Guy tells you he's never had a serious relationship before...Red flag?

[Eternal Sunshine]

You closed minded women are so ridiculously picky and have such hatred for guys who struggle. I hope you go without any relationships or sex for at least a decade! Then you'll see how I feel. My last relationship was never because of rejections. Next time one of you ask me that I'll tell you to go **** yourself. You'll reject me either way but I'll at least make it miserable for you.

 

I have never met anyone in my real life that struggles so much that he can't get a gf. I am only aware of these guys through LS.

 

All guys that I know and haven't been in a serious relationship are commitment phobes or have some serious issues (like my brother's friend that is addicted to prostitutes and prefers that to having a gf ).

[somedude81]

I have never met anyone in my real life that struggles so much that he can't get a gf. I am only aware of these guys through LS.

I'm sure you have, they just probably never made an impression on you so you never registered that they exist.

 

That's what it's like to be the guy who struggles with women, you're essentially invisible.

[Els]

I'm sure you have, they just probably never made an impression on you so you never registered that they exist.

 

That's what it's like to be the guy who struggles with women, you're essentially invisible.

 

Uh, I objectively thought back to one of the male-dominated social circles I've been part of for a few years (a WoW guild whom I knew IRL, 15 people, 13 guys, me and another girl). All of us are in mid or late twenties... and all of us have had at least one relationship. It can't possibly be a positively-skewed circle of exceedingly good-looking men because heck, it's a WoW guild , and I can't have overlooked anyone because I went down the entire list.

 

I do know a few guys (in other social circles, mostly from church) who have never had a R, but in most cases there were very obvious reasons (living with mom at 34 yo, extremely religious, etc). Not saying it's not possible for a great guy to have never had an R, but it is quite rare amongst the people I know IRL.

[somedude81]

Uh, I objectively thought back to one of the male-dominated social circles I've been part of for a few years (a WoW guild whom I knew IRL, 15 people, 13 guys, me and another girl). All of us are in mid or late twenties... and all of us have had at least one relationship. It can't possibly be a positively-skewed circle of exceedingly good-looking men because heck, it's a WoW guild , and I can't have overlooked anyone because I went down the entire list.

 

I do know a few guys (in other social circles, mostly from church) who have never had a R, but in most cases there were very obvious reasons (living with mom at 34 yo, extremely religious, etc). Not saying it's not possible for a great guy to have never had an R, but it is quite rare amongst the people I know IRL.

In other words, you have only associated yourself with men who have had at least one relationship. You've never been in circles where there have been guys who have really struggled.

 

I've never been in a social circle with people who had any role in TV or Movies nor have I ever associated with people who were on a sports team, professionally or just played for the school.

 

There are lots of people who play on the sports team at my school, but I'm not going to say they are rare because I've never talked to them.

 

If your WoW contained people that you didn't know IRL, it would probably contain several guys who've never had a GF.

[babycakees]

I think said guy I was referring to is definitely a commitment phobe. He had all the signs. Claimed last girl he dated for 6 months before he labelled them exclusive then she supposedly left him for her ex. This guy complained how women play games but he played them better than any guy I had ever dated, casually or exclusively. The next time a guy tells me that he's never had a serious relationship because all women are crazy, I'm taking it as a huge red flag.

[fortyninethousand322]

In other words, you have only associated yourself with men who have had at least one relationship. You've never been in circles where there have been guys who have really struggled.

 

I've never been in a social circle with people who had any role in TV or Movies nor have I ever associated with people who were on a sports team, professionally or just played for the school.

 

There are lots of people who play on the sports team at my school, but I'm not going to say they are rare because I've never talked to them.

 

If your WoW contained people that you didn't know IRL, it would probably contain several guys who've never had a GF.

 

I don't know. I mean I agree with you that one person's acquaintances and friends are a small sample size, but the number of people who haven't had a single relationship by the age of 25 is really low. Like probably less than 5%. I have no doubt that somebody could go their entire lives (up until now) without meeting a single man (or woman) who had never been in a relationship.

