I need advice on what happened here and who I am involved with!!

[harvej]

I will be brief and please rest assured, it takes two to tango and I am nowhere near perfect. I have gotten myself into a relationship where I fell in love, but now we are thinking of parting. I am afraid that if I saty, I am in for a rud eawakening as I have discovered soem personality traits that I dont think I coudl live with even if we worked it out. I am confused because I have read of soem personality disorders, and understand taht soem of them can be managed, but I need better input from more seaoned people. Here is what i deal with that seems odd to me.

 

1. When I talk to her or she talks with others, right in the middle of the sentence she will change the subject and usually back to herself. No warning and mid sentence. Even whiel discussing my fathers death anniversary and how it was affecting me that day, she switched the subjuet mid stream about her skirt. Happens almost every conversation and I call her out on it, but she seems to say she is sorry and continue to do it.

 

2. The evening of my mothers funeral I was at hotel and talking with her about the event and the sadness of it. Directly in the middle of that discussion she switches the subject to me "liking" a comment on Facebook from another woman. She ripped me a new one and I was floored by how she chose to interact on my worst day. She has done the same in many occasions. I am not sure why she woudl do this and it doesnt seem as if she is trying to hurt me she just doesnt seem to have social awarness.

 

3. She is hung up on looks. She isnt teh most beutiful woman herself but act as if she is a stunner and puts down other womans features. You cannot talk to her about anybody without her making comments about theid nose to short, too big, ears, mouth to little or some other feature she doesnt like. Even old people. She said he therapist said she was a Narcassist or had traits. I read about NPD and she meets all of the traits, but I am not a doctor and dont know if this can be remedies with love or counceling. No matter how much I try to prop her up she ends up acting like I dont deserve her.

 

4. Last Valentine day and purchased her a diamond necklace , dosen roses and nice dinner. In return she said an did nothing fo rme. Nothing at all! It was almost like I was being tested, but she forgot that reciproity was at least something she should have thought of.

 

5. Sex. She will simply stop for months and say its because of her religion, but flirt with men all teh time as if she is going to give them something more and laughs it off. Flirts on FB non stop, goes out of Match.com dates whenever we argue etc, says she is free to do this if we broke up, and does this literally the next day. She doesnt have sex with them because she is very very very very prudish, but she always seems to try to replace me when we argue. Alos, nobody has teh physical attributes good enough for her.

 

Background. Not many friends and only acts like a friend if she can control them. Sort of like the character in Mean Girls. Her way or the highway.

Got divorced citing her husband resorted to cheating because of no sex and HE asked for a divorce. She forbid ALL of their joint friends from being his friend or they were cut out of her life.

All her friends are tied to something that she uses to prop her up. for example. "Steve is my lawyer", "Bill is my Accountant" etc when they are not, but thats their trade.

 

I could go on and on, but was more interested in yoru opinion if I should run or stay? She has many good traits, but these are deal breakers for most men. She is 50 years old, I am 51. Both single. She has been single since her divorce 9 years ago, and cant seem to foster any meaningful relationships, but blames it on the men. Is NPD if thats what she has, curable? She doenst sleep around, trust me , she doesnt have any sex unless its in a sterile environment, meaning both must shower, brush teeth and a we have not had sex in 8 months!

We got intoa argument last week and she disappeared and blcoked me on facebook. I hear this things called No Contact is the best way to heal and get past her, but I am not sure I should run yet, but everyday gets better and I feel sort of relieved. Anyway, I was wanting to know if she has NPD which her doc said she did and she admitted and are those with extreme NPD curable? Thank you for listening.

 

 

 

Her marriage brpoke up when her husband

[darkmoon]

jus selfish, I knew a girl jus like her, incessantly in a world of her own, no thought for others, jus her, no way do you need this, in fact I know another one like her, two bores

[LauBee20]

Narcissist

[LauBee20]

And no, it's not curable... NPD's will not seek therapy because they do not see anything wrong with their behavior, nor will they ever

 

Inflated view of self, need to be in control, lacks empathy, gets mad when you get upset, you're always chasing them, etc...I just was in a relationship with one and have done a ton of research.

 

Read this:

 

 

Sydney Couples Counselling: 7 Signs You?re Sharing Your Bed with a Narcissist | Clinton Power + Associates

[harvej]

Thank you. It is probably best to let it go and move on.

[harvej]

Ex displays HPD to the letter. Any cure for this? What to expect now that we had a fight and broke things off. Should I NC? I posted earlier but once another therapist said she displayed HPD

To the absolute detail with some NPD, I was floored by the traits. Do these people recover? Is it like NPD and should I run and stay NC. Any advice would be great !!!!!!!

[darkmoon]

recover from being selfish? they do not know right from wrong, well, give her three months to learn to consider other people/you, no longer than that - why more time? is what I would wonder

[harvej]

Darkmoon I am.not tracking. Is it best to run away from a HPD?

[darkmoon]

Darkmoon I am.not tracking. Is it best to run away from a HPD?

