SweetClover Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I don't know how my MM is able to text me as often as he does without his wife being suspicious. My husband knows all about the affair, but if he didn't he would certainly be asking me why my phone was so interesting. I get good morning texts every day, and we chat throughout the day and night. It used to be a lot less evenings and weekends when his wife was around but seems not to be the case anymore. We send hundreds a day sometimes, I don't get what she thinks he's doing on his phone so much.. Or are they really in separate rooms?? Anyone else have thoughts on this? He says she thinks he's texting my husband or other friends and that she does not suspect an affair but she already knows he has cheated in the past and we all know she checks his phone. He deletes anything incriminating.
carhill Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Would affairs be as common without texting?? IMO, yes, having lived through the transition from 'pay phones' and cards and letters to the modern day tools of affairs. Even before that, with sufficient motivation, people found a way. IMO, the main change has been in mobility and the blurring of clear gender roles, adding more potential candidates to the roster from both genders. It's a smaller world, more connected in general, and we're more 'equal'. That has great benefits as well as great risks. Affairs are a human condition, in that they happen to humans, regardless of 'side'. We're all human. As a point of comparison, having had contact with the same person over more than a generation under such circumstances, I sent and received far more of the 'card and letter' type interactions versus the modern day equivalent, relevant to the differing era of the interaction, even though texting, e-mail and mobile phones were available and easy to use more recently. So, for myself, the availability of texting didn't make the affair 'easier' to prosecute. I simply didn't use the tool. Another person might. Each of us is different.
Realist3 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Without a doubt modern technology has made affairs much much easier to take place. 2
Realist3 Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 Another thing, if you are texting to his regular phone number you are begging to be caught.
d0nnivain Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I don't know that technology made it easier to have an affair. It certainly made it easier for people to find temptation. I think technology made it easier to get caught. 5
Author SweetClover Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 Another thing, if you are texting to his regular phone number you are begging to be caught. We do text to our regular numbers. He says his phone bill doesn't show individual numbers that's he's sent to or received from.. Not sure if that info would still be available though. Individual numbers only show up on my bill if they were voice calls.
Sub Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 The bill may not show it. But access your account online and it does. I would imagine one thing texting and digital means of communication has done is make it easier for BS's to prove things in a D proceeding.
Hope Shimmers Posted March 6, 2014 Posted March 6, 2014 I think text and the era of cell phones made it easier for the A to progress. And in my case, since we were hundreds of miles apart - yes, it made it possible to start. I wish I had a dime for every text message we exchanged. Literally millions of them. Also, for many years we had cell phone minutes to each other that surpasses 10,000 minutes per month much of the time (just to each other). 1
jellybean89 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Without a doubt, I think cell phones have made affairs much easier...and much riskier. I would guess at least 50% of people who have cell phones have their faces in their phones most of their awake hours. I know the young adults today are glued to their phones and even know kids as young as 10 having cell phones. You are probably listed under a male's name in his phone or he tells his wife it is work related. I text a ton in the evening and my partner has never questioned me about who I am texting. Spouses trust each other -- right or wrong -- trust is a huge thing in a marriage. I can't imagine asking my partner "who is texting you" every time I heard a text message arrive ...because I trust him. The MM lies to his wife as we all know. If he will lie about having an affair, he will lie about who he is texting. So your husband knows you are in an active affair? 1
Realist3 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 We do text to our regular numbers. He says his phone bill doesn't show individual numbers that's he's sent to or received from.. Not sure if that info would still be available though. Individual numbers only show up on my bill if they were voice calls. He says? Pardon me, but he doesn't know what it shows if someone inquires.
Realist3 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 "He says" is probably just as ignorant as most people that get busted through phone records. There are simple work arounds, but he really doesn't know what he is talking about. 2
jellybean89 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 I don't know of a single cell phone provider that doesn't list calls and # of texts on the detailed billing. With technology today, there is no doubt in my mind that the details are available online. MANY people have been 'caught' in this exact way. But you seem to have no worries about it so there is no reason to stress (especially since you said your H knows of the affair). But I guarantee it -- if his wife becomes aware, she can and will get the detailed information on the account.
Author SweetClover Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 Yes I'm not to concerned with the bill, my husband knows all about the relationship and I'm in my MM's phone as both me and my husbands name, because we work together. Him getting caught would be horrible for him right now but maybe it would speed things along. I just don't get why she doesn't question him on it more I guess. Seems like we can arrange meetings and we can talk all day and night in a way we couldn't without texting, and she doesn't even seem to notice.
whatatangledweb Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 My carrier does not list the number the texts go to or come from. It only lists how many have been used overall. It is not available even when you look at your account online.
