How to read a shy girl?

[shreddinglicks]

There is a shy girl I met last semester at college. I noticed she would stare at me a lot during class so after a few weeks I decided to just say, "hello" to her. A few weeks later we became partners for our class projects, we had 3 for that class. She ended up doing all the work for our projects, even when I insisted on doing the work she wouldn't let me and completed it on her own. I also noticed over time she would sit closer to me and by the end of the semester she sat right next to me. Also over time she started to say, "hello" and, "bye" to me before and after class.

 

Anyway I decided after our 2nd project to ask her for her number. She seemed to hesitate but gave it to me anyway. It was not until after new years that I called her up to ask her out for dinner. She responded 3 days later apologizing for the delay and saying she was happy to take my offer. The date went well although there were many periods of silence from her. Two days later I asked her out again and we had our 2nd date 3 days after the 1st. This time I ended up making her uncomfortable after our dinner when I asked her if she wanted to go to my home for coffee and movie. I sent a text and apologized to her. She responded a few days later apologizing for the delay and saying she was fine.

 

I would text her for the next 3 weeks and she would sporadically reply. Just when I thought she was not interested and was gonna give up on her. I asked her out one last time and she suggested I take her out on Valentines day. We ended up spending the entire day together. She even insisted to pay for our dinner that evening. Over the next 3 weeks until our present day I have been texting her but I keep getting the usual sporadic, random responses from her. Both last week and this current week I took her out for lunch in between our classes. She has opened up to me a little but it's hard for me to get a read on her. If she likes me I will be willing to be patient as she seems to be a nice girl. If she doesn't like me I would like to not waste time.

 

The girl is an immigrant from Vietnam. She has been here for 3 years and does not speak English well. When she opened up to me the nutshell of it is from what I can perceive is that she does not go out much. I noticed from class that she is very shy and reserved, nobody knew her name except for me. She told me when she was younger people were mean to her so she made a habit of keeping to herself. As a result she rarely checks her phone and takes a while to respond to me. When I asked her about going out and related things she always responds with something about how I'm going to be bored with her and I will lose interest. She even told me on Valentine's day she was afraid of going out with me.

 

I can keep going on and on about this but I think you guys have the general idea here. I just want advice about this from other people.

[Noproblem]

Well, it's really different for someone from other country to deal with such situation the same way you are used to be

 

Let's state some facts here

 

She is shy- opening up to new people is hard and takes time

she is from another country- different culture and attitude in relationships and everything

and she is a girl - playing hard to get is with the package

 

 

She went out with you many times and she replies

 

She is not sure about you yet...She likes you but not so sure

she sure is playing some games along the way, but this is out of her shyness and confusing.

 

I say, things are working find ..Just give it a little more time

 

She will change and opens up ...She needs more time .... in order to trust you and be fully ready to you

 

It's up to you to wait or go, but going away will hurt her so much .....This I am sure of

Edited March 8, 2014 by Noproblem

[shreddinglicks]

It's a cultural thing. You'll have to give her a lot of time to acclimate to this country. It usually takes them about 1-2 years before they become Americanized (corrupt) and by then you'll wish she was still shy.

 

That's exactly why I like her. She isn't like every slut I have met on campus. She has been here for 3 years, hopefully she doesn't get corrupted.

[shreddinglicks]

Well, it's really different for someone from other country to deal with such situation the same way you are used to be

 

Let's state some facts here

 

She is shy- opening up to new people is hard and takes time

she is from another country- different culture and attitude in relationships and everything

and she is a girl - playing hard to get is with the package

 

 

She went out with you many times and she replies

 

She is not sure about you yet...She likes you but not so sure

she sure is playing some games along the way, but this is out of her shyness and confusing.

 

I say, things are working find ..Just give it a little more time

 

She will change and opens up ...She needs more time .... in order to trust you and be fully ready to you

 

It's up to you to wait or go, but going away will hurt her so much .....This I am sure of

 

I would like to wait and be with her. She seems to be a nice girl. Most of the girls I meet on campus are stuck up and promiscuous. I'm 25 years old this year, been around the block a few times, so promiscuous girls are a turn off. The girl herself is 23, so she is close to my age.

 

It's just that sometimes I feel like she might not like me for example, when I send her 3 texts over the course of a week and she doesn't reply back till the following week. Then when we do go out she insists on paying for dinner, etc. Then at other times she replies to my texts almost instantly and we text each other for a few hours before she tells me she has to go do something.

