iDrumKing Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I have been out of my relationship of 2 years for roughly 1 month now. Throughout that time I've done nothing but doing what I want to do, but at the same time I've been very "secure" with whom I open up to. I had to time to reflect how my relationship went, and I opened up to my ex GF like I've never opened up to anyone before. She was my go to person, but seeing as that she left the way she did, it pushed my feelings into a corner. My walls are extremely high. I never want to experience this heart ache again. Not only did it affect me, but my work, and school life as well. So I need advice. I want to someday open up and go into a new relationship one day, but I don't know how.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I think that's prob quite normal when it's still raw x I'm 8 months down the line & had a short relationship since & still feel like that to a degree but not as bad as I did to start x it will fade as u heal x 1
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Let me give you a little background on my current situation. I dated a guy for four years. During that time I completely gave up almost everything to be with him and make it work. I picked up and moved an hour away and moved in with him even though in my heart I knew it wasn't the right decision. We broke up in October and I moved back to my hometown. I met a guy almost right away after moving back home. I honestly thought this guy was IT. I opened up to him even more than I did my ex of 4 years....but he disappeared on me after 3 months and it infuriates me that someone I was getting so close with did that to me. I've completely lost myself over the course of the last four years and not sure if I can open up to anyone now. I just want you to know you are not alone and many of us feel this way. I, too, am hoping this gets easier. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Let me give you a little background on my current situation. I dated a guy for four years. During that time I completely gave up almost everything to be with him and make it work. I picked up and moved an hour away and moved in with him even though in my heart I knew it wasn't the right decision. We broke up in October and I moved back to my hometown. I met a guy almost right away after moving back home. I honestly thought this guy was IT. I opened up to him even more than I did my ex of 4 years....but he disappeared on me after 3 months and it infuriates me that someone I was getting so close with did that to me. I've completely lost myself over the course of the last four years and not sure if I can open up to anyone now. I just want you to know you are not alone and many of us feel this way. I, too, am hoping this gets easier. What is it about this 3 month mark ! That's exactly what happened to me x
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 What is it about this 3 month mark ! That's exactly what happened to me x I think it's like the deciding point for most people...do I commit to this person, or move on?
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Yea x In my case he was acting like my BF but with no title so I questioned it & said I would like to make it official if he would but really was now the time to either move this on or call it quits.. He asked for a couple of days to think & I refused so yea u could well be spot on there x sorry for hijacking the thread !! xx
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Yea x In my case he was acting like my BF but with no title so I questioned it & said I would like to make it official if he would but really was now the time to either move this on or call it quits.. He asked for a couple of days to think & I refused so yea u could well be spot on there x sorry for hijacking the thread !! xx Interesting...this guy I dated was acting like we were official without the title to. He texted me all throughout the day and we hung out 3-4 times a week. Then just out of nowhere he blew me off when we had plans together. Texted me the next day like nothing happened and we chatted. I haven't heard from him SINCE. Weirdest damn thing ever.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Mental isn't it x same here ! x so unfinished too x
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Yeah I believe that time will help heal, but this experience truly changes your outlook on relationships as a whole. It's tough but I will have to adjust.
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Does it scare you guys when you enter a new relationship? I mean I can't help to see it this way: Either I'm going to marry this person, or this is going to end in heart break. I don't mean to think so negatively, but after having my 1st real BU, it runs through my mind.
bene Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Now when I'm in my thirties it does cross my mind that I don't have an infinite amount of time to have my heart broken, get over a break-up and start dating again. I wouldn't advise to fixate on what-if's though. And even though we learn from experience, every relationship is different. Sometimes I catch myself thinking along the lines of "well-well-well, one month mark, is this where he starts losing interest?" because some other guy did so. But a new dating prospect is a completely new person and development of the new relationship shouldn't be compared with previous ones. 1
Gaeta Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 No, after 2 divorces, losing everything twice, rebuilding myself from the grown, going on multiple dates that lead nowhere, being taken for granted, being lied to, being played with.... I am not afraid. After all this happening to me I know that what ever happens, whom ever comes into my life or gets out of my life I will alright. I don't think anyone can hurt me anymore. So you had a big break up, you survived didn't you? You will survive the next and the next and the next. 2
Stay Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Just take it a day at a time, your life will almost never go the exact path you expect and dating/relationships are part of life. You're just going to stress yourself out thinking too much about that stuff. 1
Author iDrumKing Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 So you had a big break up, you survived didn't you? You will survive the next and the next and the next. It just sucks to be honest. I placed emotions into a persons' hands and they discard it without looking back. I'm 21 and I know I have a lot of time let to figure myself out and run into "the one(s)."
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