Mozart Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 ok, me and my bf have had a year relationship. Have dealt with insecurities on my part.. etc. Now this I know is bad. but i got his email address and have been checking it time to time. I checked it ,and found out that he made plans with two of his friends. one is a girl and the other is a guy. I know them both. He told me that he was giong to be meeting up with the guy friend, and not the girl. I found this oddd, because he never lies aobut what he's doing or seeing. Next, he awkwardly asked if i wanted to go.. i said ok.. but he still didnt tell me this girl would be coming what do i do? I did a bad thing in checking his mail. but him lying is buggin me How do i confront him abuot this without having to tell him abuot the email thing.
Barby Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 He asked you to go, why are you worried? Maybe he wants to set his friend up with her? Maybe his friend asked him to keep it quiet about liking her until whatever happens, happens?! I doubt he'd invite you if he was interested in her!!
Merin Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 Not saying this makes it right.. BUT IMO he didn't tell you this other girl is coming because he DOES know you're insecure, and he DOES know you would probably think the worst.. so he kept it on the low.. He has ALSO invited you to come along.. so I'm with Barby.. you're making to much of this.. AND something to think about here as well.. checking his email isn't exactly you being HONEST with him either..
Author Mozart Posted January 24, 2005 Author Posted January 24, 2005 no thats not it. they all have been friends for a long time... no setting up here. They meet up like this every so often... so, its weird he would not mention her not being there. I forgot to add... i asked if he had been in contact with this girl. and he said NO.....
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 I forgot to add... i asked if he had been in contact with this girl. and he said NO..... I expect he thinks you'll freak out if he said 'yes', because then you'd assume that something was going on. His lie in this case sounds more like a defense mechanism.
Pocky Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 I would be more concerned as to why he felt he had to lie to me (i.e., does he feel he can't share things with me because I will react in a negative way). I wouldn't say anything about reading his email. I'd wait until you were all supposed to meet up and when it's over say how great it was to see her and that he should invite her over more. Tell him you really like his friends! If he feels like you're comfortable with his friends he'll probably feel less inclined to conveniently forget to tell you they're coming. And stop reading his email.
Author Mozart Posted January 24, 2005 Author Posted January 24, 2005 Pocky, i do all that already. I encourage him to see his friends more often. yes, in the past i have reacted negative to some of his other girl friends.. but he's never lied to me like this, especially about her. I dont know what to do.
Pocky Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 After you meet them just ask him later why he didn't say she was coming. And please don't make a big deal out of this. You sound way too stressed over something I'd consider insignificant.
Isabella82 Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 If he is inviting you then I don't think anything is going on between them. However you said that you asked him earlier if he has talked to her at all, and he said No. Well thats a lie and that would bother me. You should definately bring it up. You also said that he has never lied to you about stuff before, and I used to say the samething. But here is the thing, how do you know that? You don't. Iwould be wondering what else he has been lying about. I don't think there is any excuse for lying. Im just saying from experience, I caught my ex in some little lie, and then later found out a whole bunch of other lies.
Author Mozart Posted January 24, 2005 Author Posted January 24, 2005 It is going to come up tonight.. but i really dont want to bring up the email thing.... How can i let him know i know this without having to bring up the email situation
Barby Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 Why are you ashamed to cop up to your own actions? You violated his trust by snooping around in his email and you didn't even find anything that's he's lied about except "not mentioning" that this girl would be coming along somewhere where he invited you as well. You need to be honest and tell him you felt something was up, found the email and wonder why he didn't tell you about emailing her.
Weird Posted January 24, 2005 Posted January 24, 2005 ok wait a sec... you are complaining about this guy not being totally open/honest yet you want to hide the fact you are snooping in his email? Wow, talk about hypocrisy. I can tell you why he didn't mention the girl...he most likely figured you would make it some big deal and stress out and cause drama. No offense, but seeing as how you are posting about it here sure seems to back up that theory. I say let it go and the sheer fact he invited you out I think logically points to nothing going on. Why do you females make drama out of nothing?
len586 Posted January 25, 2005 Posted January 25, 2005 If anything, he has vaild reasons not to trust you. You're lying to him about going through is private things. "Checking his e-mail from time to time", just listen to yourself. He asked you to come along so he knows that you'll end up seeing that girl anyways. Stop looking at his e-mail. Your insecurities are obviously going to cause him to want to hide things from you.
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