katie79 Posted January 26, 2005 Posted January 26, 2005 maybe it's him, not you. it's possible he's a bit of a nut. whenever i found a guy who *disappeared*, he would always come back around. one of them would come on strongly then disappear. i was much younger and single at the time. i really liked him, then after the disappearing acts occurred, i got real bored and lost interest. then he came back around and was impossible to get rid of...he was sort of a psycho. sometimes the disappearing act is a guy thing, but other times, it's a sign he may be unstable and f*cked in the head. I even had a friend like that once. These people have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I don't think your man has this, but keep this as a possiblity for anyone you meet in the future. Some people have a screw loose upstairs, and that winds up to be more worrisome rather than wondering when some guy will call you back. In any event, you shouldn't feel insecure about rejection too much. I have the same problem, and this fear creates a self-fullfilling prophecy. try to be confident about men. And if you do feel like someone is putting you on the back burner, forget them.
Author kanga Posted January 26, 2005 Author Posted January 26, 2005 I'm not so keen about the first part of your post. (I think you're being a bit too nonchalant about a very serious mental health issue by using words such as "psycho" and "screw loose upstairs." But as someone who has worked with people living with such illnesses, I tend to be more sensitive to the language used by others.) However, I'll give another amen to your last 'graf. AMEN!
Author kanga Posted January 26, 2005 Author Posted January 26, 2005 Oh no, not at all. I understand what you were saying, and I totally appreciate the caution. Like I said, I'm really tuned into word choice regarding mental health. And I could get all lecturey about it, but this isn't the venue. No worries. Again, AMEN to having confidence in ourselves. You offered excellent words of wisdom.
MJTig Posted January 28, 2005 Posted January 28, 2005 Thank you , Kanga!! Exactly what I said in the end of this other thread (Laying it All Out) when guys were annoyed when women let them down easy... better than disappearing altogether.
blind_otter Posted January 28, 2005 Posted January 28, 2005 Nuh-uh. Deal breaker. I've been really sick before and still manged to call and say, I'm leaking mucous from all my facial orifices but I'm still thinking of you:love: If he acts like an inconsiderate prick early on in the dating process, he will only get worse. Take it from someone who just had her restraining order hearing last tuesday. My ex used to disappear because he was "sick" - oh wait, he was smoking CRACK. That's right. But saying you're not feeling well sounds so much better. heheheh. OK, I am bitter. But goddamn it I'm not letting any other woman fall for this BS if I can help it.
iceisles Posted January 28, 2005 Posted January 28, 2005 Women want men who are "men", but men get annoyed when they are let down easy because it's almost like the girl thinks that this strong "man" can't handle it the straight-up truth. I bet most men, if asked, would prefer being told the truth.
Author kanga Posted January 28, 2005 Author Posted January 28, 2005 Thank you, blind otter. I understand your concern and your caution. My guard is certainly up with him. BUT he's yet done anything to cause distrust. I keep waiting for him to do it, but he hasn't. And yes, he could've sent me a quickie email to say what was going on. But I have no idea what he's like when he's feeling like crap. Had it not been the fact that he rarely goes a day without calling or IMing, I don't think it would've freaked me out so much. But thanks again for the caution.
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