 

 

HPD = selfish behaviour, in layperson's terms, and some would say she is driving you away, I gave three months so you could see if she gives a damn about others, no thought for you as yet, because you must like her in some ways or you would not be here trying to sort it out

 

 

but she is driving you away, it is her responsibility, she started the crises, if you will, herself, no medical label will improve her, she will have to that herself, put herself in others' positions for a while

 

 

try... "put yourself in my position about whatever..." to guide her in a reasonable manner, or say "look at this from my point of view..."

Edited March 9, 2014 by darkmoon

[harvej]

Thank you. Your right.

[harvej]

I have a couple of questions that my brother asked me, and I don't have the answers. I told him I was going NC to get past the breakup and heal and that often the HPD will try to recycle and reach out. Then he noted that she went NC first which ironically excuses herself from any responsibility for her behavior that put us here in the first place. She also blocked me on Facebook and deleted all photos of me. So the question we have is as follows.

If the HPD person uses NC, is it likely to try get me back as she sensed that I was done with her and struck first. When she uses Facebook to block me in the past she would use a different alias to spy on me. Assuming she will recycle or eventually try to reach out to me, is it wise to deactivate my Facebook so she cannot spy on me? I am on NC and staying that way, but it appears that we both are in NC for different reasons. I am going to date another woman and don't need her interfering as she has done all along the way when we were arguing in the past. Any input is of course, greatly appreciated.

[Happy01]

Run ... nothing but heart break here.

[chelsea2011]

Why worry about who went NC and why first. That's silly. You dodged a bullet because you're dealing with an emotionally messed up crazy person. All you should be thinking about is how to stay NC and heal and how to keep her out of your life for good. Let her be someone else's problem.

[harvej]

She went NC to get me back according to her best friend who called me. I am NC to heal and move on. I guess I will accomplish what I am aiming to accomplish which is to break away, but do these people who suffer from a PD break NC if they don't get their satisfaction and try recycling again? Or do they likely go away for a new victim? If they do call or contact, what is the best response to them. I don't need drama.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

What is PD? x

[TaraMaiden]

or even 'HPD'....?

[harvej]

Personality Disorder

[TaraMaiden]

Too vague.

In any case, leave it be, and tell - don't ask, TELL - her friend that you are not interested, period, and quit being a go-between.

 

It's not what she does now, that matters.

It's what you DO, that matters.

[harvej]

Dumped mea week ago. Blocked me on FB. Today, she unblocked me. What does this mean likely? I couldn't block her on FB, because you cant if they block you first because her name would not show up when I did the search to block her. I waited and di search to see if she unblocked me and then I could block her successfully. Some forum members say she is trying to see what I am up too. Should I block her or is that too petty? I have been NC for 2 weeks now apart from trying to pounce once she unblocked me. How should I take her unblocking me realistically? Again, HPD is her issue.

[somegoodman]

It means she's playing games and has you reacting to her. Not the path you want to go down.

 

 

Seriously guys, no matter what you think the reason for the break was, the best thing to do to a woman that dumped you is ignore her, act like you never even knew her and don't even find her attractive at all. Just do it.

[harvej]

I went strictly no contact after me now ex HPDgf blasted me, unfriended me and blocked me on FB. My busyness is on the same exact street as hers and she must have seen me drive by, but I didn't go near her store. She must have seen me done the street. I am posting this email I got, so that you may see if I am tracking correctly and if you can give me some advice.

She wrote after two weeks of NC.

"While I have thoughts about what happened between us….that isn’t the reason for my email. I hope you are doing well. It has been very difficult to “cut” our friendship loose and move on over the last two weeks. My thinking is that it is for the best and I appreciate your distancing yourself.

(ME) Again, she thinks I am doing this FOR HER?!

 

 

You ARE a wonderful man and I know you will have a happy life filled with fun. Your ability to connect and care for a woman is beyond what is out there in the world. Your boyish charm has always melted my heart and brings you to a level of sweetness and kindness that people (women) swoon over. Bringing your body into a place of health and endurance will only make you feel better and enhance your life. You are the total package and deserving of so much love in this life. Whom ever you end up with will undoubtedly be one truly lucky girl. (ME) HPD?? I AINT THAT GREAT!

 

 

I didn’t want the traumatic ending of our relationship to cloud over my true thoughts and feelings for you. My words were hurtful and I am sorry. The intensity between us is so volatile, which is why one should not fall in love with a man like you This email isn’t a lure to get back into your life, as I am not interested you at this time of my life. At that time that I am, it is up to you whether you want another go of life with Stephanie.

(ME) Goes into 3rd person? who does that?

 

 

This email needs no response. I simply felt the need to apologize for hurtful words and try and replace them with the truth. You are a handsome, talented, caring man.

wishing you happiness always. S

 

 

She has been diagnosed NBD/HPD. Advice? WTH? She is 50 years old.

[Poppyolive]

Just have s nice be chuckle, celebrate you, take care of your heart.....

 

I feel shes doing this in a lame ass way to relieve guilt, to be the "better" person....one up her & delete & don't respond.

[KaliLove]

She's definitely just looking to alleviate her guilt. DELETE AND DO NOT RESPOND.

[Mr.Pine]

 

She has been diagnosed NBD/HPD. Advice? WTH? She is 50 years old.

 

50, fat and unfookable. Delete. Ignore. Rinse. Repeat.