3j15 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 (edited) Hey LS community I have to start out by saying, I know I haven't been on here that long, but the support on here has helped me so much through the last month. Just reading through other peoples stories, relating to heartbreaks and misery. But also gaining confidence and guidance in the times of need. Honestly without this forum I would have gone crazy in the beginning of our BU, especially during the late night hours when you're suppose to be sleeping but cant due to stress. I read through so many threads, just gaining insight on people's experiences what worked what didn't, the lessons they learned from their mistakes. It helped me just keep my mind off the current situation. So I would like to say thank you to everyone that commented, added some words of encouragement, or just read through my story. So the reason I started this thread is I want to share my experience with whoever happens to be reading this. I myself like a lot of you, came on this site because we were looking for some guidance. I was so lost, didn't know what to do, in a state of panic. My Gf had just broke up with me, and I was devastated didnt know what to do. (Full story in prev threads) Ill keep this one short and to the point. My girlfriend broke up with me and then she asked me to get back together within 1 month of BU. These were the steps I took from day 1 of BU. I am not saying that this will work for everyone. to be honest it most certainly wont. All relationships are different, I will say THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN FOR THERE TO BE ANY CHANCE OF RECONCILIATION IS. THE DUMPER HAS TO WANT YOU BACK. As the dumpee, you can beg, wish, pray, sing, write love letters, buy them presents, even pay them money, this will not get your ex back. I'm sure we all know this by now. DAY1 I was heartbroken yes, who isnt. I begged for her to stay, told her I would change for her, I loved her so much please dont leave blah blah blah... usual begging, panic/shock after the break up. Finally telling her after a 4 hour talk that I agree and we should break up. Then for about 2 weeks post break up we hung out 3-4 times. This was mainly cause she missed me, and really I missed her. I thought I could still "win" her back at this stage. A important thing to note is that when I met her after the BU I rarely brought up the past, or tried to persuade her into getting back together with me. I actually did the opposite and I told her I respected her decision and that we should break up. I focused on trying to keep our conversations like they were when we were first dating. Just casual, fun no pressure. !!!!NO NAGGING CRYING OR BEGGING!!!!! Then we had the talk about where this was going. I came to a realization that I am just sticking around hoping she would change her mind.... keeping my expectations up only to get brutally disappointed. We both agreed that this has to stop. We cant be "friends" and keep hanging out. We need to go NC and move on from one another. As hard as it was to agree, we had to. So we decided that the next time we saw each other was our final farewell... Then one night, a few days before we were suppose to meet, she texted me "I dont want to see you anymore, take care" at first I was shocked, I didnt know what to say. I wanted to call her and fight to see her one last time but I came to realize, WHY? why prolong the pain, the cycle of torment of seeing each other and then having to say our final byes. So I replied with a simple " I agree, take care of yourself " We ended up talking on the phone for 5 hours that night, kind of as our final farewell.. I will note that I told her to never contact me again unless she was willing to give me another shot. She said okay, you probably wont hear from me soon. This was 19 days after our official BU. As soon as we got off the phone, I knew that was it. It was over, time to move on.... I deleted her phone number, old texts, emails, and BLOCKED her on FB. and deleted off all other social media. The only problem was I had memorized her number.... I told myself you will not contact her until she contacts you first. These NC days were tough, I wanted to break soo bad. things that helped me not break NC was - calling texting friend (having a close friend going through a BU - this site reading NC guide - Work - Sports - Sleeping/napping - if you have to lock your phone up, throw away the battery I dunno do whatever. A week goes by, I have been strong NC now and I get a text from my ex at 11:45pm. Total bread crumb about how she left one of my shirts and lost it. Just in case I was looking for it..... Like really.... come on, first thing you say in a week is about a freakin t shirt... lol Anyways, I ignored it sticking to my strict NC, thinking it was a breadcrumb, she was just trying to see if she can keep pulling me along. The next morning I couldnt resist, I texted her back being very indifferent. we kept exchanging texts throughout the day and then I finally just decided to call her. We had a great chat, I kept it far away from the break up as possible, asking her how she was doing in school, making her laugh cracking some jokes.... the converstion was going really well. So that's when I decided to end it after about 10 minutes, I said I was busy and had to go, I really didnt have to, nor did I want to, I just wanted to end on a happy conversation. She seemed noticeably saddened by this, I could tell she wanted to keep talking. So I took that little hint from her and the fact that she broke NC and I went with it. I went