iDrumKing Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 WORTH THE READ Now I know that a majority of those here are fresh out of a relationships. You were most likely dumped as well... like I was. Your emotions are literally scrambled. You question yourself, your ex, and everything in between. I was there and it was not a pleasant experiences. I still have my days of wanting to crawl into a corner and cry, but after 1.5 months of NC, I've regained some strength within myself. I took this time to do what I wanted to do, workout, and catch up with old friends, which is where the story comes in: I met up with an old friend that I haven't seen in 3 years. Not because I was in a relationship but because we had two different schedules. It happens... While catching up we got onto the topic of how our "love lives" have been going. So I went through my story of how I was blindsided by my BU after two years. Once my turn it was over, I got to hear his story.... My buddy was dating a girl for roughly 2.5 years. He had an engagement ring saved up and was happy. Towards the end of the relationship he found out the she was cheating on him with one of his good friends. That destroyed him... Now some of you might think, "oh well that sort of thing happens all of the time." Let me add... During this time his mom was fighting her second round of cancer. After all was said and done, she beat it. 4 months later his dad received cancer and was told that he had 4-5 months left to live... It's tough to write this because I CAN. NOT. IMAGINE. What my buddy went through. Girlfriend cheated on him, mom had cancer, now dad has cancer with only 4 months left to live. I was sitting here pouting about 1 girl that left me, while someone I know was going through PURE HELL. But... he recovered. It took him about a year to get over his ex, but he improved himself and is now with an amazing girl whom I've met before. As for his dad he fought back. He changed everything in his life to the point where the cancer became dormant and is now considered dead. What goes through your mind when you have a set time for death? I asked myself: Why am I sitting here mopping around in bed over one girl, when theres my friend going through what he went through? His dad is a great example of fighting to improve yourself. He wasn't fighting to get over a girl... he was fighting to LIVE. What's your fight? Getting over one ex? Oh please... Now don't misunderstand me guys... You have the right to be sad about a BU. You do. But when you give up all willpower to move on, to improve yourself, etc. that's when it bothers me. Are you really going to let ONE PERSON beat you? Let me know what you think. 10
Saurren Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Hell no am i letting one person beat me in life, shyte only I can beat myself in life.
Highlight888 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Hi there. This was a perfect story. I try to live this way to help me through my dark moments. I try to think "This is just a small blip on the screen of my life and even though hard, think of what others are going through with much bigger struggles!" I know right now, I feel like I'm in a boat load of pain, but would I want to trade it for having a dad who may die? NO. Or being a victim of a bomb attack? NO. Or having to live on the streets homeless? NO. So, I sit with the pain of my situation and hope that better days are soon ahead. So yes, its sucky right now for all of us dumpees, but like my dad always says "Nothing is lower than whale sh*t. Once you hit the bottom, you can only go up from here". So Im grateful that this is the only pain on my plate (even though hard), and try to think that happiness is ahead. Thank you for posting to everyone. 1
Author iDrumKing Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 So yes, its sucky right now for all of us dumpees, but like my dad always says "Nothing is lower than whale sh*t. Once you hit the bottom, you can only go up from here". Your dad is very wise. Dumpees like you and I have to understand that pain is pain. Emotions are emotions. It's natural to long for something you held very close. So when seeing other in MUCH MUCH MUCH worse state as you are, you begin to feel more appreciation. Now I'm not saying use their misfortune as source of power, but to give you perspective. Sometime that's all you need... Thank you for reading
TrishWick Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I can't imagine what it would be like to be told that you have a certain amount of time to live. Now I feel bad for sitting here complaining about my situation. I'm not in a life or death situation, so I can come back from this. Thank you for sharing.
