absolutecp Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 It's day 15. This whole time it's like being on a roller coaster. One day I'm good, the other I'm a mess. Today it's been the hardest. I can't stop thinking about her, wishing she would just make some contact. How could she have hurt me like this when everything was going so well?? I just want to know she still cares. 2
herself Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Im so sorry its hard and your sad. Its all part of it, your feelings of intense agony are common. Push through because as you can see by reading, those who broke NC felt worse after and usually had unfavorable responses. She does care, it is hard for her, but telling u that is pointless. You will feel stronger soon, and jusr re-read nc guide at top of page. Remind yourself of the strength you gain from following it. Remember SHE made the choice to break up, SHE is the one who would need to make it right. You cant heal in 15 days so please take time. Trust me she is respecting you more right now as you are quiet, maintaining your dignity and not pleading. She likely won't come back, but contacting her won't help you IF there was a chance. Get busy, exercise, heal, make plans for summer trip. It will be ok but not right away.
Conners Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 It's day 15. This whole time it's like being on a roller coaster. One day I'm good, the other I'm a mess. Today it's been the hardest. I can't stop thinking about her, wishing she would just make some contact. How could she have hurt me like this when everything was going so well?? I just want to know she still cares. I don't know your story but hang in there buddy. If she cared enough, she would contact you. Just think that if you break NC you will ruin your progress you've made.
chir Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Hang in there mate.. .. you are not alone.. is painful.. but contacting her will prelong and give you hopes. If she contact you and try to make it works. You know for sure she wants you. If she did not. It is not meant to be anyway. I wish I can wish pray him into coming back to. But i cant. I can only be still. If he comes back I will cherish him with the better calmer me . If he didn't life still moves on. I am still going to make a difference. Knowing that I had the courage to leave what is not meant to be. And i am a better and stronger person now.
Musing Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I just passed my two month mark of pure silence. I have ups and downs like everyone else, just as I am sure you will for a little while. What helps me keep going is this: Ex broke up with me. He willingly pushed me out of his life. If I reach out to him (assuming I'd have anything good to say to him that's worth talking about) what would happen? -He's not going to come back to me, because if that were the case he would have already done so. That's not really something I could control anyway. -He could talk to me, which is what most exes do to be polite. They listen, offer answer, placate the dumpee. Dumpee feels better knowing ex was willing to talk but then if they go into NC again (which is likely since dumper just wants to live their life) they start overanalyzing, thinking about the last conversation, regretting MORE things that were/ were not said, coming up with scenarios. Almost nothing changes from the first round of NC (except that this is a slippery slope and you risk becoming a pest always wanting to know more from your ex) -Or he'd ignore me, making me feel foolish, embarrassed, and crappy. Nothing good comes out of breaking NC. But when you keep at it, you heal and nothing about this person will phase you anymore. And you'll come out stronger knowing you were able to have the willpower not to reach out. Seriously, NC is hard but it is 100% worth it, just keep you eye on the prize. 2
Author absolutecp Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Thanks everyone. I don't know why it was such a hard day for me but I didn't break NC. I know that it would have been stupid of me to do. When we broke up she said that she wants to be friends, but will leave the ball in my court as to when I think we can be. I guess I just wanted to reach out to her to maybe open the lines of communication in taking the first step. Right now isn't the right time as I'm still very much in the grieving phase. It's weird how I was only with her for 6 months and I'm absolutely crushed by this breakup and I was with another girl for 3.5 years and engaged and wasn't nearly this unstable when we broke up. I really do appreciate all the comments. It feels good to have people out there that care about complete strangers
lolablue17 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 a different view... when girls in the past broke up with me, some went to NC, and some remained close, willing to talk or even meet me if I wanted to. I can tell that when they agreed to stay in contact, I felt much better, the healing process was faster and with much less pain. I needed the gradual way. it helped me. the only exception is that It doesn't work if she is seeing someone else So, not everyone are alike... I advice you to call her and talk, even meet her. Sharp cutting is not suitable for everyone.
mus Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Hmm, i know exactly how you feel, same thoughts as well "How could she have hurt me like this when everything was going so well??" Its been slightly over a month of NC for me and today i miss her more then ever and really want to know how she's doing she was going through things in her life. But alas i shouldn't bother since she already has someone else, hang in there the road is tough but the pain will go away in due time.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Contact her if u want but before u do just think do I really want to wake up in the morning & think "why did I do that!!" Or do u want to wake up tomorrow feeling better & stronger & think " thank god I didn't" x
Author absolutecp Posted March 10, 2014 Author Posted March 10, 2014 Hey everyone, I wanted to give another update. As I said I didn't contact her and this weekend I was moving into a place so I didn't have much time to think about her. Out of the blue today she texted me "Hey would you be interested in going coffee or something? I didn't notice the text for 2 hours (I was unpacking) and replied that I would like to. I suggested a time and place and then she texted me back saying that we could go for dinner instead if I wanted. I agreed and now we are meeting up tomorrow. I don't know what to expect but I'm not getting my hopes up.