Art_Critic Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Would affairs be as common without texting?? Yeah, they had phones before texting.... My Dad was always on the phone talking to a "client" and that was in the 70's and early 80's.
MissBee Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 I don't know how my MM is able to text me as often as he does without his wife being suspicious. My husband knows all about the affair, but if he didn't he would certainly be asking me why my phone was so interesting. I get good morning texts every day, and we chat throughout the day and night. It used to be a lot less evenings and weekends when his wife was around but seems not to be the case anymore. We send hundreds a day sometimes, I don't get what she thinks he's doing on his phone so much.. Or are they really in separate rooms?? Anyone else have thoughts on this? He says she thinks he's texting my husband or other friends and that she does not suspect an affair but she already knows he has cheated in the past and we all know she checks his phone. He deletes anything incriminating. People have had adulterous relationships as long as the world has existed. Texting simply helps an affair to be a little easier in terms of frequent communication but it doesn't itself lead to more cheating. I've always said that I find texting to be a lazy way of communicating that requires minimal effort and I hate it esp at the beginning of a relationship, as case in point with married people having affairs, one can easily be texting while doing any number of things, as usually it's something done while multitasking and not anything you give your undivided attention. 2
LilGirlandOW Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 hold up... your husband is ok with the A? My MM's records went to his BS, they listed numbers, etc upon her request as he had a lot more texts than her. that led to our first "dday" as they were all to me
waterwoman Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 90% of H's affair was via text. They worked together but as they are in school they didn't have a great deal of time together. They didn't see each other out of school because of her H. H has always texted a great deal. He texts his friends arranging nights out but mostly whingeing about football. When the a was happening I didn't really register he was texting more because it wasn't unusual and anyway a lot of it happened out of the house. One of his friends stopped going out to play snooker with H because he was glued to his phone and really crap company. Another of his friends told him he was being an unsociable dick. When the found out about the affair a lot of pennies dropped!! For me there were other things that had me concerned - but I put it down to work stress etc ....anything but an affair. I have to agree that texting is a very curt way of carrying on a relationship but I am old fashioned. When H and I were first together we wrote long love letters
cozycottagelg Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 Someone who wants to have an affair, will have an affair. Texting I think sometimes leads to those who wouldn't normally cheat, go down that path. I have read so many stories on this site alone where two people started texting, then it led to them talking about their marriages, and then it got flirty...then sexting...then...physical affair. It's so easy to develop a relationship with someone on text. I am friends with a lot of females (regular friendships) because of email and texting. People I wouldn't have normally had contact with...
Author SweetClover Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 I was not asking if there was affairs before texting because I know there was of course.. Even we communicate in lots of other ways besides texting, but the sheer volume of texts a day has definitely made a difference in how things have been carried out. If he was to write me letters or phone me, it would be a lot harder to do that in a down low way where nobody was noticing. I feel like lots of affairs might burn out after shorter lengths of time when contact isn't easy to make. I see people here talk about it lots, the rush of contact in the beginning that slows down. It probably becomes hard to keep it from getting suspicious. Going into the other room to make a call is not as east as sending a quick, "I love you" by text
Author SweetClover Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 My carrier does not list the number the texts go to or come from. It only lists how many have been used overall. It is not available even when you look at your account online. Mines the same way.
Author SweetClover Posted March 7, 2014 Author Posted March 7, 2014 hold up... your husband is ok with the A? My MM's records went to his BS, they listed numbers, etc upon her request as he had a lot more texts than her. that led to our first "dday" as they were all to me My marriage is very open and my husband is totally on board with this relationship, but MM wife is not so it's still an affair. I hope it changes soon.
janedoe67 Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 David and Bathsheba managed to have an affair with no technology. Facebook, texting, internet, do not CAUSE affairs. People who choose affairs may use them to facilitate communication, but inanimate objects and software do not cause affairs. 1
Sub Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 I can't imagine finding the time to send hundreds of texts to someone in a day, AND be married.
sunburned Posted March 7, 2014 Posted March 7, 2014 [QUOIE=janedoe67;5569857]David and Bathsheba managed to have an affair with no technology. Facebook, texting, internet, do not CAUSE affairs. People who choose affairs may use them to facilitate communication, but inanimate objects and software do not cause affairs. Nope it was the old fashioned way. David coveted his neighbor's wife after seeing her bathing in the backyard. So like a good king he sent her hubby to the front lines of war and moved in for the kill! I am curious though. Why is there (typically, not always) a constant stream of texting and/or emailing in an A? My H and I and my friends and I text to convey info but rarely just to chat. But my xAP and I did a lot of texting. Seems to be the norm in an A. Why?
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