[Acacia98]

I agree with what many of the others are saying: the blame shifting is what's the red flag. I've dated a bit and am still looking, and believe you me, while I dated the wrong guys for part of my 20s, I know that I also brought my flaws and issues to those relationships. Everybody does. We all contribute somewhat to what is good and bad in our relationships.

 

 

People who can't acknowledge the negative roles they may have played will not make good partners.

[somedude81]

I think said guy I was referring to is definitely a commitment phobe. He had all the signs. Claimed last girl he dated for 6 months before he labelled them exclusive then she supposedly left him for her ex. This guy complained how women play games but he played them better than any guy I had ever dated, casually or exclusively. The next time a guy tells me that he's never had a serious relationship because all women are crazy, I'm taking it as a huge red flag.

Oh, if he's playing games on you and seems to know what he's doing, then he could be the type of guy that isn't looking for anything serious.

[babycakees]

Oh, if he's playing games on you and seems to know what he's doing, then he could be the type of guy that isn't looking for anything serious.

 

Either way....I've learned my lesson.

[Els]

In other words, you have only associated yourself with men who have had at least one relationship. You've never been in circles where there have been guys who have really struggled.

 

But that's exactly what ES said. She says that she hasn't met any guys IRL who haven't had a R without a very good reason. She didn't say that those guys don't exist. You went on to say that you're sure she has met them, just that she ignored them.

[somedude81]

But that's exactly what ES said. She says that she hasn't met any guys IRL who haven't had a R without a very good reason. She didn't say that those guys don't exist. You went on to say that you're sure she has met them, just that she ignored them.

Yup. You don't become friends with or know the relationship history of everybody you meet do you?

 

I'm sure you have come across and have even talked to several guys who have never had a girlfriend, but you just didn't know it at the time.

 

Also guys who do poorly with women (which is why they never had a girlfriend) don't make a very lasting impression on women and so they are easily forgotten.

 

Over my life I've had many female friends and acquaintances and I believe that only one of them knew or even believed that I've never had a girlfriend up until last year.

[Marks]

Yup. You don't become friends with or know the relationship history of everybody you meet do you?

 

I'm sure you have come across and have even talked to several guys who have never had a girlfriend, but you just didn't know it at the time.

 

Also guys who do poorly with women (which is why they never had a girlfriend) don't make a very lasting impression on women and so they are easily forgotten.

 

Over my life I've had many female friends and acquaintances and I believe that only one of them knew or even believed that I've never had a girlfriend up until last year.

 

You also have to consider that people may not always be forthcoming with their relationship history. Just because someone says they were in a relationship doesn't mean they actually were--they could just be exaggerating the extent of the relationship for who knows what reason.

 

I'll use myself as an example. I'm 26, and haven't had a serious relationship yet. I have had short-term dating stints with three women so far in my life, but that's the extent of it. I wouldn't consider those serious relationships though. But, when people ask me about my relationship history, I always sugar-coat it to make it seem like those three girls were more serious than they actually were.

 

Why do I do that? Well, I don't want to come off as a loser who hasn't had a relationship yet at age 26. I don't think anyone except for one or two really close friends knows that I have such inexperience in dating/relationships. In fact, by the way some people talk with me, I think most think I've been really successful. I have no idea where they get that impression from.

Edited March 10, 2014 by Marks

[Emissary]

 

I wouldn't go near a guy who hadn't had at least one serious (1 year plus) relationship under their belt now.

 

Wow, talk about ignorant. You know, a lot of guys don't cave into social pressure to have a relationship until they're actually ready for one. Just because he hasn't committed to a serious relationship yet doesn't mean he's afraid of one, it could just mean he didn't have the time for one and he knew it.

 

A person could just as easily say you're the one who can't hold a serious relationship. Not a very fair judgement, now is it?