jakeryan1 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Hello - would love your thoughts. Both this guy and I are late 30's. I met a guy online and we hit it off right away. Shared many messages online then took it to texting - it was fun and funny and we clearly had a lot in common...even forging some inside jokes. Anyhow, it took us a few weeks to schedule our first date. Which we had last Saturday (this is Friday). We laughed and had a great night..it went on and on..we met at a bar - I had early dinner plans - then went to another one where his friend was bartending. We took a cab back to my house (knowing that he would take another cab from there). We made out (kissing only) until we both said it was time for him to go. He seemed very attracted to me..and I think he def knew I was liking him. He texted me Monday saying he had a great time and it was great meeting me..even though we may have had too much fun (we def enjoyed some cocktails and I imagine were both feeling it the next day). We had a nice back and forth with the texts but he didn't ask me out. I haven't heard from him since. This was 4 nights ago..and 6 nights after our first date. My question is does this mean he's not interested? Or is it normal for a guy to take a little while to set up a second date? Also - would a man even bother with the text if he had no intention of seeing me again?
BradJacobs Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 He may have changed his mind. His communication needs after making out with a girl may be different than your own. He might have gotten pulled out of the country on some secret spy mission and can't text you because he is dispatching bad guys. Which is the more rational explanation? 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Throw one more message out there x keep it lighthearted x then Atleast u will know u done what u could x if no response then walk away x
Author jakeryan1 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Haha...well, I'm guessing it's not #3. I guess my question boils down to asking guys if its more likely its the first or second of your options - Is he just not interested or is this amount of time nothing in his mind?
pickflicker Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Throw one more message out there x keep it lighthearted x then Atleast u will know u done what u could x if no response then walk away x Nope. He has to initiate. She had to stay silent until he does. 2
NYC-BigKat Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Haha...well, I'm guessing it's not #3. I guess my question boils down to asking guys if its more likely its the first or second of your options - Is he just not interested or is this amount of time nothing in his mind? Uhh....maybe he knows you'r very very interested so its causing him to not be interested back in u?
Tayken Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Hello - would love your thoughts. Both this guy and I are late 30's. I met a guy online and we hit it off right away. Shared many messages online then took it to texting - it was fun and funny and we clearly had a lot in common...even forging some inside jokes. Anyhow, it took us a few weeks to schedule our first date. Which we had last Saturday (this is Friday). We laughed and had a great night..it went on and on..we met at a bar - I had early dinner plans - then went to another one where his friend was bartending. We took a cab back to my house (knowing that he would take another cab from there). We made out (kissing only) until we both said it was time for him to go. He seemed very attracted to me..and I think he def knew I was liking him. He texted me Monday saying he had a great time and it was great meeting me..even though we may have had too much fun (we def enjoyed some cocktails and I imagine were both feeling it the next day). We had a nice back and forth with the texts but he didn't ask me out. I haven't heard from him since. This was 4 nights ago..and 6 nights after our first date. My question is does this mean he's not interested? Or is it normal for a guy to take a little while to set up a second date? Also - would a man even bother with the text if he had no intention of seeing me again? 1. What is stopping you from asking him out again....? 2. If I had to guess...he has other options 3. Er....NO
Author jakeryan1 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 OP here I'm a pretty ol' fashioned girl when it comes to getting a relationship off the ground so I'm really feeling the running after him idea. Plus, I think it does change things with a man if a woman is the pursuer. Not in all cases...but in most when the woman is the pursuer a man never really reaches a deep level of interest. Have women out there had relationships or dated men who took awhile to get in touch after the first date? Men - is waiting a week or more to set up a second date no biggie?
Tayken Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 You are looking for answer that conforms with what you want to believe.... Unfortunately there is reality and delusion, everyone's situation is different and not all men are the same. If it was me, which the guy sounds like....I won't take the bait OP here I'm a pretty ol' fashioned girl when it comes to getting a relationship off the ground so I'm really feeling the running after him idea. Plus, I think it does change things with a man if a woman is the pursuer. Not in all cases...but in most when the woman is the pursuer a man never really reaches a deep level of interest. Have women out there had relationships or dated men who took awhile to get in touch after the first date? Men - is waiting a week or more to set up a second date no biggie?
JungleLover Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Generally, when men are interested; there is a follow up call sooner rather than later. There can be many reasons why he hasn't called. Why drive yourself thinking of the overwhelming possibilities? Your absolute best option is remaining silent while continuing to date. You can be persistent but more often than not, that only delays the inevitable. I am not saying there is no chance more than I am saying increase your chance if you are really feeling him which you seem to be.
