whippedcream Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) Hey guys I am in a sticky-situation. I am undeniably and irrevocably keen on getting rid of my-ex BF forever. First of all, I am of half iranian descent. He is Turkish. It's close to each other and one of the things that are common are arranged marriages. However I do not want this guy at all - forever. He does not seem to comprehend when I voice my opinion on this. I feel like he only wants me because i'm the best option next to arranged marriage for him, lol. He would probably rather be with me than be trapped with some Turkish girl he doesn't even know! I know he is out looking for other girls and if he can't find one, he would be with me. Let me tell you something, I liked him a lot 3 years ago. It was a very short-lived romance. It was love at first sight. But that was so long ago. I moved away and during the 3 years I wasn't with him, I got to know a lot about this guy. His real personality slowly revealed itself over the years as we spoke on Facebook and skype everyday. He had a lot of issue and I finally came to realize a very dark side of his personality exists - he has an abusive personality (gulp). Long-term stalking, controlling, anger issues, double-standards, manipulative, cheating, you name it. I'm not exaggerating. I know an abusive guy when I see it. So far I have come to know about 10 different guys and compared them to him. I've never seen a guy behave like that so I know it's abnormal. The guy who I thought i would marry was not the kind I would really want to be with for the rest of my life. I was very young then, just a girl. I grew a lot these years and I've blossomed into a mature woman. I learned what is good for you and what isn't. Now he tells me he isn't like that and wants me to give him a chance. I don't know if I could. Usually people get trapped into these situations and can't get out. I got out while I could. He never used to treat me that well either and a lot of things about him make my stomach squelch - he's very shallow by the way. I used to feel bad for him, like many women in abusive relationships - they feel sorry for the abusive partner and think "I'm just in love with a troubled guy" but I know it's worse than that. I used to care to deepest layer of flesh for this guy because I thought he lived a traumatic life full of violence. But it's not for me to feel responsible anymore. I don't care anymore. Excuses or not. Anyway what should I do? Here are my options. And trust me I've tried everything in the book to get rid of him. a) Use him for sex. I won't catch feelings, I am over his guy. I'm a horny girl b) Use him only as a temporary relationship for 1 or 2 years, see how he is. He is only good for temporary LTR. Not for long-term or marriage. c) Continue to ignore him and hopefully he'll get the idea. WHAT TO DO GUYS? Thanks for your help! Edited March 6, 2014 by whippedcream
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 a) Use him for sex. I won't catch feelings, I am over his guy. I'm a horny girl b) Use him only as a temporary relationship for 1 or 2 years, see how he is. He is only good for temporary LTR. Not for long-term or marriage. The fact that you believe that these two ideas would be an option scares me...
Author whippedcream Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Lol! The thing is, i have a long-term option already. We don't have sex, he wants to wait until marriage (I'm a virgin). I'm OK with that I guess. I'm not too crazy about sex in general, only sex with someone i love. But I don't love my ex, I would just use him once in a while to gain experience. I would lose my virginity to the new guy, not my ex. He's too callous for me.
iDrumKing Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Lol! The thing is, i have a long-term option already. We don't have sex, he wants to wait until marriage (I'm a virgin). I'm OK with that I guess. I'm not too crazy about sex in general, only sex with someone i love. But I don't love my ex, I would just use him once in a while to gain experience. I would lose my virginity to the new guy, not my ex. He's too callous for me. You use the term "USE" very loosely. You need to step out of any relationship and reevaluate yourself. You do not have the right "USE" anyone. Oh and BTW, you only lose your Vcard once. Once again, please step out of any relationship you are in, and look yourself in the mirror.
Author whippedcream Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Lol guys i.still have my vcard and anyways, I guess I would lose it to the new guy no matter what, even if we can't wait for marriage Anyway thanks for the input everyone
pteromom Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 a) Use him for sex. I won't catch feelings, I am over his guy. I'm a horny girl b) Use him only as a temporary relationship for 1 or 2 years, see how he is. He is only good for temporary LTR. Not for long-term or marriage. c) Continue to ignore him and hopefully he'll get the idea. d) Tell him honestly and bluntly that you are aren't interested and he should move on. Don't use someone who has feeling for you... that is cruel. The thing is, i have a long-term option already. We don't have sex, he wants to wait until marriage (I'm a virgin). Are you dating this guy? Does he want to marry you? If so, how would he feel about you having sex with other guys just for experience? If not, I wouldn't hang all your hopes on him.
LifeGoesOnMan Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 a) Use him for sex. I won't catch feelings, I am over his guy. I'm a horny girl b) Use him only as a temporary relationship for 1 or 2 years, see how he is. He is only good for temporary LTR. Not for long-term or marriage. ^ proof girls are EVIL. (as if this kid's feelings don't mean sh*t to her) karma, it comes around.
