organizedchaos Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Yeah, so I've done it, guilty as charged. Briefly, 3 year relationship, overall, it was great. Fought like a normal couple but had so much fun. She ended it last July suddenly. I was devastated. Mixture of GIGS and indecision on our future. We had LC for about 3 months and then went hard NC for next 3 months. Was doing pretty good with it all, I was dating alot, still am. Neither of us have a significant other right now. NC turned in to LC end of January when I ran in to her at the grocery store. It was a pleasant meeting. We've always been cordial to each other. That led to some loose texting, even on Vday. So I thought maybe lets see about dinner, enough time had passed it seemed. Initially she was up for it, but when it came down to confirming, talk about the past resurfaced. Last week it all came out. She "says" she still loves me and knows I was the best bf she ever had (and I was, I have no doubt she will ever find someone who treats her as good again). But she can't be a step mom. (I have a 10 year old boy, who adored her) And there's the kicker. Nothing I can do to change that. Thought that was the end of it, I didn't contact her again. Until she picked up the conversation again last night, and I didn't ignore it. Same story though (we had a great time together, it was good for us, blah, blah, blah), but I got it all off my chest that there's nothing further to discuss. I would have married her, I would have had kids with her like I told her (she seemed to have forgotten and used that as another reason to BU thinking I never wanted that again). And told her if she can't accept my son as her own, and that's the only reason she broke up with me, then there's nothing to talk about again. The LC stung, but she finally came out and said it. And that's all I needed to know. There's no going back on this. She's the dumper, and the only way for her to ever come back is if she can be a step mom, and I'm pretty confident that ain't happening.
redbaron005 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 That's definitely the right attitude, she should love the boy just as much as you - its a package deal. What puzzles me, though, is that she knew about him the whole three years and now this is just coming out? This makes me think, are there other reasons and she is saying that she does not want to be a step-mother? Do you think she just trying to create distance on purpose because she is having a hard time dealing with the breakup/her change of feelings and feels that distance will make it easier on both of you? Did you get the sense that her statement was made in actual fear of being in that role? or jealousy of the love you gave the boy?
lolablue17 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I think you're not guilty as charged Its good that you talked to her and made her facing the wall! good for you, and for her.
Author organizedchaos Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 That's definitely the right attitude, she should love the boy just as much as you - its a package deal. What puzzles me, though, is that she knew about him the whole three years and now this is just coming out? This makes me think, are there other reasons and she is saying that she does not want to be a step-mother? Do you think she just trying to create distance on purpose because she is having a hard time dealing with the breakup/her change of feelings and feels that distance will make it easier on both of you? Did you get the sense that her statement was made in actual fear of being in that role? or jealousy of the love you gave the boy? Yes, she knew of him of the whole time and I involved her too. I asked her that. I said something along the lines of "wish you had told me that 3 years ago" and she said it's not something she really knew back then. But developed over time. She's a very selfish person. Very self centered. Needs constant attention. I think she saw him (and my ex wife I have to interact with, but am on amicable terms) as not only a distraction from her being the only priority but also a financial distraction - meaning I pay child support and make considerably more than my ex so certain things I will likely kick in more on. And her being selfish realized that doesn't sit well with her, no matter how good I was to her as a bf, no matter how good our relationship actually was. This is all based on little things I am now picking up on that were mentioned over time.
Author organizedchaos Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 I should also state, she is now 33 and I am now 42.
Recommended Posts