abigail73 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I've purchased a bunch of dating and men products - have probably spent at least $700 products about dating. They've been very educational. There's just one problem. I can't seem to even get a date. I got divorced this past May 2013 and haven't been on one single date. I've not even been asked. But, it gets worse than that. After my divorce I was happy and carefree. I felt like a new woman with a hopeful future. I was sure there was some guy, or a small collection of men, who would run my direction when they learned I was divorced and now available. But, nope. Nada. Still, I didn't let that get me down. I was disappointed, but I was hopeful. It was okay because I needed time to recover anyway, right? So, I joined a dating sight to at least begin a collection of potential future dates. I worked on myself, such as self-esteem and finishing school (I'm 40, not 20). I even asked a few guys out. I haven't been looking for anything serious, but it would be nice to have companionship to the movies, dinner, or a dancing partner. Here's where it gets worse. In the first few months I was rejected by 5 guys (and, two times by one guy!). In fact, the first guy who rejected me I didn't get to ask. The moment I told him I was getting divorced, he unfriended me on Facebook. Then, one of these programs said I shouldn't be asking a guy out. I should be giving small cues that he may be successful if he asked me, and then expect him to be a man and step up by asking me out. So, when I felt a few guys may be interested I would flash them a nice smile. Now they steer clear of me. Or, at least it seems. It's to the point that I won't ask and I certainly won't even give a clue that I might be interested because either way they will run the other way. Oh, and I've gotten NOTHING from the dating sights. I just purchased a program for that, but who knows if that will work either. And, this is all while I've been confident and layed back about it. I haven't even felt desperate yet. But, how much rejection can a girl take? Am I so repulsive I can't even reveal a possible interest without making them run the other way? I'm not being overbearing, I'm barely doing anything. I'm not feeling desperate, yet. I'm nice. I'm cheerful, without being ridiculous. I have a few extra pounds, but I'm not that bad. My looks may not turn heads when I walk into a room, but I'm not horrible, either. I'm smart, funny, talented, and ambitious. I have values, but I'm not a prude. I have an open mind and am a good conversationalist. What in the world am I doing so wrong? I can't even get the date where I would apply ANY of the techniques I've been learning. I know plenty of women who have dated before they were even divorced. I waited. I have a friend who's husband committed suicide three months after I divorced and she's already been on dozens of dates. But, me? I can't even give a clue to a man that I might be interested without him running for the hills. At this rate, by the time I get a date, I won't be able to let him go. He'll be the only one interested. But, I don't want that. I want choices. I want to take my time. What am I doing wrong?
deathandtaxes Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 What are you doing to get dates? Where are you finding these guys to ask out?
Author abigail73 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Well, so far most of them have been at work. I've been trying to get out to meet men, but it seems there are far and few between when I go out. For instance, I went out the other night and the only potential man spoke to the girl I was with but didn't even look in my direction. Otherwise, mostly at work. In the beginning, the first few I approached, were men that I already knew in my past. I'd like to note that I work in a building with over 200 people. There are single men. I find them possibilities. I don't want to rule them out just because they are from my work. Right now that seems to be my biggest hot spot.
Weezy1973 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I doubt you're doing anything wrong per se, but if you're not a "head turner" (and most of us aren't) then the best way to meet people for dating is to get to know them first (i.e. before actually going out on a date). That way you can see who you connect with on other things rather than just superficial attraction. Who shares your sense of humour? Who do you share similar values with? Once you connect a bit with someone, then start to put in those little cues and a man should bite if he feels the same connection and is looking for a relationship. And I agree - you should look to people at work as potential dating partners. All this fear of dating people at work is ridiculous - sure it makes it awkward if things don't work out, but no pain, no gain...
HappyLove Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 "At this rate, by the time I get a date, I won't be able to let him go." I think the men you are approaching can smell this from a mile away! You may not think you're desperate but maybe if you're being overly friendly they start getting uncomfortable. Also don't look for dates at work. The word could be out that you're trying to pick up any guy you can. Also are you one of those people who defines themselves by their divorce? Does everyone and their dog know about it? People get uncomfortable knowing too much and it may make you seem desperate. Also they say men don't like being asked out they want to ask you out or you seem desperate. You seem wayyy too eager especially purchasing all those crazy products. You probably have a list of rules in your head about how your supposed to be behaving when you talk to a man. You need to be genuine. I say leave the work guys alone try some single events. Start some hobbies. Start going to the gym it will make you look and feel better and more attractive to men also more confident. You may meet someone at the gym!
Author abigail73 Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Thanks Weezy. That sounds like solid advise. Happy Love, I work out at home. Joining a gym is too expensive. I do not define myself by my divorce. I rarely talk about it. Actually, I don't talk about it at all. I'm only purchasing the products to understand where I'm going wrong. I feel that by now I should have had a least someone ask me out. Like I said, my friend lost her husband and she asked a bunch of guys out and went out with every single one of them. Nothing came of them, but at least she had dates and felt validated as a woman. Right now I'm not desperate, the comment you quoted is what I'm afraid I will eventually reach. Right now I'm just confused as to what in the world I could be doing wrong. Fortunately, I don't have a list of rules in my head. I'm glad you brought that up as I was feeling as maybe I should have a list of rules. So, I guess I won't be taking that route, either. I guess I'm just going to continue living life. Right now I'm a full-time student and work full-time. I graduate in 8 weeks. In the meantime I'm going country line-dancing every week. After I graduate the summer will be close and there will be lots of other activities. I just wish I knew if I were really doing something wrong.
HappyLove Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Thanks Weezy. That sounds like solid advise. Happy Love, I work out at home. Joining a gym is too expensive. I do not define myself by my divorce. I rarely talk about it. Actually, I don't talk about it at all. I'm only purchasing the products to understand where I'm going wrong. I feel that by now I should have had a least someone ask me out. Like I said, my friend lost her husband and she asked a bunch of guys out and went out with every single one of them. Nothing came of them, but at least she had dates and felt validated as a woman. Right now I'm not desperate, the comment you quoted is what I'm afraid I will eventually reach. Right now I'm just confused as to what in the world I could be doing wrong. Fortunately, I don't have a list of rules in my head. I'm glad you brought that up as I was feeling as maybe I should have a list of rules. So, I guess I won't be taking that route, either. I guess I'm just going to continue living life. Right now I'm a full-time student and work full-time. I graduate in 8 weeks. In the meantime I'm going country line-dancing every week. After I graduate the summer will be close and there will be lots of other activities. I just wish I knew if I were really doing something wrong. Congrats on graduating! Seems like you're not associated with the right pool of men. You don't have a lot of free time now buy maybe later you can start getting out more than you are. Your exposure is limited if it's mostly work guys you're approaching. You seem like you have a great and realistic handle on things. The only thing I could suggest more of is going out, maybe even OLDing, and stop asking men out. Let them ask you if interested.
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 You said you've spent $700 on dating products?? How much have you spent on yourself? Are you investing just as much into your appearance? Clothes? Hair? Men are visual creatures, so the initial interest usually comes from the physical aspect, ESPECIALLY in online dating. Once the interest is tweaked physically, then you enhance the package with your intellectual side. Definitely stop shopping for potentials at work.
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