 

Even when we first met in class I had a hard time getting the confidence to ask for her number. It was hard for me to see if she liked me or was trying to get away from me. After a few months of seeing her twice a week (our class met twice a week) I finally decided I had nothing to lose and asked her.

 

At times she gives me signs she likes me and at other times I feel she might be trying to avoid me. It tends to be confusing to say the least. It also does not help that I have no one else to ask for advice on this matter. Thank you for your input, it's appreciated.

 

I will be patient and keep my confidence. It's mainly the sporadic texting that throws off my confidence with her. I did ask her about that issue recently early this week, she just replied that she is busy with school. Then she went further to say she does not check her phone often but she is sorry because she understands that is impolite of her. She says she will attempt to contact me more often, but I have yet to see that.

Edited March 8, 2014 by shreddinglicks

[shreddinglicks]

I just have one more question, and it might seem silly. Considering the sporadic nature of her texting, how often should I try to text her? Lately I just kind of text her at random.

[Assasda]

Try calling her on the phone. Get to know some of her passions.

Dont Pursue her so much. She's gonna have to put some effort in

[shreddinglicks]

Try calling her on the phone. Get to know some of her passions.

Dont Pursue her so much. She's gonna have to put some effort in

 

I just know that she likes watching Chinese soap opera's. I watched one with her not to long ago. She likes listening to Chinese pop music, which I also heard some of. She definitely has a different taste compared to most people here. I tried to take her to the movies once but she declined stating she would not be able to follow the dialogue well. So most of our dates involved activities like having dinner, museums, aquariums, walk in the park, etc.

 

Calling her on the phone isn't bad, but due to her lack of English it's actually quicker to just text her.

 

I have tried to let her put effort in, but it's a slow process. Which is why I like to take the initiative to text her and ask her out often.

 

I was wondering though, is it possible to text her too much? She never complains about it but sometimes I feel it might be the case. For example I might send her 6 texts over 4 days before she responds. She usually responds with an apology for the delay, then responds to all or most of my texts in one huge text.

[Michael91]

There is a shy girl I met last semester at college. I noticed she would stare at me a lot during class so after a few weeks I decided to just say, "hello" to her... I also noticed over time she would sit closer to me and by the end of the semester she sat right next to me. Also over time she started to say, "hello" and, "bye" to me before and after class...

 

The girl is an immigrant from Vietnam. She has been here for 3 years and does not speak English well. When she opened up to me the nutshell of it is from what I can perceive is that she does not go out much. I noticed from class that she is very shy and reserved...

 

I think it is not unlikely that during her first year here in college, she fell for some good looking hot guy that quickly got into her pants a few times and then dumped her for the next pretty girl and she is being extra cautious not to repeat that mistake.

 

However, it also could be that she likes you and doesn't want to lose you but she is hoping and looking for someone better. Of course there is nothing wrong with that as both men and women do the same thing if they think they might do better.

 

In either case, I believe it is best to let her know you really like her and show her by not being pushy and contacting her too often that you are willing to give her time. In the first case, she needs the time to gain assurance that you won't dump her and if it is the second case, the longer she dates you, the more enthused she will be and the less she will be looking for someone else. And, if she keeps dating you for 6 months to a year, she will bring up the subject of marriage.

[shreddinglicks]

I think it is not unlikely that during her first year here in college, she fell for some good looking hot guy that quickly got into her pants a few times and then dumped her for the next pretty girl and she is being extra cautious not to repeat that mistake.

 

 

 

 

Maybe you're right, but I'm not sure about that. Nobody even knows her name, She mumbles at everyone so no one even understands her. I've only gotten this far by being very persistent. Other guys have tried to talk to her and she will simply ignore them.

 

I have let her know that I like her numerous times.

 

I guess I could text her a little less maybe once every 3-4 days.

Edited March 11, 2014 by shreddinglicks

[Michael91]

I think it is not unlikely that during her first year here in college, she fell for some good looking hot guy that quickly got into her pants a few times and then dumped her for the next pretty girl and she is being extra cautious not to repeat that mistake.

-----------------------------------

 

Maybe you're right, but I'm not sure about that. Nobody even knows her name, She mumbles at everyone so no one even understands her. I've only gotten this far by being very persistent. Other guys have tried to talk to her and she will simply ignore them.

