rey1121 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Hey, first time poster, just to warn you this could be a long thread, but any help would be greatly appreciated. This covers allot of issues, but i think ill put it here. Ok some background first, ive been dating my gf for 7 months now in a long distance relationship. We met on a dating site and fell in love pretty much straight away, I love her soo much and she loves me. There is only one problem, she is bi polar, so this can put a strain on our relationship at times when she gets very depressed and i cant help her. (she also has no medication for her bi polar because is very expensive she cant afford it because she has no job) Another problem is, the distance, she is in Venezuela, and I am in Ireland, but she wants to come here as she hates pretty much everything about her country, as im sure some of you may have heard, things are not soo good in Venezuela right now with the anti government protests. Like i said she is bi polar, and this can become hard sometimes, especially when she says she wants to split up, even though i know when she is on an upward trajectory she always tells me how sorry she is for hurting me and how much she loves me. The last 2 weeks have been especially hard. She was waiting for the past 4 months to get her passport, and it finally arrived, it thought everything would be ok after that, however it seemed to get worse. She is incredibly attractive and always has guys chasing after her, usually she doesn't pay much attention, there is one guy who i have told how much he bothers me, because he has always tried to be with her, even tried to kiss her when she told him she wanted to be with me, she slapped him that time. This guy, i dont trust, because he would message me too, and say he will be with her, and uses phrases like she will be mine, and sees her as an object, he is younger than me but he doesnt love her, i think he is a bit of a player and will just use and abuse her. Whenever she would be sad or upset, (usually is cause of the distance and how hard it is, sometimes would be because she would run to this guy, and say she wants to be with him, she did this last week, but quickly changed her mind because she loves me. She knows she doesnt love him but i think she may think that he is the easier option because he lives near her. This week we have been together and apart a few times, i had to leave early from skype on Monday night because we had family staying at my house and could no longer stay on cam, that made her upset and she went to this guy, he then went over to her house tuesday morning and stayed for over an hour, she was very upset and took a picture of him and her, he was behind her and his arms were around her, one hand touching her breast the other down near her vagina, that hurt allot but when she came around again she apologized for it, so i let that one pass and we was back together. Wednesday was great until she got a phone call from a guy who said he wanted to kidnap her and said how expensive it is to travel here, now im working but have always offered to pay a part of the travel here, because is expensive. We had always planned that she move here and i would get an apartment for us and we could start a life together, with plans for marriage and kids down the road. But this phone call made her bad, she was soo sad and depressed crying allot. I went to bed after attempts to cheer her up failed. I then get a message from the guy that likes her the next morning saying she had taken rat poison and was in hospital (she is ok, she was released early thursday morning) but it was a suicide attempt, lucky her mom was in the house to take her to hospital. I told the guy that she was wants to come here and we will get married someday, and he said he would stay away. She cheered up when she came home and we was talking again of being in love and a future together, i told her not to worry for the money because we will come up with it, we will figure it out etc. And we was happy again, she said how much she loves me and how sorry she was, she never would do it again. Then towards the end of the night, she said something like, if we cant be together id rather be alone, at that point i said no, i dont want you to be alone for the rest of your life if i cant be with you, but i want to try and be with you soo much, and wont give up on that. Then she suddenly changed and go soo upset and angry, she has since deleted me from fb and skype and has started a relationship on fb with this other guy. I was talking to her sister then for about an hour or two after that, i asked her to tell my gf that i love her, and she said she smiled and said she does to. I realize was a bit stupid of me to say that, i realize i could have said it better but i do want her to be happy. Her sister told me maybe i should be more angry and assertive and tell her how i feel and really fight and be hard with her. She did say though that she was on skype with that guy for about 2 hours after i went and said she saw that his top was off and only in his boxers and that he was dancing for her at one point. Idk what to do or to think really, i dont think she would do anything bad with him, and plus is very hot in Venezuela, so im hoping is why he was half naked, but her sister heard them talk about going to the cinema tomorrow, but she hates the cinema, she much prefers to watch a movie on tv or online. So thats it really, im soo confused over all this, i dont know what to do, how can i get her back, cause i know how much she loves me, and i still want a future with her because she is my soulmate, ive never felt like this with any person before. Maybe if i give her an ultimatum or something but that too could backfire. So that's it really, thanks to anyone who has read this far, it means allot. Any help would really be helpful, im soo confused and worried. Please help me
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 You are living in a fantasy. I don't see any realistic way you two are ever going to be together. Neither one of you has a job. How are you going to get the money to travel? She may have bi-polar but you don't really know that. If she had money for a doctor, she must have some way of getting the medicine . . . charity care, something. She may simply like drama & pushing your buttons. She clearly wants attention: the rat poison, the flaunting other guys in front of your. She's not a trustworthy girl. I don't mean to break your heart but you can't save this chick & you may hurt yourself trying. The reality is you barely know her, never having met in person. If you are serious, you need to start working your butt off to earn money to meet in person. Good luck.