over to her house and I surprised her at the door. And am I glad I did because that is when she asked me to get back together with her. She's been thinking a lot over the 1 week of NC, it was the time she needed to realize that yes I messed up badly, but she loves me too much to not have her in her life. We both have issues we have to deal with, she wants to help me get through mine and I help her with hers. So its puzzling to me, there are so many people that swear by the NC guide. which states if the ex does text you a breadcrumb that you should ignore it (I apologize if I am wrong), well I asked my ex, if I hadnt have replied back to her text what would have happened? She said I would have been like Okay, f* it he's moved on... Im moving on as well... Because I wasnt planning on breaking NC for a month or two.... If i had done this I dunno if we would have gotten back together. Another funny note: she was extremely bothered/attracted by the fact that I immediately blocked her on FB. She messaged her friends being like, "that bitch blocked me on fb, I wasnt going to creep or anything..." her friend replies, "you already did try to creep LOL." For those who have read my previous threads, I am still taking steps to ensure I will NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ANYONE AGAIN. Me and my ex talked about what needs to change and how we will do things differently. We really want this to work out. W are taking a step back and going back to just "seeing eachother' we decided its best to take it slow and not rush this time.. Sorry that was a bit long, and it might be kinda all over the place, but I wanted to share my story, and not to give false hope for a second chance, but just to share my story with others. Thanks again everyone Edited March 7, 2014 by 3j15
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Hey LS community I have to start out by saying, I know I haven't been on here that long, but the support on here has helped me so much through the last month. Just reading through other peoples stories, relating to heartbreaks and misery. But also gaining confidence and guidance in the times of need. Honestly without this forum I would have gone crazy in the beginning of our BU, especially during the late night hours when you're suppose to be sleeping but cant due to stress. I read through so many threads, just gaining insight on people's experiences what worked what didn't, the lessons they learned from their mistakes. It helped me just keep my mind off the current situation. So I would like to say thank you to everyone that commented, added some words of encouragement, or just read through my story. So the reason I started this thread is I want to share my experience with whoever happens to be reading this. I myself like a lot of you, came on this site because we were looking for some guidance. I was so lost, didn't know what to do, in a state of panic. My Gf had just broke up with me, and I was devastated didnt know what to do. (Full story in prev threads) Ill keep this one short and to the point. My girlfriend broke up with me and then she asked me to get back together within 1 month of BU. These were the steps I took from day 1 of BU. I am not saying that this will work for everyone. to be honest it most certainly wont. All relationships are different, I will say THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN FOR THERE TO BE ANY CHANCE OF RECONCILIATION IS. THE DUMPER HAS TO WANT YOU BACK. As the dumpee, you can beg, wish, pray, sing, write love letters, buy them presents, even pay them money, this will not get your ex back. I'm sure we all know this by now. DAY1 I was heartbroken yes, who isnt. I begged for her to stay, told her I would change for her, I loved her so much please dont leave blah blah blah... usual begging, panic/shock after the break up. Finally telling her after a 4 hour talk that I agree and we should break up. Then for about 2 weeks post break up we hung out 3-4 times. This was mainly cause she missed me, and really I missed her. I thought I could still "win" her back at this stage. A important thing to note is that when I met her after the BU I rarely brought up the past, or tried to persuade her into getting back together with me. I actually did the opposite and I told her I respected her decision and that we should break up. I focused on trying to keep our conversations like they were when we were first dating. Just casual, fun no pressure. !!!!NO NAGGING CRYING OR BEGGING!!!!! Then we had the talk about where this was going. I came to a realization that I am just sticking around hoping she would change her mind.... keeping my expectations up only to get brutally disappointed. We both agreed that this has to stop. We cant be "friends" and keep hanging out. We need to go NC and move on from one another. As hard as it was to agree, we had to. So we decided that the next time we saw each other was our final farewell... Then one night, a few days before we were suppose to meet, she texted me "I dont want to see you anymore, take care" at first I was shocked, I didnt know what to say. I wanted to call her and fight to see her one last time but I came to realize, WHY? why prolong the pain, the cycle of torment of seeing each other and then having to say our final byes. So I replied with a simple " I agree, take care of yourself " We ended up talking on the phone for 5 hours that night, kind of as our final farewell.. I will note that I told her to never contact me again unless she was willing to give me another shot. She said okay, you probably wont hear from me soon. This