 

I have let her know that I like her numerous times.

 

I guess I could text her a little less maybe once every 3-4 days.

I don't know either. I just see it as one of two or three possibilities. Since she sounds like a keeper, it sounds like you are basically doing right by not being a pest and still contacting her enough so she knows you are interested.

[shreddinglicks]

I don't know either. I just see it as one of two or three possibilities. Since she sounds like a keeper, it sounds like you are basically doing right by not being a pest and still contacting her enough so she knows you are interested.

 

Thank you, I normally would contact a girl I like everyday, I'm known to be a persistent person when it comes to things like this. I try my best not to contact her everyday but sometimes I can't help sending a text about something on campus, etc. even if she hasn't responded a little while.

 

For example I texted her 3 times over the weekend. She didn't reply, and she did warn me on our lunch date last Wednesday she would be busy. I'm sure by now she knows how persistent I can be. I ran into her today when her Calculus 2 class let out, my Calculus 2 class actually starts right after hers ends. So sometimes I intercept her if I make it to class early or she's leaving late. (I should've been in her class but I have a C++ programming class earlier in the day.) I came up behind her and said, "Hi." She turned and said, "Hi" back to me and then quickly chased this girl out of the class room. I then saw her running down the hall with her binder open in her hand, probably chasing after her teacher that just left. So naturally after class I sent her a light joke about her having her hands full in math. She is very studious, much more then me although she denies it.

 

That's why I was wondering maybe I am texting a little too much. The ratio of texts is certainly weighing heavy on my side.

Edited March 11, 2014 by shreddinglicks

[Hello_is_it_me]

What I've found is that the delays in replies from shy girls many times is not disinterest or playing hard to get - it's actually that they are too shy and unsure of themselves on what to reply back to you with!!

[Wxn]

Hey, I am a Vietnamese girl who were born and raised in Vietnam, so I guess I can help you in this situation.

 

Yes, Vietnamese girls are extremely shy.

 

I can tell from your original post that she is a traditional Vietnamese girl. Perhaps, it is going to be very hard for you to understand, but this is the key thing about Vietnamese girls: please be gentle, and don't push her to reciprocate. I think you should start being a friend, so that she knows more about you. Only then can she decide whether she likes you or not.

[shreddinglicks]

What I've found is that the delays in replies from shy girls many times is not disinterest or playing hard to get - it's actually that they are too shy and unsure of themselves on what to reply back to you with!!

 

Any advice on breaking her out of her shell? There have been times where she will reply back rather quickly in minutes. Most times, I'm not that lucky.

 

I notice she responds faster if I text her about going out, as compared to just asking how she is doing.

[shreddinglicks]

Hey, I am a Vietnamese girl who were born and raised in Vietnam, so I guess I can help you in this situation.

 

Yes, Vietnamese girls are extremely shy.

 

I can tell from your original post that she is a traditional Vietnamese girl. Perhaps, it is going to be very hard for you to understand, but this is the key thing about Vietnamese girls: please be gentle, and don't push her to reciprocate. I think you should start being a friend, so that she knows more about you. Only then can she decide whether she likes you or not.

 

Thank you, I am gentle and I don't try to force her into anything sexual if that is what you meant by reciprocating. Even when I feel there is an issue I address it with her kindly and apologize if I realize there could be wrong on my part.

 

I was curious, being a girl from Vietnam. How often would you want or expect a guy to text you? I'm unsure if you read my later posts, but you can see from them that I am texting her quite a bit compared to her replies.

[Wxn]

Thank you, I am gentle and I don't try to force her into anything sexual if that is what you meant by reciprocating. Even when I feel there is an issue I address it with her kindly and apologize if I realize there could be wrong on my part.

 

I see, but that's not what I meant by reciprocating. This is a cultural thing... For an Asian girl (I don't want to be racist here...), even a small act like holding her hand is a big deal if the guy is not her boyfriend... Personally, I am a little bit afraid when a guy touches me...

 

I think you should leave her some time to think, I find it scary when you are passionate about starting a romantic relationship.

 

I was curious, being a girl from Vietnam. How often would you want or expect a guy to text you? I'm unsure if you read my later posts, but you can see from them that I am texting her quite a bit compared to her replies.