TheyCallMeOx Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I'm not a fan of the argument "it could always be worse." In any given situation, you could say that to practically anyone. I think it completely undermines our feelings, and unnecessarily turns our selfishness against us. We neglect our own feelings by trying to persuade ourselves that it's really not that bad. To me, however, I feel that acknowledgment of our feelings and treating the issue with severity is completely important in the recovery process. I believe that it's better to over-estimate how much we need to recover than under-estimate. When we keep telling ourselves "well, at least my parents don't have cancer" or something along those lines...while it's a nice concept, I think it neglects the real issue. The real issue is that you're in pain, you're suffering to a certain degree, and you have to be selfish. In order to deal with the issue, I think that we have to devote our attention to ourselves rather than focusing our attention on the people who have it "worse" than we do. Experiences are subjective. People deal with experiences differently, and people are more devastated than others. After a first love breakup, there's probably been a few people who have committed suicide, while there's a few people who have dealt with first love breakups and became successful. I was that kind of guy who said to his ex-girlfriend that I would've killed myself if she broke up with me. I did, just a bit more poetic. Had you told me "hey bro, it's gonna be okay. At least you're not in the military and just found out that your wife has been cheating on you for 14 years with Santa Claus," I would've punched you in the throat. That isn't the point! I'm hurt! Just because there is starving kids in Africa doesn't mean I should savor the flavor of a piece of lettuce and rub sticks of butter over my nipples just to say that I got intimate with my food before I used it. With this philosophy, I should give my video games to children who have parents who can't afford systems, and I should eat ramen noodles while donating good food to homeless people...because at least I can eat ramen noodles in a safe home than in a place where I'm afraid of getting raped. I think you've got the right kind of idea, though. It's not just "one person," but we're choosing to let one person that has absolutely no real power over us, to have power over us. No one, not even law enforcement, has power over us. We make our own choices. Sometimes we suffer with consequences, but we can make our own choices. When we realize that we're choosing to let one person control our lives when the reality is that only WE can control OUR OWN lives, I think that's when we realize that we are the only ones holding ourselves back. It's not the breakup that is preventing us from moving on, bettering ourselves, it's OUR OWN decision. To me, that's helped me the most with my recovery. Everything I do is because I choose to. If I choose to let my ex-girlfriend "beat me," then I should feel pretty dumb for that because I allowed it to happen. Maybe that's just me. Whatever works for you, I guess. That's just my two cents. 3
Author iDrumKing Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 I'm not a fan of the argument "it could always be worse." In any given situation, you could say that to practically anyone. I think it completely undermines our feelings, and unnecessarily turns our selfishness against us. We neglect our own feelings by trying to persuade ourselves that it's really not that bad. To me, however, I feel that acknowledgment of our feelings and treating the issue with severity is completely important in the recovery process. I believe that it's better to over-estimate how much we need to recover than under-estimate. When we keep telling ourselves "well, at least my parents don't have cancer" or something along those lines...while it's a nice concept, I think it neglects the real issue. The real issue is that you're in pain, you're suffering to a certain degree, and you have to be selfish. In order to deal with the issue, I think that we have to devote our attention to ourselves rather than focusing our attention on the people who have it "worse" than we do. Experiences are subjective. People deal with experiences differently, and people are more devastated than others. After a first love breakup, there's probably been a few people who have committed suicide, while there's a few people who have dealt with first love breakups and became successful. I was that kind of guy who said to his ex-girlfriend that I would've killed myself if she broke up with me. I did, just a bit more poetic. Had you told me "hey bro, it's gonna be okay. At least you're not in the military and just found out that your wife has been cheating on you for 14 years with Santa Claus," I would've punched you in the throat. That isn't the point! I'm hurt! Just because there is starving kids in Africa doesn't mean I should savor the flavor of a piece of lettuce and rub sticks of butter over my nipples just to say that I got intimate with my food before I used it. With this philosophy, I should give my video games to children who have parents who can't afford systems, and I should eat ramen noodles while donating good food to homeless people...because at least I can eat ramen noodles in a safe home than in a place where I'm afraid of getting raped. I think you've got the right kind of idea, though. It's not just "one person," but we're choosing to let one person that has absolutely no real power over us, to have power over us. No one, not even law enforcement, has power over us. We make our own choices. Sometimes we suffer with consequences, but we can make our own choices. When we realize that we're choosing to let one person control our lives when the reality is that only WE can control OUR OWN lives, I think that's when we realize that we are the only ones holding ourselves back. It's not the breakup that is preventing us from moving on, bettering ourselves, it's OUR OWN decision. To me, that's helped me the most with my recovery. Everything I do is because I choose to. If I choose to let my ex-girlfriend "beat me," then I should feel pretty dumb for that because I allowed it to happen. Maybe that's just me. Whatever works for you, I guess. That's just my two cents. Oh no don't get me wrong. I completely 100% agree with you. Experiencing the pain, grieving, accepting, etc. are EXTREMELY important in regards to the process of healing. By no means am I trying to undermine any failed relationship whether it was two weeks or two years. Every situation is indeed different. I should've elaborated more on the fact that this was important. The main purpose of my story I guess is to show people that while you are in pain, you can't let it beat you. You can't stay on your knees forever. You gotta be brave and rebuild. Thanks a lot for taking the time out of your day and writing such a detailed response to my post. It's appreciated.
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