. It just might be the novelty.

[somedude81]

I don't think you really start the healing process until you admit that it's over. My ex and I were still in contact for 4 months post breakup, and I was still hoping it would work out for that amount of time. It's really more about your actions, thoughts, and hopes than hers. Even is she contacted you in February, it really only matters how you handle the contact. How you see it and how realistic you are about what it means.

 

 

I'm not saying you won't have lingering hopes that it had worked out, but NC is an important piece to the puzzle of forcing you to accept reality. NC is a long road. One week, you feel great and are moving on. The next week, you feel like sh*t and are nostalgic about the relationship. A few weeks ago, I had a dream about my ex. I had been doing fantastic, but this dream came out of the blue. It really upset me, but I had to take a step back and process it. I can't control what I dream, but I can control how much value I give it over my life.

You make a good point. Honestly I don't want to admit that it's over. Yes I know it's done since I haven't seen her face in three months, but I still hope that one day she'll change her mind and contact me. I know it's never going to happen, but I still want it to.

 

We've been no contact for three weeks, but since she dumped me, contact has been very sporadic and brief. Most of it has been me trying to figure out her reasons for dumping me, and her answering me and then getting annoyed at me. it was never anything positive.

 

I definitely understand what you are talking about feeling fine some days and then like absolute sh*t other days. Today I feel fine, and Saturday I felt like I was going to die, that's when I made this thread.

 

I know people say it all the time, but you have to keep plugging away at NC. Don't look to someone else to fill the void you now have either. That is a recipe for disaster.

My big worry is that the only way I can feel the void is if I get with somebody else. Right now I think I believe that because she has been the only girl I've dated, that she will be the only girl I get to date. It's a big worry that I will be alone from now on always wishing that she will come back to me.

 

If I do get another girl, then my ex will lose a lot of significance for me and I'll be able to relax.

 

I do know for a fact that when I'm having fun with girls, my ex isn't on my mind at all. Frankly dancing and talking to girls is one of the few times in the day where I don't think about my ex.

 

You can be NC for 5 years, but it's what you do for those 5 years that really matters. Are you actively doing things to create a new life? Are you seeing the relationship in perspective? Are you plotting ways to get her back? Are you being unrealistic or are you being realistic? It all depends on you and how you use your NC time.

Hopefully I still won't plotting to get her back after 5 years.

 

I have more perspective about the relationship and can see areas where I did make some mistakes. I'll make sure not to make them again with the next girl.

 

I'm not plotting ways to get her back, because frankly, I don't believe I can do anything to get her back. I tried all I can think of, and now all I can do is wait. Most likely I will never hear from her again so I need to do what I can to keep going.

[somedude81]

I don't know why but today is such a drag.

 

I woke up around 8 and I was just angry and didn't want to get out of bed at all. I stayed in bed as long as I could and finally got out at 8:30.

 

I just feel hopeless, tired and angry. I'm hungry but don't want to eat, or I don't want to bother with cooking. I have my math class in 2 and a half hours.

 

There is just nothing about today that makes me feel I should have gotten out of bed. I didn't have this feeling at all yesterday.

 

I also realized that all my dishes are dirty (no dishwasher) and there are pots and pans on my stove. I just don't have any motivation to clean. I used to always have an issue with doing my dishes, but I would grudgingly do them for her, or knowing that she was coming over. But now that she'll never come to my place again, why bother keeping it clean?

Edited March 11, 2014 by somedude81

[pickflicker]

I don't know why but today is such a drag.

 

I woke up around 8 and I was just angry and didn't want to get out of bed at all. I stayed in bed as long as I could and finally got out at 8:30.

 

I just feel hopeless, tired and angry. I'm hungry but don't want to eat, or I don't want to bother with cooking. I have my math class in 2 and a half hours.

 

There is just nothing about today that makes me feel I should have gotten out of bed. I didn't have this feeling at all yesterday.

 

I also realized that all my dishes are dirty (no dishwasher) and there are pots and pans on my stove. I just don't have any motivation to clean. I used to always have an issue with doing my dishes, but I would grudgingly do them for her, or knowing that she was coming over. But now that she'll never come to my place again, why bother keeping it clean?

 

Because being clean and tidy and organised are all good habits to maintain, regardless of your relationship status.

[jphcbpa]

Because being clean and tidy and organised are all good habits to maintain, regardless of your relationship status.

 

i love to clean because it is great mindless activity.