Ordinaryday Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 are there ANY circumstances that would see you breaking it??? I heard through the grapevine awhile ago that the father of an ex of mine had just died. she was the dumper, and I thought about sending her a text saying "I am truly sorry for your loss. hope you are ok. your ex" but then I thought about it and realised that when she dumped me she was saying she didnt want to be with me anymore... and that includes both the good times AND the bad times. if she felt she someone needed my support for the bad times then SHE WOULDNT HAVE DUMPED ME in the first place. So obviously I sent her nothing. One of my exes was having really bad financial problems and I heard she was going to be evicted from her house. I thought about sending her a text offering to help, but again I realised... if she felt like she needed my help she never would have dumped me. so I can't think of a single thing that would make me break nc. not a tragedy in her family, hardship on her part, a mutual friend dying, nothing. the only thing that would make me break NC is her sending me a message saying she wanted me back. so.... what would make you break nc?
guest572 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Not a lot to be honest. But hopefully I will become stronger soon in which case I only imagine I would reach out in a case of a tragedy. Right now i am trying to force myself not to contact over stupid things. 1
Author Ordinaryday Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Not a lot to be honest. But hopefully I will become stronger soon in which case I only imagine I would reach out in a case of a tragedy. Right now i am trying to force myself not to contact over stupid things. it is really sad and almost funny to often read here all the reasons people invent to try and break NC. I have seen things like: "I left an old CD/DVD/shirt at my exes place. can I text her to ask for it back?" ....no you cant. consider it a loss, buy a replacement, you dont contact them for THAT. "I am enrolled in a course my ex used to take, and I am struggling. is it okay to text her to ask for help" ...no absolutely not. that is what your tutors/teachers/lecturers/text books/classmates are for. your ex would see right through you and know you just used it as an excuse to break NC. "Can I text my ex to wish her a happy birthday? I want to be the bigger person" - when she dumped you she basically said she doesnt want you in her life anymore. that ESPECIALLY includes birthdays, christmas, easter, valentines day and other special occasions. "I saw something at a store that my ex would JUST LOVE. can I text her about it to let her know?" ...absolutely not. she can either find the item herself or live without it. either way, it is not your problem. and so on. I used to be the same, just LOOKING for reasons to break NC. then I realised that they DONT want to hear from you. the 'nicest' thing you can do is leave them alone. they have your number. if they want to contact you THEY WILL. If they dont contact you it is because they DIDNT WANT TO. 2
pickflicker Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Nothing. If I was ill, I have family. I have friends, I can look after myself - I can't think what of anything I would need an ex for. 1
Author Ordinaryday Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Nothing. If I was ill, I have family. I have friends, I can look after myself - I can't think what of anything I would need an ex for. there have been occasions where I thought about breaking NC. one of my exes loved those weird $2 type thrift shops which sell odds and ends, and she was always looking for new ones. about a month after she dumped me an absolutely amazing odds-an-ends store opened up in the city, which sold items she would absolutely love. I thought about texting her saying "hey, you have to check out this store at [address]. you will love it, it sells everything you like! your ex" but then I thought "what's the point?". so she can respond back simply saying "thanks"? so she can ignore the text? if she finds the store she finds it. if she doesnt she doesnt. either way, not my concern. 1
guest572 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I guess when I say "stupid things" in my case it is probably still part of the "closure" process as I have some unresolved issues from the relationship. Not "oh i left a pair of socks behind, my favourite..not just any pair". But i know that nothing he says will hold any weight. Therefore its pointless. I am sure that within say a year or 2 of no contact i probably won't have any reason to contact an ex. But now its too soon, i still have strong feelings for him.
Author Ordinaryday Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 I guess when I say "stupid things" in my case it is probably still part of the "closure" process as I have some unresolved issues from the relationship. Not "oh i left a pair of socks behind, my favourite..not just any pair". But i know that nothing he says will hold any weight. Therefore its pointless. I am sure that within say a year or 2 of no contact i probably won't have any reason to contact an ex. But now its too soon, i still have strong feelings for him. another common way of breaking NC is for people to 'make peace' with their ex. you see it a lot here. "i was so mean to my ex years ago. is it okay to contact her to apologise and make peace with her?" - I would say "no". simply contacting an ex can bring up old painful memories and hurt them, and so on. they are out of your life. I have had a few exes contact me to 'make peace' and it always hurt me cos it brought up old memories and gave me false hope cos for a few minutes I thought they wanted to reconcile... but nope they just wanted to 'make peace', whatever that means. So I would argue that you NEVER break nc under any circumstances if you are the dumpee, and ONLY if it is about getting back together if you are the dumper. NO. OTHER. REASON. EVER.
Musing Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 When I had things at my ex's apartment I went through his roommate to exchange them. I've also seen my ex around on campus. I've had many reasons I could have broken NC. A few times I was tempted. Maybe I saw something that would benefit him for school next year. Maybe it was something hilarious or awesome that I know he'd like. Some really awesome news just came to my family that we had been waiting for, that I told him a lot about before we broke up. I wanted to tell him our waiting was over, but felt it'd be unnecessary. Lots of stuff. I would only break NC if there was a death involved or I found out I was pregnant with an ex's child (which thankfully I'm not ) It would have to be an emergency situation. Any other situation I either feel is not really worth it, or I'd go through his roommate. Which I consider a last resort anyway.
gaius Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 if she felt she someone needed my support for the bad times then SHE WOULDNT HAVE DUMPED ME in the first place. So obviously I sent her nothing. You have figured out the secret of the universe. I still owe one of my ex's 5 bucks, and as much as I loathe being in debt I'm not sending it to her because it could be misconstrued as an attempt at contact. My last 2 messages got ignored so that's the end of that. If she contacts me again I'll reply by sending it to her.
Author Ordinaryday Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 You have figured out the secret of the universe. I still owe one of my ex's 5 bucks, and as much as I loathe being in debt I'm not sending it to her because it could be misconstrued as an attempt at contact. My last 2 messages got ignored so that's the end of that. If she contacts me again I'll reply by sending it to her. if she texts you asking for the five bucks, send it to her with a bill deducting the cost of the stamp and envelope you bought to post it to her! that would really piss her off!
guest572 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 Yeah that's pretty tight. Once you're in a relationship for a while you both support each other and should lose count of who paid for what.. Unless its a major purchase.. But $5??
LostConfused123 Posted March 9, 2014 Posted March 9, 2014 If my ex contacted me and admitted he really screwed up, he's learned from his mistakes, he misses me terribly, begs my forgiveness and if I don't take him back right now he will spend the rest of his days crying my name in his sleep from a mental institution, I would definitely break No Contact with a . . . "who is this?" Other than that, no way!!!
Author Ordinaryday Posted March 9, 2014 Author Posted March 9, 2014 If my ex contacted me and admitted he really screwed up, he's learned from his mistakes, he misses me terribly, begs my forgiveness and if I don't take him back right now he will spend the rest of his days crying my name in his sleep from a mental institution, I would definitely break No Contact with a . . . "who is this?" Other than that, no way!!! I tried that once, and it didn't work. I meant it sarcastically (obviously) but the sarcasm went right over my exes head and they laughed about how I couldn't remember them, and proceeded to 'remind' me of who they were. damn text messages and email, can't convey sarcasm properly!
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