Ex has asked to meet - she dumped me

[hestheone66]

I realise this is a day or so after the last post if you don't like the thought you are being impolite and so ignoring is too harsh given it was a reasonably amicable breakup you could consider replies that protect your boundaries eg if she text 'what are your plans for weekend?' You could reply either 'why do you ask? ' or I'll be busy and don't provide details if she presses it's none of her business

[a708]

Yeah, i understand where you're coming from.

 

Honestly, i think it was that she text me asking to meet me that completely messed me up for the last two days.

 

I got back into the "its done" mood, and trying to improve myself. Its still tough. its only been 1 month and a few days.. so i guess its still fairly early.

 

i would never wish any of this on my worst enemy! its an awful feeling.

 

Stupid thing is i know it will be fine in a few weeks/months. Its normal to feel like this, and i think i wind myself up because i know i'm just being an idiot.

[melell]

I honestly don't see how it benefits you in anyway being able to receive the messages.

 

Change your number.

[lolablue17]

IGNORE HER!

 

1. If you want to move forward, you dont need her or her texts at all!

 

2. if you hope to have her back, also ignore her! She will be out of her mind if she doesn't get replies, she doesn't know why, many thought and speculations in her mind, it will freak her out completely.

 

Both cases - NC

[a708]

whilst i understand what you mean, you're talking to the guy thats still in love with this girl. It's definitely easier said than done.

[a708]

that post above was for Melell.

 

Yeah i agree with you. I am at NC. Still havent responded to anything.

[a708]

So AGAIN, i get a message asking how my weekend was and if i hooked up whilst i was out. She said she had a feeling i did.

 

Honestly.. wtf is it with girls? She finished with me, still texts, stalks my twitter using her friends account!

 

Is this a control issue? Sounds like she is confused and still wants control?

 

This is definite Grass is Greener btw!

[almond]

Honestly.. wtf is it with girls? She finished with me, still texts, stalks my twitter using her friends account!

 

..it's not "wtf is it with girls," it's wtf is it with THIS girl.

 

And who cares why?

 

Block her number and get on with things. Simple.

[a708]

True, apologies girls!

[a708]

Also, i want to thank everyone who posted on here. I know i might not have listened to all of you and that's my own mistake.

 

I realize this is talk from experience. Im sure you all had a stage where people were telling you things you didnt want to believe. I think i was at that stage.

 

Feeling okay with this situation now. I know nothing can happen, i know the breadcrumbs are just that.

 

And, i know i post a quite a bit on here, and its constant tangents... but it genuinely really helps that people are here to read and give me advice.

 

Thanks again!

[Conners]

How many times has she reached out to you since you went NC?

Do you think she will snap soon and say she wants you back?

[a708]

Its been just over a month.. and she has text/messaged/called me 18 times (starting a conversation).

 

I have been out most weekends since with mates, to get my head off this stuff. And every weekend she has text me asking how was my weekend in "blah or blah" and if i hooked up.

 

I dont know man, Honestly i doubt she will. She is at uni.. the distractions are huge.

[Conners]

Its been just over a month.. and she has text/messaged/called me 18 times (starting a conversation).

 

I have been out most weekends since with mates, to get my head off this stuff. And every weekend she has text me asking how was my weekend in "blah or blah" and if i hooked up.

 

I dont know man, Honestly i doubt she will. She is at uni.. the distractions are huge.

 

Oh I thought you just recently went FULL NC.. ie not replying to her at all.. was wondering how many times since then she had tried to talk to you.

 

She probably doesn't want you to move on to be honest.. that's why she is asking if you hooked up.

 

I asked my ex if he had hooked up with anyone yet.. I broke it off with him but the situation is different because I still love him.. and I had good reasons to break it off.

Be careful that she isn't trying to keep you around as a safety net.. she could very well be trying to pursue someone new and thinks she has you on the back burner.

[a708]

You are right.

 

I definitely feel like i'm a reserve at the moment. What annoys me the most is that, i think everyone on LS will agree its almost impossible to go from partners to friends. some people do eventually, but it still takes time.

 

She tries to do the whole "i still want you in my life. I still want you to be my friend"

 

Its not my first break, when my other ex split up with me years ago.. we hated each others guts.. we broke everything off and now its not actually bad between us. we dont talk but if we bumped into each other fair enough.

 

Its also not her first break.. i know she left things in a really bad way with her other ex.

 

So knowing that... why is she doing this? I feel like she thinks she has control of me. She can pick me up whenever and dump me again whenever. I know she is insecure and this is her way of protecting herself and stroking her own ego.

 

it just really grinds on me.. its like we both thought we were great, lovely people that would never be horrible, like this. So whats changed.

 

Also, she split up with me. Yes i was shocked and maybe said stuff i shouldnt have, not insults or mean things.. just stuff like being really short and her reading that as me being mean. but all in all... i have not done anything wrong.. I have no woulda, shoulda, coulda's.

 

I genuinely feel like ive been given the boot and then told i'm the bad guy.

For what? getting dumped.

 

Ridiculous.

Edited March 5, 2014 by a708

[Conners]

You are right.

 

I definitely feel like i'm a reserve at the moment. What annoys me the most is that, i think everyone on LS will agree its almost impossible to go from partners to friends. some people do eventually, but it still takes time.