I would expect a guy to text me only on weekends, simply because that is when I can reply.

Edited March 12, 2014 by Wxn

[shreddinglicks]

I see, but that's not what I meant by reciprocating. This is a cultural thing... For an Asian girl (I don't want to be racist here...), even a small act like holding her hand is a big deal if the guy is not her boyfriend... Personally, I am a little bit afraid when a guy touches me...

 

 

I think you should leave her some time to think, I find it scary when you are passionate about starting a romantic relationship.

 

 

 

I would expect a guy to text me only on weekends, simply because that is when I can reply.

 

Don't worry, I don't think that was racist.

 

I want to make sure I understand what you mean. How do you mean, "scary?" I have told her I liked her but I have not tried to make her hold my hand or ask for anything romantic. I understand that I need to take things slow. By leaving her time to think does that mean I should try to not see her for a little while, or leave her alone?

 

Is there any sign I should look for if she would be ready to further our relationship?

 

Thanks, She usually studies on weekends so I'm more likely to get a reply during the week.

Edited March 12, 2014 by shreddinglicks

[Wxn]

Sorry, I think the word "scary" is an exaggeration...

 

Ok, let me say it again: I think you should start to be a good friend first. In order to do that, you can start talking about things like classwork/homework, then you can ask her about what she wants to do in the future. Also, you should pay attention to see what she likes/dislikes. Please don't take her to where there are only two of you, the girl will think she is in an unsafe situation.

 

Since you are only a friend, try to be like a "real" friend, don't text her too much. Instead, you can make birthday gifts. It can be a birthday card or a teddy bear. I think girls love that.

 

Also, don't tell her that you like her, especially when you guys have known each other for less than one year. From my experience, most people say the three important words after 2 years of knowing each other... I guess you can see the cultural differences.

 

As for signs, well, I think when she becomes more comfortable with you and let you know more about herself, her family (very important), her dreams, her friends, etc., that's when you can directly ask her what she thinks about you.

 

Good luck!

Edited March 12, 2014 by Wxn

[shreddinglicks]

Sorry, I think the word "scary" is an exaggeration...

 

Ok, let me say it again: I think you should start to be a good friend first. In order to do that, you can start talking about things like classwork/homework, then you can ask her about what she wants to do in the future. Also, you should pay attention to see what she likes/dislikes. Please don't take her to where there are only two of you, the girl will think she is in an unsafe situation.

 

Since you are only a friend, try to be like a "real" friend, don't text her too much. Instead, you can make birthday gifts. It can be a birthday card or a teddy bear. I think girls love that.

 

Also, don't tell her that you like her, especially when you guys have known each other for less than one year. From my experience, most people say the three important words after 2 years of knowing each other... I guess you can see the cultural differences.

 

As for signs, well, I think when she becomes more comfortable with you and let you know more about herself, her family (very important), her dreams, her friends, etc., that's when you can directly ask her what she thinks about you.

 

Good luck!

 

Thank you, that was very helpful.

 

I did start exactly how you said, just talking about school and things like that. She has told me details about her family, nothing too in depth but enough for me to have a decent idea. I have already told her I liked her so that's already been done. I do text her a lot but I could cut back on that a little bit. Lately for the last month I have been texting her probably 4 times a week. Her birthday is soon, so I can definitely buy her something.

[shreddinglicks]

At this point I feel unsure of what to do.

 

The mixed signals I get are very frustrating and draining. I can send her a text and she wont reply for random amount of days, etc. I then decide to forget about her and move on. Out of nowhere she'll text me and talk about going out for dinner, etc. Then when we do go out she'll insist on paying for dinner. Then I'll text her a few days later, if I'm lucky she'll reply later that day. She'll ask me how I'm doing and we'll begin texting each other. Then after maybe an hour of texting she'll just stop replying and I won't hear from her again for a few more days. Then when I text after a few days she'll begin replying again and acting all normal. I'm sure you guys see the picture.

 

At this point I don't know what to make of it or how to approach this. I think I'm just gonna have to have a nice talk with her and ask her what's the deal with these games. That they are very immature and she's messing with my head.

 

I'm beginning to feel she only spends time with me out of her own selfish convenience. She probably has strict parents and tons of school work. So when she feels like it she uses me as an escape.

 

Am I talking crazy? Please give me some advice.