Conners Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Hi LS, I'm feeling a bit confused, naïve and foolish. I'm considering taking my ex back.. I need some constructive feedback and feel free to harshly tell me if I am a complete IDIOT. Long story short, I broke up with him over drugs. He put them as a high priority and on one particular occasion - it was more important than me being upset. My ex doesn't smoke weed anymore, he stopped a couple of months before we broke up. He said it was for me at first and then he realised how good it was for him to have a clear head.. he still hasn't had any since the break up which surprised me because he used it as a coping mechanism. He has wanted me back since day 1 of the BU. My friend who he works with said he cried a lot at the start of the break up. He always texts me to see how I'm going and what's new. I know that NC should of been in place here but we were still on friendly terms. I was also a mess from it.. this guy was my first REAL love and I was his. On valentines day he sent me a very long message saying how much he loved me and always will and wished we could of spent the day together etc. His friends have encouraged him to go out and hook up with girls, which he very easily can do.. he used to have a lot of girls after him and he still does but he said he hasn't hooked up with anyone. Only thing he did was attempt to chat with a girl over facebook but he couldn't be bothered. My sister who works at a club said she saw him there with his friends and he didn't talk to any girls at all. Anyway yesterday I had a class in the morning which was cancelled and his boss said that they weren't working today. I texted him saying that I had to get up early for a class that wasn't even on and he said he didn't have work today and asked if I wanted to go get breakfast. I had not seen him since mid January but I gave in and said yes because I deep down really wanted to see him. it was really good to see him and realised how much I missed him. He said I looked really skinny but good. (weight loss from stress) the rest of the day we just hung out at my house and talked and watched movies. I stress to you all that we did NOT have sex.. I honestly really would have liked to but luckily it was that time of month. He didn't try either just kissed me a bit. It got to around 9pm and his friend called him and asked if he was going to a party with them still and he said no. My friends also wanted me to go out clubbing and I decided to stay in because he cancelled his plans to stay with me. He went home this morning but he said he wants to see me next week and that hopefully we can get back to a good place again.
mangetout Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I don't know your full story but if this is your first breakup then I would give him a second chance. Especially as he has given up weed. If you have gone through this numerous times with him then don't take him back
johnww92 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Go for it, he deserves a second chance especially if he gave up drugs.
pickflicker Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Go for it, he deserves a second chance especially if he gave up drugs. No, not "especially". Giving up the drugs is the first step. It's only been a few months. There's a reason why AA and other organisations insist on 1 year sober - his life is going to change dramatically without the drugs and he needs to navigate that first. 1
Author Conners Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 No, not "especially". Giving up the drugs is the first step. It's only been a few months. There's a reason why AA and other organisations insist on 1 year sober - his life is going to change dramatically without the drugs and he needs to navigate that first. He wasn't an addict. He was just being a drop kick teenager..it's more of a stage you grow out of in your late teens and early 20s. You are right though, I should wait a bit longer and see.
mammasita Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Ok, call me naïve.....but was the only drug he did weed?
Author Conners Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 Ok, call me naïve.....but was the only drug he did weed? No. Our problems started when he started smoking alot of weed.. in the beginning I had no problem with it, I had done it occasionally and it wasn't a big deal. Over time it was up to 7 bongs a night and even one before work and he started being lazy, stupid etc. I told him I didn't expect him to change and I was unhappy and we were going to break up but he quit for me. He also stayed off it for himself too which was great. The reason we broke up was because we had an argument, I was in tears and his friends were being jerks and told him to go buy the pills they needed for a new years party. He left me crying to go get them.. so obviously that was more important to him so I broke up with him. He is not an addict, it's the fact he put drugs before me on a few occasions. He has also experimented with crack in the past and once while I was with him in the early stages of our relationship but I brushed that off because that was the only time he ever tried it and never again. People tell me to leave him for good, others tell me that he's just getting the experimentation out of his system.
Author Conners Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 Still having second thoughts. He's going to court today, he's known about it for a while. Not sure what is going to happen but it's related to driving offences and the cop told him that there is potential jail time. You are all probably thinking oh dear lord.... walk away now. If he loses his license for even longer it's definitely going to make me re-consider. Is that shallow?
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