readynow Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hello all This is a question for the men - I would like to hear you true thoughts on this. In general, it is implied that men want a challenge when it comes to women. They love the thrill of the chase, the feeling of achievement, the conquering etc. Someone described it as the difference between going hunting, finally finding and shooting down a live deer to bring home to make a feast with vs getting ready to go hunting and opening the door to find a dead deer laying there. However, men complain about a woman playing hard to get, not appearing interested, 'playing games'. Guys hate books like 'The Rules', 'Why men love bitches' etc (although if they didn't know anything about it, that behaviour in women actually keep them interested, chasing after this seemingly unattainable girl) So, my question is this. Men, when you describe a woman as a challenge (in a positive way), what exactly do you mean? What traits or behaviours does the woman exhibit to make you want to chase her and enjoy the hunt? Men's points of view please!
whirl3daway Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 from a woman's point of view, I can't stand this sort of thing. if the man I'm seeing isn't interested in me because I'm not enough of a challenge, he's not the right person for me. I'm not into playing games, I'm not into being someone I'm not, and I'm certainly not into men who are into women like that. 3
Sivok Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I don't know about a woman needing to feign interest, but starting light on communication so I have time to wonder what you're up to DEFINITELY helps me grow emotionally attracted to a woman. If I meet a girl and we had a great time, but the next day I wake up to tons of txts, I'd go 'whoa' and start losing interest. Can't stand clinginess
Copelandsanity Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 To me, challenge doesn't mean playing games. It means that someone is witty, creative, and mentally stimulating. Someone that is interesting and into doing interesting and amazing things...that is what adds the challenge. No games necessary.
jcrew11 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Being a "challenge" basically means the girl is "interesting and exciting to be around." Not being a challenge basically means the girl is boring and uninteresting to hang around. It basically means she's a "nice girl" or he's a "nice guy" which means that they are boring with no sexual chemistry or sexual attraction. A woman can be seen as interesting if she is "financially indepedent with a career," or if she is "sexually provacative." I think it can also depend on the culture of your city and what type of social events take place, and what the expectations are of men and women in dating and marriage.
ponchsox Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 It's not about playing games. A challenging woman to means we have both a physical and emotional connection. So far, I have only found one or the other.
lino Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Genuinely good men don't want a challenge. What the f*ck for? 1
SammySammy Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I have never felt the need for a woman to be a challenge. Never felt the need to conquer a woman and definitely never felt a sense of accomplishment after gaining a woman's affections. Women and sex are fairly easy for me to acquire. There's no challenge there and no accomplishment. If there were a challenge, it would be finding a woman with some class and character that I want to spend time with. Somebody with her act together and who can meet me where I am at this stage in life. It's not about playing games. Not returning phone calls and texts. Being a "bitch" and stuff like that. It's about being that stand-up woman that I can respect, appreciate and admire. That type of woman doesn't need to play any games to "catch" a man. She can be who she is and any worthy suitor should approach her accordingly. Those women playing games and those men needing a chase to feel a sense of accomplishment deserve each other. That's just not for me and I've been fortunate to meet women who don't need to do that.
soccerrprp Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 readynow, I have NEVER wanted to bust my balls trying to go after a woman. If I am interested, I put in 100% to try and make it work. Why in the world would I want to chase, to my chagrin and unnecessary energy wasted, a woman who does not reciprocate the interest I have for her???? I feel that guys who say they want or like the challenge (the chase above all else) are playing games. 3
TXGuy Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I might or might not have the minority view, but the only plus I see for a woman that is a 'challenge' is the (questionable) conclusion that she must have been equally difficult for other men to get into bed. Then, in your mind, you can convince yourself she isn't easy/sl#tty. Otherwise, I don't see any point to put up with a 'challenge'. The challenge is just demeaning. It is a clear statement that she is not very interested in you and wants you jumping through hoops like a trained dog. Only a naïve 'white knight' would put up with that. 1
BradJacobs Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Relationships are difficult enough, why add another element of frustration to it? I've encountered this a few times. Calling them to the carpet and leaving them there has always been my go to route.
Andy_K Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Guys who like a challenge are the same as girls who like bad boys. They don't have the maturity or self awareness to know what they really want, so they go after whoever pushes the right buttons and then wonder why it never works out. The kind of guy who likes a challenge is probably not the type of guy you really want. 4
Author readynow Posted March 8, 2014 Author Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Wow, such varied but interesting responses! Some guys like a challenge (not a bitch but interesting, non clingy), while some see no need for a challenge at all. I guess it's like work - some people are happy to go to their jobs, no challenges or highs and lows while some need a challenging job in order to enjoy the job or they're going else where. I have personally dated guys on both sides. I'm a basically nice but interesting girl and I've spent most of my adult life in relationships. I was engaged to a very nice guy but was too bored to spend the rest of my life with him. I eventually married a bad boy where I had to keep up a bitch / challenge front in order to keep him interested. When I defaulted to my natural nice girl mode, he'd not want to be around me, be home late etc. The only solution would then be to switch to bitch mode, not ask about his day, go out with my friends and turn down his invitations to going out etc. That's when I'd have him loving again. Needless to say, I left him and don't respond to his calls or messages. 8yrs later, he's still blowing up my phone. There's obviously no one-size-fits-all solution to this. The key is knowing what you want and looking for that - while hoping he/she is looking for someone just like you. Edited March 8, 2014 by readynow
somedude81 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 In my opinion, being a challenge means don't be too easy. Basically don't initiate all texting, don't plan dates, don't tell me to kiss you. Make me work for it a little bit. It does not mean playing hard to get, pretending to be busy when you're not, pretending not to be interested when you actually are. If you have to lie about who you are or what you're doing because you want to be a challenge, then you're just wasting my time.
ThaWholigan Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 It depends on the challenge she presents. There are different kind of challenges, some that are rewarding, others that are pointless and counterproductive. Count me in for the former . 1
carhill Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 Men, when you describe a woman as a challenge (in a positive way), what exactly do you mean? From my perspective, a consistent show of interest with a little mystery thrown in. This is exemplified through all forms of communication, from words, to physical touch, to general body language. A juxtaposition of seriousness with playfulness. What traits or behaviours does the woman exhibit to make you want to chase her and enjoy the hunt? One which stood out in my past life was the ability to take things she remembered about me and pull them together into playful interaction in a manner which caused me to ask 'how did she come up with this?' and which caused me to be curious about her mind and her style of melding her thoughts and emotions.
jba10582 Posted March 8, 2014 Posted March 8, 2014 I think you'll get a lot of varied responses here, and that is probably healthy as many guys have different preferences or tolerances of what they will or want to deal with. IMO, if you a doing those things tactfully and that is who you are as person, it will be revealed in how you project it. If it comes across as you doing it to gain power over the other person and/or not treating the person as a person but rather an object to overcome and meet your goal then it is not at all attractive. Its difficult to want to talk with someone for too long outside of business setting (or even in a business setting) if you are talking to their shell and not them, so I think the games come across as this. I don't know how to distinguish what I am saying from setting healthy boundaries versus talking to someone shell though...I truly feel like there is a huge difference but don't know how to articulate what exactly the difference is. But I do know it feels good to connect with someone on a personal level, rather than talking to some persona or role they have created in their interaction with you.
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