Lou1003 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Hi all! So I’ve been speaking to this guy for almost three weeks now. After texting non-stop for just one night, we both quickly realized that we have a very strong and undeniable chemistry, and regularly commented on it to one another. We texted everyday while he was out of the country away on business, and the day after he got back we went out on our first date. The date went amazingly, we hit it off instantly, he paid for everything, held my hand, kissed my forehead, carried me across the street bridal-style so I didn’t get my heels in the snow, and drove me home. He then turned on some ‘romantic’ music and we made out in his car (we’d also kissed at the bar we met at). He knew he wasn’t coming in, so he walked me to my door and we continued to make out until I went inside. He then texted me instantly after and said I was lovely, my company was delightful and he couldn’t wait to see me again. He then went away skiing for nine days and in that time we practically texted all day everyday, to the point where it almost felt like we were in a relationship. The second we woke up in the morning we would text, we would chat all day and he got very jealous and insecure when I told him about a guy in my building who has a creepy crush on me, and we even had a mini ‘text argument’ (over something silly) where he worried that he’d ‘ruined everything’ with us and asked if I still liked him. All was fine after that, in fact, he was even more attentive than before. The day after he returned from his vacation we finally had our second date where we watched a movie at my apartment with wine. He was a complete gentleman--kissing me on the forehead, cuddling me, not making any moves, and it all felt very natural. To cut a long story short, we kissed, things got hot and heavy, and we did everything apart from ‘it’ to the point where it just seemed as though it was pointless and almost just out of principle to not give in and have sex. Needless to say, I caved, we did it, and he was the perfect gentleman--he wanted to hug afterwards (which I actually don’t like, I like to have some space...) and stayed the night with me. He fell asleep hugging me and then woke up in the morning and continued to cuddle me. He left just before I left for work and we kissed passionately at the door. I didn’t expect to hear from him that day since I knew he was very jet lagged, tired and probably had a lot to catch up on after his vacation. I also had no intention of contacting him that day either. He stayed over Monday night, left Tuesday morning, and we didn’t speak all the day that he left. Normal. Then Wednesday came, and once it got to lunchtime I thought it couldn’t hurt to text him to say thanks, hope he had a great day and that he wasn’t too jet lagged. This was Wednesday at 1:34pm. No reply. Now it’s Thursday afternoon and I still haven’t heard from him. Should I take this to mean that he’s not interested or he would have contacted me Tuesday or Wednesday? It seems unlike us to go so long without texting...I think I probably ruined things by sleeping with him, but I guess I’ve learned my lesson now... I should also add that we met by online dating and his profile states that he ‘wants a relationship’. He’s 30 years old and was very keen to point out on our dates that he wants to settle down, find someone he can cook with, be active with, etc. Any thoughts? Is he a goner or is there still hope he may be interested? Thanks! :-)
HappyLove Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Typical. Sorry OP but this is what happens when you move too fast with people you met online. They give you LOTS of attention until they get what they want and then go POOF! Sorry but be more careful in the future. He may sniff around some later, but I wouldn't hold my breath. 1
Barbarossa Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 He might just be very busy but if I had to guess I would say he got what he wanted and has lost interest
Author Lou1003 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Ugh! Thanks HappyLove. I thought as much. He just seemed like such a nice guy (wow, I never thought I'd be THAT girl)... In the past I've met love interests naturally and have always become become friends first before becoming romantically involved. I've just got out of a six year relationship and this is my first experience of dating, and what a learning curve it's been! At least I won't make the same mistake again... Such a shame though, he was great! (or so I thought) :-(
Ruby Slippers Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Looks like a classic hit it and quit it. What an ass. But as a wise man once said, "When you lose, don't lose a lesson." 3
Zahara Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Before sex: Incessant communication. After sex: No communication. I would think that along with the pre-sex connection, followed by that night of intimacy, things would be moving along. I'm sorry, OP. He could have a legitimate reason as to why he's not been communicating -- anything other than being in a coma won't cut it -- but if I were you I'd thread very cautiously if he comes sniffing again. 2
Author Lou1003 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 What a jerk! The more I hear people's opinions the more I realize I've probably been played... Unbelievable. I was secretly hoping that he was playing some sort of 72-hour-ridiculous-guy-game so as not to seem too interested, but I think that's wishful thinking at this point. He just got what he wanted and has now done a runner. Charming! Oh well...lesson learned! I won't be making that mistake again... 4
mr_dave Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Don't feel bad OP, you didn't ruin anything. The guy was a jerk, once he got what he wanted after feeding you all that BS, he was gone. What a snake! Maybe take things a bit more slowly next time? The more time you wait, the more time you have to gauge the guy's personality and whether he is genuine or not. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I'm not convinced it is that x I think u should throw one last message out there x
Zahara Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I was secretly hoping that he was playing some sort of 72-hour-ridiculous-guy-game so as not to seem too interested, Like in the movie Swingers! If it was your first time meeting, then people sometimes play games to not seem eager but you both had steady communication, had a date, had intimacy before that second date. I'm not really sure if there was any reason to play the when-to-call game. 2
Author Lou1003 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Mr_Dave...I will absolutely be taking things more slowly next time. At a snails pace in fact! :-) HeartbrokenNewbie, I love that you hold out some hope (I secretly do, too) but I just hate the idea of putting myself out there again. I'll give him 'til tomorrow to get in contact, and if he does, he's certainly not going to get an easy ride... If he doesn't text, he's getting deleted from my phone! Oh well, you live and learn, right? I guess people aren't lying when they say that sex changes everything...I never believed it until now 3
