I really need your guys thoughts

[maturityassets]

Hi all, today is my (21st) birthday but its going pretty badly. The girl I love, her parents are tearing us apart. We have been dating in secret for almost a year now (11 months). I've always pushed her for me to meet her parents but she has always been terrified at the idea, so I didn't want to show up without her approval. I'm her first love btw. Anyway they found out about us before in September but we continued and it seems they have found out again this past week and I believe they have threatened her from ever talking to me again because she has ignored a text and facebook message by me for the last 2 days and has been removing pictures of us on Facebook (she knew she was in trouble on Wednesday when one of her neighbors saw us on the train and went running to her parents about it and they texted her about it)

 

So anyway, I guess I'm here to ask you guys about me fighting for love? I'm willing to show up at that doorstep unannounced to meet her parents, for at least to let them see the kind of Guy I am. Our families come from a similar background, both stemming from the Balkan region of Europe. I know how to deal with the customs and I know all about the fear of that culture of letting their kids bask in American individualism. But her dad, who is a lawyer, is unreasonable. He shames his 4 daughters; hits them, belittles them, yells at them for 30 min straight, and still gives my gf timeout as a 19 year old. He is a misogynist. Him and his wife are threatening divorce and he blames it on my Girlfriend for driving their marriage apart (when in fact his attempts to control everything makes it that he is impossible to live with). He needs serious therapy and a wake up call about the realities of life (of course I would never insult him like this at his home). My girlfriend is the ideal daughter. She is the oldest, a straight A scholarship student, takes care of the other 3 girls, works at a daycare, pays her own phone bills and does all her chores. I myself attend university, am a double major and I am proud and accepting of myself after 2 and a 1/2 years of therapy (My Girlfriend and I's culture really screws us up. I grew up with social anxiety because of how it made me feel defective and now my girlfriend as well is starting to see therapy as well).

 

I'm not there to tear that family up. If anything I would help. I could be that catalyst that allows them to open up to each other. Embrace their differences and respect each other's autonomy. Everyone I really need your help. I know what it is to lose first love, it happen to me last year. But for my girlfriend to lose hers not because the relationship was no longer compatible but because her family would have ended it, would be a tragedy. she won't forgive them. She is sometimes depressed and suicidal because of her parents. I have the courage to show up at that doorstep but do tell me what you think as an outsider. I have no delusions that it goes well, but I'm willing to be the man that fights for what he knows what he wants at this moment in his life. Thanks all, any reply is much appreciated.

[Silver93]

Hi all, today is my (21st) birthday but its going pretty badly. The girl I love, her parents are tearing us apart. We have been dating in secret for almost a year now (11 months). I've always pushed her for me to meet her parents but she has always been terrified at the idea, so I didn't want to show up without her approval. I'm her first love btw. Anyway they found out about us before in September but we continued and it seems they have found out again this past week and I believe they have threatened her from ever talking to me again because she has ignored a text and facebook message by me for the last 2 days and has been removing pictures of us on Facebook (she knew she was in trouble on Wednesday when one of her neighbors saw us on the train and went running to her parents about it and they texted her about it)

 

So anyway, I guess I'm here to ask you guys about me fighting for love? I'm willing to show up at that doorstep unannounced to meet her parents, for at least to let them see the kind of Guy I am. Our families come from a similar background, both stemming from the Balkan region of Europe. I know how to deal with the customs and I know all about the fear of that culture of letting their kids bask in American individualism. But her dad, who is a lawyer, is unreasonable. He shames his 4 daughters; hits them, belittles them, yells at them for 30 min straight, and still gives my gf timeout as a 19 year old. He is a misogynist. Him and his wife are threatening divorce and he blames it on my Girlfriend for driving their marriage apart (when in fact his attempts to control everything makes it that he is impossible to live with). He needs serious therapy and a wake up call about the realities of life (of course I would never insult him like this at his home). My girlfriend is the ideal daughter. She is the oldest, a straight A scholarship student, takes care of the other 3 girls, works at a daycare, pays her own phone bills and does all her chores. I myself attend university, am a double major and I am proud and accepting of myself after 2 and a 1/2 years of therapy (My Girlfriend and I's culture really screws us up. I grew up with social anxiety because of how it made me feel defective and now my girlfriend as well is starting to see therapy as well).

 

I'm not there to tear that family up. If anything I would help. I could be that catalyst that allows them to open up to each other. Embrace their differences and respect each other's autonomy. Everyone I really need your help. I know what it is to lose first love, it happen to me last year. But for my girlfriend to lose hers not because the relationship was no longer compatible but because her family would have ended it, would be a tragedy. she won't forgive them. She is sometimes depressed and suicidal because of her parents. I have the courage to show up at that doorstep but do tell me what you think as an outsider. I have no delusions that it goes well, but I'm willing to be the man that fights for what he knows what he wants at this moment in his life. Thanks all, any reply is much appreciated.

 

My advice would be to be there for your GF anyway. By the siunds of it she needs support that she is not getting from her dad.

Your GF's dad sounds like he has massive problems.

Is there anyone your GF can tell about her dads behaviour? It sounds like he could use a lot of help.

[maturityassets]

Idk she won't talk to me. I do want to give her space to grieve her shame, she must be exhausted by her father's emotional and mental abuse. I'm just hoping she continues therapy and is at least protected from herself at least.