was 19 days after our official BU. As soon as we got off the phone, I knew that was it. It was over, time to move on.... I deleted her phone number, old texts, emails, and BLOCKED her on FB. and deleted off all other social media. The only problem was I had memorized her number.... I told myself you will not contact her until she contacts you first. These NC days were tough, I wanted to break soo bad. things that helped me not break NC was - calling texting friend (having a close friend going through a BU - this site reading NC guide - Work - Sports - Sleeping/napping - if you have to lock your phone up, throw away the battery I dunno do whatever. A week goes by, I have been strong NC now and I get a text from my ex at 11:45pm. Total bread crumb about how she left one of my shirts and lost it. Just in case I was looking for it..... Like really.... come on, first thing you say in a week is about a freakin t shirt... lol Anyways, I ignored it sticking to my strict NC, thinking it was a breadcrumb, she was just trying to see if she can keep pulling me along. The next morning I couldnt resist, I texted her back being very indifferent. we kept exchanging texts throughout the day and then I finally just decided to call her. We had a great chat, I kept it far away from the break up as possible, asking her how she was doing in school, making her laugh cracking some jokes.... the converstion was going really well. So that's when I decided to end it after about 10 minutes, I said I was busy and had to go, I really didnt have to, nor did I want to, I just wanted to end on a happy conversation. She seemed noticeably saddened by this, I could tell she wanted to keep talking. So I took that little hint from her and the fact that she broke NC and I went with it. I went over to her house and I surprised her at the door. And am I glad I did because that is when she asked me to get back together with her. She's been thinking a lot over the 1 week of NC, it was the time she needed to realize that yes I messed up badly, but she loves me too much to not have her in her life. We both have issues we have to deal with, she wants to help me get through mine and I help her with hers. So its puzzling to me, there are so many people that swear by the NC guide. which states if the ex does text you a breadcrumb that you should ignore it (I apologize if I am wrong), well I asked my ex, if I hadnt have replied back to her text what would have happened? She said I would have been like Okay, f* it he's moved on... Im moving on as well... Because I wasnt planning on breaking NC for a month or two.... If i had done this I dunno if we would have gotten back together. Another funny note: she was extremely bothered/attracted by the fact that I immediately blocked her on FB. She messaged her friends being like, "that bitch blocked me on fb, I wasnt going to creep or anything..." her friend replies, "you already did try to creep LOL." For those who have read my previous threads, I am still taking steps to ensure I will NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ANYONE AGAIN. Me and my ex talked about what needs to change and how we will do things differently. We really want this to work out. W are taking a step back and going back to just "seeing eachother' we decided its best to take it slow and not rush this time.. Sorry that was a bit long, and it might be kinda all over the place, but I wanted to share my story, and not to give false hope for a second chance, but just to share my story with others. Thanks again everyone Lol one of these threads. They always seem to pop up. As I told the many of ones who created these, nothing was ever fixed, not enough time was given to improvements anything, and I can almost promise you she came crawling back out of insecurity. As soon as they find something better, it will happen again. One week NC is defiantly not enough time.
Author 3j15 Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Lol one of these threads. They always seem to pop up. As I told the many of ones who created these, nothing was ever fixed, not enough time was given to improvements anything, and I can almost promise you she came crawling back out of insecurity. As soon as they find something better, it will happen again. One week NC is defiantly not enough time. Fair enough, I am sure you have seen your fair share of posts similar to these. I'm sure you have been on this forum for a while. I never said changes have been made, I stated that we are both willing to help each other out and stick together while these changes are being made. We both love eachother and we both messed up, we accepted this and are trying to get past it. To make personal emotional change can take months, years. Not 1 week NC.
David87 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 So I understand that you had only a week of NC. In my opinion this isn't even a break up.......it was just a fight. 2
organizedchaos Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Fair enough, I am sure you have seen your fair share of posts similar to these. I'm sure you have been on this forum for a while. I never said changes have been made, I stated that we are both willing to help each other out and stick together while these changes are being made. We both love eachother and we both messed up, we accepted this and are trying to get past it. To make personal emotional change can take months, years. Not 1 week NC. Which is why successful reconciliation's only typically happen after months or years apart so both people have time to evolve and learn from their mistakes.