SammySammy Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 This behavior makes no sense to me. Why put in all of that effort to just hit it one time? If I'm going to "play" somebody, can I hit it at least a hundred times? This is not "player" behavior to me. This is loser behavior. If a guy only wants to get it one time, hire a prostitute. It's much cheaper, much quicker and takes a lot less effort. If I were a woman, I would consider any guy who didn't call back after one time to be doing me a favor. You don't need that type of person in your life. Pure loser as far as I'm concerned. 9
Author Lou1003 Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Yes, Zahara -- like Swingers! Like I said, wishful thinking...he had no reason to play it cool. And there's playing it cool by not texting back immediately after being intimate with someone, and then there's just being an a-hole and waiting 26 hours to reply (or not reply, as the case may be). Not that I'm counting or anything of course... ;-)
HappyLove Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Mr_Dave...I will absolutely be taking things more slowly next time. At a snails pace in fact! :-) HeartbrokenNewbie, I love that you hold out some hope (I secretly do, too) but I just hate the idea of putting myself out there again. I'll give him 'til tomorrow to get in contact, and if he does, he's certainly not going to get an easy ride... If he doesn't text, he's getting deleted from my phone! Oh well, you live and learn, right? I guess people aren't lying when they say that sex changes everything...I never believed it until now It's not that sex changed everything. It's that you moved too fast with a stranger you met online. A LOT of these guys are insecure liars and you really have to give it a while to see what the person is about before you give it up to them. A lot of people online are fake and users. It happens to all of us OP. Protect your heart. These "men" get the goods from one chick then dump her wash...rinse...repeat. 1
HappyLove Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I don't get why guys do it for only one time either Midnight. It's so strange. I guess the chase is gone...on to the next?
newmoon Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 seriously, wake up. if you sleep with a guy that quick, especially some online guy you don't even know, what do you expect? just because I post in my profile that I make 1 million per year - does that mean i do? so, he said he was 'relationship ready' in the profile, so what? it means nothing until you see evidence of that. oh my god, he paid for your date? wow, so that makes him a winner! did you even give yourself a chance to judge what kind of guy he was before sleeping with him? no. one great date and frantic texting and you wore him out before it even got started. that would scream desperate... a woman texting me every single freaking day like that. do you have nothing more to offer up than just your body? do you have to sleep with someone so fast because you can't occupy them with anything else about yourself? i am so tired of reading these posts on LS - women who wonder why he ran off after she sleeps with him on date 1 or 2. what do you think is going to happen? or maybe you just suck in bed. goodness.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Nah Im sure there is more too this... it wasnt a one night stand and u had the communication in place... its not your night that done this Im certain x
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 seriously, wake up. if you sleep with a guy that quick, especially some online guy you don't even know, what do you expect? just because I post in my profile that I make 1 million per year - does that mean i do? so, he said he was 'relationship ready' in the profile, so what? it means nothing until you see evidence of that. oh my god, he paid for your date? wow, so that makes him a winner! did you even give yourself a chance to judge what kind of guy he was before sleeping with him? no. one great date and frantic texting and you wore him out before it even got started. that would scream desperate... a woman texting me every single freaking day like that. do you have nothing more to offer up than just your body? do you have to sleep with someone so fast because you can't occupy them with anything else about yourself? i am so tired of reading these posts on LS - women who wonder why he ran off after she sleeps with him on date 1 or 2. what do you think is going to happen? or maybe you just suck in bed. goodness. Seriously... she's young, free and single and she liked the bloke so what she hasnt hurt anyone... she didnt put out on the first date... I dont see the problem... do we honestly really 'court' for months these days... no we dont and that goes for both sexes x 7
pteromom Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I would just go ahead and text him one more time. If he still doesn't respond, I would write him off. 2
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I would just go ahead and text him one more time. If he still doesn't respond, I would write him off. I second this x keep it lighthearted tho x
babycakees Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I personally think this guy did you a favor. He showed his true colors early on. He could of played you for months like I've had happen to me before.
newmoon Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Seriously... she's young, free and single and she liked the bloke so what she hasnt hurt anyone... she didnt put out on the first date... I dont see the problem... do we honestly really 'court' for months these days... no we dont and that goes for both sexes x no, she put out on the 2nd. that makes it sooooo much better, lol 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 ..and so did he but I spose that makes it all the different ! x 3
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Honesty what a joke... anyone would think she had committed adultery or god forbid had a baby out of wedlock lol... lets get the 21st century yea... we are all sexual beings and if we are careful and not hurting anyone then I really do not see the issue... x I get the first date thing but if two people like each other and want this to happen and they have built up communication like they had then thats their business x if he wants to judge her on that and write off a decent girl then thats his loss x 2
Gaeta Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 You did nothing wrong. If the guy is into you he's into you whether you have sex on your second date or the 10th. My second husband was a one-night-stand. You were both consenting adults. If he judged you for being an assertive confident sexual young woman then you don't need him. Maybe he got delayed. Text him again, don't make a judgement call over ONE unanswered text. They don't always make it to the recipient. Then wait, he will get back to you. If he doesn't then nothing lost, you had a great night of fun and you move to next. If you are to have sex on a 1st, 2nd, 3rd date then you have to understand and accept it means nothing right? It's just some fun. It's not a commitment, it's not a sign that the man is into you, at that point it's just sex. 1
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