J21 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Here is my take on it, this is just me so take it with a grain of salt (and yes I'm a guy). After the date on Saturday, if I were interested, I would have been silent on Sunday. I would send you a short text on Monday saying hello of some sort. Depending on how the texting chemistry is, I would still maintain light contact through out the week. If we have some good back and forth, I'd probably call you around Thurs to see if you were free on Saturday for another date. The only reason I would prolong the second date is if something unexpected came up. However, I would definitely still maintain some level of contact to let you know what happened. ie: i have the flu, my relative is in town, etc. (I would ask if you were free on an alternate date to express my interest.) I'm really black and white in contacting when interested, and not contacting when I'm not. If i don't feel the chemistry after the first date, I usually tell them it was nice meeting them and that's it. 2
Author jakeryan1 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 Thanks J21. The texts on Monday - 2 days later - were so nice and even a bit flirty referencing an inside joke or two. And I just didn't think a guy would do that if he wasn't interested. I wouldn't do that - especially if I had an inkling that they liked me. I wouldn't want to give false hope. I'd just ignore it and move on. It just has me confused, for now. Obviously, If I still haven't heard by next week than mystery solved
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 OP here I'm a pretty ol' fashioned girl when it comes to getting a relationship off the ground so I'm really feeling the running after him idea. Plus, I think it does change things with a man if a woman is the pursuer. Not in all cases...but in most when the woman is the pursuer a man never really reaches a deep level of interest. Have women out there had relationships or dated men who took awhile to get in touch after the first date? Men - is waiting a week or more to set up a second date no biggie? No. Most successful first dates I've been on I hear from the guy either... A) later that night to tell me he had a good time and sets up another date/time right away. or B) The next day to set up another date/time right away. This guy may have had a change of heart. I'd move on. 1
pickflicker Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 No. Most successful first dates I've been on I hear from the guy either... A) later that night to tell me he had a good time and sets up another date/time right away. or B) The next day to set up another date/time right away. This guy may have had a change of heart. I'd move on. Yep, this is right.
Feeorin Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Go by this. If he messaged you FIRST on Monday and you had a brief chat, then surely it would be alright for you to message him FIRST a few days later? Give and take effort. I don't get why men have to do all the chasing... Maybe he's sitting there wondering why you haven't messaged and thinking that you aren't interested... Now if he doesn't respond, that's a different ball game, but at least you will know where you stand... 6
robaday Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I dont see any sign here hes not interested. Ive gone on a date with someone but had the next week and half full so havent asked her out for the next date until I have breathing space and a night free. A lot of guys, me included, text near when they are free to meet up, rather than a week in advance which can often lend itself to people flaking etc
Larry56 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Yeah, some guys don't text because they are waiting to see if you will do something. I'd say, text him once more, and if he gives you some flaky bull****, just ignore him and *move* on. He's just one of *those* guys. 1
Gottabestrong Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Sounds to me like he is not (or not very) interested. Usually when I meet a guy and we've been in regular contact before the date it does not get less after the date. Unless he lost interest. However, I think you got nothing to loose if you shoot him a text asking him if he wants to get together next week. It's only been one date and he was the last one to initiate contact, so it is not like you are chasing a guy who is obviously not interested. I often allow myself up to 3 dates for a guy to show consistent interest - like I will contact a guy who got quiet after a first or second date if we just had a fun date - but after three dates I expect more. Good luck!
TXGuy Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) You are late 30s. Expecting the man to do all of the initiating and asking does not work as well now as it did in your 20s. I'm now mid 40s. Starting in my mid 30s, I would not pursue a woman unless she returned an appropriate amount of effort. If a woman is really into you, she will put in the effort. If she doesn't put in the effort, she is not worth my time. Edited March 8, 2014 by TXGuy 3
Author jakeryan1 Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 OP here.. Thanks everyone.for your insights. So, its Sat..one week after our date. thoughts on my sending him a text - nothing too pushy or anything asking anything of him but maybe just something funny and light. like a funny picture or link to something interesting that Ive run across? Thanks!
babycakees Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 OP here.. Thanks everyone.for your insights. So, its Sat..one week after our date. thoughts on my sending him a text - nothing too pushy or anything asking anything of him but maybe just something funny and light. like a funny picture or link to something interesting that Ive run across? Thanks! No. Text him and ask him if he'd like to get together. Be straight forward. 2
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I'm with babycakees.. It's just one text & then u will know x
carhill Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 My overview, as a guy: First meet - you went to dinner, presumably with someone else, male or female, then met him at a bar, then went to another bar, then went to your house, with the communicated expectation that he would not 'stay', and 'made out' some before he took a cab home. Respecting that you're late 30's, so have a lot of life and relationship experience under your respective belts, my opinion is that he experienced what he needed to on this first meet and left it at that. As it's easy for people who text all the time to pass time with texts, the subsequent interaction was just that, texting, just as it had been prior to meeting, which apparently took two weeks of interacting to accomplish. I have an instinct about this but will deny myself and suggest what others have; contact him. If he responds, simply, after a bit of the 'usual' in text, text or say 'I'd love to continue this over dinner on xxx'. Accept the response as authentic. You've interacted for a number of weeks now. You've met. If he waffles, next. Good luck!
Gottabestrong Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I second that, ask him out straight away. If you send him a nice chatty text and he replies, but does not ask you out, you will be in the same situation you are now. simply ask him something like: Hi XYZ, hope you had a good week. Would you like to .... next Wednesday? 1
deathandtaxes Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 If I like a lady enough on the first date to see her again, I will let her know before the end of the date. It doesn't take that long to figure this stuff out. **** the game playing, the waiting, the bull****. If I'm interested, I will let the woman know. 3
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