Author rey1121 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 did i say i had no job? sorry if i did, i do have a job, a good job too, pays well for the hours i work and have saved allot in a short space of time. So most of the money for travel would come from me i think, but she gets a bit of allowance too from her parents, so raising the money is not an issue really, just may take some time. Well was the emergency room she went to, bi polar medication would be allot more expensive, and im not sure if a scheme like that exists there, the president is a bit bad with high taxes etc. Mmm i see your point, and i often have asked myself whether all this is worth it. I think you could be right about the attention though, she likes the attention from me i think. And I understand your point, but we talk 24/7 on fb and skype, so i feel we know each other pretty good. I think if i dont get her back though now after this, then maybe ill have to say good bye to her and try to move on with my life. Is hard though cause i feel she is the one, something is just pushing me to keep going and trying.
TAV Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 I have people in my family who are bipolar; it's not an excuse for all sorts of behaviour. She seems immature, insincere and a terrible flirt if not something worse. How do you imagine your life together in Ireland? Living with someone who is bipolar is not easy and you already have not had the best of starts. Do you think she will stop seeking attention from other men if she was in your country or would you have to be with her 24/7 because she seems to think it's fair to hop on someone else's lap as soon as you do not have time for her. Would you always be looking over your shoulder wondering who is chasing her (and she encouraging it)? Is that what you want for yourself?
justwhoiam Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 ive been dating my gf for 7 months now in a long distance relationship. We met on a dating site First piece of news: you haven't been dating yet. Because you've never met. See, a dating website is meant to connect you with possible matches, so that you can actually date in real life. It's not meant for virtual buddies. That's kind of bad use of what could be a good tool. There is only one problem, she is bi polar Ha! You WISH that was your only problem... but it looks like there's more on your plate. Anyway, regarding being bipolar, did you actually see a certificate about her written by a psychiatrist? Because only a psychiatrist can diagnose bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. And what are the odds she's been diagnosed by a psychiatrist, if she doesn't even have the money to buy a pack of drug? And, are you 101% sure that her would-be sister is her actual sister, that her would-be mother is her real mother and so forth? She could be a total nutjob or just playing with you. i had to leave early from skype on Monday night because we had family staying at my house and could no longer stay on cam, that made her upset and she went to this guy, he then went over to her house tuesday morning and stayed for over an hour, she was very upset and took a picture of him and her, he was behind her and his arms were around her, one hand touching her breast the other down near her vagina, that hurt allot but when she came around again she apologized for it, so i let that one pass Ok. I'm not a man, but if I were, and she was my girlfriend or soon to be girlfriend who expressed she would like me to be her boyfriend, in no way this would be OK for me. That's not something you should let pass. Unless you want to be her doormat. Also, she made it official he was her boyfriend on FB... he's dancing for her at her house half naked... What do you need next? Some graphic movie? No comment about drinking poison... This is not Romeo & Juliet. his top was off and only in his boxers and that he was dancing for her at one point. Idk what to do or to think really, i dont think she would do anything bad with him, and plus is very hot in Venezuela, so im hoping is why he was half naked Wake up. Wakeup call! 1
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