energystar Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 I feel like I am about to crack. This is gonna be a little long... heads up. Tissues arent needed and It may be good for a laugh. LTR of 6 years (2 1/2 LD online and 3 1/2 Living together) went downhill pretty fast. I was blindsided with "I need a break, to find myself" (because he's apparently lost). He didn't leave. He stayed. He was distant (he claims on purpose) and was still rather affectionate considering. Still telling me he loves me, so I kinda backed off (to give him space) and kept doing my thing during the whole week including getting home from work late. He surprised me with a nice dinner and disappeared to the phone. I went to bed. The next morning, he makes me coffee, and hangs out a bit. Then starts getting dressed like hes going somewhere. (here we go I am thinking) and as he's stepping out of the closet he asks if I want to grab some lunch after his errands. (dumbass me sheds a tear - because I'm sad he's not in a good place an no other reason) and then there was the "I'm not in love with you anymore" in a matter of minutes. Really? Wow. He is also my very best friend. When the conversation started about him "needing some space" somehow I managed to say out loud I wasn't that happy either. But there were 2 reasons for that. It'd been a long time since we had sex and I wanted to get out of my mother's house. I should have said that too. Then he proceeded to tell me I "baited" him here... ummm... yeah with what? My crystal ball and magic beans? I was a lonely jobless, housewife with a teenage kid staying with her mother til I got back on my feet. He knew this, he knew EVERYTHING about my situation. I didnt bait anyone. I didnt find a job til 2 years after he was here, and I have been stable mabel ever since. I also admit I have been a little edgy lately. I jump to conclusions and I have some trust issues. No thanks to my ex-husband. And my bf was doing things that would leave me suspicious. Like covering his tracks, deleting text messages and becoming unreachable. Part of me thinks this was the beginning of the end. I just wasnt getting the hint. He swore he wasnt cheating and by his tone, I mostly believe him. so, a Quick Rundown of the past year or so... haven't had sex. Not since july 2013. (Mind you im not stupid and I know what this could mean) We are both in our 40s and most of the time we are too tired, and we both have some medical issues that could stand an adjustment in the bedroom) so I didn't push. And we were intimate the way women want to be intimate. (minus the sex) Lots of snuggling. Lots of hand holding, kisses (smothering almost) and just love, love, love. I was in total heaven and so was he. Side note - he moved across the country to be here with me. I left my unhappy marriage for this man. He bought a house for us last November, and we have been fixing it up hopefully to move this March. (well, now) We were both staying at my mothers house while ours is getting remodeled. okay - that was Saturday. He leaves and disappears for 11 hours and comes back and we talk. For a few hours. A lot of tears, alot of I'm tired of hurting you and a lot of me crying out emotionally in frustration because I really just don't get it. We were fine, we seemed okay, seemed happy even. The affection was there, and even when we were talking he hugs and kisses me. tells me he loves me...(yes, there was a little begging and pleading and just handing him my power on a silver plate) i mean WTF? He goes to stay at his house (not our house anymore) and comes back in the morning before work... kisses me goodbye - says I love you... Mind blown... He comes in after work and we're still talking it out. I am kinda asking him to stay, but not begging like I was the night before. I am much calmer today and acting like an adult. We both cried, hes using a lot of past tense, loved, what we had, stuff like that. He keeps saying "IF this is over, I want to be friends and I will always love you... well of course you do and will, you cowardly, guilty feeling bastard. I know he's made up his mind because he says I have to do this. I want to crawl under a rock, I want to move back home (to his state) and sell the house...which he also says he resents buying (A YEAR AGO - which I take with a grain of salt because he has the tendency to exaggerate). He claims hes not thinking straight and cant sleep... sounds like major depression to me. But Jim, I'm a web designer, not a doctor. I should also mention I offered several times to work on the relationship. I want to work things out - whatever's wrong with us that has him so messed up... he declined. I am heartbroken. So I am giving him his needed space. AND I DON'T like it, but I'm in full NC mode. I told him before he left that we should give it a week and then maybe we could text each other. He actually didnt agree or disagree. But I have resisted in every way. I mentioned to him he needed to talk to my son before it was too late. He said he would and said its not permanent. (ummmm WHATTT?????) I ignored this by the way, and kissed him goodbye again. He walks around the drivers side and gets another kiss goodbye and says remember, all sickness is not death. OMG is this man F-ing with me? This is thursday, we made it this far not communicating. I have no idea if he wants to. I know I sure do. Hey, I only cried like 4 times today. But i have a problem... I have an appointment at his house saturday - which i offered to move and he said no... use it. I need to text him or something and tell him when it is, so he can scatter or whatever before hand. What in the world do I say to him??? Do i need to text him or just show up so he can take off? I do not want to scare him away. (anymore) I also want some opinions on this matter... based on his actions (leaving) and needing space. Is this just a soft breakup? I am all in for getting back together (because there really was nothing wrong that I know of) and working on fixing myself for me (not him - i know I got em) what do I do in the meantime? I mean really, he's not gone if you know what I mean... his stuff is still here and all my stuff is at his house. We have to see each other at some point...any advice is welcome. Sorry so long, thanks for reading my novel. and my deepest apologies to the grammar nazi's and punctuation parties.
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