Saurren Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 2 months tops for change and after 4 months they have probably moved on.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Fair enough, I am sure you have seen your fair share of posts similar to these. I'm sure you have been on this forum for a while. I never said changes have been made, I stated that we are both willing to help each other out and stick together while these changes are being made. We both love eachother and we both messed up, we accepted this and are trying to get past it. To make personal emotional change can take months, years. Not 1 week NC. I know you didnt say changes have to be made...I'm saying that (and many others who have gone through it) I find it weird that she breaks up because she doesnt want to be with you, then hangs out with you a couple weeks later and whatever. This tells me that she obviously wanted to leave for a reason. No one just breaks up just to do it. Not that you are, but if you ask me, its insecurity that brings her back. She doesnt want to end up alone. You are there (and have been), so she came back. Without anything ever being solved. it will happen again, usually when there is something to jump to. Another guy, job, etc... I wish you well, I've just seen this story played out too much.
xUnknown Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 I know you didnt say changes have to be made...I'm saying that (and many others who have gone through it) I find it weird that she breaks up because she doesnt want to be with you, then hangs out with you a couple weeks later and whatever. This tells me that she obviously wanted to leave for a reason. No one just breaks up just to do it. Not that you are, but if you ask me, its insecurity that brings her back. She doesnt want to end up alone. You are there (and have been), so she came back. Without anything ever being solved. it will happen again, usually when there is something to jump to. Another guy, job, etc... I wish you well, I've just seen this story played out too much. She could have broken up so that HE could change. Things in the relationship weren't working, so she ended it and sort of forced his hand. Note, they didn't talk about what changes were made, but maybe she wanted him to work on it (as they are now working on things together as OP stated).
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 She could have bathing up so that HE could change. Things in the relationship weren't working, so she ended it and sort of forced his hand. Note, they didn't talk about what changes were made, but maybe she wanted him to work on it (as they are now working on things together as OP stated). Uh huh.... OP isn't a mind reader. If there is something wrong, a MATURE individual states the reasons of why they are unhappy. Sadly, that doesnt happen a lot. Again, there was a reason she left. If it was to prove a point or make him change A. That's immature B. Breakups are hardly ever spur of the moment decisions. The dumper has thought about it for quite some time. To break up in an attempt to get someone to change runs the risk of the person being gone for good. If you really loved someone, you wouldn't run that risk at all. I'm not saying I'm not wrong, but this incredibly fast process does cast a lot of doubt. 1
somedude81 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 So I understand that you had only a week of NC. In my opinion this isn't even a break up.......it was just a fight. Exactly, it doesn't seem like they broke up at all. So much contact and spending time together. I wouldn't be surprised if they were still having sex. Now for my breakup. In the past three months since my ex GF dumped me, I haven't even heard her voice let alone seen her in person once. We've texted a few times, the most recent was 18 days ago, and we'll probably never communicate with each other again.
lofi_tokyo Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Lol one of these threads. They always seem to pop up. As I told the many of ones who created these, nothing was ever fixed, not enough time was given to improvements anything, and I can almost promise you she came crawling back out of insecurity. As soon as they find something better, it will happen again. One week NC is defiantly not enough time. Fact. Been there, done that. I am a master of getting ex's back if they dump me, I'm confident in saying. But after many successful reconciliations without much time inbetween (no more than a few months) I've learned this: 90% of the time, the reconciliation won't prove fruitful in the long-term. I've seen great reconciliations work out after both people were able to distance themselves emotionally from the initial breakup, but they were apart for significant amounts of time and both partners had stabilized as being happily single prior to reconciling.
xUnknown Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Uh huh.... OP isn't a mind reader. If there is something wrong, a MATURE individual states the reasons of why they are unhappy. Sadly, that doesnt happen a lot. Again, there was a reason she left. If it was to prove a point or make him change A. That's immature B. Breakups are hardly ever spur of the moment decisions. The dumper has thought about it for quite some time. To break up in an attempt to get someone to change runs the risk of the person being gone for good. If you really loved someone, you wouldn't run that risk at all. I'm not saying I'm not wrong, but this incredibly fast process does cast a lot of doubt. Oh I 100% agree with you, believe me. It just seems as if she needed to do something drastic because talking about things wasn't working..so she did this to get him to think, wow she left because I did this or that, I've gotta change to get her back and keep her.
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