 

She tries to do the whole "i still want you in my life. I still want you to be my friend"

 

Its not my first break, when my other ex split up with me years ago.. we hated each others guts.. we broke everything off and now its not actually bad between us. we dont talk but if we bumped into each other fair enough.

 

Its also not her first break.. i know she left things in a really bad way with her other ex.

 

So knowing that... why is she doing this? I feel like she thinks she has control of me. She can pick me up whenever and dump me again whenever. I know she is insecure and this is her way of protecting herself and stroking her own ego.

 

it just really grinds on me.. its like we both thought we were great, lovely people that would never be horrible, like this. So whats changed.

 

Also, she split up with me. Yes i was shocked and maybe said stuff i shouldnt have, not insults or mean things.. just stuff like being really short and her reading that as me being mean. but all in all... i have not done anything wrong.. I have no woulda, shoulda, coulda's.

 

I genuinely feel like ive been given the boot and then told i'm the bad guy.

For what? getting dumped.

 

Ridiculous.

 

Just stick to NC. Don't respond to her at all.. it will drive her crazy..

You seem like a good guy.. I'm sure you will find someone better just takes time! At least that's what I keep telling myself.

[a708]

Yeah, I keep telling myself the same.

 

I know that in a few weeks/months it'll all be fine. I know that someone i don't even know yet will come round the corner when i least expect it and that will be that.

 

Getting to that point is difficult..

[BC1980]

You also have to think about the type of communication she is using, which is text. It's meant to keep you there but at a distance. It's easy to fire a text off to someone, but there is no emotional connection.

 

This exact same thing happened to me. Once I ignored my ex, he would text me quite often. It really was annoying. He would tell me sentimental things or ask how my day was going. It's all to keep to on a leash.

[a708]

Very true, i mean its all phone based. its either texts or calls.. more often texts. So i guess you are right.

 

I have another question..

 

One of the worst things to do but, i hate the feeling of her getting with someone else. I know this is mental suicide.. but it does happen.

 

Anyone got any advice to over come that?

[BC1980]

Very true, i mean its all phone based. its either texts or calls.. more often texts. So i guess you are right.

 

I have another question..

 

One of the worst things to do but, i hate the feeling of her getting with someone else. I know this is mental suicide.. but it does happen.

 

Anyone got any advice to over come that?

 

The only thing is NC, so you will slowly become indifferent and not know if it happens.

[Saurren]

Dated this girl for 4 years and got engaged last summer and she broke it off with me with a text. I never replied to the text that ended us and just felt numb and went NC. Two weeks latter I got a new phone and on that exact day she called me asking me to go meet her. I did and she cried and cried and saying there was something wrong with her physically. Went out for a bite and a drink and said our goodbyes and left. She called my two days latter with a different number so I wouldn't know it was her. I picked up and she asked if I would like to go to a museum on the weekends and I said if I have time. Sunday came around and I didn't call her because I didn't want to go. Monday she texted me she just got out or surgery and asked if I saw her photos on her facebook. Now I feel really sorry for not taking her stress and pain seriously the other night. Then for the that whole week we would text throughout the day and skype latter at night talking and joking all night. Then she got better after that week and never called or text me anymore.

 

I feel like I was used and abused after helping her cope with her pains and nightmares at night, and how she could have just stop it after saying she missed me and loves me.

 

I try telling myself maybe it was just the pain killers talking or she meant it, but anyways I feel like a fool.

 

BIGGEST BREADCRUMB EVER.

[Chi townD]

Im reading the "if you want them back thread".

 

So i do understand the whole concept behind NC.. and clearly it works.

I do have a question though:

 

So ive been with this girl for a year and a few months.. texting/skype/seeing/talking everyday practically for that amount of time.

 

So if i go to Full NC and ignore the breadcrumbs.. isn't that rude? (btw i know asking this question seems totally stupid.. when i read this back to myself i think why am i worried about being rude.) BUT like i dont hate this girl.. im not angry at her for breaking up really. It just sucks and i wish it was different man.

 

like im trying to think from her side.. wouldnt it just be like "oh well hes being a d*ck"?

 

Ta

 

 

I only say this when the break up wasn't bad. But, the next time she texts, just text her back, " Look, I can't respond to you for now. I'm trying to heal from this break up and I can't be friends with you if I'm still harboring romantic feelings toward you. That wouldn't be fair to me or you. I hope that you understand."

 

 

And then, that's it. Go hard NC. You didn't come off as a dick and if you don't respond in the future, she'll know exactly why.

[a708]

Ahh.. you know.. after you telling me that. I kinda think this is no where near as bad. Sorry to hear man. I definitely see your point..

 

But you're better now?

[a708]

So why does she want to meet?

 

* Closure - if she sees that i'm okay and have seemed to have moved on then she wont feel guilty

 

* to see if she still has feelings - if we meet again will her feelings come back and make her feel like she made a mistake

 

* She wants to get back together - doubt it though, if she wanted to she would already?

 

* She wants to be friends - friendzoned!

 

* she wants to tell me something - new guy?

 

* See if im still hooked - ego stroke?

 

* Boast about her great life at uni?

 

She was the one that text me and wanted to meet me. i dont really understand.

 

Frankly, and im going to get slammed for this but, im going to go. Id rather go and know than not go and never know. Im just trying to figure at least a little bit out.

 

I also know that i have to go with no expectations.

[lvroflife]

Did she say I want to meet to talk about us working it out?

[a708]

No.. i see your point.