semicharmedlife Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 My significant other and I several months ago started playing in a team sport league...my so was never really interested in doing this before we met...but when I expressed my interest...he/she thought it was something we should get involved with TOGETHER in order to spend more quality time together...and so we joined a team/league of people he/she already knew...as it was convienient to where we lived...and they seemed happy to have us aboard... My SO did not know a whole lot about the rules and regulations of this sport...and so we spent alot of time playing/practicing and I was happy to teach all I knew..,time went on...and we all did well together....until now... My SO has since taken an avid interest and has talent in the sport...and in some ways it has surpassed my own interest/talent...with him/her investing quite a bit of money into equiptment, etc.... Last week began what will be the championship games of the district. The day before the first of the championship games...a bunch of us from the team got together to play/practice...and we were all really excited for the following day. As we got to the game...and began warming up...my SO and I were approached by the captain of the team...who decided that it would be a winning stratagy for the team if the top players (derived by his statistics) were to play in all of the games... He went on to explains that my SO was one of those players...and that I was to sit out...This didnt sit too well with me as 1. my SO and I traveled to the game together...and 2. I worked hard & I was eager to play...and 3. I felt that getting to the championships in the first place was a team effort and that all should be included... My SO was not initially supportive of me...and felt at the time that is was OK for me to be excluded as he/ she claimed not to be aware of the protocols of play...and since the captain himself was going to sit out for the same principle...so should I... I choose to leave the game...rather than sit on the sidelines (humiliated)and after telling the captain to basically go to hell...my SO took me to my car nearby & had no problem returning to play without me...to which they lost anyway... and so now I...who feels humiliated by the whole experience...am having a really hard time with this situation...and very untrusting of my SO... I have spoken to several friends...and have had some mixed reviews...so would appreiciate some additional feedback... I feel that my SO should have been more supportive of my desires(and rights as a team member)...and should have spoken up for me at the time of the disagreement...although I apprieciate that he/she has since proclaimed that what the captain did was wrong...and that he/she will no longer play unless EVERYONE on the team gets to play...I feel it comes as a too little/too late sort of thing. I have tried to keep this gender neutral...as it does not really matter in this case...but would really like to hear from anyone who wants to give their 2 cents...Thank you
TheyCallMeOx Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 (edited) I think it's a beautiful thing that you got your significant other interested in a sport. It doesn't always happen like that. I think that what you have is a rarity; not only does your significant other play the sport, but they like playing the sport. This is a great opportunity for your relationship to grow because you both have a common interest. When it comes to relationships, you can't mix business with pleasure. When you join some kind of league, it's like a business. When you're shooting for 1st place, it's only logical to pick people who can take you there. You can't take it personally and you have to understand that some people are just better at sports than other people; that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the experience. After all, you taught your significant other a lot about the sport. You taught him/her. They may be better than you, but you have to consider the possibility that they wouldn't have discovered how good they can be at the sport if you had not introduced him/her to it. If you have to sit on the bench and watch your significant other play, that's just an opportunity to be proud of yourself. If they're good at what they do, that means you taught him/her well. More importantly, you shared a bonding experience that he/she may never forget. You have yourself to thank for that. I'll tell you this much...I certainly wouldn't feel humiliated if my significant other got picked before me because the reality is that...the difference between a good and a great romantic partner isn't the willingness to play alongside them, but the willingness to accept their talent and encourage them to be all that they can be with or without you. Knowing that you support them is one of the biggest turn-on for people. It can be a huge motivation for people to do better at games. If you show your support even if you aren't as good as he/she is, he/she may get goals (or whatever) because he/she wants to make you proud. It's all in your perspective. Edited March 7, 2014 by TheyCallMeOx 2
lovenotwar Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Yeah, I don't think you should hold this situation against your SO. It isn't really their fault that you were excluded. But assuming the team is at least somewhat casual, this is probably a questionable decision by the captain, especially as a last-minute thing, if it upsets people. But like, you aren't in a relationship with the captain. Talk to your SO about it, but be cool about it, and move on. It happens all the time that when someone gets their mate into a thing, the other turns out to be a lot better, or like it a lot more. This is normal, reasonable, and fair, that a couples thing could evolve into something that's more about them. 1
Author semicharmedlife Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Thanks for the responses...I appreciate hearing a different point of view when I am torn this way. I can appreciate that people want to win...but at what cost? I mean this is a casual small town league that is supossed to be for fun...not like the olympics or anything...there are not even trophys involved...to exclude a member who has shown up for every practice/game just seems wrong to me...
Silly_Girl Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I really wouldn't want my OH 'speaking up for' or 'sticking up for' me. I'd be furious. My ideal scenario, in your shoes, would be that they were kind, sympathetic and supportive to me, and played the game. Then, once home, offered to stop going to that particular club - if I wished - to avoid the same thing happening. And I'd consider that. I think your OH could have been more supportive/tactful but I don't put you much blame on them, to be honest. 1
TaserTag Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I honestly don't think that you should have taken this so personally and left the game. You should have stayed to cheer on the rest of your team (that, to me, is just good sportsmanship.. being able to cheer on the rest of the team and be a good sport even if you're benched for a game) and see how things played out. My husband and I are involved in a lot of rec leagues and sometimes the team captains make calls that we don't agree with, especially in 'finals.' I tend to think that they're just regular people who get flustered under the pressure, even though the games are just supposed to be for fun. And team captains usually have to put in a bit more time to organize teams, so they deserve a little respect. My husband and I have also captained teams and there's a lot going on behind the scenes, trying to manage people who come to you with constant complaints. I don't think it's right to expect your SO to have refused to play on your behalf, or to hold a grudge about that. They've said now that they don't want to play unless you're on a team with equal playing time. Why isn't that enough of an apology? Are you jealous of your SO's success in the sport? Because that wouldn't be their fault...
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