Author whippedcream Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 ^ proof girls are EVIL. (as if this kid's feelings don't mean sh*t to her) karma, it comes around. So you don't think how the ex behaves isn't evil either? He really does have a temper, puts me down, calls me a bitch all the time when I took care of him, gave him what his mama never did. I dealt with an abusive guy for 3 years. Who the hell does that? Luckily I'm strong enough not to be traumatized by him. Abuse is like a disease. The abused eventually passes their disease on to the victim who could become damaged too I felt bad for him for 3 years that's why I stayed. But the fact that I care too much for people is like a trap. Now I choose not to give a damn because the abuser always wants to know that you still care or love them. It's a power play. Btw did I mention he LOVES power plays?? He loves power. He feeds off of it
JunkYardDog Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) WOW, just wow....Yea so someone was abusive to you and whats the answer? DO it back?? You got it all wrong girl. The scary and sad part is people like this actually flaunt who they are on a forum complete with lol's like they are proud to be selfless, shallow, cold and callous. Birds of a feather...... Edited March 6, 2014 by JunkYardDog
Author whippedcream Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 (edited) WOW, just wow....Yea so someone was abusive to you and whats the answer? DO it back?? You got it all wrong girl. The scary and sad part is people like this actually flaunt who they are on a forum complete with lol's like they are proud to be selfless, shallow, cold and callous. Birds of a feather...... Sorry but you don't know how evil this guy is. Sure I have empathy for a guy who went through a devastating life experience but guess what? He never gets help. He has no respect for himself. Therefore he doesn't respect anyone else. So many times he treated me worse than a plastic bag. To be honest, even dogs treat their owner better than he treats me. One time I texted him I would like a relationship with him (back then this was when we were first dating). He texted me "OK meet me where the Cineplex theatre is in front of the mall. We'll talk" I got there and he tried to deceive me in a way, lead me to think we were going to go on a date. I admit, only a deceptive bastard would do this. When I got there, he told me he didn't want me and then he left. He could've told me that through text. Another time was when months later, he told me he missed me. Then he texted me to meet him at this fancy restaurant in town. I met him there, 2 hour drive. He took me in the restaurant but i found myself climbing stairs. Upstairs was a motel. We were going to have sex. How could I ever see a guy like this as the father of my kids? Eventually he will walk go, transform into a psycho monster and walk out on my family. I always had a soft spot thinking "Oh we'll get married and maybe I'll pay for his therapy treatments. I know I can fix him up. I'll even drag him there." Probably wouldn't work, since he'd throw in one of his angry, violent acts. He even admitted to me he has anger issues once. I decided that life is not for me. I don't want extra work with kids + mother to another guy who probably can't even help himself. How exhausting. The scary and sad part for ME is how he wants another chance. He will never get one even if it's the end of the WORLD. I know this guy will never get involved with me emotionally ever again. He is not good for me at all. So of course. He wants a second chance. But perhaps I can just waste his time hoping he will get it one day. Edited March 6, 2014 by whippedcream
guest572 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 If he is sooooo evil and abusive why do you want to have sex with him? If you are trying to send someone the clear message you aren't interested....sex is not it. Do I really have to say this stuff? Keep ignoring him..
Author whippedcream Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 If he is sooooo evil and abusive why do you want to have sex with him? If you are trying to send someone the clear message you aren't interested....sex is not it. Do I really have to say this stuff? Keep ignoring him.. I'm so horny and he won't leave me alone. Perhaps if i used him for sex he will eventually leave me alone Anyway I suppose you're right.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Sorry but you don't know how evil this guy is. Sure I have empathy for a guy who went through a devastating life experience but guess what? He never gets help. He has no respect for himself. Therefore he doesn't respect anyone else. So many times he treated me worse than a plastic bag. To be honest, even dogs treat their owner better than he treats me. One time I texted him I would like a relationship with him (back then this was when we were first dating). He texted me "OK meet me where the Cineplex theatre is in front of the mall. We'll talk" I got there and he tried to deceive me in a way, lead me to think we were going to go on a date. I admit, only a deceptive bastard would do this. When I got there, he told me he didn't want me and then he left. He could've told me that through text. Another time was when months later, he told me he missed me. Then he texted me to meet him at this fancy restaurant in town. I met him there, 2 hour drive. He took me in the restaurant but i found myself climbing stairs. Upstairs was a motel. We were going to have sex. How could I ever see a guy like this as the father of my kids? Eventually he will walk go, transform into a psycho monster and walk out on my family. I always had a soft spot thinking "Oh we'll get married and maybe I'll pay for his therapy treatments. I know I can fix him up. I'll even drag him there." Probably wouldn't work, since he'd throw in one of his angry, violent acts. He even admitted to me he has anger issues once. I decided that life is not for me. I don't want extra work with kids + mother to another guy who probably can't even help himself. How exhausting. The scary and sad part for ME is how he wants another chance. He will never get one even if it's the end of the WORLD. I know this guy will never get involved with me emotionally ever again. He is not good for me at all. So of course. He wants a second chance. But perhaps I can just waste his time hoping he will get it one day. You seem just as bad as he does. Maybe you two are meant for each other. I think you should google the term "taking the high road". And yes, I'm thinking troll here as well. This is too over-the-top-stupid to be real.
Author whippedcream Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 You seem just as bad as he does. Maybe you two are meant for each other. I think you should google the term "taking the high road". And yes, I'm thinking troll here as well. This is too over-the-top-stupid to be real. He also said if he can't be with me, he wants to be friends. I DO NOT WANT HIM AS A FRIEND AT ALL. NOT EVEN IN 20 YEARS. I DO NOT WANT TO REMEMBER HIM...I DO NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO GAVE ME A BAD EXPERIENCE.
iDrumKing Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 He also said if he can't be with me, he wants to be friends. I DO NOT WANT HIM AS A FRIEND AT ALL. NOT EVEN IN 20 YEARS. I DO NOT WANT TO REMEMBER HIM...I DO NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE WHO GAVE ME A BAD EXPERIENCE. Then leave him. You're not here for advice, you're here to argue.
Author whippedcream Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 I still want to use him before I leave.
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