Economist70 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) I had the same problem (Made worse by the fact that my ex was texting my friends and not me). I was never good at the whole no contact thing. I knew she didn't want to talk to me but I always texted her for the sake of taking and pursued her for answers as to why we ended. Take it from me, better to stay with no contact than make the mistake I made and keep on sending messages to my ex (It's reached the point where she won't talk to me at all). Edited March 10, 2014 by Economist70
David87 Posted March 10, 2014 Posted March 10, 2014 Well if I were you I wouldn't go but since you will here's what you should expect: Just diner between two ''friends'', nothing more. Don't act desperate, don't tell her how you feel. Put on your happy face mask and be friendly, don't suggest getting back together and you will be fine. Act like you are Obama and your ex is Putin if you know what i mean 1
Author absolutecp Posted March 11, 2014 Author Posted March 11, 2014 So I thought I'd give another update. I went to dinner with my ex last night. It was overwhelming to see her again but I held my **** together and put on my happy/ fun face. We had a great time, almost like we were dating again. Then she brought up "us". I didn't expect her to but she started crying and told me that she made a mistake in breaking up with me. She apologized for hurting me and told me missed me. I didn't want to have this conversation at the restaurant so I invited her to my place. We talked for an hour and she explained that she wanted a second chance and that she would wait for me as long as it takes to make up my mind. I told her it was getting late and I needed some time to think about all of this. We hugged and she left. I really, really want to take her back but I'm scared of getting hurt. We were perfect for each other. I thought we would have been together forever and she hurt me. I just don't know if I can trust her with my heart again. I've been thinking about it all day and I just don't know what to do. I love her so much and would have done anything to get her back, but now that I have the chance I'm terrified of getting my heart smashed again. Thoughts?
hudson701 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 Wow... What a turnaround. Seems you've reached a point in your healing where it would be stupid to throw it all away and risk your heart again. As I was getting over my ex last year, the more time that past the further and further I wanted to get away from her/forget her completely. I didn't want anything to shatter the very fragile, but gradually improving mental state I was developing through healing. It became a selfish pursuit- nothing was going to make me unhappy again, especially not her. I glad I stuck to it as I went onto to have one of the best summers ever. Give it some serious thought. Make her wait a couple of weeks. Make her sweat. Then you'll truly find out whether she is into you or not. 1
lvroflife Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 (edited) First off that is great. SHE SAID THE MAGIC WORDS. Now you take it slow. THIS IS A NEW RELATIONSHIP. Discuss what broke in the last one so those issues are dead. do not jump back into staying over each others house. I repeat take it slow. Keep your life too. Meaning just because she is back do not stop DOING YOU. She is going to be excited when you are not as available as you were in the first relationship. But remember TAKE IT SLOW AND IT IS A NEW RELATIONSHIP! Edited March 12, 2014 by lvroflife 1
LostAlways Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 So I thought I'd give another update. I went to dinner with my ex last night. It was overwhelming to see her again but I held my **** together and put on my happy/ fun face. We had a great time, almost like we were dating again. Then she brought up "us". I didn't expect her to but she started crying and told me that she made a mistake in breaking up with me. She apologized for hurting me and told me missed me. I didn't want to have this conversation at the restaurant so I invited her to my place. We talked for an hour and she explained that she wanted a second chance and that she would wait for me as long as it takes to make up my mind. I told her it was getting late and I needed some time to think about all of this. We hugged and she left. I really, really want to take her back but I'm scared of getting hurt. We were perfect for each other. I thought we would have been together forever and she hurt me. I just don't know if I can trust her with my heart again. I've been thinking about it all day and I just don't know what to do. I love her so much and would have done anything to get her back, but now that I have the chance I'm terrified of getting my heart smashed again. Thoughts? If you love the girl then I suggest starting over, but this time realize your past mistakes and take it extra slow.
David87 Posted March 12, 2014 Posted March 12, 2014 See you did good and now '' Putin'' and ''Obama'' are friends:) All jokes aside she said the magic words, now it's up to you if you want to try again or not. I'll be honest, If i were you I give it another chance.( don't tell anybody )
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