henderson14 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I've been dating this girl for about 2.5 months, and were not exclusive yet. I have always had trouble keeping a job because of my ADD, and I am very self concious about it. Especially as a working professional in a huge city. I dated a girl before and lost my job and I think it was a huge red flag for her and she ended the relationship. Well it happened again (only because my contract ended), and I am unemployed again and just starting a new career at 31. I feel so embarrassed and down about it that I just don't feel worthy of dating and seeing her lose interest in me, so I told her I couldn't date her until my life was stable again. She got mad/sad and asked why we couldn't go through it together and said she might not want to come back to me if I don't talk to her for one or two months. Now I feel really bad and guilty, but I just hope she can see where I am coming from. Does my reasoning sound ridiculous? We are meeting Sunday for "closure." What should I say? I do like her, but the thought of being an unemployed looser sitting at home every day and then having to talk to her about it every day and have her tell all her family and friends about it just terrifies me. I think she will start to look down on me, and I don't want to go through that.
Survivor12 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Yeah, let her go. She deserves someone who respects her enough to let her make her own decisions instead of making them for her. Get my point?????? Tell her how you feel..and then let HER decide if it's a deal breaker. 6
Noproblem Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Why are you so heartbroken about the job issue. You will get another job with positive mentality ... Complaining will not help at all If you really like this girl and think she is a good person, no need to end things This will add to your pain and misery If you are feeling bad and your spirit are down, who will hire you anyway? Don't you think the more you look positive and stable, the more chances you'll get? Interviewers notice the tiniest things ..... Don't ruin everything because of one bad thing ... You got unemployed, go work in small super market until you get the job you want..... Act, don't panic. 31! is not old at ALL People go to school at 40, and they study nursing or anything that pay them well.....
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 You really should have discussed it with her before you just decided she wouldn't want to date you anymore because you lost your job. Comparing new relationships to old ones that didn't work out is never a good thing to do.
Omei Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Why push her away! That's even more a red flag that you are unable to share times of you being down and closing yourself off to ones who care for you, I think you're making a mistake esp if she really liked you, liked you enough to want to work through it with you.
lollipopspot Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 The problem isn't that you don't have a job. She doesn't seem to mind that. The problem is that you push your girlfriend away when she wants to be there for you, and you are secretive about your feelings. That last one is the red flag that it will be difficult to have a relationship with you. So whenever things go bad, are you going to push people away or run? I think you should be honest about what's going on. Or you'll probably regret it. Have you tried seeing a doctor about your ADD and using medication?
Author henderson14 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Thanks for your advice all. I guess I messed up. I feel like an as$
Author henderson14 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Bull$h!t. The other posters don't know what you're going through. I know exactly that feeling, OP and you did the right thing. Notice how the women who replied made it all about the girl's feelings. What about YOUR feelings? What about your pride and dignity? Here's the fact: you are right. The girl will eventually start to look down at you, lose interest in you, pull away gradually until the eventual breakup. It's good to just end it now rather than wait for it to happen from her own end. Your state of mind is in no way ready to date right now anyway. Thank you! Like I was saying, of course every girl is going to tell me that she doesn't care etc etc, just so she doesn't feel like a bad person. Maybe she doesn't even want to believe that she will lose respect and interest in me, but I'm sure it will happen. Most girls in the professional world won't even date guys who are unemployed, but would never admit that of course. I mean what is the first question ever girl asks about a guy. "What does he do for work." Edited March 8, 2014 by henderson14
mammasita Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) BULL$HIT!!!!!!!!!! I was in this situation. My ex got laid off. I did nothing but stand by him. He's the one who let his boo hoo a$$ feel sorry for himself and feel emasculated because I was taking care of things. He ruined the relationship with his attitude, not me looking down on him, and he was out of work for months! Edited March 8, 2014 by mammasita 2
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I mean what is the first question ever girl asks about a guy. "What does he do for work." That's not the first question I usually ask. I usually ask age or what their interests are. Job is close to the top, but it's not important what kind of job a guy has.
carhill Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I feel so embarrassed and down about it that I just don't feel worthy of dating and seeing her lose interest in me, so I told her I couldn't date her until my life was stable again. She got mad/sad and asked why we couldn't go through it together and said she might not want to come back to me if I don't talk to her for one or two months. Reflect upon this. It's really good information about yourself. If you're looking for leading answers and advice, it won't come from me. Your answers are within. You already know the answer; you just have to accept the answer. Good luck!
Author henderson14 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 That's not the first question I usually ask. I usually ask age or what their interests are. Job is close to the top, but it's not important what kind of job a guy has. Its discussed in the first minute of conversation about him if you are a working adult.
lollipopspot Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Its discussed in the first minute of conversation about him if you are a working adult. So what? It's different to choose to initially be with someone going through a rough time, then to be with someone already who then starts going through a rough time. In the latter case, you're already at least somewhat committed to the person and know that you get along with them in other ways. Like, you might (or might not) pause before getting involved with someone going through cancer treatments. But if you have a partner and they get cancer then you stick it out together. It's a different proposition. Do what you want, but you can't paint all women with a broad brush. If you dump her now when you're having a hard time, I don't think she should wait for you. Because you're telling her that you're not in it for the long haul and when things get difficult again (they will, that's life), you're gone. 2
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 It's really not fair to compare her to another woman. Just because an ex did something, doesn't mean she will.
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